"Alec." I reached my hand back into his hair when I felt him start to trail kisses down my bare shoulder late that morning, the both of us still in bed and covered under the sheets. "We have to get to the Institute-"

"Since when do you care about duty?" Alec mumbled into my skin, pulling me even closer into his side, trailing his kisses to my neck. "Or- rules-"

"Since I started dating you." My eyes fluttered close. "You have a very strong influence."

"So do you." Alec sucked on a piece of my skin. "Let's just stay in bed a little longer-"

I swallowed hard at the feeling. "You're telling me I've ruined you?"

"Maybe-" Alec let out a breathy laugh into my neck, making a shaky breath leave my lips when he slid his hand down my thigh under the sheets.

Then at once, he gripped my thigh and pulled my legs open, pulling me under him and bringing himself between my legs, now hovering over me and looking down at me.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Aren't you tired?"

Alec shrugged lightly and leaned his forehead against mine, speaking between kisses. "Making up for lost time-"

"And?" I brought a hand to his hair. "That doesn't answer my question, Lightwood-"

"Well, if you're so worried-" Alec kept kissing me regardless of the conversation we were having. "We could always see how long the stamina rune lasts-"

An amused laugh left my lips between the kisses. "You bastard-"

Alec laughed against my lips, using my parted lips as an opportunity to deepen the kiss, our laughter fading. Then the kiss went from soft and lighthearted to fast and aggressive.

But then I abruptly pulled away from the kiss with a gasp to look at my arm that was stinging and burning like it was last night.

A horrified expression fixed on my face when I caught sight of my skin being carved into just like last night and at the pain of it.

Alec's attention was immediately caught, grabbing onto my arm gently to look himself, his expression dropping and slowly hardening at the sight of another message starting to be carved into my flesh.

Fresh, new words were engraved into my skin and oozing with blood, clear and apparent on my flesh.

Three words.

I miss you.

-

"You found all this in Elliot's book shop?" I heard Alec's voice sound when I walked down the hall of the Institute later that morning.

"Yeah, he kept detailed records on the whereabouts of all sorts of Shadowhunter relics." Luke's voice followed. "If you're looking for the sword Jonathan's after, it's a good place to start."

"All right." Alec replied to him. "Well, we'll get a team on this right away- we'll call if we find anything."

I walked into his office, holding two cups of coffee in my hands. "Hey, Luke-"

"Hey, kiddo-" Luke ruffled my hair on his way out when he walked past me and through the door, leaving Alec and I alone.

"Finally-" Alec met me halfway when I walked further into his office and hugged his arms around me. "Took you long enough-"

"Five minutes." I set down the mugs slowly onto his desk as he kept hugging me from behind, being careful not to spill. "It took me five minutes-"

"One too many minutes." Alec buries his face into my shoulder. "I don't like being away from you anymore-"

I leaned into him. "You're turning me soft-"

"I thought we established that- how long ago?" Alec rested his cheek on my shoulder instead so that he can look at me. "You're late to the game."

"Shut up." I pecked his lips lightly.

Alec grabbed my hand and let go of me, twirling me to face him. "How are you?"

"I'm- okay-" I began slowly.

Alec grabbed my thighs and lifted me off the ground, setting me on his desk next to the coffees I just brought in. He then placed a hand on my arm, repeating again. "How are you?"

I then realized he was resting his hand right over where the words Jonathan had carved once were.

"I'm okay." I repeated myself. "Although, if he tries to pull that again, I will not hesitate to carve the words right off my skin-"

"You are not going to hurt yourself to send a message." Alec grabbed onto my forearms gently. "Promise me you won't."

"Alec." I scanned his face.

Alec says it again. "Promise me."

"I promise." I nodded only once.

"Hey guys-" Isabelle stopped at the door, looking between us. "Am I interrupting?"

"Nope." I grabbed my mug and took a sip of the straight bitterness of the black, steaming coffee, disregarding the burning on my tongue and down my throat.

