Ada

We were currently Sunday, or Monday morning to be more specific. It had been one hour since I had been sick. One hour since I'd had to shower the pieces of vomit out of my hair. One hour since I'd pulled my hair back in case it happened again.

I was slouched over my desk tapping out an essay I had to write for English, the last paragraph of which I was left to write. It flowed easily with a brief summary of each of my points, concluding with a sentence that was nothing short of awful.

With one final ctrl+s I shut my laptop, staring at the desk trying to not think about my rumbling stomach.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" The voice made me jump from my seat, making my heart race and my stomach groan. Of course it was just Hayden, which almost had me smile. I shook my head lightly as he climbed through my window, a task of which had become so easy to him that the small gap was no longer so small.

"Not you," I mumbled, sitting back on the chair.

"If you knew I was there, you'd be looking." He was overly confident which I would have hated if he were anything but joking.

"Hmm," I pretended to contemplate this, putting my hand to my chin. "I don't think so.

"Hmm," he mimicked, closing the metres between us until he perched himself on the edge of my desk. "I think so."

I didn't have the energy to argue so I shrugged, pulling my knees to my chest in hopes it would halt the queasiness that was starting to come back. I almost wished Hayden hadn't come tonight. I didn't want him to see me sick, if that's how this would end up. He would just worry over something that was inevitable, a monthly lecture taught by Mother Nature to girls all over the world to convince us to reproduce.

The only thing I could think to get him to focus on anything but me was what I had been stewing over for days.

"We need to tell Jacob." My stomach gurgled and I took a deep breath to keep it down, hoping that my body would listen. But I could feel the sweat starting to bead at the nape of my neck

I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes, waiting for Hayden's agreement. I couldn't focus on exactly what he said, so I mumbled a "mmh" and said something about thinking that I should tell him. I wasn't even sure he could hear me, but I didn't have it in me to speak louder. I couldn't. All I could focus on was the horrible pre-vomit feeling and the sudden contraction of my stomach that had me off my seat and running to my ensuite with my hand over my mouth.

I made it to the bathroom just in time, my stomach emptying the contents it didn't heave the first time into the toilet bowl. I was struggling to breathe, only made worse by the tears that had started to fall down my cheeks. I was vaguely aware of Hayden appearing, pulling the loose strands of hair off my face and rubbing circles on my back. He was there until I was done, where he quickly left onto to return with something cold which he put on the back of my neck.

I wiped my mouth with toilet paper and threw it in the bowl, trying to reach for the flush to be rid of the smell. My arms were too short but Hayden saw what I was trying and did it for me with ease.

And then the tears turned into sobs and I clung to Hayden while he whispered that it would be alright, not that I could believe him at the time. I felt like death, and the fact that I would feel like this again in twenty eight days made me want to turn back to the toilet bowl.

He held his palm to my forehead and then to the back of my neck, pulling away from me with a frown. "You're burning up." The fever would go away soon. "Maybe you should go to the hospital."

No. My lips formed the words but my voice was broken, not working when I needed it to most. I resorted to shaking my head.

"But if you're sick-"

I kept shaking my head and he just sighed, perhaps thinking I was being stubborn or that I was clueless. Neither of which I was. I just knew that in a few hours the nausea would leave and I would be reduced to the cramps that also, funnily enough, made me want to die. But by the time I would leave for school I would be perfectly fine, and no one would be the wiser.

I wanted to be in bed; anywhere but these cold, hard tiles that only reminded me of the sickness that made me angry beyond belief. I didn't want to ask Hayden to help me, and that was because I was stubborn. I could do it myself, it would just be a minute.

But Hayden had different ideas. It was like he was reading my mind because one minute we were on the bathroom floor and the next I was in his arms and then too soon in my bed. He sat on the edge instead of lying beside me like he usually would, his eyes scanning me as if he were a doctor. He was worried, as I can imagine he would have been after witnessed his girlfriend being sick. I didn't even have the energy to be embarrassed about it, but as always Hayden gave me no reason to.

