i looked in the mirror.
i looked like always, an average 18 year old.
my hair was blonde and i had blue eyes - sadly, everybody knew i was gay because this secret was leaked to everyone in my school when i was 15.
i sighed and got ready for school.
of course i was bullied everyday.
the cool clique, including james, jayden, henry and thomas, were the ones who did it the most.
it hurt, sure, but i tried to not notice it too much so my school day wasn't ruined.
i only had two friends: an emo girl called dawn-sophie and another outsider called branson.
he was gay too, but that wan't the reason he was an outsider - he just wasn't very social and looked different than all the others with his pink hair and colorful clothes, often including pink and purple.
my grades in school weren't too bad - i got the occiasional A or B but i was mostly the kid who got straight Cs.
it was okay - i didn't inspire to be the best.
as i walked past the cool kids table at the cafeteria, they all screamed faggot and other nasty stuff.
dawn-sophie showed them the finger and guided me to the table where branson was waiting for us.
"don't listen to those assholes, mate", was all he said.
dawn-sophie agreed and they started eating, unbothered.
i looked over to the cool kids.
what neither of my friends knew, was that i was in love with henry - dark hair, blue eyes.
he hated me of course - no surprises there.
give it up, damn - just stop, idiot, i thought.
then i looked away.
i should just let it go.
it was never going to happen.

my parents were cool with me being gay - they accepted me the way i was.
i should be grateful, i knew that deep down, but the only acceptance and love i wanted was henry's.
stupid, stupid boy - that was all i was.
there were so many gay boys my age out there - guys who were funny, nice, good looking, but me? i had to fall in love with a straight guy who hated me because of my sexuality.
oh, the irony.
i closed my eyes, but even as i knew how stupid i was i couldn't stop dreaming of henry - henry and me, him embracing me - finally, for the first time.
that will never happen - i tried to tell myself, but i just couldn't convince me to stop loving him.