Isabelle opened her mouth to speak but then paused, walking over to me and pressing her finger to my neck, pointing out one of the many marks that were quite apparent on my skin. "Oh god, Zee- you're covered-"

"What?" I followed her finger and then looked at her, noticing her starting to giggle. "Making up for lost time-"

Isabelle softly laughed and ruffled my hair playfully. "People will talk-"

"Let them." I shrugged, taking another sip of my hot coffee. "I'm not gonna hide the fact that I have a sex life— what're they gonna do? Tell my mom?"

Isabelle purses her lips into a flat line rather than laughing, her immediate sympathetic reaction along with Alec's made me shoot them both a look.

"I actually need to you guys about something." Isabelle brought up another subject before I could speak. "I was thinking about what Sentry Greenlaw said before he was murdered." 

Alec looked at her immediately. "Isabelle, what did Mom say about meddling in Clave affairs?"

"Meddling in Clave affairs?" I repeated, setting down my mug. "I don't think I've ever admired you more, Iz-"

Isabelle shot me a small smile, then looked at Alec. "He said he had information on what was going on at the Gard and was killed for it- aren't you interested in knowing what he had to say?"

"I am." I spoke before Alec could. "What do you suggest? I'm fully prepared to back you."

Alec looked at me. "Hey-"

"I love you." I looked at him.

Alec pursed his lips to remain his stern expression, but I could see him trying to fight the urge to let the corner of his lips rise into a small smile.

Just from that, huh?

"His last word was 'inside'- and I think he was being literal." Isabelle explained. "I want to do an autopsy."

Alec made a valid point. "Don't you think Jia might notice if we return a body that's already been cut open?"

"Interesting- she'll be stealthy." I looked down at her. "Won't you, Iz?"

"Of course." Isabelle slyly smiled at me and put her hands onto my hips. "This is important, Alec. It's our responsibility to find out what's really going on here."

"Twenty-four hours." Alec granted. "And then I'm reporting it to the Clave."

-

"We're really supposed to read through every page until we find a mention of the Morning Star Sword?" Underhill finally broke when Alec, he and I were surrounding a table. "There's got to be a faster way."

"Suck it up, Underhill." I didn't look up from the page I skimmed. "Don't test my patience."

"All I'm saying is— this could take a while." Underhill continued anyways.

"Yeah— and you're wasting our time pestering me about this." I set down the page I just read through, grabbing my second cup of coffee.

"I can help speed things up." Magnus' voice suddenly erupted in the room as he walked in, gesturing his hands, sparking what none of us expected; magic. He moved his hands gracefully, the papers that were once scattered on the table in the center of the room now spinning in a tornado of magic Magnus had just conjured from his fingertips.

My entire body stilled at the sight, the sip of hot, black coffee still sitting in my mouth, burning my tongue and cooling progressively, as I was unable to swallow.

I slowly exchanging looks with Alec, the both of us sharing the same, confused expression.

"All the pages referencing the Morning Star Sword." Magnus hummed after he had neatly set down all the pages, holding up the few that we were looking for, before turning and heading to Alec's office so that we could speak privately on the matter.

Alec and I quickly followed, and he was the first one to break. "Magnus, how did you get your magic back?"

Magnus' answer was simple and short. "I got some help from Lorenzo-"

"Lorenzo?" The name felt more bitter on my tongue than the coffee I had just swallowed. "Why the hell would he help you?"

"He's the High Warlock- it's his job." Magnus remained short, flipping through the pages he had just collected. "Will you help me look through these?"

"You're leaving something out." I stared at him suspiciously. "What is it?"

Magnus completely avoided the question. "I thought you'd be happy for me-"

"I am, but-" I began.

"A-ha! Here it is." Magnus cut me off and held up a page. "A list of transactions involving the Morning Star sword- and according to this ledger, it ended up in the hands of Liam Janssens."

Alec interjected. "That doesn't sound like a Shadowhunter name."

"No, he's a mundane and very wealthy, collector from Antwerp." Magnus skimmed the page. "Apparently, he was so obsessed with the Sword that he was buried with it."

Then he looked at us. "Fancy a trip to Belgium?"

