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SUMIN sat in her usual seat in homeroom. Her earphones were snugly fit in her ear and her foot taps along to TWICE's Deja Vu! It had been a very chaotic morning, Sumin's alarm didn't go off which meant she got everything last — the toilet, the bathroom, the cereal, the milk, the toothpaste. Her mood worsened as she was stuck with her younger siblings in the back while Beom enjoyed the front seat, sneering at Sumin when he caught sight of her staring. And then her mother dumped them off on the side of the road and drove off without saying anything back — but it's not like Sumin would've replied. She knows love is false.

Beom abandons Sumin's side the moment their family car disappears from view, even though he promised way back when Sumin started at Hanlim to walk her to the gates before he went to his all-boys school. Sumin's aware of Beom's choices, she's aware of what he thinks of their family, she's aware of every active decision he makes, yet she still allowed him to make room in her way too small heart. It's hard to dig someone like Beom out of your life because he's a fucking fungi. Gross. Hard to get rid of.

It's hard to not feel angry at the world when, day after day, Sumin has to sit through every bad situation there is — a scolding by a teacher, being shoved by her peers who like to make fun of her for being adopted, having to listen to fighting occur regularly in her household (which was supposed to be Sumin's safe haven from school) — it's hard to not want to cuss at the world and kick every smiling baby you pass because that smile will soon fade from their faces when they're hit with the reality of life; constantly having to fight for survival.

Someone pinches the back of Sumin's hand gently and her attention is brought back to the loud and overwhelming classroom. Sumin's vision focuses on a beaming Sunoo who sits at the desk in front of Sumin's. "Good morning, Sumin!" Sumin's still trying to decide if she loves or hates Sunoo's never-fading smile that could rivals the sun during a summer's afternoon. "Did you sleep well?"

"No," Sumin responds, never one for lying — unless it comes to actually speaking about her thoughts and feelings, which don't matter and never will matter.

"Oh," Sunoo's lips jut out into a pout. "Do you mind if I ask why?"

Sumin shrugs, "I have trouble sleeping some nights. Nothing too traumatizing." A half truth. Yeah, Sumin had trouble sleeping at night, but there's a reason why — she wasn't always like this. Sumin used to fall asleep whenever and wherever. It didn't take long for her to float off into dreamland where she dreamt of a happier life, where she imagined her family got along and loved each other. Truly. But, at age fifteen, everything changed for Sumin and reality struck. Hard.

"You should try making some tea," Sunoo offers, "Jay drinks some tea before he goes to bed some nights, he tells me it's supposed to be good for your body." Sunoo shrugs, "I don't question Jay because whatever he says is usually true."

Sumin nods her head. Should she tell Sunoo that nothing is going to work? That the reason why she can't sleep is all in her head? Then, Sumin realizes, she doesn't know Sunoo that well, she shouldn't trust him because what if he abuses the trust she's easily giving him? It's all too much to think about and Sumin bites down on her lip, accidentally drawing blood. It tastes like metal on her tongue and she avoids looking at Sunoo, instead settles on watching their homeroom teacher, Mrs. Song enter the class.

"See you at lunch, Sumin!" Sunoo calls out as they part ways when they spill out into the corridor. Sunoo waves eagerly at Sumin who nods back, turning up the volume to the TWICE song playing — she was listening to the Summer Nights album, her favorite. It reminds her of summer, it reminds her of her fourteenth summer, before she saw the world for its truth, back when she was angry at the world, but it was milder than what it was now.

Sumin spends the beginning of her dance class thinking about something other than cursing her parents for bringing her into this world — she finds herself thinking of Sunoo. Kim Sunoo who is always smiling. Kim Sunoo who is always happy. Kim Sunoo who is always laughing, and making others laugh. Sumin wonders what that's like. She wonders what it's like to be unceasingly happy, to never let a smile slip from your face, to never let a frown taint a pretty face. Sumin wonders what it's like to love and be loved.

"Hey Sumin," it's Jay, he takes up the space beside the girl as the teacher calls for their attention, leading them through stretches.

"Oh, hey." What is up with Jay and Sunoo? Sumin's brow furrows, it's like they don't understand Sumin. It's like they don't realize she doesn't want to get close to them, it's like they don't realize she doesn't want to be friends with them — that she's perfectly content on her own, with only Aika and Jaehyun keeping her company. She doesn't need anyone else, and never will need anyone else.

"I have a question," Jay asks, keeping his voice quiet and eyes trained on their dance teacher.

Sumin's eyes darting to look at Jay gives him a sign to continue talking. "Why do you always have your earphones in?"

To be frank, Sumin was expecting something worse. Sumin lets out a snort, relief washing through her. Jay stares at the girl, curious and eagerly awaiting her answer. Jay would be lying if he didn't find her intriguing, he's heard the rumors about her, he's aware of her reputation, yet he's interested to know more about her, know why Sumin is who she is. Surely she's more than just that 'cold-hearted-bitch-from-class-3-2.'

