Pairing: Motanite (Mot x Dianite)

Summary: Thanks to the meddling of Alyssa, Mot must face his greatest obstacle. His love.

I heard it again. This was the third night in a row. Daddy Mots crying. The walls of my room were thin and I always heard his sobbing and his crying. They made me sad. I never tell him that I hear him though. I feel like he would be upset with me. And I had a pretty good thought on who was making him sad. Uncle Dia. Once or twice when I would hear daddy mot, I'd hear Dia's name in between his crying. But what would uncle Dia do to make daddy Mot so sad?

I decided to ask him. I woke up super early, even before daddy Mot woke up for work, and went to uncle Dia's factory. He was always there, and he would always give me candy when I saw him. But uncle mot was always with me when I was there. I wonder if uncle Dia would be mad if I came alone. I hope not.

I rode my bike to uncle Dias factory since I was still too little to ride on horsies. Daddy Mot gave me my bike on my twelfth birthday. He was happy then. I wish he was still happy.

I pedaled through the gates and sped past people in fancy suits on the sidewalk. When I stopped my bike in front of uncle Dias building, one of the guards stopped me. "Alyssa, I think your uncle is busy at the moment."

"But Mr. Guard, I have to tell him a secret! Please?" I begged him, showing my puppy dog face that daddy mot always fell for.
He smiled and stepped aside, I giggled and ran up the steps.

"Thanks Mr. Guard!" I waved back and ran inside the big doors. I ran to Uncle Dias office, while people from all over the building gave me weird stares. I didn't care. Me and daddy were use to stares from mean people. He says they don't understand, but I just think they're mean. Staring isn't polite.

I stopped my skips at the front of uncle Dias office and I knocked loudly so he could hear me. I couldn't wait to see him! I haven't hugged him in awhile.

The door opened, and uncle Dia showed up. He looked around above me like he was looking for someone else.

"Uncle Dia! Down here!" I giggled and waved a hand in front of his face. He looked down and his eyes widened at me.

"Alyssa? What are you doing here? Where is Mot? Have you gotten lost, child?" He crouched down so I could see him and he held my chin like he always did.

"I wanted to talk to you! It's a secret, and daddy Mot can't hear it." I whispered.

"Well...come in I suppose. But you must return home when you are finished, alright? Your father is probably very worried for you." He let me in his fancy office and I ran to one of the adult chairs and sat down. Uncle Dia sat behind his big desk.

"So what is your secret, hm?"

"Uncle Dia...why do you make daddy Mot cry?"

He looked shocked at me. Maybe I shouldn't have told him the secret.

"What? What are you talking about Alyssa?"

"Daddy Mot crys all the time...he says your name when he does. Why do you make him sad, uncle Dia?"

"Alyssa..does he do this a lot? How many times have you seen him cry?" His voice got softer. He looked sad now.

"Every night...he sounds so sad. He won't tell me why. Do you know?"

"...perhaps we should visit your father. I'll talk to him about his crying. Let's go, you can ride on my back as we walk."

"Yay!" I jumped from my chair and went to Dias arms.
Uncle Dia was gonna make everything okay again. He was gonna help daddy Mot.

~

Mots p.o.v.

Oh my gods. I've lost her. I knew this would happen! I knew I'd lose her sometime or another! I'm such a horrible father. While I was busy recovering from my pity sob fest, I'd let my own daughter run out of the house.

I frantically ran all across the house, in search of Alyssa. Her bed was messy, like she'd up and left. But where could she have gone? She was twelve years old for gods sake! I heard knocking come from upstairs. Maybe that was her. Please let it be her.
I ran up the stairs two at a time and threw open the door. Dianite stood in the frame, a blank look on his face. I straightened up right away. I must look horrible to him...what am I thinking?! I can't think of my petty feelings now! My daughter was missing!

"My lord, have you seen Alyssa?! She was here last night and now she's-"

"Daddy Mot, I'm right here!" I heard a giggle come from below and saw a small miracle. Alyssa. She was eating a lollipop while holding Dianites hand. Oh thank the gods.

"Alyssa...oh Alyssa you scared me so horribly..." I held her close to me and hugged her tightly.

"Everything's gonna be okay, uncle Dias gonna make the sadness go away!" She exclaimed.
Sadness?

"What are you talking about? What sadness?" I asked the excited child, but Dianite put a hand on her shoulder before she could say.

"Alyssa, why don't you go to your room while I speak with your father?"

She nodded and skipped down the stairs, the sound of her door closing was heard a few moments later.