"So we can go grave-robbing?" I crossed my arms and scanned Magnus. "Everyone's surprising me today-"

"It sounds less classy when you put it that way." Magnus dropped the page and then opened a portal for us. "Feels good to be back."

-

"Let's just grab the Sword and get out of here." Alec made himself clear to Magnus and I when we had arrived. "Don't touch anything you don't have to."

"Aw, you're squeamish about seeing a dead body." I looked at him. "How cute-"

Alec looked down at me when we came to a stop. "No, I'm squeamish about disturbing a man's grave."

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

Magnus was clearly using his newly returned magic for practically everything it seemed, especially when he opened the grave and retrieved the sword all without laying a finger on anything.

"Is that it?" I questioned when he observed it. "The Morning Star sword?"

"Nope." Magnus blew out a huff. "The sheath appears to be authentic, onyx-plated silver, but the blade, not so much. It's a fake."

I sighed as Magnus handed the sword over to Alec. "Someone beat us to it."

"Jonathan?" questioned Alec.

"I don't think so." Magnus looked into the grave. "Judging from the cobwebs, it's been at least years."

"There's an inscription." Alec noticed and caught me completely off guard when he began reading the words on the sword; in Latin.

"Wow, you have never been more attractive." I stared at Alec with slight wide eyes at the fluency. "Have you always been able to speak fluent Latin?"

Alec nodded lightly. "Always."

I place my hands onto my hips. "You just got ten times hotter."

"Biscuit." Magnus caught my attention and began making me focus more on the Latin translation itself rather than how perfectly the words rolled off Alec's tongue. "Sword of Lucifer, whose might will drive the fallen-"

I finished for him, exhaling sharply. "From the many realms of Hell."

Magnus looked between us both. "With the real sword, Jonathan can summon an army of demons."

-

"Oh, okay, let's be quick." Magnus quickly walked into his apartment when he and portalled us in. "I have a couple of books that I want to bring that might mention the sword-"

"And it couldn't hurt to take along a few apothecary supplies." Magnus grabbed a bag and started throwing things into it, murmuring to himself. "Oh! I need these for the elixir- and a few of these-"

"What's with all the packing?" I questioned, watching him closely. "We can come back after we check in at the Institute."

Magnus froze in his spot and exhaled slow. "Actually, I don't think that's possible."

"Alec." My stare never left Magnus. "Could Magnus and I have the room?"

Alec didn't argue, just simply pressed a kiss to me temple, followed by a squeeze of my hand in a comforting gesture before he left us alone to talk.

My glare was hard, my body tense, getting straight to the point. "What haven't you told me?"

"When Lorenzo gave me my magic back, he did so at a price." Magnus admitted quietly and then slowly glanced around the apartment, giving me all the answer I needed.

"That son of a bitch." I felt my blood boil instantly. "He asked for your apartment?"

Magnus sighs. "I wasn't in a position to refuse."

"I'll kill him." were the first words that left my mouth, turning on my heel, feeling my hand already on one of my kindjals in my thigh sheaths.

"Biscuit, no!" Magnus grabbed my arm and turned me to face him again. "Don't-"

"That bastard took advantage of you." I was beyond angry. "He stole your home- he has no right-"

"He didn't steal it. I gave it to him." Magnus corrected me. "And if I had to, I'd do it again."

I stopped talking and just stared at him.

Magnus knew me too well, knowing by the look in my eyes that I demanded an explanation. "I've had many, many happy memories in this apartment. But at the end of the day, it's just a thing. But my magic, it makes me feel alive- yes, I can do fabulous tricks, jet around the world, help the people I love. But, more than that- magic connects me to everything around me. Without magic, I feel like a stranger. The world keeps on going and it's like I'm not a part of it. It's like, suddenly, I don't matter-"

My heart ached at his words, especially since the reason he lost his magic in the first place was to right my wrong. "Magnus, of course you matter."

"I know, Biscuit- everyone does." Magnus grabbed my arms gently. "But without magic, I can't feel it- this apartment is not important. I have you and I have my magic- and truly, that's enough."

