CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

Reagan felt numb.

She was hurt because Jack lied. She was hurt because the boy she thought she was falling for wasn't actually the person she thought he was. She was hurt because on a different state, some girl loved the same boy she spent nights lying next to and had no idea that he was cheating on her. She was hurt, most of all, at the realization that Jack probably didn't have her in his heart the entire time they were together.

When Zach confirmed her suspicions and the room grew silent, tension thick enough to cut with a knife, she stood from her seat and marched outside of her room to look for Jack. She was livid.

But after she passed the dining room, the living room and the front door only to realize that Jack wasn't there, Corbyn called out to her.

"He left," He said, "I found him sitting on the porch this morning and he looked awful. Like he hasn't slept in a week awful. I asked what happened but he just told me he didn't want to talk about it."

"He didn't say where he was going either," Daniel added in a soft voice, the worry coming through.

He didn't deserve that same concern from Reagan though.

"He couldn't have gotten far, he was on foot." Jonah added, thinking it might appease her.

Reagan chuckled sardonically, "I couldn't care less. If he does come back, tell him I don't want him anywhere near me."

+

For the first time since Jack came to Redwood, Reagan sat in the highway kilometers from her house. She didn't have any other reason other than the fact that any other place she could think of, including her own bedroom, served as a painful reminder of Jack.

The roof was her place to think when she was hurt and God knows she wouldn't step foot there anytime soon. The reminder that she let herself be vulnerable to someone who turned out to be an asshole wouldn't give her any room to think.

That's what she hated about getting close to people. Letting them inside her life, the things and places that matter to her, made the thought of them inseparable from the things and places themselves.

She experienced it with her brother, and it was stupid to think Jack wouldn't do the same to her.

So there she was, on the banister she was sat on when the godforsaken school bus came to Redwood, and she was regretting offering them help in the first place.

If only she chose to stay at home that day or at least just read at a different time, when the sun just rose or just before it set, the she could've saved herself from this.

Her chest hurt. So, so much. The thought that a different person had Jack's heart, and that Jack had a different person in his whenever he touched her, made her skin crawl.

In the midst of her internal turmoil, she didn't realize someone was approaching.

She's realized that this has become a pattern. Since the boys were there, she was never going to have time alone. Anytime she needed to get away to think, someone was always going to interrupt her.

The surprising thing this time, however, was the fact that it wasn't Jack who sat next to her.

"Hey," Zach said when he was about a few feet away and Reagan's head whipped in his direction at the sound of his voice, obviously startled, "Whoa, careful, they all know I came here to see you and if you die, I'm screwed."

Despite the circumstances, she huffed a chuckle.

She gave him a curt nod and he gave one in return, accepting the gesture as an invitation.

The first thing he said when he was sat on the banister, looking out to the same field of Redwoods Reagan was looking at, was, "I'm sorry."

And it caught Reagan off guard.

"It was never my place to tell you," He added with a sigh.

"I should be thanking you," She argued, "You're the only person who's been honest with me. I know Jack's been your friend for longer than you've been with me but I thought you guys saw me enough as a friend to deserve to know those things."

"Don't be too hard on the others, though. Trust me, we all wanted to say it the moment we found out you were actually giving him a chance but you saw how Daniel was," He frowed, "I knew none of them would forgive themselves if they betrayed Jack."

That made Reagan pause.

"Why did you say it, then?"

"Because I couldn't forgive myself if I betrayed you too," He sighed, looking down, "You don't deserve that. You deserved to know and I gave Jack enough chances to tell you but he didn't and that's unfair to both of you."

Reagan's heart should've loosened at the though that at least one of the people she considered her friends considered her one too. The fact that Zach wasn't taking Jack's bullshit regardless of the fucked up definition the others had for friendship should've made her feel better.

It didn't by much, though. There was still a painful weight on her chest.

"It hurts, Zach," She finally admitted to someone, feeling the painful heat of tears threatening to pour of her eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Reagan," He sighed, "But I have to tell you that I do honestly believe that Jack never had the intention to hurt you."

She couldn't help herself from laughing a self-deprecating laugh at what he said, "Well that's rich."

"No, okay," He backtracked, "I know what that sounds like. What I'm trying to say is that he didn't do things right by you or with Emma but he probably just needed time. I hope you believe me but God knows Jack wanted to do things right with you, you just met at a bad time."

Reagan didn't know how to respond to that but all she could think about was the pain he caused her.

"Just talk to him, please," Zach pleaded, "You don't owe it to him but I think you owe it to yourself."

ah the wise young one

trying to tie all the loose plot holes now this is hard