Hence why I was starting to fall in love with him.

"Are you sure hospital isn't necessary?" He asked, his voice as gentle as his hand over mine. My stomach was settled and it finally felt like the end, only to then be harassed by what would feel like knives in half an hour at most.

I shook my head once again and took a deep breath, finally being able to speak, albeit muted. "This happens every month."

It took him a minute to realize what I meant but when he did, his face softened into a look of sympathy. "It's this bad every month?"

I nodded and curled into a ball on my side, my temperature already evening out. "I don't know why. But for the few hours before I'm nauseous, I'm almost always sick and then I have pretty bad cramps."

"Shit..." He trailed, his expression telling me all of this was hard for him to believe. "They're next then?"

"Yeah. You can leave if you want to. It won't be fun."

He squeezed my hand and stood, flicking off the lamp and then going around to the other side of the bed. Instead of climbing out the window, he climbed into bed and pulled the blankets over both of us, holding his arms open for me to fit in.

"If you think I'm going to leave whenever things 'aren't fun', you're insane."

"Thank you," I mumbled into his chest, and he started rubbing circles into my back that relaxed me more than I could have imagined.

"Try to get some sleep," he said a moment after my eyes had fallen shut. "It'll help the pain."

.

When I woke up my bed was empty except for me, with the sun shining through the window, a pain free stomach and a message on my phone. I couldn't believe I had skipped the entire cramps stage of my period, and was reduced now to being uncomfortable and avoiding white pants for five to seven days. The relief it brought was like a weight off my shoulders. So while I hadn't had the best start to the day, it might still be a good one.

My clock read 6:30am, meaning I still had plenty of time until I had to be up and ready for school.

I rolled over in bed and stretched. The feeling of being able to move without pain was close to euphoric but the feeling after opening my text was incomparable.

H: u slept like the dead and tbh I was a little worried... txt me so I know ur alive

The next was sent three minutes later.

H: ok now srsly... let me know when u wake up how ur feeling because worried is an understatement to how im feeling. If u still feel like shit let me know if I can get anything for u... or if ur ok but need something still let me know. love you baby xx

I clicked on his contact and pressed the CALL button, putting the phone to my ear as I rolled onto my back. The phone only got to ring once before it picked up, with Hayden's almost amusing "Ada??"

"No," I teased, my voice still thick with sleep. "It's the alien who took control of her body. Ada Beck no longer exists."

"Nooooo," he cried dramatically, the sort of cry that perfectly accompanies the falling to the knees and pumping fists in the air, followed by the ever so intriguing question why?

My laugh broke the charade and I could hear Hayden join in after a few seconds.

"But really," he said, sobering much faster than I could. "How are you feeling?"

"Great, actually."

"So no cramps then?"

With no sisters and a mother that was never home, he was surprisingly calm about this whole period thing. There was no hesitance before cramps like was normal for a guy, or reluctance to talk about it at all. I was impressed.

"Nope. I'm one hundred percent pain free."

"Not good enough. I need you to be one hundred and twenty percent pain free."

I let out a short giggle. "I'm two hundred percent pain free."

"Well that's just excessive..."

I burst with laughter and eventually Hayden laughed too, and that seemed to be the way our conversation would go this morning. A little bit of talking and a lot of laughing; just the way I liked it.

I hung up half an hour later to shower, throwing on a pair of shorts and a singlet. From my window it looked like it was going to be a steamy day, one of which would be ten times worse because I was still acclimatized to Celti weather, where our summers reached a high of 25 degrees.

Jacob was half asleep until we got in the car, where he blasted the radio to wake him up. As we pulled into the parking lot he was singing along to his favourite band which would inevitably put him in a good mood.

As predicted, stepping out of the car was like stepping into a sauna, the heat already causing sweat to bead at the nape of my neck. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail as my brother and I complained, but when he caught sight of Kaia he stopped half way through a sentence and never thought to finish it.

It was girls like Kaia that brought a hammer to my self esteem. If she was a horrible, nasty person the effect would be much worse but I felt that, due to her unfaltering kindness, she was owed her looks.