I stay silent this time.

Magnus sighed quietly and squeezed my arms gently. "Please, try and be happy for me."

-

"You son of a bitch." I confronted Lorenzo without Magnus' knowing despite him asking me not to. "You really are despicable, aren't you?"

I could've respected his wishes, but I was too far beyond angry to think clearly.

"Ah, Ms. Morgenstern!" Lorenzo addressed me with a smile. "What a pleasant surprise- I didn't know you came with this apartment, is Mr. Lightwood aware?"

I didn't crack a smile. "Funny."

"It really is a beautiful space wouldn't you agree?" Lorenzo gestured out the window. "The perfect Brooklyn pied-à-terre."

"How dare you-" His words made my blood boil. "You are the High Warlock- you're supposed to protect people like Magnus, not exploit them."

"As a matter of fact, I did help Magnus." Lorenzo folded his hands. "There's nothing to say that I shouldn't be compensated for it."

"You don't need this apartment." I clenched my jaw. "You took advantage of his vulnerability- all you wanted was to humiliate him- and I won't take that lightly-"

"Yes, and I did." Lorenzo was straightforward. "And the fact that he sent his little girlfriend to plead his case tells me I more than succeeded."

"You know, I've never killed a Downworlder before." I said through gritted teeth, taking a step towards him. "Something tells me that's about to change-"

"Is that a threat?" Lorenzo was amused.

I grimaced. "What did it sound like to you?"

"You know, I'm not surprised that would be your immediate solution-" Lorenzo knew where it would sting. "Following in your father's footsteps- sticking to your pure Morgenstern roots. Please, go on- I'd love to see the reaction your kind'll have when they find out their famous Alicante savior decided she was done playing hero."

This made me tense and go silent.

"Imagine the look on Magnus' face when he hears that you hurt his kind— in his name." Lorenzo was walking towards me now and stood tall before me. "Imagine how disgusted he'd be- maybe even frightened? He'll see you as a threat rather than an ally-"

"Do I threaten you, Lorenzo?" I stared at him with a fixed glare. "Is that why you're trying so hard to exploit insecurity and weakness? Have you got nothing else comminatory up your sleeve?"

"There is something you need to understand, Ms. Morgenstern." Lorenzo took a step back from me. "When a subordinate comes to question your judgment and launches a fireball in your face, it's your duty to put him in line."

"Your boyfriend still hasn't accepted that I'm the High Warlock now- not him." Lorenzo exclaimed. "If I had to break his spirit to teach him that, so be it."

"Enjoy this position while it lasts, Lorenzo." I took a step toward him, my voice lowering dangerously. "If there's one thing I know- it's that the Clave doesn't take kindly to conniving, unethical Downworld leaders."

"You will slip up." I grit my teeth. "And when you do, I'll be waiting there to take you down."

-

"Where are you taking me?" I questioned Jace when he had called me to come meet him as quickly as possible. "What was so important that you pulled me away from my one on one time with a bottle of whiskey?"

"Clearly I saved you from getting one step closer to being an alcoholic." Jace grabbed my hand out of the blue. "You'll like it- I promise."

"Like it?" I repeated his words, scanning his side profile. "Jace, I'm not in the mood-"

"What's wrong?" Jace stopped abruptly and grabbed both my hands, as though he didn't want the contact to be lost. Why would he ask me that?

"What's wrong?" I repeated his words in surprise. What wasn't wrong? Lorenzo snatched Magnus' apartment right from under him just to humiliate him and I can't do anything about it! Any way I knew how was completely unacceptable because I was a changed person— I wasn't like my father, and he was the High Warlock. What else was wrong? Oh, right!- I couldn't feel my parabatai because of an elixir I was drugged with in a sleep I didn't think I would wake up from, and no matter how hard we tried to act normal, it wouldn't change the fact that we felt so distant and disconnected. I felt more connected to Jonathan than I did Isabelle! Can you believe it? And we can't forget about the loss of my abilities that bastard elixir took with. How the hell does an elixir rid you of your special abilities? How? At this point, shamefully, I felt how I did when I first arrived here. Empty, lost, alone, detached, you name it! Despite the fact that I was surrounded by everyone I loved and cared for, I couldn't shake the feeling off and the guilt was just eating me away inside. And let's not forget the obvious— Jonathan Morgenstern, my meant to be dead brother was taunting me by cutting into my skin through a rune that ties our lives together! And I haven't got the first clue on how to get it off me! What wasn't wrong?

