How To Know If He's Into You?

Celine frowned at the article. Janelle obviously liked the article for a reason. Nang sabihin niya sa kaibigan ang nangyari, hindi ito naniwala sa sagot ni Kelvin. She told her to just let it go, but Janelle is dead set in proving to her that Kelvin's lying.

He actually listens, the article said. It continued in explaining what guys talk about with their friends. The topic usually revolves around games, food and other man stuff. They don't want to listen to drama. They have no patience for it. But if a guy listens to all your woes and if he seems interested in your problems, then he might be into you.

She remembered back when she and Kelvin were just starting out as friends and she cried and told him about her problems. He was patient enough to listen to her. And he didn't pass his judgments. In fact, he didn't say anything until she asked. Pero ang alam niya, ginawa nito iyon dahil gusto siya nitong maging kaibigan.

He's willing to shop with you. Guys hate shopping, according to the writer of the article. Guys alreay know what they would buy bago pa man sila pumunta sa store. At kapag nandoon na sila, bibilhin lang nila 'yong kailangan at aalis na sila kaagad. Hindi kagaya ng babae na may naiisip ng bilhin pero pagdatig sa tindahan, kung ano ang makitang maganda at nakakaengganyong bilhin, iyon ang bibilhin.

There's this one time na sinamahan siya ni Kelvin na bumili ng dress para sa pagka-karaoke nila. Iyon kasi ang unang beses na makakasama niya si Yuan outside the office. Together with Kylie, he helped her pick a dress and evwn volunteered to pay for it. Ang akala naman niya noon, naawa lang ito sa kanya. Tipid na tipid kasi niya ang sarili. Kelvin's naturally generous at marami naman itong pera. Why would she think that it meant anything?

He's always available. Before Gaile came into the picture, parang palagi silang magkasama ni Kelvin. Hatid-sundo pa nga siya nito noong kaka-start pa lang ng GY sked nya. But she thought that he was just being brotherly.

Itinigil na niya ang pagbabasa. There's no sense in digging deep into it. He already answered the question.

Ibinalik niya ang phone kay Janelle. Nag-aya itong mag-dinner. Late dinner para rito, breakfast at 8pm naman sa kanya. Na-bother daw kasi ito sa isinagot ni Kelvin kaya gusto siya nitong kausapin. She could not understand her friend's persistence. Sinabi na niyang tumigil na ito pangungumbinsi pero patuloy pa rin ito.

"Ano, nabasa mo na?" Janelle asked.

"Wala namang bearing 'yan. Sinabi nya na ngang hindi."

"Naniwala ka naman?"

Tumango siya. "Wala naman syang dahilan para magsinungaling."

"Meron. Marami."

"Alam mo, tigilan mo na 'yan. Sorry na lang na hindi ko na-fulfill 'yong fantasy mo pero hayaan mo na 'yong tao. Nakakahiya na kasi. Saka masaya na sya kay Gaile."

"At ano? Sasagutin mo na si Yuan? Gustong-gusto mo talaga 'yon, 'no? Di ko ma-gets ang taste mo," sabi nito na may kaunting pagkairita sa boses.

"Hindi rin kita maintindihan, e. Ano ba'ng ayaw mo kay Yuan?" she retorted. "Porke ba't hindi sya mala-fictional character o parang true-to-life na Prince Charming, hindi na dapat sya ginugusto? Bakit mo ba ipinagpipilitan si Kelvin sa 'kin? Oo na, gwapo na sya. Mayaman. Matalino. Lahat na. Pero may mga bagay akong ayaw sa kanya. May mga ugali syang hindi ko gusto. Tulad nyang pakikipag-date nya kay Gaile. Tama ba 'yong may gusto sya sa 'kin tapos manliligaw sya ng iba? Hindi ba nya naisip na pwede syang makasakit ng tao?

Ang hirap kasi sa kanya, ayaw nyang mabakante. Gusto nya, palaging may girlfriend. O, ayan, may napasagot na naman sya. Sana man lang, seryosohin nya. Hindi 'yong ginawa nyang plan B si Gaile, di ba? Babae ka rin. Siguro naman ayaw mong maging option ka lang. Kung nagkataon pa na sa inyo ni Marlon mangyari 'yan, na nalaman mong second choice ka lang pala, matutuwa ka ba?"

Janelle looked shocked. Hindi kasi ito sanay na ganoon siya. Napuno na rin kasi siya. Parang 'yong mga tao sa paligid niya, palaging ipinipilit ang gusto nila sa kanya. She's an adult, for crissake! Kaya na niyang mag-isip para sa sarili niya.

