Mezza voce
I had to admit that I was truly surprised by all of that. I had no idea how to react, what to say or think. Standing there, right before Madame, I stared at one point in front of me, doing my best to wrap my mind around the information I had just got. No wonder she had been hiding it all away from me; she might have suspected I would not be able to understand it all, and she had not been that far from the truth.
So there was a man... who believed he was the owner of the building and its staff. He was a man who could react hastily and even cruelly to the point when people were scared of him... I wondered if he had actually killed someone before if the director was so anxious about his own life... and Madame was worried about me.
Was I even allowed to ask any further questions? I was not quite sure, however, I did feel I needed to know more. Why was it all about me? What had made Madame think that I was the one in danger? Why that man had chosen me to take part in the audition? There was no chance we had met before... besides, the only person who had ever heard me sing was Meg, and I could not believe it would be her. Not to mention, Madame had said it clearly: it was not a woman, but a man. And I had not met many men in my life.
I opened and closed my mouth over and over again, like a fish that had been taken out of the water, not knowing if I was allowed to say anything, and even if so, what I should say – or what should I ask about.
"Why is it about me, then?" I managed at last, feeling my lips tremble, just as well as my voice. My heart kept pounding in my chest, breath hitched every now and then, making me feel dizzy. "There are so many other people in this building. Other dancers. Other singers. So many more important people..."
The woman before me had never looked this old. I knew she was not a young person, but for the first time I was under the impression she had grown old in a very short period of time. Was it all because of me...?
"I am... not sure about it, not yet," she replied at last, closing her eyes. I had a feeling that the director was watching us, but I could not care about it at that moment. "But... I do have a feeling... that there is a reason... a more of a... personal reason in it."
Suddenly, I felt as if the air around us had gotten strangely cold, even though I was sure the temperature was still the same.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a whisper.
"I have seen it before," she answered, wrapping one arm around me as she led me to the chair nearby. We both took a seat and she sighed quietly before continuing. "I got... a letter from him. And so did Monsieur Barnard."
Her eyes met the director's, but he immediately lowered his sight, as if pretending he had not listened to our conversation.
"Apparently... something has caught his attention. Something I did not know about... and had I known, I would have stopped it immediately... or maybe not. Because I could not consider it... I may have known him, but it does not mean I can read his mind."
It was obvious she was troubled right now, and it made me feel guilty, however, her words had made it no clearer to me. I did not have a courage to ask, though, but after a longer while she decided to go on.
"Do you... remember the story about the Opera Ghost I and Meg told you in your childhood?" she asked, and I nodded without hesitation. It was one of my favourite stories – so romantic, and yet, so tragic. "Well then... it's good, because it is the very same story I am going to tell you right now."
My fingers curled and I shivered lightly. Madame saw that, and frowned slightly, but did not react any further.
"In fact, all of it did not happen too long ago. To you it may be a long time, but to me... or to him... There was a singer, her name was Christine. Her voice was one of an angel and it caught his attention for he is a great artist... and there is nothing he loves more than music. This voice... made him sure he wants her to give life to his music. So he began to teach her... and one day, she performed on the stage. He loved her... in his own way... more and more. But she could not return this feeling. She was in love with a young man she knew. It could not end well. For his... his love is obsessive and possessive. He would do everything to keep the one he loves with him. And so he tried to make Christine his bride... but she refused. Her fiancé took her with him... and the Opera Ghost had to hide so he would not be killed. I was sure he has left... but this letter told me he is still down there."
Since I knew all of it must have happened before I had come here, it would mean this story was at least ten years old. Ten years! All this time the Ghost had been hiding away from the world... that no-one had caught him!
I was not quite sure what I would hear now, but I suddenly realised I might regret the fact I heard the story. My curiosity was much stronger than this fear, though, and I simply stayed there to continue listening to Madame's words.
"In this letter... he reminds me about himself. Apparently he wants to... return to his – let's call it – job. As he wrote, something had caught his... well, maybe not eye, but his ear. He had heard some wonderful song, and soon, he had learnt that it was you, Arlette."
Never before had I felt this bashful. My cheeks turned red and I looked away, even though Madame seemed to try to keep our eye contact.
Until now, I had been sure no-one but Meg had known about my little lessons. And yet... some strange man had heard me, too, and he had even written a letter to Madame and the director about it. Moreover, he had told them I had a wonderful voice... it was all written by the very man who had discovered one of the most famous singers of our times. Because I knew the story was about Christine Daaé, the very same soprano that everyone knew.
