When I have crossed the river, wide

I'll meet you at the Riverside 

If the gatekeeper does not let me in,

I'll close my eyes and dream again

***

"METRO?"

Shuddering, I study the lines of the heartbeat monitor as they rise and bounce down and up again before falling, eyes following each ridged movement to distract my clouded mind. It is a struggle to keep them focused. I take my eyes from the monitor and face Julian.

"How were you able to gain access..?" he questions softly.

"There is an underground passageway that can be reached through the subway station," I reply. "Beneath the floor tiles in the hall."

"Subway station?"

"The metro..."

"Is that where you have been residing?"

"Yes."

I glance at Jagger's body for the first time since the shooting. His eyes are closed, his face is hollow. A hollowness I have only seen on the faces of the dead. This, I believe, is what death looks like. This is how the worst possible sadness appears.

"This Rayah," Julian asks me. "Does she belong to that Raven establishment?"

"How were you aware of that?" I question, taking my eyes from Jagger.

"I..." he hesitates. "I may have searched numerous hidden archives."

"A risk, no?" I glance at him quizzically.

"I have risked my life stowing your friend in my medical room and stealing the supplies I need from the pharmaceutical department. I could take no greater risk than this." He gestures to Jagger's body.

"You have been stealing medication?" I question, refusing to look at Jagger again.

"I could not have saved him otherwise."

I shake my head. "Jagger is not saved."

"There was a bullet lodged in his brain. It took me six hours of surgery to remove every fragment, and I did it all on my own. It is a miracle he has a heartbeat. I am merely a student, remember."

"Merely."

A sharp exhale escapes his breath. "You treat me as if I am your foe."

"You cannot keep him here in this vegetative state for much longer, can you," I ask, whispering.

"I am glad you are aware of that," the bitterness in his voice causes me to tremble. "Where are the other two?"

"Sommer and Titus are resting."

"These ravens," Julian speaks, biting the corner of his dried and scabbed lip. "I have reason to believe them to be trouble-makers."

"They are rebels," I state plainly. "But there is reason to rebel, no?"

"Metro," he says cautiously. "I have a tedious request."

I lean my back against the cool cement wall for support. "What is it?"

"Because of Jagger's...em...difficult condition..."

"Please," I plea. "Not yet."

"Kindly allow me to finish," Julian says coldly. "You see..." He taps his fingertips on the table near Jagger's feet. "Recently, the chemistry department has come up with a drug that can, supposedly, have major effects on the living brain. It has never been tested, however, for obvious reasons..."

"You would like to see what effects it has on Jagger," I complete his sentence.

"Yes," his voice lifts. "It could revolutionize the medical industry." Slowly, I slide to the floor.

"What are the effects?" I ask him cautiously.

"I cannot be certain."

With a small shake of my head, I press the palms of my hands onto my bent knees and squeeze them. After all the pain and torment I have gone through in such a short period of time, my body has numbed the emotional pain so that I can no longer shed tears. My body is an emotional void, a mass of nothingness. Yet still, this void of nothingness continues to speak.

"You want to experiment on my companion," I state.

"This drug has the potential to save lives, Metro. Tens of thousands of lives every year."

Julian looks down at me. Poor, young, sad Metro--no longer the winsome and captivating individual the public once adored. Julian's empathy seems to be lacking.

"I will have to discuss it with Sommer and Titus," I tell him.

"No," he quickly dismisses me. "There is no time."

"I have no authority to allow this." I am surprised by my raised tone of voice.

"You will have to make the decision, Metro." He steps toward me, one of his curled red locks falling in front of his eyes. He pushes it away. "I cannot keep Jagger here any longer."

"I am sorry, Julian. I cannot authorize you--"

"Metro," he speaks sternly. "You must."

"Julian." I rise, eyes level with his. "I simply cannot!"

Without thinking, I press my hands against his chest and shove him into the table behind him. He stumbles, catching himself against the heavy metal table and falling to the floor. A new glimmer of fear dashes across his eyes before quickly disappearing Keeping his face expressionless, Julian looks up at me. I feel as though I should apologize, but I do not.

"Metro, understand me," he states. "Jagger is brain dead, with no chance of recovery."

His words tear my soul to pieces and my emptiness is filled with the worst emotional pain one can imagine.

"Fine!" my voice echoes across the metallic instruments and beeping machines in the room. "Fine." I hardly manage to remain on my feet. "Do whatever you want."

Julian rises cautiously, keeping his eyes away from mine--the look of a betrayer. He opens the door and gently presses my shoulder until I exit the room.

"Thank you, Metro." He shuts the door behind me.

Brain dead.

I am left with my thoughts.

Braindead.

My toiled, tormented thoughts.

For a moment, I envy Jagger.