Instead of that ongoing rant, I followed up the repetition. "Nothing."

"I'm sorry." Jace scanned my face. "I just wanted to spend time with you- outside of the Institute."

I blinked hard and then subconsciously grabbed onto my arm. "Right- sorry-"

Jace's eyes flickered at the sight of me grabbing my arm. "What is it?"

"Oh-" I let go of my arm and inhaled sharp. "Jonathan's been- sending me messages, through our rune. He's carved into my skin a few times-"

Jace didn't react. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I scanned his face, getting an odd vibe from him. "They were nothing an Iratze couldn't fix. But, I'm close to cutting the next message off my skin-"

Jace's next words caught me off guard. "Well, I can't really blame him for being crazy about you." Had he gone completely mad?

"What?" I snipped at him. "He kidnapped me and held me hostage- he gave me an elixir that dampened my abilities and made me lose my connection to my parabatai-"

Jace stared. "But- he did it out of love."

Something was wrong.

"I'm sorry." Jace suddenly said when he caught the look of distraught on my face. "You're right- that must've been very traumatic. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I replied short. "I was busy."

Jace's expression had hardened slightly.

"What, are you mad at me?" I blinked a few times. "Because that's foolish-"

"Not at all." Jace instantly changed his expression. "I just wanna make sure you're safe. You activated your anti-tracking rune, right?"

Something was very wrong.

"Oh- no, I haven't-" I lied and took out my stele. "I'll do it now-"

"Good- then no one can hurt you." Jace nodded slowly. "And if they try, I'll be here to protect you."

"Right." I lowly replied and deactivated my anti-tracking rune as we resumed walking.

-

"Uh-" I stammered when Jace picked up a rose from the stand when the owner was distracted when we reached the Promenade. "You're not supposed to just take those."

Jace handed me the rose. "There was no one there to stop me."

I stared at the rose for a moment, an odd rush feeling me, making me even more aware that something wasn't right. Why would Jace give me a rose?

I looked at him. "Why are you giving me this?"

"Do I have to have a reason?" Jace scanned me head to toe, his eyes fixating on my face after a moment.

"Giving a woman a rose typically holds the idea of romantic connotations." I looked back down at the rose when his gaze fixed on my face.

"You're right- I'm sorry." I felt Jace's stare burn into me. "I think I just forget myself around you."

"What?-" I looked at him startled, my sentence only being cut off when he abruptly put his hands onto my waist and pressed his lips right down into mine.

My hands immediately pressed firmly onto his chest and shoved him back with all the force I could conjure in that moment, dropping the rose.

Jace stumbled back, catching a look of my angry expression, my eyes wide and my body tense.

I didn't speak, nor did I let him utter a word before my fist came in contact with his jaw and hard.

That was when it all made sense.

A sharp pain erupted in my jaw, right where I just had punched Jace, a dampness appearing at the corner of my mouth, just like Jace's.

Jonathan.

He hadn't noticed I spotted the blood even with the speed at which he hid his face, using his sleeve to wipe the blood clean.

"I'm sorry- that was out of line-" Jonathan looked at me, maintaining his Jace character and scanning my face, looking concerned. "Zee, you're hurt-"

My heart beat raced, deciding confronting him wasn't the best choice, even if it was my first instinct. "I am?"

"Yes." Jonathan reached and touched the blood, holding back his thumb to show me. "It must be Jonathan again- hang on, let me grab my stele-"

"No-" I cut in immediately. "I got it- just- could you buy me a bottle of water? I think- I'm dehydrated-"

"Oh, I'm so stupid." Jonathan put a hand to his mouth. "It's me. I've been running you ragged all over the city."

