Those words seemed to be trying to break my skull from the inside. I could hardly believe that I had truly heard them... and I did not want to believe, as I soon realised. Living there was something I had just got used to – and I did not want to be ripped out of it so suddenly. Although I could not wrap my mind around it just yet, I understood that he had been right when he had told me that he was the only one who could make me truly happy.

Because right now he was my world – my everything. My teacher and my family, my only friend... returning to what I had known before him seemed to be impossible right after having got used to this new life. It was completely different – as if it was not just a place underneath the opera house, but an utterly new world. I could not say which world I preferred, but this one... it was magical.

Music was something that lived its own life. It was not just a performance of a singer or musician. It was a living being, with its own soul, heart and mind, although it might seem to be impossible. But right now, I at last began to understand what my Angel loved about it, moreover, I thought I started loving it all, too. How would I ever be able to leave it all just because I had said a couple of unnecessary words?

Truth be told, I was not quite sure whether I should have felt guilty or not, but I did, anyways. After all, I had had no idea that those words were the forbidden ones in this area – never had I suspected they would hurt him so much. Had I been prepared for that, had anyone warned me... I would have never said that.

But had Madame not warned me? Had those words not been an admonition...? I should have taken that under consideration, but I had ignored that. Unintentionally, of course, but that was not enough of an explanation.

I knew that I should have listened to that command... but that one time, I had not followed it. Seeing that my Angel, apparently hurt, left quickly into the darkness where I could no longer see him, I glanced at the boat, biting my bottom lip, but instead of stepping in to leave, just as I had been told to, with my heart pierced with his pained words, I decided to leave into the room I considered mine.

There were so many thoughts in my mind, but I could not quite understand what I actually thought... one seemed to be trying to catch another, but before I fully understood it, another one took its place.

Once more I considered leaving that place. It was my chance to do what I had been trying to do for the past several weeks, but now, as I at last could do that, I found no courage and no will to even attempt to run away. Instead, I chose to stay there, make sure my Angel was alright... and maybe try to apologise to him.

With my heart in pain, I lay down in the bed, curling up and hiding my face in my hands, trying not to cry, but it was too hard – however, before I even noticed, I was already asleep, but dreamt no dreams that night.

When I woke up, I was still trembling. My whole body hurt, as if I had done some terribly difficult and exhausting work the previous night, so I moved with difficulty. As I took a deep breath, I at last managed to sit up and look around.

As I suspected, my Angel had not entered the room the previous night, because there was no sign of his presence; usually, I would have found a glass of water on the side table and a bowl of fruit as my breakfast. Apparently, though, he truly thought that I had left, and that it was no longer necessary.

I could not even blame him for that; I should have left, and I knew it, but it was my selfishness that had stopped me from doing that that night. And now, I did not do that, either. Moreover, now, I was even more certain that I could not leave, although he had told me to do that. And it had not been just a simple request – it was a command, an order I should have never ignored. But... I had not really ignored that. I – completely willingly – acted against it, so stubbornly that even I was surprised.

Although my head ached, I forced myself to get up and my fingers brushed my hair, but I did not care about my looks that day. I did not have to be pretty. However, I found myself unwittingly trying to hush that little voice in my head that reminded me about my Angel and how much he admired my beauty... but right now, he was not even aware of my presence there. How could I think about it at that moment?

Not even for a moment could I regret the fact that I skipped breakfast that day, because I felt sick to my stomach – if I tried eating, I would definitely feel even worse. I had no idea how much time I spent in the room, simply walking around and wondering what to do right now. There were so many possibilities, and yet, there was nothing I could really do. Nothing seemed to be right, not even leaving.

No. Leaving seemed to be the worst idea of all.

At last, I decided to face the problem, as it was the best way out of this terrible situation. After all, I could not hide in that room forever. I could stop eating for that one day, yes, but not for more, if I did not want to starve. Moreover, if he found out about me hiding there, he might have got even more furious than he was at that moment.

My body trembled as I left the room and entered the main hall. To be honest, I had thought I would meet him there, but there was no sign of him. For a moment, a thought passed my mind: what if he was the one to leave? What if I was supposed to never see him again? And at that thought, my heart was pierced with so much pain that I closed my eyes, feeling tears nibbling on my eyelids.

I did not understand it at all. That man... the very same I had considered a monster... how could I care about him so much?

All I wanted was to see his face. He had seen all of me. He had touched me, heard my voice, he had me completely in his grasp, and I did not even try to protest. I asked for nothing more... but seeing his face. That one time.

Had he not promised that he would lay the world at my feet? Had he not told me that he would do anything that I would ever ask of him? And until now, I had never requested anything but that one simple thing. Had he not heard that in my voice? I had not laughed at him. I had not done any harm to him... at least not physically...