Dianite led me to the couch and sat down, his expression still blank. I could feel my chest tightening. Something was wrong. He wouldn't have sent Alyssa down otherwise.

"Where did you find her? What was she-"

"Mot, she's told me you've been an emotional wreck. Crying every night, not sleeping, not an ounce of happiness left in you. And she's told me that I'm the cause for it. Is this true?" His eyes bored into mine.

Alyssa had been hearing my sobs. No...I had been so careful.

"Mot?"

"I was so careful..." I whispered.

"It's not like you to do any of these things, so I know I must be doing something wrong. Tell me why I've caused you this pain."

I didn't look at him. I was too ashamed. He was going to force me to tell him. I knew that.

I felt a hand go underneath my chin and tilt it up. "You will look at me when I speak to you. Answer my questions. And do not dare lie to me, because I have a strong ability to sense when you do."

I stared into his dark beautiful eyes. I felt tears returning. I didn't want to cry in front of my god. I'll look weak to him.

"I can't...I can't tell you my lord."

"Oh? So you dare defy your god?" He asked in a cold voice.

"No I just...I can't do this. Not right now. If Alyssa can hear my crying, then she can sure as hell hear what were talking about right now." My eyes glanced at my desk, where my journal laid still fresh with last nights tears. I stood up from the couch and picked up the journal, filled to the brink with my secrets. This was the only way.

I handed it to him, and he gave me an odd look. "What is this?"

"It's my journal. It'll tell you everything. I won't go against your wishes...but please don't make me say my thoughts aloud. I don't want Alyssa to be ashamed of me as well." The journal was only a few pages in. I'd gotten it last week when I just couldn't take my thoughts being trapped in my mind any longer. I had to let them out somewhere.

"You will tell me aloud. She can't hear you if you speak quietly, correct?"

"Dia...please." I whispered urgently. He only stared at me with his dark emotionless eyes.

"Read Mot. I want to hear your thoughts aloud. Not from paper."
He put the journal back in my hands, and I sighed miserably. I flipped to the first page of three and began reading quietly.

"I have decided that it is not healthy for me to keep these thoughts and feelings bottled up. The pain and the regret it just getting too much for me to handle. If I can't have what Spark and Lady share, then I do not see a reason for me to be here. Work is always a constant struggle for me. I cannot focus. I cannot breathe without feeling like I'm already dead inside. Alyssa gives me odd looks when I don't laugh at her jokes anymore. I just cannot laugh. It is like someone has taken everything that ever made me happy and ripped it away from my hands. I have to sleep. I have to go on for Alyssa."
I breathed in quietly and flipped to the next page. I didn't look at his expression. I couldn't do it.

"Today was worse. I cannot think a single thought at work without being distracted by him. He is noticing and I cannot hide it like I use to. He threatened if I didn't get my head straight by the end of the week that I was to be repositioned in my tasks. I cannot go to work. I cannot sleep. I cannot laugh. Nothing makes me feel anything anymore. I feel nothing. And its the worse thing I have ever felt." I swallowed hard and flipped to the page I wrote last night. This is it. He was going to know soon.

"My lord, my one and only, I must confess. These feelings I can no longer hide within me. I must share them with something. Even if it is the lonely pages of this blank journal." I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I don't want him to know.

"Alyssa asks me why I cry after my meetings with you. She sits on my lap and wipes away my tears, while I sit there and leave her in wonder as to why I do this every night. I cannot keep lying to her. But she just wouldn't understand what I feel. I love you, Lord Dianite. Although I know you can never feel the same. This is why I weep after our meetings. Being anything to you other than yours is something that tears at my soul. Seeing your face reminds me that I will never be yours. I will never be anything more to you than a business partner. Even now as I sit here and write on these pages, I can feel my tears spilling down my cheeks and onto my words. I never knew it would be so frustrating and soul eating to be in love. I wish I'd never felt it. I'm growing tired of hiding my blush every time you speak to me. I grow tired of hiding these messy emotions from you. I grow tired of being a mere asset. I must go now. Alyssa needs to be tucked in. She is the only thing keeping me tethered to my sanity. Thank the gods for this angel they have gifted me. Alyssa."

I could feel my tears cascading down my cheeks as I closed the journal. I was ashamed. I just admitted my undying love for him. I've probably just sealed my fate. He was going to fire me. He was going to leave me. My heart was breaking at the core from the silence in the room. The only thing that could be heard was the small crying sounds coming from me as I tried to hold myself back from sobbing.

