Ada

I didn't know what we were, but friends didn't do what Hayden and I had been doing. 

That first night he had climbed up my window, he kissed me, and every part of me wanted that to happen. The kiss was slow, and sweet, and perfect, better than I could have ever dreamed of. He was the one to pull away, looking how I felt. Slightly amazed, intensely hooked, and excited for the possibility of a future with each other in it. 

He had stayed with me that night, his arms a security blanket around me, talking until I fell asleep. Every night from then it had been something of the same, the comfort I felt with him only growing over time. 

But now we had landed in the phase of the unsure, not knowing what we were or how to go about being with each other in public. Do we act like we don't know each other? Or go about as if we are friends through Jay Jay. It was painfully awkward, especially now that my nights were dedicated to getting to know him until he coerced me into going to sleep. He was always gone by the time I woke up.

Friday brought an unexpected turn of events. Jacob and I had planned to spend the afternoon together, at home watching movies or playing board games or something else we had yet to plan. That was until my phone buzzed through the day, with a message asking if I wouldn't mind coming for coffee with him and the boys. The boys. Landon Warrick. Zavier Dennis. And... Hayden. It would have been the first time I would be with both him and my brother in the same room since whatever we were had begun. I hadn't needed to think about it until now. 

I was hesitant. Going was the right thing to do, for Jacob, but for me? I wasn't sure whether right or wrong applied. 

There in lay the problem.

Ada: I don't know Jay Jay... do they really want me there?

Jacob: yeah, it was Haydens idea 4 u to come anyway. U don't have 2 if its uncomfortable 4 u...

Ada: no, i want to come. It'll be fun.

Questions of right and wrong and should and shouldn't evaporated into the humid February air with the mention of Hayden. Whether I wanted to go didn't cross my mind, and that's how I ended up at Coffee Bean after school with my brother, my other and their friends. 

I had walked in on the left of Jacob, with Hayden on the right. The two were speaking in a language that seemed to be their own, brimming with half sentences and inside jokes and animated hand gestures that only they could understand. They couldn't have looked more different bar the height, but any outsider would think they were brothers from the way they interacted. 

We sat at a stand alone table by the far wall of the cafe, Jacob and Hayden standing when their conversation had come to a halt. Even Landon and Zavier seemed amused by their antics, whether it was because they understood or simply because they were acting like morons I had no idea, but I felt comforted by the fact that it might have been the latter. 

"Ada?" Jacob was asking me for my drink order and Hayden was doing a terrible job of keeping his poker face up to scratch. Every few seconds his eyes would drift to mine and noticeably soften, or he would go to say something to me before clamping his mouth shut. I lost count of how often I wanted to tell him to do better, to keep in control, but he had the attitude of if they find out, they find out. I didn't want to see what would happen if they did, but I had faith in my brother's lack of observational skills.

"The usual, please," I smiled, not daring glance at the idiot beside him, and he left with said idiot in tow.

"Is it weird to be back?" It was Landon, with his full attention towards me. His elbows were on the table in etiquette that would give my maid back in Celti heart palpitations, his smile kind like he was making a point of being friendly. He was a gamer from my knowledge, tall and lanky with the academic vibe that I understood through familiarity. I struggled to comprehend how he fell in with the other three, but there would be something missing if he wasn't around. Besides, he didn't treat me like I was four years younger. None of them did, and I think that's why I didn't so much mind their company.

"It is," I admitted with a nod. "But I was only eight when we left, so I don't remember it as much as my siblings."

The boys laughed, and Zavier shook his head as if in disbelief. "I keep forgetting you're so young. You seem like you could be graduating this year."

If I was, maybe Hayden and I wouldn't need to be such a big secret.

"If I had gotten my education here then it may have been a possibility," I joked, but I knew it wasn't true. Music and language came naturally to me, but nothing else clicked in the same way. History required the memory I didn't have. English needed familiarity of the language which I had gone so long without speaking. Science I would have rathered to forget about and Maths, well, I didn't want to go there. 