But I did regret the fact I had asked of that. As I thought of him touching my face... he had been smiling so sweetly... and I had lost it all just because I could not bite my tongue at the right moment.

With my heart heavy, I sat down at the desk. Right there, in that place, everything had happened. I remembered hitting that desk with my back as he had pushed me away from him. What did he feel now? Was he angry? Or maybe disappointed? Hurt? Did he hate me now? Or maybe I was disgusting to him?

"If only... I could apologise to you," I whispered, hiding my face in my hands once more. "You are my Angel..."

I did not know when I started singing. Those words, full of pain and yet still sweet, left my lips so deftly... they were natural. I did not even think of what I was singing – it was even more naïve than my tears. Even simpler than usual apology. This melody – which I had no idea where it came from – was the only thing I could offer to him. The only solace I could give and hope, even just a little bit, that he would accept it.

There was no accompaniment – although I could play the harpsichord, I did not do that (I did not even think of that, to be honest) – and my voice echoed in the hall, even though I did not sing loudly.

Suddenly, my voice broke and I was no longer able to sing. Biting my lip, I could not even stop the tears that were now slowly rolling down my cheeks.

It was foolish of me to expect that he would just forgive me. If one makes a mistake, it takes time for the other to forgive. And right now, I should have thought that it would take any less time. Nevertheless, deep inside my heart I did have that tiny sparkle of hope that I would hear his voice again. That he would come to me...

Another part of me, though, scolded me for those thoughts. It had been my fault that he had told me to leave. Now, instead of expecting something that was simply impossible, I should have just followed that order.

For the first time, I began wondering if it was not the best idea, and I even decided to get up to step towards the boat, when I felt someone's hands on my shoulders that stopped me from going anywhere. And I would have sworn that I knew their soothing warmth, their pleasant weight that calmed me down...

"My Angel," I mouthed, but no sound left my lips.

"I thought you're already gone," he answered, and I could hear that hurt tone in his voice, but at the same time... or maybe it was my selfish hope? – I was sure there was happiness. Or maybe relief, as if he had hoped I would stay.

"I couldn't," I said quietly, shaking my head, and I quickly closed my eyes as tears once more started flowing. If I hurt so much at that moment, I thought, then how much pain had he felt the previous evening...?

I needed to be more careful now. Every step I was going to take had to be thought of twice, or maybe even thrice, so I would never regret anything as much as I regretted asking him to betray his name to me. Or to take his mask off...

"You should have," he added dryly, his voice once more piercing right through my heart, but I found no courage to apologise once more. As he sighed, he continued, but this time, his tone was changed. "I... oh, Arlette... I am a monster. A devil that years for an angel... I've been burning in my hell for years... then how can I expect climbing up to heaven?"

I felt so ashamed of myself as I remembered that in my own thoughts I had called him a monster. A devil... but no longer did he seem to be a demon to me. If there was a demon amongst us, it would be me.

"No, no, monsieur," I responded at last, and my voice sounded strangely high and quiet compared to his, even though he was not talking loudly. "You are my Angel... I know that. My Angel who has shown everything to me. Who has become my tutor... and I could never leave him, even if he tells me to do it."

"You promised me you would do everything I asked of you," he reminded me, but there was no scolding, not even the mildest, in his words, and it surprised me. "I told you to leave... and you should have done that."

Was that a sign for me to leave? Maybe, but when I moved slightly to stand up, he stopped me and in the next second, he was already kneeling right before me, just like when he had been listening to my heart those weeks before all that...

And it seemed to have been eternity since then.

"You are a poison, Arlette. My only temptation. Just when I thought I had beaten all of them... you appeared. And I cannot defeat you. I cannot find a way to get over you, no matter how hard I tried," he confessed, holding my hands.

Although I opened my mouth to answer, once more my voice betrayed me, and the only thing that left it was a quiet sigh. My face was wet from the tears I had shed, but right now, I was not even able to wipe them off – when I made the slightest move to try, he grabbed them even stronger, lowering his sight to glance at them, pale and trembling.

There were so many thoughts in my head, but it still seemed to be empty. I just wondered what he was thinking at that moment.

Whispering my name once more, he let out a quiet sigh and brought my hands to his lips, kissing them gently – my knuckles, palms, all of them. And I did not stop him. It was so pleasant I simply did not want it to end, ever, although it was such a foolish wish. His lips were so soft it surprised me, but at the same time, could they be any different...?

And when I thought he had finished, when I was sure he would now let me go, I felt him taking my hands into his own, leading them across his cheeks, just like he had touched my face before. It was obvious he was unsure of it all, as if he hesitated whether I deserved it or not – or maybe if he found pleasure in it...

Then, he hooked our fingers on the edge of his mask and pulled it off.