"The noise," Sumin answers, her voice matching Jay's low tone, "everyone is too loud."

"And your music is not?" Jay rebuffs.

The edges of Sumin's mouth curl up, but not enough for it to be classified as a smile. "Music is easier to understand. Simplier to listen to." Her eyes dart over to Jay again, and this time he meets her curt gaze. "You, of all people, should understand what I mean."

One side of Jay's mouth lifts upwards as he finally gets a glimpse into who Han Sumin was. "Yeah," he responds, "I understand you."

Sumin's eyes dart back to the teacher, ignoring the deeper understanding behind Jay's words. She'll ignore them, pretend she didn't get the double meaning to his last three words. The only people who truly understand her are Aika and Jaehyun.

"Partner up!" Their teacher calls out.

Jay turns to Sumin. "Let's be partners."

There's a daring look in his eye.

"Okay," Sumin says.

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Sumin and Jay walk to the lunch together. It's silent as Sumin listens to her music and Jay hums along to one of their unreleased songs that they were currently recording for their upcoming album. Dance was nice, for the first time in a long time, Sumin thinks as she remembers the calmness she felt with Jay as her partner. He never pushed her, never forced her to do things her previous partners would do. Jay just let Sumin do her own thing, and Sumin appreciates him for it.

Sumin turns down her music and reaches out to tug Jay's white school blouse. The older boy looks down at Sumin with a slight smile.

"You drink tea before you go to sleep?" Sumin asks.

"Yeah, I do. Who told you?" Jay responds.

"Sunoo."

"Why do you ask, Sumin?" Jay's tone was gentle, patient, and Sumin appreciates him even more.

"I can't sleep sometimes. What kind of tea?" Sumin answers, pulling the sleeves of her non-school-regulated hoodie over her hands anxiously, waiting for the prying questions.

"Chamomile tea," is all Jay says.

It's silent for a moment.

"Aren't you going to ask why I can't sleep, Jay?"

"Do you want me to?" Jay retorts, an eyebrow raised.

"No."

"Then I won't ask."

Sumin turns her music back up and Jay goes back to humming. The rest of the walk is done in silence until Sumin tugs at the sleeve of Jay's blouse before they enter the classroom, and, as usual, Jay looks down at the anxious girl, waiting for her to speak. Sumin avoids eye contact and finds herself focusing on a smiling Sunoo over Jay's shoulder. "Thank you." She slides past Jay and into the classroom.

"Sumin!" Sunoo cheers when the girl takes the seat opposite him, he slides a plastic cup of ramen in her direction, "do you want the rest of my ramen? I'm supposed to be watching my weight for our upcoming comeback." His lips jut out into a pout and Sumin has to look away, settling for fiddling with the volume of her music.

Jay sighs as he drops into the seat beside Sunoo, "I don't understand why you have to watch your weight, Sunoo, you're perfectly healthy." He reaches for the ramen, but Sumin's hands move quickly, without her even realizing what she's doing as she snatches the ramen away from Jay.

"I'll eat it."

Sumin doesn't know who is more stunned, herself, Jay, Aika, or Jaehyun.

Sunoo, on the other hand, grins, "thank you, Sumin!"

Sumin avoids eye contact with Sunoo, scowling, "I'm not doing it for you. I'm just hungry."

"Still! I owe you!" Sunoo insists, his feet swinging beneath the table as he moves restlessly in his seat, his eyes shining along with his smile.

Sumin still avoids looking at Sunoo. "No you don't. I'm not doing this for you."

"Yes I do. I owe you!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes."

Sumin makes the mistake of looking at Sunoo who is leaning forward, a sweet, soft smile, and even sweeter eyes. His cheeks are round, and a decliate red. Sumin's heart doing this weird flip and she looks down at the last of the ramen in the plastic cup. "Okay. Maybe you do owe me," she mutters as she stuffs the last of the ramen into her mouth.

"Duh. Name it, and I'll do it for you."

Sumin hands Sunoo some money, already deciding on what she wanted from Sunoo. "Get me one of those jelly-tip chocolate ice cream bars from the school shop and I'll let you sit next to me in Math." Sumin knows those kinds of ice cream bars are hard to get since they're the most sought after delicacy in the whole school, so as she watches Sunoo depart the school eagerly, she can already guess the outcome.

Aika scowls as she looks at Sumin. "That's so mean. You know Sunoo won't be able to get one of those ice cream bars."

Sumin shrugs and pulls out an apple she managed to grab from home before she was pushed out the door by her mother. She doesn't notice Jay's smile as he bites into the left over takeouts that was stockpiled in the fridge back at the dorm.