I barely nodded.

"I'll be back with that water-" He assured me then walked away and over to the truck.

I grabbed my stele and ran it over my Iratze before sitting down, fishing out my phone and calling Isabelle immediately.

"Zee?" Isabelle answered within a ring.

"Iz." My voice was dangerously low. "I'm on the Promenade with Jonathan- he's glamoured himself to look like Jace."

Isabelle questions. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine- he doesn't think I know." I told her. "But- Jonathan must have ambushed Jace- he told me to meet him by an ice rink in Chelsea?"

"Just sit tight. I'll find Jace." Isabelle told me. "Then I'm coming for you."

"Bring Alec." I quietly requested. "Please."

"Of course." Isabelle agreed. "Once we find you, you can use your Somnus rune."

I inhale. "That'll only sedate him for a minute."

"That's enough time to take him into custody."Isabelle replied to me but my body tensed even more when I heard footsteps behind me.

"Who's that?" Jonathan, glamoured as Jace came behind me, making me hang up on Isabelle immediately.

"Uh, Alec." I lied and stood up quickly. "He was wondering what he should pick up for dinner."

Jonathan's expression hardened quickly, but he slowly handed me the water. "Come on- let's go-"

-

"Where are we going, Jace?" I tried to stall Jonathan as he pulled on my hand. "Why all the secrecy?"

"If you really want me to, I'll ruin the surprise." Jonathan said. "There's a gallery I've read about full of artists I think you'll like- it's right up here-"

"Uh- hey!" I pulled on his hand and stopped him. "Come on- what's the rush?"

Jonathan stared at me. "There's no rush."

I swallowed hard and stared at him.

Jonathan scanned my face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm great." I lied.

Jonathan reached and placed a hand on my forearm. "You seem a little on edge."

Then, I heard multiple, rushed footsteps around the corner, making me instantly pull out one of my kindjals and pierce it into him. "Yeah, I think we both know why-"

Jonathan grunted, his glamoured form fading as he fell to the ground. I pulled out my kindjal , doing my best to ignore the fresh wound on my side and fished out my stele while he spoke. "I thought we were enjoying our time together-"

"Funny-" I moved and held him down quickly, getting ready to draw the rune and sedate him.

But, his words made me freeze. "Running away from who you are isn't like you, Zee-"

I tensed. "What the hell do you know?-"

"You're a Morgenstern." Jonathan's words burned through me. "You can pretend- you can run- you can do everything you can to try and fight it, but- it's in your blood- it's who you are- and I'm the closest thing you have to that person-"

My eyes were glued to his, and I knew I had to sedate him. I knew it was time.

Especially when I heard Isabelle's distant shout, "Zee, now!"

But I didn't.

I didn't move to sedate him.

I was frozen in my place.

I couldn't understand why.

I had just impaled him, didn't I?

Why couldn't I just draw a stupid rune?

But, before I could snap out of it and gather my thoughts, Jonathan that taken my state to his advantage and threw me against the wall, making his escape.

I grunted when my head hit the hard wall, my body hitting it with a quick force, my stele slipping from my hands.

"Zee!" Jace rushed over to me, taking out his stele as I coughed, holding onto my bleeding out side.

Alec immediately crouched in front of me and grabbed onto my arms gently after Jace had healed me. "Are you okay?"

"You had him, Zee-" Jace was appalled.

I stammered. "I know."

"What happened?" Isabelle questioned.

My gaze was on the ground. "I don't know."

-

"Zee!" I heard Jace's voice echo later that night followed by the front door shutting as I was seated on the newly added couch at Alec and I's apartment. "Hey- you hungry? I brought food."

I look at him. "How the hell did you get in?"

"There's a rune for that, remember?" Jace walked over to me with a bag and two large drinks. "Although, a key would be useful."

I reply. "I'll ask Alec to make you a copy."

Jace flatly smiled, then plopped down next to me on the couch. "I brought Chinese."

"Please tell me you brought orange chicken." I scanned him as he opened the bag. "I don't think I can handle more Mu Shu Pork."