"Why are you not hooking up with her?" The voice made me jump as I turned to my brother's other side, where my boyfriend had just slung his arm around his neck. Jacob returned the gesture with an elbow to the ribs and a scowl.

"It's boiling. Fuck off."

"Language!" Hayden scolded, his eyes drifting to me for the first time since he'd made his entrance, then back to Jacob.

"Fuck off, Hayden," I retorted with a laugh of my own, the words sounding weird in my mouth. I wasn't one to swear excessively or follow it up with the action of flipping him off, but I deemed it Hayden's fault for rubbing off on me.

"I'm officially offended." He leaned around Jacob and poked his tongue out, before getting back to the point with my brother. "But seriously, man. How can you pretend to date someone who looks like that?"

The twinge I felt in my chest was uncomfortable, as was the pang of jealousy my whole body felt. It was true, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt. Besides, Hayden was just playing his part as the best friend and covering up that we'd spent nearly every night together for the past week or so.

Thinking about it, it felt like we had been together for much longer than that. We were going a hundred miles an hour and realizing it made it worse, like we had been put in a racecar on the Autobahn to go as fast as we could before we ran out of fuel.

Would we run out of fuel? Were we going too fast? They were all questions I so badly wanted to ask him. He was standing not three feet away from me but I had to wait, until we were in the safety of my room or his.

"Easy. She's annoying," I heard Jacob lie, although it felt like I was hearing things through a wall. Everything sounded distant, second to the thoughts crowding my mind.

"Yeah, right," I said, in an attempt to climb over the wall. Or break through it. "Enjoy living in denial, bruder. Du bist ein dumkopf."

"Danke," he retorted acerbically, and I continued into the building without a second glance at Hayden.

I hurried through the halls, the pale walls and paler floors becoming too familiar. I suddenly felt homesick, for a life I'd had where nothing was complicated. There was only me and my family and a few family friends and a castle and simplicity; no secrets. No pain that came with offering someone your heart. No nothing. I longed to be back, and I wondered if I could make the trip over to spend a few days.

But Mutti wouldn't allow it. She said I needed to focus on school so that, if I felt ready, I could be placed back in my normal year level. If that's what I wanted.

Right now, I didn't know what I wanted, except for to get to class on time.

I fell into my seat in History beside Oliver, who's lips turned up at the sight of me. He was perhaps one of my only friends; and as sad as it sounds, it was probably a good thing if I was advancing next year. He was smart and kind and most importantly, sophisticated, which meant I didn't feel like I was speaking to a toddler like I did with everyone else in my year level.

"You don't look very well," he observed, pushing his curly blonde locks off his forehead.

"Hmm," I just nodded, and he left it at that until the end of the lesson.

The bell rang for recess and I collected my books at a pace to deter him from waiting. He did anyway, with a faithful smile that provided me a bit of happiness I was lacking.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as we headed out of the room. The halls were packed with people trying to get to and from class, almost all of them older and taller and much more confident. Oliver caved a path through the crowd to get across the corridor and down the hall, to where my locker was.

"I really don't."

"That's fine. Are you ready for the spelling test?"

English was our next class and he had just reminded me, of a test long forgotten in my world. It caused a groan to drag from my lips.

"I'm poor at spelling in German let alone English." Despite being raised with English, I classified German my 'first language'. I was better at it in every way, and for the most part it was the language I thought in.

As Oliver chuckled I flicked my lock and put my books in my locker, closing it before proceeding to his locker.

I heard my name being called, and I turned to see Jacob and Kaia walking down the hall hand in hand. An outsider wouldn't be able to tell they were faking their relationship, if that's what they were truly doing. They were so natural, more so that various couples I'd seem around campus. It was cute, and it brought to life hope that maybe they would end up together after all.

I gestured for Oliver to walk with me as I headed over to them and introduced my friend.