"Mot...why had you not told me any of this sooner?"
I stayed silent and waited for his yelling, his rejection.

"Stop your crying. You stop it now."

I shut my eyes and tried to stop my tears, but they wouldn't stop. "I'm sorry..." My voice cracked. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

I felt hands warp around me and pull me close against a soft surface. I felt comfort, something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I sunk into the arms and sobbed.

"Mot. Why do you cry over these feelings? You know I am understanding. I haven't got the foggiest idea as to why you hid this from me."

"You're a god...you don't love me..." I sobbed.

"Perhaps it isn't your classic love, but I feel emotions for you that I share with no one else. Maybe it is love, maybe it isn't. But I won't reject you Mot. You are too important to me. And you are not just an asset, you are a need to me. I can't function without you, boyo."

It wasn't love. There's no way it could be love. I may be important, but I will never be his. That's just how it has to be. I will never be anyone's somebody. I will never amount to anything more than a friend or a father.

"I wish you would..."

"Wish I would what, Mot?"

"I wish you would just reject me...stop leading me to something that isn't there. It just hurts even more..." I pulled away from his arms and stood up from the couch. I grabbed my journal and threw it on my desk, anger and regret flooding me all at once. I wish I'd never purchased that damned thing.

"If I were to reject you, wouldn't you fall apart on me?"

"So you only said that stuff so I wouldn't fall apart? Is that it?" I said coldly, still facing away from him.

"Mot...I care about your well being. Breaking down isn't going to help either of us. Why don't you just get some sleep, hm? We will talk of this another time."
My anger flared. What he said before was all just a bunch of crap. He was leading me on again.
No. I can't take that anymore.
I spun around, my fists clenched and my jaw so tight it could break my teeth. He wasn't even facing me. He was heading towards the door.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare leave it like this! Reject me! Fire me! Do something! I can't take this anymore, this is killing me Dia! If you even cared a little about me, you'd do something to reject me!" I screamed at the back of his head.

He spun around, his anger evident through his clenched jaw and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Fine, you want rejection? Don't you ever speak of these petty feelings to me again. Don't ever bring up the topic of love and all of that useless garbage. I couldn't care less about your childish feelings. If you don't show up tomorrow fully rested and ready to work your fingers to the bone, then I will fire you. I should not have even took pity on you. You are an asset, a mere tool that I use to fix my problems only. And if you aren't up to that task, then I will find a new champion. Goodbye Mot." He threw open the door and slammed it shut.

He was right. The rejection had been worse. I felt as if someone had pierced my heart with a cold knife and left me to die. I thought maybe if he made my options smaller I would be happier. That's whats supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be happy that he rejected me.

But I felt a million times worse.

If there was some higher god in the sky, I pray they strike me down. I didn't want to be Mot. I didn't want to be anyone. Yes I did. I wanted to be loved. But no one will ever love me. Dia never even glanced at my diseased skin, which made me feel relieved around him. It seemed everyone else wanted nothing more than to stare at it. No one will love a monster. No one will love a mottled man.

"Daddy?" A small voice asked. A felt something tug my pant leg and I looked to see a very tired and very worried Alyssa.

"Daddy, why are you crying? I thought uncle Dia was gonna make the sadness go away." She stared at me with sad eyes.

I can't do this to my daughter. I can't show her how weak I am. If I were to break down in front of her, she'd remember it forever. I put on a fake smile and laughed.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Hey, you wanna go take a trip to uncle Sparks house?" I picked her up and kissed her cheek, making her giggle.

"Okay!" She hugged my neck.
We soon arrived at Spark and Lady's home, and Alyssa knocked on the door as hard as she could.

Moments later, a tired Spark answered the door. "Hey, how's my little niece doin?" He smiled and held up a fist, to which Alyssa jammed hers into.

"Uncle Spark, daddy wants to know if you can watch me?" She hugged his leg. Spark looked at me for a moment, and clearly saw how torn up and awful I looked. He gave me a confused look.

"Alyssa, why don't you go inside and find Lady? I gotta talk with your uncle for a second."

The little child nodded and ran into the house.

"Mot, what's wrong?" He asked in a whisper, closing the door behind him.

"I can't let her see me break down. I just can't." Spark was always understanding to me. He was someone I could talk to that wouldn't ask any questions.

"Is it really personal?"

"Yeah..."

"Then I won't ask about it. What time are you coming back?"

"I'm not...I'm not sure. I just need to get away. I'm sorry for just dumping her on you."

