CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

They were back on the same place they've spent the night with unsaid words and passive tension, and this night didn't seem to be much different. Reagan and Jack weren't just friends anymore but if you judged the distance they sat on, it'd seem like they weren't friends at all.

The roof meant one thing to Reagan: it was her spot to have on her own when the rest of the world around her seemed too difficult to breathe in.

Having Jack in that spot, though, didn't make it harder to feel alone for some reason.

"Sooo," He drew out as he adjusted himself on his seat, eyes trained to the roof panels while Reagan's were trained onto the redwoods. "I guess this is a good time to bring it up."

She hummed, "Bring what up?"

"Your mommy issues," Jack said bluntly and Reagan actually chuckled.

She shook her head lightly at his forwardness and shrugged her shoulders, "What's there to say? Mother left me, I resent her, and now I have problems dealing with abandonment."

Jack must've felt her unwillingness to discuss why her mother left and what happened when she did because he only nodded his head a few beats and replied with the last thing Reagan expected to hear.

"All I've ever wanted to do was sing," He said, seemingly like he was saying it to no one in particular, and Reagan looked at him, "I know I'm one of the lucky ones that got to discover what I want to do for the rest of my life this young. Not only that but I never knew I'd go this far."

Reagan's heart hurt when Jack looked back at her and added, "But for some reason I am just so unhappy."

And, well. That wasn't something she expected to hear.

"I don't want to come off as ungrateful because I am grateful. I really fucking am. But do you know what it's like to forget who you are?"

Reagan stayed quiet and let it sink in because that didn't make sense. All Jack ever talked about was how he wanted an album out, how he wanted to sing in front of millions, but now that he's so close to reaching it, he's telling her that he's unhappy.

So she shakes her head and whispers a silent, "No, I don't think so."

Jack takes a deep breath in then rubs his hands over his face before saying, "You know what everyone who knows me by Jack Avery of Why Don't We sees me as? That edgy, privileged kid with piercings and ego for days. Couldn't do no wrong, has every girl at his whim, and seemingly damaged with a  troubled past but is charming because of it nonetheless."

Reagan almost snorted because that was perfectly her first impression of him.

"It's so hard to keep that up because that's not me," He stressed, running a hand through his hair, "Just because I listen to Nirvana and old rock doesn't mean I should be the designated rock star, asshole they want me to be. I don't even have a troubled past. I'm the boy who cried about his dog and couldn't even sing a whole song in front of the girl he likes, not the one who doesn't like anything and sneaks in clubs underage then supposedly goes home with someone at the age of sixteen."

All she could do was watch him as he talked because.

She didn't know that that was the way people saw him. Or at least the ones who didn't truly know him.

Because Jack didn't seem like that at all. Sure, he looked like an asshole at first glance but then you watch him talk to his friends and see him stumble over a non-existent rock, and you realize he's as human as anyone else.

"This probably sounds ridiculous," He whispered after, "This was my dream. And having a character onstage isn't that big of a sacrifice considering where we are now. I would've given everything for this band to be where we are but now that we are here..."

Jack bit his tongue and stayed silent for so long.

Reagan's heart hurt for him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, "You can say it, Jack. I'm here to understand."

He shook his head, "I sound ridiculous."

"No you don't," She shook her head, "I don't know how you feel but I can imagine how much that sucks."

Jack looked at her gingerly then gave her a soft smile, "It just gets tiring. Not having privacy or my own chance to discover who I am. I'm sixteen and I already have so many people watching my every move. And it just gets absolutely suffocating."

He looked back to the horizon in front but his hand subtly looked for Reagan's. By the time their fingers were loosely woven with one another, he continued, "The expectations get the best of me. And it took me too long to realize that I'm still so fucking young. And my parent's aren't. Doesn't it terrify you that anything could happen to them yet instead of spending as much time with them as I still could, I'm getting burnout hopping from state to state, missing them and knowing that it'll be months until I see my family again."

Reagan didn't know what to say to that, only knew that Jack was finally addressing something that he hasn't admitted to anyone else, so she only squeezes his hand. Jack gives a soft smile.

"So," He said, "Remember how I said everyone has a reason why they can't sleep at night?"

"Yeah," Reagan hummed.

"That was mine," He smiled sadly and Reagan just wanted to hold him. She's never seen Jack this vulnerable and she didn't know what to do about it.

"You're so young," She whispered, "It's unfair that you're in that position this young."

Jack only shrugged weakly, "Too late to turn back now."

Reagan paused. She watched their hands where her thumb was padding over his and she asked, "But... Wouldn't you say it's worth it?"

Jack stayed silent for so long, Reagan thought he brushed the question off, until he started off slowly, "I think, right now, if you gave me a choice of whether I'd go touring around the world, playing shows every night, or just staying here in Oregon. Kind people everywhere, camping with my best friends, singing until the sun rises... with you," Jack let out a breath, "I'd choose this in a heartbeat."

Reagan swallows the lump in her throat.

"You don't mean that. You're saying that now because you're burnt out. But if you stayed here long enough, you'd want to leave just as much as anyone else," She tried to reason out, resting her head against his shoulder despite the heavy weight of her words, "Everyone only ever comes here to leave."

Jack leaned his head on hers, "I really hope that wasn't the case."

"My mother left, my brother left," Reagan inhaled sharply, "And eventually, you'll leave too."

Silence hung over them because she knows Jack can't say that he's going to stay. That would be a straight-up lie and they both know it.

"I'll come back," He said lowly, "I promise."

Reagan didn't want to hurt but she couldn't help herself from adding, "So you could leave again?"

Jack tightened the way he held her hand as a sense of reassurance, "Just wait for me to come back again."

"Until when, Jack?" She asked in almost a pathetic whimper, "Until you get tired of it?"

"No," he said assertively, "Until you do. Until you don't want me coming back anymore."

Jack untangled their hands and cupped her face with two gentle ones. Reagan didn't have the strength to look at him, and she wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to see how broken he was or because she didn't want him to see how broken she was.

"I meant it, you know," He whispered the moment their eyes met, "I'm here. For as long as you'll have me."

Reagan let the words sink in and when it did, she didn't know what else to do but lean in. She pressed a gentle kiss on Jack's lips and with her eyes closed, she felt them curl up in a small smile. Then his hands went down to the nape of her neck and he tilted her head to give her a deeper kiss, one that reaffirmed his promise.

PLS DONT HATE ME FOR THE VERY LONG UPDATES :( i'm still gonna finish the story:)))

also idk how this chapter is i'm very rusty please feel free to give me constructive criticism

ALSO IF YOU WANNA RATE THIS CHAPTER 1-10 COMPARED TO THE OTHERS MAN THAT WOULD HELP A LOT

so many more things comiiiing yaaaaay welcome to the calm before the storm

I'm very grateful to the people who still read this:") shannen ur still my mvp ily

alsoooo i'm planning to read more fics to get back in the ~~~fandom~~~ so if u have a fic you recommend (or if u have ur own fic you'd like me to read) i'll get onto it when i can :))

i also want to start recommending books after every chapter bc i wanna be a part of this community againnnn yay

hope you have a great day!!!