My brother and Hayden returned and the other two took their place in the cue. Jacob set my drink in front of me and I thanked him. The conversation before had me thinking about Celti, and the role we played in the country. It felt weird to say that we were 'royalty', and if I didn't have to I wouldn't admit it. But I had to clarify in case I said something my brother would rather me not.

"Am I right to assume they know about everything with our family?" I took a sip of my hot chocolate and sighed, not being anywhere near as good as the mint hot chocolates Pauline had made for us in Germany.

"You mean that you're royalty and your brother has a one in three chance of becoming king?" Hayden asked, lazing back in his chair, his eyes roaming all over me which rose the flush to my cheeks. Jacob must have noticed, as he clipped him on the ear with an irritated glare.

"What was that for?" Hayden squeaked, sounding like a five year old girl who just had her hair pulled.

"I felt like it," Jacob shrugged, and I ignored their continuing antics.

"It's more like a one in two chance," I corrected, crossing my legs under the table, a habit that had come out of 'Princess Lessons', as Milena called them. They were tea parties our mother created for us to learn how to act correctly, and now that I thought about it, Princess Lessons was a fantastic way of putting it. 

"Yes, because Luca is a dropkick," Jacob added. Even though it was true, I didn't like speaking bad of my family, or of anyone, really. Luca wasn't the brother I was most fond of, but he had a good heart and I didn't like when people didn't acknowledge it. I wasn't worried about Jacob noticing my watered down annoyance, but Hayden. He was my brother's opposite, and his eyebrows dented slightly as he looked at me.

"Oh, right," he said in response to Jacob, before asking me with his eyes what's up?

I rolled my eyes, more subtle than shaking my head at his silent question, and not in the mood to talk about it, now or ever. "Hayden kun wa baka desu."

"Wrong language, Ada," Jacob said, although from the smile I could tell he was a little proud. I was almost fluent in four languages, Japanese of which I had insulted Hayden in.

"Der ist ein dummkopf," I said instead, understanding brightening his eyes and darkening Hayden's.

"Do you ever speak English?" It was the first he'd said directly to me, with no influence of my brother or the other boys. My heart sped a little at the intensity of his gaze and I wanted to look away. He did first, turning to my brother. "What did she say?"

"Non," I smirked. "Don't tell him, Jacob." I had always been good at selecting my languages to either assist or inflict confusion upon a person, the latter of which I used as a tool to bug Hayden with.

Jacob shrugged as if he couldn't do anything for his best friend and said; "You heard her." Hayden's face fell and I hi-fived my brother, but only after I made sure he wasn't really offended.

The other two boys returned and they discussed the possibility of my brother becoming the king of our country, and how badly he didn't want that to happen. I could sympathize for him, I truly could. It would mean giving up his life, and he still had so much of it to live. He would be a great king, but a better civilian.

I suggested he find a girl, as that was one of Vati's valid excuses for becoming king. They were pondering who when I caught sight of Kaia Sawyer across the café. Jacob's ex best friend. He could deny it all he wanted by saying that Hayden had always been his best, but it was a lie. He and Kaia used to be inseparable, and I was sure he had a crush on her for the entirety of his childhood.

But now they weren't talking, and from what Jacob had said they hated each other's guts, but what better way to make peace than pretending to date?

He looked at me as if I was insane and maybe I was, but I asked him to let me explain and he just raised an eyebrow, his signal that he was going to listen but wasn't happy about it.

"Gee, thanks for the confidence." My words were dipped in sarcasm as I crossed my arms. I didn't acknowledge Hayden's smirk. "I know you two aren't on the best terms but it makes sense. You don't want a relationship. It's clear she doesn't like you. At all." I hated the way he flinched at that, the fact that he cared all too obvious. "I think if you asked anyone else they would probably end up liking you and want a real relationship."