"No, it's fine. We don't mind at all. Just be back soon, for her."

"I will." I turned on my heel, ready to run away, when he said one last thing.

"Mot, if you ever want to talk about this stuff, then tell me. I know I'm probably just an old nag to you, but I'm sure I can help. Im good at a lot of things, other than playing babysitter."

I sighed and let my shoulders slump. "I know you are. I'm just too much of a jerk to ask for help."

"You don't need to ask. Just say the word. Be smart Mot, don't do anything stupid."

I heard the door open and close, signaling Spark had finished his advice. I really did enjoy that old mans company. He was more understanding than most of these jerks around here.

Don't do anything stupid, he said.

I'm sorry Spark. I'm just too stupid to listen.

~

I downed another beer bottle, landing it back on the table and signaling for the tender to bring me another. I wasn't being entirely stupid. I'm just drowning ever ounce of my body in alcohol. Lots of people do. It's how they forget. It's how I forget. Dia told me to be at work well rested tomorrow. How could I do that after what he said? Oh well. I can find some other job to support me and Alyssa. I don't need his money. I don't need anything from him.

"You sure you can handle another, buddy? You look almost dead." The guy gave me a funny look, and I snarled at him.

"I'm paying, ain't I? Do your job and give me want I want."

He sighed and handed me another beer. I felt a hand go on my shoulder as I put the beer bottle to my lips.

"I dont think you need another, boyo."

I knew immediately who it was. I ignored his advice and began to down the ice cold beer, drowning my sad thoughts away. I put the bottle down and wiped my lips.

"What are you doing here? Thought you'd be at your office, planning ways to replace me." I let the venom seep into my words.

He came from behind me and sat in the chair beside mine. He wore that stupid emotionless expression. I hated it. I hated his face. "Mot, please tell me you did not leave Alyssa alone at your home?"

"She's with old man Spark. I'm not as stupid as you think I am." I may be drunk, but I've always been known to be an angry drunk. A very smart angry drunk.

He sighed and looked at the mass of beer bottles surrounding my table. "I told you rejection would do this."

"This is better than crying and dying. I'd rather drown in alcohol than my pitiful tears." I lifted the beer up again.

He stared at me. "It appears you are doing both."

I threw an empty bottle at his head, to which he dodged immediately. Damnit.

"Leave me the hell alone. If I want to get drunk off my ass, that's my decision." I snarled at him.

"You make very poor decisions without me, Mot." He didn't even seem bothered by the fact that I just tried to hit him in the face.

"What are you even doing here?! Did you just come to torture me some more?!" I shouted angrily at his stupid face.

"I came to check on you, because I knew you'd either be here or at that alleyway. And I thank the heavens that you decided here."
I felt a small pang hit my chest at the mention of the alleyway. I grabbed the bottle and lifted it up. The pang disappeared. Thank god for alcohol.

"Would you stop killing yourself for a moment and speak to me?" He asked in an annoyed tone.

"You said you didn't wanna hear my petty feelings. I'm doing you a favor by killing myself anyway. You won't have to fill out so much paperwork." I said with bitterness dripping from my tone.

"Mot, I care so much about you. I can't replace you. I could never replace you. Who else in the world can think and talk clearly after downing twenty bottles of beer? Who else can swallow lit tnt and walk a way without a scratch? Who else can I not only confide my greatest secrets to, but can also tell me his as well? No champion will ever be the same as you. And Mot, when you die ages from now, I will never have another champion. I will have devote followers and wannabes, but I will never hire another champion. I will be too heart broken and filled with grief to even think about another replacing the best I ever had."

"You will have another champion." I rolled my eyes at his ignorance.

"I will not-"

"Alyssa is gonna be the greatest fighter, strategist, and map designer in all of Ruxomar. If she isn't your champion when I die, then I will forever hate your guts. She's already the sneakiest twelve year old in Ruxomar..."

He laughed heartily, and I cracked a small smile. My Alyssa was gonna be the best one day. I knew she was.

"Yes, she will be a fine champion...but no one will ever be as good as you."

"I appreciate your generosity Dia, but you're leading me on again. So shut up." I chugged down the last of my beer and waved at the tender to get me another.

"Mot, I am not leading you to something that isn't there. There is indeed something there, and I want you to be there with it."

"Stop lying. I've already fallen apart, there's nothing left for you to shield." The tender put a another beer at my table and I happily drank away again.

