Bumawi si Kelvin the following week. He visited Celine at the office with a bunch of flowers and chocolates. Yuan tried to burn the flowers with his glare. Apparently, he wasn't informed about the competition. Him.

Kelvin ignored Yuan and sat on an empty chair next to Celine.

"Hi!" he greeted.

She simply glanced at him then went back to work. Mukhang galit pa rin ito sa kanya dahil sa hindi niya pagpaparamdam noong isang Linggo. He tried explaining to her that he was just busy. His work piled up and Jace was away for three days, meeting with clients and visiting the project sites outside the city. When she asked if he's too busy to even inform her that he was busy, he couldn't answer. True, hindi naman siya sobrang subsob sa trabaho para hindi na magalaw ang phone niya. He just thought that it would be good na magpa-miss ng kaunti. Also, he needed time to think. And he just broke up with Gaile.

"Kung sana sinabi mo, maiintindihan naman kita. Isang text lang naman," was what she told him. "Ayaw ko lang sa mga taong bigla-bigla na lang nawawala."

He was even sorrier when he learned that. Janelle already warned him about Celine's abandonment issues. Naikwento na rin ni Celine sa kanya ang relasyon nito sa tatay nito. Bigla-bigla na lamang daw itong aalis nang walang paalam. Celine grew up with her father going away and coming back whenever he please. And she hated that.

"I gave you a chance para hindi ka lumayo. Tapos bigla kang hindi magpaparamdam. Ano'ng gusto mong isipin ko?" dagdag pa nito.

And now, she's acting like he doesn't exist. Again. Great.

"Ano 'to? Bakit may dala syang chocolates at bulaklak?" Yuan asked Celine, displeasure written all over his face.

"I'm courting her," sagot niya.

"Ha?!" Yuan inched closer to Celine. "Celine, ano 'to? Bakit nagpapaligaw ka sa kanya? Akala ko ba friends lang kayo?"

Celine grunted.

"Pwede bang huwag nyo akong guluhin? Nagtatrabaho ako."

But they were persistent. Yuan kept on asking. Siya naman ang sagot nang sagot. They only stopped when Celine slammed her fists on the table. She stood up and started pacing, pinakakalma yata ang sarili. They both waited for what she has to say. She looks like she's about to explain.

"Fine!" she suddenly blurted out. "Alam nyo, tigilan na natin 'to."

"What?"

"Huwag na lang kayong manligaw. Tigilan nyo na lang ako. Mas matatahimik ang buhay ko kung hindi kayo nanggugulo."

"Celine..."

She held up her hands. "Ayoko na. Ayoko nang magpaligaw. Kapag nagpaligaw ako sa isa, ini-expect agad nya na sasagutin ko sya. Kapag nagpaligaw pa ako sa iba, iisipin ng mga taong malandi ako. Tangina, hindi ko naman kayo pinagsasabay, di ba? What happened to letting the best man win? Ano, gusto nyo kayo na lang palagi ang nasusunod? Fine! Wag na lang! Mas gusto ko pang maging single na lang habangbuhay kesa araw-araw na ganito."

"You don't mean that."

Her face went grim. "I mean it. Tigilan nyo na 'ko."

"Celine, I broke up with Gaile because you said you'll give me a chance if I did," he reminded her, getting pissed as well.

"So hindi mo talaga gusto si Gaile?" singit ni Yuan.

"Hindi ikaw ang kausap ko."

Napasapo si Celine. "Tama na, pwede ba? Sa dami kong problema ngayon, ayaw ko nang dumagdag pa 'to. Ang daming mas importanteng bagay kesa dito."

"You sound as if you think that love is a petty thing." Okay. Now, he's mad. Napaka-unfair naman noong bibigyan siya ng chance tapos bigla na lang nitong babawiin. He understands that she's angry and that there other things to prioritize, but she can't just call the whole thing off because she's having a bad day.

"Love is something else entirely," Celine retorted. "Hindi 'to love. Ang love, kahit mahirap, nakapagpapasaya pa rin. Fulfilling. Ito, nakakasama lang ng loob."

"So, gano'n na lang 'yon? Titigil na lang kami because you said so?" Kelvin asked incredulously.

"Kelvin, alam mong kahit bigyan kita ng chance, hindi pa rin kita sasagutin kasi hindi kita gusto kagaya nang pagkagusto mo sa 'kin. Kahit pilitin ko man, sa ngayon talaga, hanggang friendship lang ang kaya kong ibigay sa 'yo."

"Pa'no ako?" Yuan asked.

Celine shook her head. "Hindi ko na rin alam, Yuan. Feeling ko mas okay kung magiging magkakaibigan na lang muna tayo. I understand kung ayaw nyo. Maiintindihan ko rin kung gusto nyong lumayo. Hindi ko na kayo pipigilan." She glanced at Kelvin when she said that. "Maybe we all need a time out. Malay nyo, makahanap pa kayo ng ibang mas magugustuhan nyo kesa sa 'kin. 'Yong hindi magulo ang utak. 'Yong sanay na sa ganito. Kasi ako, tingin ko hindi pa ako handa para rito."

--

Akala ni Celine noong una, madali lang ang maligawan. Liligawan ka ng lalaking gusto mo. Sasagutin mo sya. Magiging kayo. Kaso... hindi pala madalas ganoon. May pagkakataong hindi mo gusto 'yong manliligaw sa 'yo. O hindi ka nililigawan ng taong gusto mo. Minsan, may sabit 'yong manliligaw. Minsan, na sa 'yo rin 'yong problema.