"Nice to meet you," Kaia said kindly, the smile on her face warm and contradictory to my brother's cold stare. It wasn't Oliver he had to worry about. When Kaia noticed Jacob hadn't said anything she nudged him with her elbow and he just muttered a "Yeah," in agreement to Kaia's pleasantries.

"You as well. Anyway," Oliver gulped, his eyes wide as they looked at me. I could understand his position and I sympathized, especially when he excused himself to go to class. "I will see you there, Ada."

"Bye!" I called, but he was already rushing off. I turned back to the pair with a resting smile on my face, forgetting about my issues for the moment. "What's up?"

"Well, you're not going to see him in class," Kaia told me, letting out a light chuckle. She linked her arm with mine and started to walk, her other hand still occupied in Jacob's. "Your brother is being a wimp in this heat and we're going to Hayden's to swim. Do you want to come?"

I couldn't conceal the frown that emerged on my face at the fact of seeing Hayden right now. I didn't want to be so close to him but unable to ask all the questions that were rattling me, so I played my expression off as doubt. "Do you guys really want me there?"

I saw Jacob smile out the corner of my eye and nod, while Kaia continued to be the mouthpiece.

"You'll help balance out the guy to girl ratio."

I reluctantly accepted, not seeing a way out of it and partially not wanting to. I was about to spend an afternoon in Hayden's company during the day time, where I could see him perfectly clearly and not lit by artificial lighting. I had to put my worries aside so that I could enjoy this rare opportunity, because it was likely it wouldn't happen again.

We stood around in the car park as they spoke like we weren't about to break school rules. They conversed about Zavier's girlfriend of whom was about to be introduced to the boys. Kaia stood by me as we watched the conversation unravel, with a content smile. I caught sight of the debated couple emerging from the building, just as Hayden groaned. "Where is he?"

"There," I answered in my hushed voice, with all eyes on me. Hayden's lingered a moment longer than anyone else's and he gave me a wishful smile. In that moment I knew he was thinking exactly what I was; hoping that we could be alone.

The boys all smirked at each other and we piled into the cars, fetching bathers from our houses before meeting up at Hayden's. It had become so familiar but I made myself follow behind my brother, as if it were one of the first time's I'd been in here.

The pool stretched the length of the house and my brother was the first to jump in, instantly relieving himself of the awful sweat that came with Australian summers.

It felt worse for me because of my period, the muggy air bringing on a certain discomfort I wasn't prepared for. It would have been nice to be able to cool off in the water, but I couldn't even do that. So I sufficed with sitting on the edge of the pool on a towel, to protect my bare legs from the scolding tiles.

Kaia disappeared to show Zavier's girlfriend, Annaliese, to the bathroom to change and I was left watching the boys gradually follow my brother's footsteps and jump in.

I couldn't help but watch Hayden as he pulled of his shirt, lean muscles rippling underneath the surface. I struggled to tear my gaze away from his perfectly sculpted six pack, but was forced to when they disappeared beneath the water.

Jacob, Zavier and Landon were spread around the other end of the pool, Jacob claiming the pink pool inflatable, letting his legs dragged. They were talking about Annaliese and giving Zavier a hard time, in a friendly way boys seemed to do.

Hayden was swimming along the bottom of the pool, resurfacing beside my legs. He had that smirk on his lips that I loved and hated and made me confident of the words about to come out of his mouth.

"All the staring makes me uncomfortable," he teased, his voice low enough so that the boys wouldn't be able to hear. I was instantly tense at the thought of talking to him in front of them all, but they were so heavily immersed in their conversation I figured they wouldn't notice.

"I wasn't staring," I defended but he wasn't taking it.

"Sure," he drawled and I shoved his chest with my foot, pushing him further to the middle.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice."

"You're not very nice." I retorted.

"The jury's still out on that one," he said, swimming back to me. He gripped the hot edge of the pool to keep himself afloat, and I wiped sweat off my forehead.

"I wish you could swim," he changed the subject, his eyes looking up at my undoubtedly flushed cheeks and moisture covered forehead. The sun was pounding down and I was tempted to get some ice out of the freezer, just to help me cool down.