"I'm sorry," Janelle told her, nang makabawi ito sa pagkagulat. "Ang sa 'kin lang kasi, you deserve someone better than Yuan. At oo na, biased na kung biased pero sa tingin ko, si Kelvin ang mas bagay sa 'yo. I'm your friend. I want what's best for you. I'm not saying that Yuan is no good. Believe me, alam kong sobrang model citizen nya. Kaya lang, just because he's good, doesn't mean that he's good for you.

"You're too alike. You won't grow with him. At isa pa..." Kinutingting nito ang phone at maya-maya ay ibinigay sa kanya. Nakita niya sa screen 'yong picture nila ni Kelvin. Jake must have taken the picture while they were dancing. "Dyan lang kita nakitang ganyan kasaya. As in, never ka pang ngumiti ng ganyan before that night. He makes you this happy. Hindi mo lang pansin. At siguro, sinasadya mo lang hindi pansinin kasi medyo magulo ang sitwasyon nyo ngayon. Ayaw mo pa naman ng magulo.

"Gusto ko, ganyan ka na lang lagi kasaya. I know that Kelvin's capable of doing that. Love is an uncharted territory, Celine, that is meant to be explored. Huwag mong limitahan ang buhay mo. Yuan can offer you comfort, yes, but do you really want to just be comfortable for the rest of your life?"

--

"Kuya, bakit ang lungkot mo?" puna ni Kristoff kay Kelvin. Nasa bahay ulit siya ng mga magulang. He doesn't want to be alone in his condo.

"I'm not sad, just thinking," dahilan niya.

"Nag-away ba kayo ni ate Gaile?" tanong naman ni Kian.

Umiling siya. Never pa silang nag-away ni Gaile. She's too nice to start a fight.

"E, bakit nga malungkot ka?" pangungulit ni Kristoff.

"Hindi nga kasi ako malungkot."

Dejected, yes. Heart broken, yes. Sad? That is such a shallow emotion.

"Si ate Celine ba?"

He grunted. When did he become this transparent?

"Did you guys fight?"

"No. End of discussion, okay?" Tumayo siya at nagpunta sa dati niyang kwarto. Nandoon pa rin iyon kasama ang mga iba pa niyang gamit. They retained his room para may tutulugan naman siya kapag nandoo siya. His mother loves his visits. Kapag hindi siya nakakabisita kahit once a week, nagtatampo na ito sa kanya.

Ang lagay tuloy, parang boarding house lamang niya ang condo sa Ortigas dahil pabalik-balik pa rin siya sa dating bahay.

"Kuya."

Napatingin siya sa may pintuan. Kristoff's leaning on the doorway.

"What?"

Naupo ito sa tabi niya. "Nagtatampo sa 'yo si mama. Hindi ka raw kasi nagsasabi ng problema mo."

"Wala nga kasi akong problema."

"You know that you can't hide these things from her, right?"

He sighed. Mothers.

"I'm fine, Kris. Go back to Kian."

"Okay. Sabi mo, e. Pero kapag nagtanong si mama, don't lie to her, okay?"

--

Ever since she was young, Celine never competed with anyone for anything. And maybe that made her complacent. Kapag may isang bagay siyang hindi nakukuha, iisipin na lamang niyang baka hindi iyon para sa kanya. As she grows older, her standards become lower. Hanggang sa pakiramda niya, hindi na niya deserve ang isang bagay dahil masyadong maganda para maging kanya.

It's not that Yuan's of low standard. But Yuan's comforting. And if she's comfortable, that means that she's not being ambitious enough. She's contained in her comfort zone, not expanding her horizon.

Tuwing titingin siya sa picture na ipinasa sa kanya ni Janelle, palagi siyang napapaisip kung kaya ba talaga niya iyon. Kung kaya ba niyang maging ganoon kasaya, araw-araw, without expecting the universe to seek rebound, to retain the balance.

Being so happy scares her. Kasi pakiramdam niya, babawian siya, na may bayad ang pagiging masaya. Hindi ito libre kaya hindi niya manamnam.

If Kelvin told her a different answer, would she see things differently? Siguro ay hindi nya na iyon malalaman pa. Wouldshe dare ask again? Probably not. Because that will create a disturbance in her piece and complications don't really sit well with her.

It's been two hours since the dinner. Nakauwi na si Janelle sa bahay nito. Siya naman ay nagtatrabaho na sa opisina, pero hindi pa rin niya makalimutan ang sinabi nito kanina.

"Okay ka lang?" Yuan asked. Nakangiti ito sa kanya, ang isang tenga ay may nakapasak na earphone.

What did she like about him? He's nice, clean and decent. A little close to ordinary. Comforting. He's like the femake version of her. Is she in love with him? It's too soon to say. Basta ang alam niya, gusto niya ito, gusto siya nito at sa tamang panahon, lalalim ang pagkagusto na 'yon. Hindi naman sila nagmamadali.