In her case, she's the problem. She's not ready for all the complications that love will bring. Marami pa siyang pangarap. Marami pa rin siyang responsibilidad bilang panganay. She realized that she needs to stop feeling with her heart for a while.

She had sorted out her priorities, rearranged them in a way na hindi sarili niya ang uunahin niya.

She talked to Jake a few days later, asking when the Chicago post will be available. The position would automatically qualify Yuan, dahil mas matagal na ito sa kanya sa trabaho, but she asked Jake for a chance anyway.

Jake gave her a month to know everything about her job. Another month to ensure that she's ready. She still has to take a few IT security tests to earn certificates. And then, aasikasuhin pa niya ang mga papeles kung sakali mang mabigyan siya ng go signal. Then the VP of the IT department would still have to review and approve her request bago ma-process ang documents niya.

"So, in six months' time, aalis ka na papuntang Chicago?" tanong ni Janelle sa kanya nang sabihin niya rito ang plano.

"Kapag nagawa ko ang lahat ng kailangan kong gawin, oo," sagot niya.

"Bakit? I mean, bakit gusto mong umalis? Maganda naman ang sahod mo rito, di ba? Nakapagpapadala ka naman sa inyo. Dahil ba 'to kina Kelvin?"

"Partly," she admitted. "Pero gusto ko ring subukan kung kaya ko. Sabi rin kasi ni Sir Jake, mas malaki ang sahod do'n. E, alam mo namang magka-college na 'yong dalawa kong kapatid. Tapos 'yong tatay ko, ang daming gastos sa ospital. Hindi naman malaki ang kinikita ng nanay ko sa pagtitinda sa palengke."

"But it's too early. Usually, years muna ang itatagal mo sa company before you could even think of venturing to another branch on another country. Ikaw, bago ka pa lang pero sa Chicago na agad ang gusto mo." Her friend's voice is full of accusations. Alam niyang iniisip nitong umiiwas na naman siya. Well, in a way, she is. But that's because she's not ready to face it yet. Iyong personal muna niyang problema ang aayusin niya. Kailangan nila ng pera ngayon. Gusto niyang makapagpatayo ng bahay para sa pamilya.

"Wala namang kaso kay Sir Jake kung bago lang ako. Mag-iisang taon na rin naman ako sa kumpanya. As long as kaya kong ma-meet ang requirements at willing akong magtrabaho sa ibang bansa, ayos na sa kanya."

"Bakit feeling ko may gusto ka lang takasan dito?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya. "Isipin mo na kung ano ang gusto mong isipin. Basta gagawin ko 'to dahil ito ang gusto ko."

"Kelvin will take this badly. I'm sure of it."

"Hayaan mo sya."

"Hanggang ngayon ba naman, dini-disregard mo pa rin ang feelings nya para sa 'yo?"

She felt guilty all of a sudden. Iyon ba ang ginagawa niya? Dini-disregard ang feelings ni Kelvin? Never ba syang naging considerate dito?

"Baka kapag dumating 'yong time na ikaw naman ang magkagusto sa kanya, magsawa naman sya sa kahahabol sa 'yo. If that time comes, ikaw naman ang kawawa."

She forced a smile. "Kung 'yon talaga, e, di 'yon."

"So ano 'to? Letting fate do the work naman ang drama mo?"

"May rason naman lahat ng bagay, e. Kung kami talaga, e di kami. Kung hindi, e di hindi."

"Nasasabi mo lang 'yan kasi wala ka pang gusto sa kanya."

"Alam ko," pag-amin niya. "Pero isipin mo na rin na para rin sa kanya 'tong ginagawa ko. Kung after two years, ako pa rin ang gusto nya, ibig sabihin totoo 'yong feelings nya."

"Pa'no kung nagsawa?"

"E di mabuti na lang na hindi naging kami."

"Gaga ka talaga." It was a relief that Janelle stopped talking about it. But the following topic was harder to get out of. "Pa'no nga pala sa kasal ko?"

She had been thinking about that. Next year pa ang kasal ni Janelle. By that time, if everything turned out well, nasa Chicago na sya. And she doubts that they'll let her go home just to attend a wedding, lalo na't kasisimula pa lamang niya roon.

"Unless maia-adjust mo ang wedding nyo ng December, baka hindi na 'ko maka-attend. Sorry."

"Grabe! Maid-of-honor pa naman kita!"

"Babawi ako kapag nakapanganak ka na."

"Two years ka sa Chicago, 'te!"

She sighed. "E di huwag ka munang mag-anak. Pagbalik ko na lang."

Janelle pouted. Nagtatampo man, alam nitong kailangan din niya iyong opportunity. Her friend's not about to let her pass this up. Nakakalungkot nga lamang na hindi siya makakapunta sa kasal nito. January na kasi ang alis niya kung sakali. Pwede namang ma-delay, but the latest would be March.

Janelle and Marlon already agreed to have a June wedding next year.

"Pero seryoso, Celine. I don't think Kelvin will take this well."

Tumango siya. She thinks so too.

--

Sa totoo lang, wala talaga dapat ganito. Kaso badtrip na badtrip ako ngayon tapos nataong gusto kong mag-update. Hahaha. Don't worry. May naisip na naman akong detour. lol