CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

{ jack ; xii }

So Reagan invited him to sit on the rooftop with her, right in the middle of the night where no one else within miles was awake, and he was afraid his heart would beat out of his chest just thinking about it.

He was a mess, if he was honest. He didn't know whether he was shaking from excitement and the butterflies in his stomach, of if he was going to hurl from nervousness.

On one hand, this was Reagan he was going to sit with.

This was the girl he sat by the riverbank with for hours. This was the girl whose smile distinctly reminded him of sunny days in his hometown, who laughed and rolled her eyes every time he tried to hit on her, and who listened to him sing as if he hung the stars himself.

Most of all, she was the girl that stayed back to check if he was alright when all of his friends easily went to the car and left him, even though he's known her for only a few hours then and he spent most of it being a dick to her.

But on the other hand, this was Reagan.

This was also the girl that couldn't look him in the eye after he tried (and failed) to kiss her. This was also the girl that looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole when Logan teased them about making out in the woods. This was the girl who didn't pull away when Daniel placed his arm around her.

Reagan was the girl who could make his heart race by calling him an idiot (he was pathetic when it came to her, he was aware) but she was also the girl that was clearly not interested in him.

Nonetheless, he pushed his thoughts to the back of his head and focused on climbing the water tank without embarrassing himself.

When he got to the roof top, his breath hitched at the sight of her. Her red hair looked impossibly perfect under the muted lights and he took a seat beside her gingerly, not wanting to disturb how at peace she looked.

"Couldn't sleep either?" He asked as sat down, letting his feet dangle off the edge and staring straight ahead.

"Why do you think I'm not a morning person?" She asked back monotonously and from the corner of his eye, he could tell she wasn't looking at him either.

He chuckled, trying his damn hardest to sound friendly, "But you don't have insomnia, do you?"

"No," she shook her head, looking like she'd rather be doing anything else at that moment which was unfair because she was the one who invited him up. "Just a messed up sleeping schedule."

He laughed awkwardly, still trying to keep their conversation light, "Mine's pretty fucked as well."

Then what followed that was heavy silence. He was honestly trying.

Reagan might not like him back, fine. It was his fault for liking her as much as he did after knowing her for such a short period of time.

But he at least wanted to be friends. He was going to spend at least a few more days there and he didn't want to spend it with Reagan avoiding him like she was doing then.

"You're ignoring me," He said, frowning, and regretted pointing it out the moment he said it because he could actually feel her getting livid.

"I'm the one ignoring you?" She asked suddenly, voice sharp, "Well that's just rich."

Jack bit his tongue because. Shit, it was true.

But it wasn't like anyone could blame him. The girl he likes probably likes his best friend.

He wasn't going to come up and congratulate them, call dibs on being the best man. Of course he wanted to stay away.

"I know—I know we. Shit." He fumbled over his words and flinched, not knowing how she would react if he mentioned the near kiss, "God, I didn't think it would be this difficult. But it's just. I thought we were fine, Reagan."

He liked her name. He honest to God thought that 'Reagan' was one of the most charming names he's heard all his life.

But he was accustomed to calling her Wallace because she laughed when he called her by her last name. It was on the tip of his tongue then but he couldn't say it.

He said it when they were kidding around. Laughing, being friendly. Not during a confrontation like the one they were having and it felt wrong to call her that. Instead he called her by her first name, saying it forcibly and making if feel so foreign against his tongue.

"Yeah," She laughed coldly, "I kinda thought so too."

Jack let out an exasperated sigh, "Then what's wrong?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes!" He flinched at how sharp her voice was and raised his own, "I don't know what to do when all of the sudden you won't even look at me?"

He thinks back to Logan teasing them about kissing and she looked like she would've been anywhere else in the world than in the same room as him.

"Right, because you were?" She snapped back and he closed his mouth shut.

So he may have done his own share of ignoring her. She did it first though, he was only returning the courtesy.

What followed after that was another thick, suffocating blanket of tension and icy silence and he stared resolutely at the dark sky in front of him.

Jack felt nervous because sitting there, a foot away from Reagan, distinctly felt like fucking up what could've possibly been something finally good in his life.

"Oh, I get it," She breathed out after a few seconds of the tense silence, making him jump in his skin. Her voice was practically soaked in sardonic sarcasm, "We're gonna do this all night. Just ignore the elephant in the room."

"So now you do want to talk about it?" Jack asked just as coldly.

She was the one who pulled away. She was the one who didn't say a word the whole way back to the house. She was the one who didn't talk to him when they stood up from the table.

Instead, she went with Daniel to the living room, laughing while playing with the flowers he carried to her car.

She didn't have the right to act like he ignored her first.

"Yes, Jack," She shut her eyes in frustration, "I do. All night, I wanted to—"

"Daniel's arm was around you," He cut her off, just to save both of them the trouble, and her mouth snapped shut.

Jack wanted to take it back the moment he said it.

"What are you talking about?" She asked and Jack could almost hear it. Could hear the rejection coming, her soft voice telling him that he wasn't in any position to be jealous because a kiss that didnt happen didn't mean anything, "Do you mean in the living room? Jack—"

"No, don't," He stopped her again taking a deep breath because he couldn't do this, "You know what, never mind. I change my mind. I don't actually want to talk about it."

