#26- Lyric the Lazy Witch
"𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘓𝘺𝘳𝘪𝘤, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩,
𝘞𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩.
𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱, 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘥—
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥."
Spouse: Percy Whisperwill
Children: Skywenne Butterfly, Portia Butterfly
Wand Taste: cocoa butter
Cheek Marks: swamp purple spirals
Princess Lyric Butterfly was born to Queen Bridgette and King Matthew. She was the heir into a powerful and prestigious lineage but unlike many of her ancestors, she couldn't be bothered to care all that much. From a young age, she showed incredible magical potential—but zero motivation to actually use it. While other princesses spent their childhood mastering spells and swordplay, Lyric preferred to nap in the castle gardens, lounge around in oversized robes, or float in midair rather than walk. She wasn't stupid—far from it. She was actually pretty clever when she needed to be, but why put in effort when things tend to work themselves out? Her favorite hobbies included: Finding the most comfortable places to nap in the castle, using magic for the most mundane tasks like levitating food into her mouth, avoiding royal responsibilities by pretending to be asleep or conveniently "not hearing" when summoned.
Lyric had a laid-back, almost apathetic approach to life. She hated anything that required effort, whether it was training, meetings, or even basic decision-making. Unfortunately this attitude frustrated her mother Queen Bridgette, who had fought tooth and nail to secure her own place as ruler. Even at her Wand Ceremony she was 30 whole minutes late. But despite her laziness Lyric's magic was terrifyingly powerful. When she finally had her Wand Ceremony, the relic transformed into a magical broom. Queen Bridgette joked that, "maybe the wand knows she needs to start doing chores!"
Her laziness however became a problem when she was expected to prepare for rule. Many of Mewni's nobles were appalled by the idea of a queen who spent half the day asleep and the other half avoiding work. Some even tried to have her declared unfit to inherit the throne. Their coup attempt failed spectacularly when instead of responding, Lyric simply let her broom react for her. Without so much as opening her eyes she watched as her enemies were flung from the castle, sealed in an unbreakable bubble or in some cases, teleported to a distant swamp. She then shrugged, rolled onto her side, and went back to her nap.
Though she outwardly appeared indifferent to everything Lyric had a deep unshakable love for her family. If anyone dared to threaten her mother, her father, or even those few people she begrudgingly cared about she would rouse herself just long enough to remind the world why she was not to be underestimated. The few times she actually fought, her magic was so devastatingly effective that even hardened Lucitor warriors took a step back in alarm. The idea of her ever putting in real effort was both a terrifying and ridiculous concept.
Queen Bridgette constantly tried to get her to take life more seriously but Lyric never changed. Her father King Matthew seemed far less concerned, occasionally offering excuses like, "Well if it works, why change it?" Her demon relatives were divided—some thought she was hilarious while others saw her as an insult to their warrior bloodline. Queen Bridgette was often bombarded with demands to have another child. The nobles remained frustrated, but they had little power against someone who could, with a lazy wave of her hand, make their chairs float two feet off the ground for an entire meeting. But still much of Mewni was worried for their future. They didn't want a repeat of Queen Andromeda or Queen Violetta.
Then came the year of 566. News of a rising monster rebellion had reached the castle. Queen Bridgette left the Butterfly Kingdom to fight in the front lines. The battle raged on for months until the monsters were finally subdued. Many witnesses say they watched in horror as, "Her Royal Majesty, Queen Bridgette, was thrown by one monster into a tree. The snapping of her spine was as loud as an explosion. The monster continued its torture until crushing her skull beneath its foot." Queen Bridgette was buried in the Royal Butterfly Family Crypts. Her funeral was attended by 9000 nobles and citizens. Her husband, King Matthew, never recovered. He died shortly after due to heartbreak. Princess Lyric ascended the throne, much to everyone's dismay.
Her parents' deaths left Lyric crushed. "She was no longer lazy, but she was still lazy at the same time. Lyric began to do her queen duties but remained rather depressed. She attempted to counter her depression by partying," said her great cousin, Lady Ember Lucitor. During her first year on the throne, the nobles attempted to seize control by passing laws in her name while assuming she wouldn't notice. Unfortunately for them, Lyric did. Without her lifting a finger, contracts burned into ash mid-signature, quills snapped in half, and entire ledgers rewrote themselves as if the laws had never existed. The nobles tried to summon her for meetings only for her to conveniently disappear every time. When one particularly ambitious duke attempted to hold court in her name, he was interrupted by the sight of the queen floating in midair above him, asleep on her magic broom, while her magic undid every decree he had made.
Her governing style was unconventional. Lyric rarely held court in the traditional sense, instead preferring to listen to advisors while lying in a sunlit alcove, eyes half-closed as if she wasn't paying attention. Yet, somehow, she always knew when someone was lying. If a dispute bored her, it would resolve itself—gold would appear in empty coffers, missing livestock would find their way home, and feuding nobles would suddenly feel compelled to apologize without knowing why. It was as if Mewni itself bent to accommodate her laziness. Some believed Lyric was a genius. Others thought she was simply too powerful for the world to function against her will.
Though she rarely showed interest in politics, there was one thing Lyric would not tolerate: threats to Mewni. When reports surfaced of a foreign kingdom preparing for war, she responded in the most Lyric way possible—by doing absolutely nothing. No armies were sent, no strategies drawn up, no messengers dispatched. The enemy took this as a sign of weakness and launched their invasion. They didn't make it past the border. Without Lyric ever leaving her throne, their ships found themselves sailing in endless circles, their soldiers trapped in an infinite loop of marching the same road over and over. Their generals woke up in distant lands with no memory of how they got there. Entire battalions simply disappeared, reappearing in their home kingdom with absolutely no idea why they had left. What should have been a brutal war was instead an inconvenience that resolved itself.
The Magical High Commission, though impressed with her magical abilities, still pestered her since she had yet to do the most important queen duty of all: find a king and produce an heir, to which Lyric responded, "I can find a man in my sleep. Literally. Also, what time is it?" witnesses say Hekapoo groaned and walked off, mumbling about how infuritating Lyric was. To everyone's surprise, Lyric did end up marrying a peasant boy named Percy Whisperwill. Three years into the marriage Queen Lyric announced her pregnancy. She birthed a beautiful baby girl with orange hair and bronze hourglasses on her cheeks. Lyric named the new princess Skywynne. Four years later, she gave birth to Portia Butterfly, who had dark orange hair and her mother's eyes with gold wheels on her cheeks.
During the Princess Skywynne's wand ceremony, tragedy struck. The Butterfly castle was burned down by dragons and had to be rebuilt. Princess Skywynne died of her injuries days later. Lyric became even more depressed and fell into alcoholism. When Portia was 14, she was relaxing in her bedroom when, according to witnesses, Queen Lyric burst in somewhat intoxicated. She tossed her crown and wand onto Portia's bed, slurred, "You're in charge now honey. Have fun, love you!" before stumbling away.
She ended up dying at the age of 55 in the Butterfly Family volcano vacation home.
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