"The whole plan would backfire," Hayden said, backing me up with a wink that my brother was oblivious to. My mind ignored it but my heart couldn't.

After he admitted the sense it made, Hayden dragged us all over to the table where the Sawyer sisters sat to discuss the creation of a plan that no one wanted to take part in. Kaia recognized me hiding behind Jacob, and practically dragged me to sit beside her. We chatted the entire time as Hayden and her sister did a business transaction. Jacob had no idea who he was trying to hate, because Kaia was the same girl he'd left behind six years ago. She was lovely, and I was touched that she remembered me.

They all organised to meet up at Hayden's house on Sunday to discuss a plan and neither Kaia nor Jacob seemed happy about it. I just hoped they would be able to refrain from ripping each other's heads off for long enough to realise they were perfect together.

I was texting Hayden all the way home about what had just happened, and he was still hung up on my kengo and what I had said that he didn't understand. His ego had him believing it was a huge compliment but if it were I would never have let Jacob know what I said.

H: can I come over 2nite?

He changed the subject as soon as I was in the confines of my room, Jacob storming off to his with a slam of the door that shook the hallway.

A: why?

H: I want 2 see u

A: And?

H: what do u mean?

A: ur hiding something. Spit it out

H: psychic...

A: ?

H: we need 2 talk and u need 2 sleep, both of which cn only happen if im w u

I fell back against my pillows with a sigh, and a concern that everything between us was going to come to an end before it could truly begin. The ominousity of the words we need to talk had me worry, but it was better to get it over and done with than harp on it for long.

A: 8:30? Im having early dinner and practicing piano then will b in my room

H: leave ur window open x

I didn't bother to respond. The first thing I did was open my window, then I did as I said I would and had dinner with Milena. My family's schedules were scattered and Mutti was somewhere doing something so it was just us two.

"What's going on with you?"

My eyes snapped up from the bowl where I had been subconsciously rolling pasta around for the last few minutes. I realised what she was talking about and shrugged. "Nothing."

"Who is he?" Her smirk was enough to let on that she knew something was up; she just didn't know what.

"Please," I mumbled, standing and putting my bowl in the fridge to come back to later. "Don't ask questions."

I went to the music room and slammed the door in a huff, tears threatening my eyes for no reason. Maybe I was just emotional, but my fingers led me to play especially sad songs, slamming the keys like they done something wrong. I played until my fingers hurt from stretching over octave and shut the lid with more force than necessary, leaning my elbows on it and my head in my hands.

What is wrong with me? I asked myself as a tear spilled over and dripped onto the piano. I had to pull myself together, but it wasn't something I thought I could do. So instead I resolved I would tell Hayden to stay home. 

I rushed up to my room past a worried Milena and an even more moody Jacob and slammed my door, pushing a chair up against it so that Milena couldn't come in to check on me. I didn't feel like her questioning tonight. I didn't feel like anything.

For the first time in a long time, I felt exhausted enough to fall asleep, but my mind had every intention of keeping me up.

I fell onto my covers and picked up my phone, texting Hayden to tell him not to come. The thought of not seeing him made me sad, but the thought of seeing him made it worse. He needed to stay home where he couldn't hurt me with what I thought he was surely going to say.

I shut off my phone and closed my eyes, waiting for the sleep that would never come.

I felt pathetic. I was spiralling out of emotional control and I had nothing to hold onto to stop the fall. I felt like Alice, going down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. There didn't seem to be an end, and soon enough I was crying into my pillow and holding it like my life depended on it.

"Ada?"

I flinched, the voice I'd specifically instructed to stay away came from the only place anyone could currently enter my room. I didn't bother unrolling myself from the ball I'd curled into. I just grumbled, "Go away", the sound muffled through the pillow as my shoulders shook.

"If you think I'm leaving, you're fucking insane."