He felt Reagan look at him and as much as he wanted to look at her too, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something unforgivably stupid.

"I already know what you're gonna say," He said instead, gulping down a labored breath.

"How do you know what I'm gonna say?" She asked softly and he tried his best to swallow down the anxiety in his throat

He could almost hear what she was thinking.

I only see you as a friend, Jack. What happened in the waterfalls? That didn't mean anything. I was just caught in the moment, alright? That's why I don't like talking about it. I know you like me and I'm sorry I can't say the same. Sorry for leading you on.

"Because I'm not an idiot," He replied, rolling his eyes to make him seem less affected than he was, "No matter how many times you tell me I am. And because it's pretty damn obvious."

He didn't want to know what her voice sounded like when she was letting him down easy. He's racing her to it because he'd rather not hear it at all.

"It is?" She asked, seemingly relieved, and his heart only tightened.

"Believe me," he laughed, trying to mask the fact that the words tasted bitter in his tongue, "It is. And—I just. I just want to be your friend, Reagan."

He could tell the feelings weren't mutual. If there was even just a tiny fraction of Reagan that liked him in any way back, she could've said something by that point. He didn't have a chance with her, he was aware of that, but if there was any chance to at least salvage a friendship, he was willing to take it.

"That's all I ask, Reagan," He continued, nervously fiddling with his fingers, "And—trust me, I was confused as well. That's why. That's why I did that in, you know. Um, the waterfall."

I did that because you're breathtaking and you brought me to a place that matters to you and I've never seen anything more beautiful than how you looked sitting next to the water.

"The waterfall," She echoed, sounding like the mention of it made her uncomfortable and Jack tried his hardest to ignore the twisting in his chest.

"Yeah," he nodded, trying his hardest to sound like talking about it didn't make him want to scream, "I was just confused, that's all. So I'm sorry. Then I saw you with Daniel, and."

His throat tightened.

Jack took a breath and continued, "I get it. I realized that all I want is to just be your friend. That's all I ask."

If there was a person that deserved her and the amount of love and innocence she had in her, it had to be Daniel.

Because it definitely wasn't him.

He finally took his turn to glance at her and he couldn't do anything other than stare at her sadly.

"A friend?" She asked, and he knew he didn't have any right to request it but it was the most he could ask for.

"Don't make this hard for me. I'll be leaving in a couple of days," He swallowed the lump in his throat, "Just let me be a friend to you until then please. I don't want things to be weird and awkward. I want things to be normal. i just want to be your friend."

Reagan seemed relieved. He smiled sadly, hoping he'd find a way to feel the same, and he added, "For as long as you'll have me."

"Fine," she said, passive, "Whatever."

She pushed herself up from her seat, and Jesus Christ admitting his feeling shouldn't have been that difficult.

There he was, baring all feelings out in the open, and letting her know that he was willing to all of it aside to at least let them be friends but Reagan still obviously didn't want anything to do with him.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to fuck up what could've been a good friendship just because he tried to kiss her so he tugged her back down and sighed, "Don't do this, Reagan."

Jack secured a hand around her shoulders, knowing that it was pushing boundaries, but he was going to be a damn good friend if she was just willing to give him a shot.

"Don't call me Reagan," She finally said after a too long pause of silence, "It's so weird coming from you. You call me, Wallace, you idiot."

Hearing her say what she said felt like having all the tight cords knotted in his chest finally unwind and he breathed out a relieved laugh.

"Well you're fuckin' freezing, Wallace," he said back, weight somehow lifting off his shoulders as he pulled off his hoodie and placed it over her shoulders.

Having Reagan wear it wasn't helping him with pushing his feelings aside but he knew he'd have to find a way to deal with it just for a few hours.

"Make a joke about warming me up and I swear to God," She said and Jack tried so hard to ignore the affection clawing at his chest.

He laughed anyways despite the fact that whatever relief he had moments ago were being choked out of him with the realization that he'd have to pretend he was okay with swallowing down his feelings for Reagan.

He wasn't okay. Because he was holding her on the roof top, sky dark and not an inch of distance between them, and he had to pretend that he was okay.

But he had Reagan then and he knew that he had her for only a few more days so he had to make the most of it.

He had text messages from the girl waiting for him in Seattle in his phone but that didn't matter then, not when Reagan's head was on his shoulder.

they're idiots i know im sorry

SORRY FOR THE LONG HIATUS. I'M SORRY I STILL WONT BE ABLE TO UPDATE REGULARLY :(

basically this entire chapter is jack thinking that reagan was weirded out by their (near) kiss and jack wanted to stay friends even tho reagan seemed like she was basically disgusted by it. he also thinks she liked daniel idfk this chapter & chapter 12 are messy as hell

recap on reagan's pov of the chapter: she thinks jack regretted their near kiss and he begged them to be friends just so that things wont be weird

also honestly i feel like someone will ask how this is jack's pov bc it's still in third person so it's 3rd person limited omniscient (follows one character i.e. reagan) and this is the only chapter where it follows jack yay

TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF COMING SOON THO I PROMISE. LOTS OF CALM BEFORE A FUTURE SHIT STORM