"Orange chicken." Jace pulled out the take out box that held it. "I also got you the dumplings and spring rolls you like so much-"

A weak smile formed on my lips watching as he emptied the bag, setting the take out boxes onto the dining table.

"Thank you." I picked up one take out box of noodles. "How did you know I was hungry?"

"You didn't eat breakfast this morning and you weren't at the Institute all day." Jace handed me chopsticks. "You can't run off coffee all day."

"I can and I will." I opened the box and used my chopsticks to feed myself some noodles, as Jace settled back into the couch himself with his own box.

Then I fell silent and returned my gaze to the ground, taking my time chewing and swallowing my food, being once more lost in my thoughts.

"Hey." Jace noticed and seemed like he knew it was coming. "Try not to beat yourself up. I couldn't kill Valentine, remember?"

"That's different." I played with the noodles rather than gather than for another bite. "I've killed Jonathan before. I mean- god, I didn't even have to kill him now, all I had to do was sedate him— and I couldn't do it."

"When Jonathan was disguised as me," Jace slowly began. "Did he do anything to you?"

"He kissed me." I looked at him. "I punched him in the face. That's how I found out it wasn't you-"

"I'm sorry." Jace looked visibly angry that Jonathan had gotten to me. "I'm sorry, I let my guard down-"

"It wasn't your fault, Jace." I quietly assured him, and then looked back down at my noodles. "I knew he'd come after me at some point."

Jace went silent this time, seeming to be playing with his food now as well rather than eat it.

I broke the silence. "Promise me something."

"Anything." Jace looked at me.

I stared at him. "Anything at all?"

"Of course." Jace nodded. "Without a doubt."

"Good." I swallow a bit hard. "Promise me that you'll kill me if I lose myself again-"

Jace went pale. "I- can't-"

"Yes you can." I sat up, feeling my eyes start to water a bit. "You said anything- you said you would promise me anything, and that's what I want you to promise me-"

Jace was distraught. "I can't kill you-"

"You might have to." I tried my best to keep my tears held back. "Jace, you're the only person I can trust with this- I know you'll do what needs to be done-"

Jace shook his head. "It won't get to that-"

"You don't know that." I felt completely vulnerable. "There's something wrong with me. I can feel it- I can feel myself fighting with— myself- and I don't know how much longer I will last. Or if I'll even win- and if I don't, you need to promise me that you'll kill me."

Jace's eyes had watered by now and he was at a complete loss of words.

My voice broke. "Please."

"I promise." Jace practically whispered, then slowly set down the take out box in his hand, holding his arms out weakly for me.

I set down my noodles and immediately hugged him tightly, resting my head on his chest, holding my tears back from spilling over.

Then he let out a quiet whisper into my hair. "But I also promise that it won't come to that."

-

"I think we've gotten the last of it." Alec exclaimed, grabbing his glass filled with whiskey as we had unpacked whatever was left while sharing a bottle of whiskey late that night.

"Good." I refilled my glass yet again, "Now that Magnus has his magic back, maybe I could have him soundproof the room my drums are in. Maybe that way our neighbors won't hate us-"

"That is a wonderful idea." Alec propped down on the couch, taking down his glass of whiskey in one gulp.

I walked over to him and filled his again before setting the half empty bottle on the coffee table, sitting by him.

My back rested against the arm of the couch as I took a sip of my whiskey, my gaze falling ahead and blank.

Alec's eyes were glued to me, taking a sip of his whiskey before he reached, tapping my temple lightly with his finger. "I smell smoke."

I look at him. "Bastard."

"Stop keeping it to yourself so much." Alec shot me a lazy smile even when I had just insulted him. He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Jonathan said something to me." I obeyed him because of my slightly drunken state. "He said that no matter how much I tried to run or pretend to be someone else, I was always going to be a Morgenstern."

Alec moved and rested his chin on one of my folded up knees. "Just because you're a Morgenstern, does not mean that you're like them."

"I know, but- what if it's who I am? What if I'm kidding myself?" I scanned his face, being more honest that I wanted to be. "I'll never escape."