My bed dipped with the extra weight and arms encircled me and I cried. I cried until there was nothing left but my breathing and the darkness that had become my room and Hayden. I didn't know what time it was or how long I had been crying for but I couldn't think about anything except the boy who's arms I was in.

"Why are you here?" I mumbled against his chest, against his t-shirt that was now soaked with my tears. I felt awful. He didn't need some emotionally unstable fourteen year old to complicate his life, and that's when the reason behind my breakdown revealed itself.

I realised that I didn't deserve Hayden, and that he would figure that out sooner or later and I would be left alone.

Maybe I wasn't dried up.

"Woah. Hey." His voice was gentle, his hand soothingly rubbing my back, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to my hair. "What's going on with you?"

"I don't know," I lied, hiccupping as another hot tear slid down my cheek.

"You do," he whispered softly. It only made things worse that he knew me so well already, picking apart my lies as if they were string cheese. He didn't ask any more questions. He waited until I'd calmed down where I sat up, crossing my legs and wiping the moisture from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." My voice was quiet and he sat up too, shaking his head as if my apology was ridiculous.

"You don't need to be sorry."

"I do," I admitted, my face falling. "You don't need to deal with this. It's not your job."

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." His expression turned serious, and my breathing faltered. This was it. It was the end of the brief period where Hayden and I as an 'us' was a possibility.

I didn't say anything, but he held my hand in his and looked up into my eyes, his smoldering green eyes that took my breath away.

"I want to make us official," he said without hesitance or fear or uncertainty, running his free hand through his hair. "I want you to be my girlfriend."

Before I could say anything further, the relief that surged through me made me admit; "I thought you were going to break things off with me."

His eyebrows knitted together and then, realisation set in. "Is that why you were upset?"

I didn't say anything.

He chuckled, his grin the size of Texas stretching across his face. "Aw, you've got it bad for me."

"Shut up."

"You like me. Admit it," he practically sang, and I shoved him hard to try to get him off my bed. Of course the 6"3 of muscle didn't budge. It was like I hadn't even touched him.

"I won't if you keep acting like a four year old."

"Aw baby, come on," he pleaded, his natural use of the pet name making my heart flutter. He said it like it was the most normal thing in the world, and I liked how it made me feel like he could be happy with me.

"Hmm?"

"Be my girlfriend. Please?"

"That's cute," I said in a patronizing tone, trying to torture him a little for making me think things were over.

"I'm fucking adorable," he grinned, but then slid his fingers under my chin to make me look at him. "Please, Ada. Will you be my girlfriend?"

I pretended to think about, pursing my lips as if deep in thought. I sighed, and rolled my eyes, and his impatient expression almost made me break my act and smile.

"I suppose," I let out in a breath.

"That's the best you got?" He shook his head but didn't wait for my response. He closed the distance between us, pressing his soft, warm lips to mine in a way that made my heart beat so hard I felt it would break free of the cage my ribs had created around it.

"I can't believe it," he said, his breath still on my lips. "I can't believe your finally mine."

"Well believe it, buddy," I grinned. "I'm yours."

"You're going to have to come up with a better nickname for me than that."

"Controlling much?"

"Damn straight," he laughed, but then moved away from me, just a figure in the dark as he stood beside my bed. "But as my first act as your boyfriend, I'm going to need you to get some sleep."

My eyes flicked across to my alarm clock and it was nearing eleven, and even though it was Friday and I had a sleep in tomorrow, I realised how badly I needed the sleep. All the stress and secrets of this week had affected me in the worst way; I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

"Will you stay?" I asked, crawling under the covers as he stood beside my bed. I took off my socks and my jumper and my bra, not being able to sleep with anything more than just the tank top and shorts I had on. I threw them on the floor below me and Hayden just smiled, kicking off his shoes and following suit with his jumper. He slid in beside me and instantly pulled me towards him, kissing my hair as I allowed myself to relax into him.

"Anything you need, I'll be here," he whispered, and I had the best sleep I ever had.