"I'm boiling," I agreed and looked at the crystal water longingly. I had never felt this hot in my life, and not being able to swim made me bitter about the whole experience.

"Why don't you go have a shower to cool off?" Hayden suggested, his eyebrows furrowing as if trying to think of other ways to help. "There's towels hanging up in the bathroom already."

"I might just do that."

"Hayden!" Jacob yelled, unnecessarily loud considering he was only a few metres away. "Stop harassing my sister!"

I had to laugh at his protectiveness because the only other option was suffer in self loathing at the trust I was betraying. Hayden's eyes didn't waver from mine as he yelled back.

"It's not harassment if she enjoys it!"

"Oh God," I chuckled, putting my hand over my mouth as I stared down at my boyfriend in disbelief.

"Then it's harassment!" He called back and began to swim over to us.

Our time was evaporating like the splashes of water in the sun and he quickly turned back to me. "I mean it, though. You should take a shower to cool off. You'll feel much better."

And then Jacob was tackling him, the boys fighting for air as they took it back down the end of the pool.

The girls came back out of the house with Annaliese in her bikini and Kaia still in her dress. She caught sight of me and after setting her bag down, she sat beside me on the towel and let her feet cool feel the relief of the cold water.

"Not going to swim?" She asked me, and I inwardly cringed at the question. I could have told her no, that I wasn't because I had my period and struggled with tampons, but lying had seemed to become to natural to me it slipped out without my awareness.

"I will."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Just like that, she'd deduced what anyone else would have missed. That something was bothering me. Not even my siblings, including observant ones like Milena, could do it in the split second she managed.

"How did you-"

"I just do. So...?"

I shook my head. "No. I'll go in soon."

"How was Fred on Saturday?" It felt like another lifetime I'd sat in Coffee Bean discussing 'Fred' with her, and now all I could feel was a tinge of regret of telling her and happiness at the thought it prompted.

I groaned at the smile that took control of my lips and raked my fingers through my sweat soaked hair. "Shut up."

"Hey, you were the one who told me. You'd have had to know I was going to bring him back up."

I probably shouldn't have, but it was the only thing I could think of doing in that moment. Maybe it would prove to be a good decision, opposed to all the bad ones I'd made of late.

Kaia laughed then, her eyes averted to Jacob and Hayden arguing about something I didn't pick up. She focused in on Jacob on the inflatable, not tearing her eyes away until I interrupted her thoughts.

"Stop ogling my brother," I nudged her. "It's gross."

She blinked as if to refocus and turned her attention back to me. "I'm not!"

I shook my head and she rolled her eyes, huffing "Whatever," in my direction.

"Are we going to talk about Fred or are we going to swim?"

"How about neither?" I proposed, getting ready to stand. The heat was becoming too much and I decided to take up Hayden's offer. "I have to go use the bathroom."

"Do you want me to show you where it is?" She asked, looking as if she were going to stand up.

Before I could think about the response I said "It's okay. I know," and started to head inside. As soon as I was behind the comfort of the glass door I let out a groan. Another mistake I'd made which could lead to an unfortunate unveiling of facts. It wasn't so bad when I misspoke around Jacob, but Kaia noticed everything. I was half expecting her to race in after me with an accusation that could only prove to be correct.

I rushed up the grand staircase and maneuvered through the halls to the bathroom, just down from Hayden's room. I flicked the lock shut and turned the shower on, not bothering to wait for the hot water to kick in like I usually would to undress and step behind the curtain.

The water was ice against my boiling skin, providing instant relief I had Hayden to thank for.

I stood under the stream that was my savior for longer than I should have, before stepping over the rim and carefully drying myself.

I slipped back into my clothes and folded the towel over the bath to let him know it was the one I'd used. Then I headed back out into the hall, refreshed and feeling ready for anything.

Walking past Hayden's room I couldn't help but pause. I looked around me to see if anyone was around before slipping in, closing the door behind me.