Sunoo comes back to the classroom with two minutes to spare, a jelly-tip chocolate ice-cream bar in his hand, and a speechless Sumin, Aika, and Jaehyun.

hanlimz
(sumin, aika, jaehyun, jay, sunoo)

aikadeeznuts
i still can't get over sunoo actually being able to get a jelly tip choco bar

he is a legend, he is the moment, teach me ur ways, master!

loser jj
who did u have to fight to get it

park jay
sunoo's very charismatic

kim sunoo
i worked my charm :>

aikadeeznuts
WHAT CHARM I NEED THAT CHARM

loser jj
even if he teaches it to u aika, it'll just be a waste of time

aikadeeznuts
literally die

loser jj
i wish

park jay
everyone loves sunoo

thats his charm

kim sunoo
and because i'm cute, and adorable, and really nice to look at

loser jj
you're really handsome too, sunoo!

kim sunoo
thank you jj ^o^

aikadeeznuts
how was sitting next to sumin in math?

kim sunoo
fun! she was quiet, but it was still nice!

loser jj
you couldn't hear her music, right? because if you could tell her to turn it down

i dont want sumin going deaf before she's twenty

kim sunoo
she took out her earphones to talk to me ^o^

aikadeeznuts
pardon

loser jj
wdym she TOOK them out?????

are you sure that was sumin u were sitting next to??

aikadeeznuts
WHAT THE FUCK?????????

kim sunoo
did i say something wrong ㅜㅜ?

aikadeeznuts
no

thats just unheard of

sumin never takes out her earphones unless she's dancing

park jay
can confirm

loser jj
sumin must like u sunoo

a lot

sumin
stop talking about me

aikadeeznuts
you looooooooooove sunoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sumin
no i dont

aikadeeznuts
why did u take our ur earphones then?? huh?? EXPLAIN

sumin
he did something nice for me so i did something nice in return

its not that complicated

aikadeeznuts
LIAR. BIG FAT LIAR.

i always do nice things for you and you never think to take out ur earphones and actively LISTEN to someone with your full attention

what is going ON????

loser jj
thats sweet sumin

showing that u care about sunoo enough to engage with him

sumin
what are you? my therapist, jj?

loser jj
i very well could be with the amount of shit u tell me

sumin
yeah yeah wtv

aikadeeznuts
WHAT ABOUT ME???

sumin
what about you?

aikadeeznuts
#aikadeservesbetter

kim sunoo
do you really never take out your earphones?

sumin
no one at hanlim is worth my attention sunoo

aikadeeznuts
idk how much more heartbreak i can take

kim sunoo
i had fun in math sumin, did you?

sumin
yeah

it was nice

kim sunoo
*(^o^)* *(^o^)* *(^o^)* *(^o^)*

loser jj
who would've thought sumin would have a soft spot for kim sunoo

sumin
i literally DONT

it was a one time thing

kim sunoo
sumin said i can sit with her in homeroom too ^.^

aikadeeznuts
sumin is literally Melting for you sunoo

sumin
is it such a crime to enjoy sunoo's company?

aikadeeznuts
no!

loser jj
no, we're just. happy and a bit surprised.

aikadeeznuts
mostly happy ^_________^

i'm glad you feel comfortable around sunoo!

sumin
jay's cool too

he was nice in dance today and told me what tea he drinks before bed

its chamomile tea btw

park jay
you're cool too, sumin!

you're a really good dancer

sumin
thanks, it's the only thing i like to do

aikadeeznuts
look at our baby, jaehyun!

shes talking about how she feels ^____________________^

sumin
-_-

loser jj
SUMIN IS EXPRESSING HER EMOTIONS!

as her therapist i find this very progressive :)

sumin
i literally hate you all

die in a hole for all i care

loser jj
don't stop saying how you feel sumin ^^

kim sunoo
some girls were laughing at sumin in class today and she wouldn't tell me who they were and told me to just ignore them :(

aikadeeznuts
probably iseul and her followers

idk why they like to pick on sumin

kim sunoo
i heard them call sumin unloved

they're very rude wth

sumin
its not like it isnt true

but idc their words dont affect me as much as they want them too

yes, i am adopted, and yes i may be unloved, but my parents didnt give me up bc they didn't want me. they DIED and ppl just like to forget that in order to try and tear me down. their words dont mean shit to me because at the end of the day they're the fucking losers, not me

i appreciate you want to defend me, sunoo, but i don't need defending. bullying never stops regardless of what actions are taken to prevent the bullying!

kim sunoo
theyre still rude as heck for saying that about you

sumin you aren't unloveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

park jay
rude

i think iseul is my deskmate for one of my classes

i will ignore her now, maybe ask to change seats

sumin
its okay jay

you dont need to do all that for me

park jay
we're friends sumin

sumin
oh

okay

kim sunoo
since we are friends i'm going to give you a nickname sumin

sumin
im fine thanks

kim sunoo
im giving you a nickname. you can't say no. n_n

sumin
-_-

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hourlysumin day #11

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