And I could not help but notice that if only her voice and mine had caught his attention... it would mean I really could sing well.
"Do not look away from me now, Arlette," I could hear scolding in Madame's voice, so I forced myself to look up and meet her gaze again. My body was trembling as I did so, and I had to take a deep breath to try to calm down.
I am almost certain that Madame noticed the hesitation in my eyes, but she did not make any comment about that.
"I need to know if you talked to this man," she said in a serious tone. "I need to know everything."
There was no man I had talked to as of late – not anyone I would have not known – and I told Madame about it without hesitation. This time she believed me, I am sure of that, and it apparently calmed her down.
"He... is a good man," she added after a while, "but it's difficult to understand him. And he... he has never been loved. I do not say it is impossible... but no-one has ever achieved that, and I guess this is his only true wish."
For a moment, I remained completely speechless. This comment was so strange to me that I could not find any proper words to be spoken at that moment. What did Madame expect me to do? Or what did she not want me to do?
Once again that day I felt dizzy. All I wanted to do was to disappear. To close my eyes and hear my angel's voice once more, caressing me like a lover's hand... I just wanted to hear him utter my own name...
"You must promise me you will be careful."
Madame's voice cut the silence like a knife and it forced me out of my wonderful dreams. For a moment I was afraid that I had fallen asleep, but after that, I made sure not more than two seconds had passed.
"Careful?" I repeated, and my eyebrows went up as I glanced at Madame. "But why? A- and how? What should I do?"
"It is your choice what you decide to do," she replied at last. For the first time I was completely certain that she would allow me to make my own choices. However, at the same time, that unpleasant feeling slapped me – she gave up on protecting me, and I was afraid that she thought she was no longer capable of it. I was now out of her reach.
I needed to grow up – just like I had thought – but what had seemed to be so beautiful when I had just told it to myself, now, as I realised that it was not just a wish but reality, turned out to be cold and terrifying.
"He will come to you, I am sure. Because I am certain you will choose to sing. It is your chance, Arlette, and there may never be another one. No young girl would ever go any other way if she had a chance of becoming a great diva. And I shall not try to stop you again. Not anymore, Arlette... you deserve that. I just want you to know that you need to be careful if he comes to meet you. Remember... that your every promise may turn into the worst of curses. Think of it twice before you say anything."
This warning was a strange one, but I nodded as a sign that I understood what she had said. Nevertheless, I felt even more nervous.
"But why would he come to meet me? Is it not enough for him... that if I get the role... I will sing?" I asked.
Madame smiled lightly and patted my cheek in a motherly way.
"It is never that simple, my child," she responded after a moment. "You see... he is not that kind of man. As I said... there is nothing he would ever love more than music. And if there is someone that will make his music real..."
She stopped, but she did not have to finish that sentence. Did it mean that he would fall in love with me just because I had a voice that pleased him? Was it not insane? How would he know if we would be able to live together? To stand each other...?
"I understand," I whispered only, realising my hands had already turned into fists. My fingers hurt, so I needed to straighten them as I took another deep breath, but it was not enough to make me any calmer.
Then it could be a curse to me if I chose to sing. But it was probably my only chance and I could not resign... It was something I had been dreaming of, how could I give up on my dreams so easily if they were coming true?
Slowly, I got up to return to Meg, to tell her everything, because I felt like she needed some explanation as well – she had been just as surprised as I had been, but I had heard everything I had to while she had not.
On the other hand, she had been there when all of that had taken place. From what I know, she had once been Christine's friend...
Suddenly, I felt sick to the stomach and I swayed on my legs, slowly turning to look at Madame. There were so many questions I wanted answered at that moment, but it was already too much for me to take – and I had a feeling that Madame had already gone through too much as well. This conversation was a difficult one to both of us.
"How will I know it's him, though?" I stuttered after a while, knowing that although she had told me that the Ghost would come to meet me, she had not mentioned what he looked like... or how to distinguish him from any other man.
Madame remained silent for a while before she opened her mouth.
"He will hide in the shadows... if you see him, he will wear a mask," she responded just as quietly, probably not to let the director hear.
I nodded and turned to leave but just one more sentence reached my ears.
"And he will introduce himself as the Angel of Music."
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