Everything was neat except his bed, the covers of which were still tangled. I could see where he had been lying from the lack of blankets, and the indent in his pillow his head must have left still evident from where I stood.

I padded across to his desk where he had only three things laid out; his laptop, sticky notes and a cup of pens and pencils. My eyes lingered on the various pencils, only to spark my memory of his maze artwork.

Once we'd left the park on Saturday we came back here. He pulled a piece of paper from a thick black folio and drew me a boy holding a flower; the picture of which was hidden in a draw in my room.

When I'd asked about the folio he'd quickly hidden it away, stashing it in the bottom drawer of his desk before changing the subject. My curiosity took control and I went to the same drawer where the I could see the black cover, pulling it out and setting it on the table in front of me. I was almost scared to see what lay in between the covers, but I wanted to see what he'd created.

I pulled the cover back, and all the air escaped my lungs. It was a drawing, looking more like a black and white photograph than I could have possibly imagined, done entirely in pencil. It was of a girl sitting in her almost dark room, seated on a chair with her spine as straight as a ruler. She wore an elegant, exquisite black gown and her hair was pinned up, with pearls around her neck and smaller ones fashioned as earrings. From the way she held herself she was a pianist, her neck tilted downward to face what should have been a piano, but was instead a laptop. Her fingers hesitated above the keys as if she were about to play, but her eyes looked straight at you.

The breathlessness of it all was that the girl was me, in my room, from where Hayden came in through the window nearly every night. It was how he saw me, and I couldn't imagine feeling any more astounded and embarrassed and proud. He had too much talent to be wasting on public property. Pieces like this could go in art galleries and be sold for high money, not that it was a problem of his. His art could go so far, yet he kept it all confined in this book, protected by the plastic sleeves and it's hard covers and it's home in the bottom drawer of a boy who should know better than to hide it.

My fingers itched to continue to flick through the pages but I had already wasted enough time in the shower. If I took much longer they would start to notice I hadn't returned; a careless mistake I wasn't interested in making.

I unwillingly returned the book to the confines of the drawer and jogged back outside.

They were playing a game of sorts with everyone getting competitive. After a while they got hungry so three of the boys headed out for fish and chips while Hayden stayed behind with the girls.

Annaliese had kicked off the conversation whilst scattered in a loose circle on the grass, asking how Kaia and Jacob were.

"We're not actually dating," she admitted after a laugh, but from the looks of it she already knew that.

"I know! Zavier told me."

"Then why are you asking?" She was perplexed, for a reason that should have been obvious to such a switched on girl.

Annaliese gave her a dubious look and I had to laugh, Hayden beside me choosing the same time to laugh as well. Hayden's eyes quickly glanced in my direction before averting to Kaia, who's mouth had just popped open upon the realization of what was being suggested.

"You don't think I like him, do you?"

"I think he likes you. And I think you will like him. In time." I was happy Hayden and I weren't the only two to think that way.

"He doesn't and I wont." She was adamant. "We really don't get along."

"That's not true," I interjected, moving to lie on my stomach to be predominantly under the shade of the tree. "He said so himself. I'm not sure he likes you but he doesn't not."

"That's what I'm trying to say!" Annaliese let out a laugh before holding her hand up for me to high five. I did. "All I'm getting at is that you two seem to get alone, even though you say you don't. I bet ten bucks you'll be together by the end of the year."

"Money I have," she said, confidence radiating from her. I stopped listening to their conversation when Hayden leaned back on his arms, his hand brushing my leg on its way. I looked over to see his smirk and struggled to fit the teasing boy to the one who must have spent hours slaving over the photograph quality drawing in the draw. They didn't seem the same person, and it made me realize both how much and how little I knew about him. I could read him like the back of my hand, but I didn't know trivial things I felt essential to a friendship, let alone a relationship.

He noticed my train of thought had derailed onto another thing I couldn't help but worry about and his eyebrows furrowed as racket came from inside the house. You okay? He mouthed.

I nodded; not because I wanted to lie but because I couldn't explain. One among many kinks that were beginning to become evident in our relationship.