"I am telling the truth. When I left your home and went back to my work, I felt pain. More pain than I've ever felt, because I knew I'd hurt you. I was lying to you then Mot, not now. I do care about your feelings. And they aren't useless garbage, nor are they childish. They are fragile and I have broken them."

I felt more pangs in my chest and heart, but I just drank them away. He wasn't going to do this to me again. I wouldn't let him.

"Why do you care about my feelings?" I said in a low voice.

"Because I feel love for you Mot."
I stared at the now empty bottle, suddenly sick of the taste of alcohol. My stomach churned and my head began to swim with dizziness. I couldn't hold back the vomit. I jerked up from my spot and puked every drop of beer up and onto the table. Dia rushed up from his spot and stood close to me, putting a hand on my back.

"Maybe I should have waited to say that when you were near a bucket."

"You think?" I said, more vomit following my words. He lead me away from the table and into the bathroom, where I emptied the rest of my guts in a toilet bowl. He held my hand as I vomited, and it made me feel a little less sick. Dia did care about me. I was just too stupid to notice.

"You about done, boyo?"

"N-No," I stuttered, and puked five more pounds of liquid into the bowl.

"Well when you are, I'm taking you back to my home. I have a feeling you wouldn't want Alyssa to see your drunk side."

Ten more minutes of puking later, I was finished. I was shaking all over and I could barely stand, but at least I wasn't sick anymore. Okay, so maybe I was still a little sick. But I was better.

"Ready to go now?" He asked me, his hand still gripping mine.
I nodded my head, still panting from the lack of oxygen. He pulled me up from the floor and walked me out of the bathroom. When we passed by the table I had been at earlier, he put money on it and rushed past the angry bar tender who was left with cleaning up my puke.

I don't really remember the trip to his house. All I remember is the feeling of him carrying me, and myself hanging on to him while shaking like a child. But I clearly remember when we got there.
He carried me to a room way in the back past his office. He opened the door with ease and entered the room, which I know knew was his bedroom. But he never slept. He told me this once before. Why would he have a bed then?

"The architects of this building thought it wise to have a bedroom, even if I do not require rest. Perhaps they were right." He laid me down on the bed and pulled the covers over my still shaking body. He slipped in beside me, turning off the light as he did so.

I'd heard rumors before of Dianites deals with some women, deals that didn't require money or trade, only a bed. I usually dismissed the rumors, but now I couldn't stop thinking about them. Had he done those deals in this bed? With those women?

"D-Dia?" I asked, still jerking uncontrollably from the sickness.

"Yes Mot?" He was so calm compared to me.

"Have you ever...done deals involving body payment?"

"I've never done such deals before. And never will I do those types of deals. They are rumors, Mot. I would never use a woman that way. It is the worst possible thing to do."

I felt a sort of relief.

"But some of our trading partners...they've done many deals using that sort of payment. I think that is why people assume I do it too. There have even been rumors where...they've said I have that deal with you."

My eyes widened. People thought I sold myself to him? I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I have sold myself off to people before. But it was years ago, in the darkness of those alleyways. I was lost. I didn't have a family or anyone to guide me. Dia found me. He practically saved me from that place.

"Odd rumors..."I murmured, thinking back to my horrible past.

"Indeed. Those merchants come up with the strangest ideas."

We sat in silence for awhile. It would've been peaceful if I hadn't still been shaking the entire bed with my body's jerking. I never wanted to drink another beer ever again. I felt impossibly sick.

"I should let you rest Mot. Goodnight. Oh, and I suppose I should give some sort of lovey dovey farewell."

He leaned close to my face, and I blushed furiously. I felt warm lips touch my diseased skin, and I melted on the spot.

"I love you dearly Mot, have a good nights rest. We shall sort these feelings out in the morning when you are feeling well." I felt him turnover. The part of my face that wasn't covered in spores was now covered in a thick red blush.
Alyssa had been right after all.

Dia did make the sadness go away.
~~~~~
I've had the worst freaking day of my life and I just want to sleep and respond to happy comments from you guys.

But if you choose to criticize me and hate on my books, I will not hesitate to give you the worst back lash you will ever receive. I'm done with people hating on my books.

Im sorry about the saltiness today but I'm really just mad at the world at the moment. Coming home to see hate comments makes me feel a million times worse.

If I see a hate comment I will not falter in flagging and deleting you, and that includes every comment you make from now on.

To all of you guys who give me good feels, I love you. I'm sorry I'm a salt shaker today. I just found out that I'm only a doormat to people in the real world and I only matter when someone wants something.

Goodbye.

- Lee