She smiled back and nodded. But why is there no rush? No butterflies in her stomach? No chill at the back of her neck? Why is there no spark?

On the other hand, there is Kelvin. He gives her butterflies. He makes her blush. He makes her heart beat faster. The only things that he don't give her are comfort and assurances. Walang kasiguraduhan kay Kelvin.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud ringing of her phone. She excused herself and went to the pantry to answer it.

"Iku-conference ko 'to. Huwag mong ibababa at huwag kang magsasalita," bungad sa kanya ni Janelle. She was put on hold for a few seconds bago ito nagsalitang muli. The familiar other voice made her shiver.

"Yes?" came his deep voice.

"Ano 'tong nababalitaan kong sinabi mo raw kay Celine na wala kang gusto sa kanya? You're such a liar, Kelvin."

Gusto niyang sumingit at sawayin ang kaibigan, pero masyado siyang kinakabahan.

She heard him sigh. "Look, Janelle, I'm really tired and I want to sleep. Can we talk some other time?"

"No!" her friend said indignantly. "Kailangang ngayon na natin pag-usapan 'to kasi hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa 'yo. Chance mo na 'yon, e! Why didn't you take it? Sa last minute ka pa talaga naduwag!"

"I was about to tell her everything, pero pinagtaguan nya 'ko. You know what that told me? She doesn't want that kind of answer. She'd rather not know. Kaya hindi ko na lang sinabi. What good will it do, anyway? She likes someone else."

"So sumuko ka naman agad? Ayaw lang no'n nang sinusukuan sya agad. Saka sana inamin mo na rin. Kung maguluhan man sya, e di problema nya na 'yon!"

"Hayaan mo na."

"Hahayaan ko tapos masasaktan ka?" Janelle grunted. "If you just told her the truth, e di sana alam nyo na pareho kung paano nyo patutunguhan ang isa't isa, moving forward. She's confused right now because of you. Ang alam nya ngayon, hindi mo sya gusto. So she will act like you don't like her and she will continue treating you as a friend. Is that what you want?"

Tinakpan niya ang bibig para mapigilan ang sariling magsalita. She just hopes that he wouldn't hear her heart pounding. Parang nasa tenga nya na kasi ang puso sa lakas nang pagkabog.

"Kahit ano namang sabihin ko, I don't think that she will see me as anything else."

"Kasi naman, pa'no naman nya iisipin na gusto mo sya kung pare-pareho ang trato mo sa mga kaibigan mong babae? If you want to make her feel special, then make everyone else feel ordinary. Ang hirap kaso sa 'yo, malambing ka kahit kanino."

"So sue me."

"Gago," her friend muttered. "Kung pwede lang, e. So, ano na ang plano mo? Tatambay ka na lang sa friendzone?"

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice sounding resigned. "Maybe I'll just stop seeing her for good."

Well that was painful to hear. Sa lahat naman ng ayaw niya, ang mawalan ng kaibigan ang isa sa pinaka. Masakit kayang mawalan ng kaibigan.

"Hoy, 'wag kang ganyan. Iisipin na naman no'n na may mali sa kanya. Alam mo namang may abandonment issues 'yon sa tatay nya."

"E, kasi..."

"Sabihin mo na lang kung ano ang totoo at pag-usapan nyo kung friendship over na ba."

He scoffed. "Yeah, good luck with that. Aamin ako tapos pagtataguan nya lang ako? Huwag na lang."

"Hindi 'yon. Kauusapin ko for you."

"Just forget it."

"Makikinig sa 'kin 'yon. Just tell me straight para madipensahan kita: do you love her or not?"

"Ja..."

"Are you saying my name or is that just yes in German?"

"Both."

Janelle let out a squeal. Siya naman ay ramdam ang pag-init ng pisngi.

"Really? Sabihin mo nga ng buo."

"What for?"

"Para kapag iku-quote ko sa kanya, malakas ang impact! Dali na!"

Kelvin sighed. But then he said, "Fine. I'm in love with Celine. Happy?"

"Super happy!"

"Mabuti ka pa."

"Well, why don't you ask her? Malay mo naman, matuwa rin sya."

"I highly doubt that."

"Want to bet? Let's ask her."

"What, right now?"

Naninikip na ang dibdib niya sa sobrang kaba. Gusto niyang maiyak na ewan. Heto na nga. Magkakagulo na. Saang lupalop naman kaya ng Pilipinas siya pwedeng magtago?

"Yeah," she heard Janelle answer. "She's been listening this entire time. Celine, friend, now's the time to talk."

But before she could even speak, nawala na si Kelvin sa linya.