Alec stared at me. "I know who you are."

"Or who I'm pretending to be?" I interject.

Alec sat up and took my glass, setting both down next to the bottle. He then looked at me, "Don't let him get into your head."

"Too late." I admitted.

"I know who you are." Alec grabbed my hand. "You don't pretend with me."

I scan his face. "And what if I change?"

"You'll always be Zee." Alec used his free hand to grab my leg and drape it over his lap, moving his hand that was once in mine to my waist so that I straddled him. "My Zee." Yours, yours, yours. I was all yours.

I said one word. "Yours." That one word was enough to keep a grip on my thoughts.

"Mine." Alec scanned my face a few times in a row, and that was when I became fully aware of the fact that I was straddling his lap and his face was inches from mine.

I closed the distance and pressed my lips into his, one of my hands resting onto his shoulder and the other finding it's way to his face, holding it in my hand.

Alec's mouth greeted mine with a slow kiss, his hands slipping up my body, one finding it's way to my lower back and the other tangling itself in my hair.

The hand that once held his face slid back to the nape of his neck and into his hair, grabbing a handful and tugging gently, earning a small groan from Alec into the kiss.

And gradually, the slow and meaningful kisses progressed into fast and lust filled ones.

Then, he was gripping the hem of my shirt and I was pulling away from the kiss, letting him pry it off my head before I was doing the exact same to him.

The burning in my chest intensified with every moment that went by when Alec dipped his head forward and started kissing down my jaw, tangling his fingers in my hair once more to get a good fistful to use to his advantage; tilting my head back to make my neck more accessible.

"I think our neighbors might hate us for more than one reason." Alec murmured into my neck, sucking on a piece of skin. He brought his free hand between my legs and brushed his fingertips over my jeans, but it was enough contact to make me gasp lightly. "We might have to soundproof the entire apartment."

But, then I let out another gasp, and this one was not from pleasure.

My head whipped up immediately at the pain erupting on the arm for the third time, in the same spot.

Alec felt how tense I got, lifting his head slowly to notice me looking at my arm already, following my gaze.

This time it wasn't a message that Jonathan had carved into my skin.

It was a reminder.

Because in bloody letters on my irritated skin was written one thing.

Morgenstern.

I stared at the name in distraught, my breathing slightly picking up as I could see from the corner of my eye, Alec scanning it over and over again with his.

It was a reminder for him too, wasn't it?

What he signed up for.

What he got.

The terrible excuse of a human being straddling his lap right in front of him.

I could feel small tears prickling in my eyes. Why did I feel like crying? Was it because of how much it haunted me? How scared I was to go back to who I was? Or because I was afraid that Alec would realize Zee Morgenstern wasn't worth it? That Zee Morgenstern wasn't enough for him? That he deserved much better than the daughter of Valentine Morgenstern.

It was amazing how despite it all, the insecurities still remained apparent.

My eyes snapped toward Alec, expecting him to grab his stele and heal me; erase it as though it never happened. To forget about it and let it slip both our minds for the night.

But instead, Alec slowly grabbed my arm, cupping the corners of the carving with the most gentle touch.

He then leaned down and slowly kissed each letter. One by one, gently and steadily.

The feeling of his lips against the fresh letters burned slightly, but that wasn't what made my eyes water. It was how he kissed it with the most gentle touch, how he, instead of erasing it, embraced it.

And until that moment, I didn't know it was possible to fall in love with him all over again.

authors note:

jonathan morgenstern everybody: biggest cock block of the century.

but, AH— idk what took over me when i was writing the last scene and i almost deleted it but- i've decided to keep it. i really wanted to include it to show how alec handled the situation. will i regret this decision later on? i am not sure

jace and zee >> their friendship makes me cry, along with zee and izzy, and ofc zee and magnus

and the zee and alec moments in this chapter made me feelllll. emotions. lots of them. especially the last scene. i, for some reason, really liked how alec handled it

but, sort zee into a hogwarts house !! i'm torn between slytherin and gryffindor for her.

anyways, thank you so much for 86k !!

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