"Zee!" I heard Simon's distant shout from afar when I still stood in Magnus' arms, after a long shower and a pair of fresh clothes.

"Simon-" I could barely finish saying his name before his body slammed against mine, hugging onto me as tight as he could once Magnus had let go of me, "Hi-"

"Hi-" Simon pulled away suddenly and grabbed my arms, staring at me right in the face, "Am I dreaming?-"

I denied, "No."

"I'm not?" He asked.

I shook my head, "You're not."

"Okay-" Simon pulled me into his chest again, hugging me even tighter than he did the first time, as I couldn't help but smile and hug him with the same amount of strength despite the fact that I could barely breathe.

"Oh my god-" Isabelle's voice filled my ears along with the sound of her fast clicking heels on the ground, feeling her engulf me tightly when Simon let go. "I love you so much."

"I love you-" I hugged her tightly, my heart warming at her scent and finally being with her again.

But, regardless of standing in the same room with her, it wasn't the same. I couldn't feel her like I did before.

"Tell me where Jonathan is." I could tell Isabelle felt the disconnection when her hand touched where her parabatai rune once was over her shirt, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch with my bare hands."

I inhale, "About that-"

"You can't." Jace cuts in, "None of us can."

Simon questioned, "Why?"

I took a step back from everyone and pulled my shirt aside lightly, revealing the rune that was just recently carved into my skin. "Right before you showed up, Lilith carved this rune into me."

"The rune ties Zee's life force to Jonathan's." Alec's expression was closed, but the pure anger in his eyes was clear.

Luke added in, "Hurt one of them, you hurt the other in the exact same way."

"Which is why I sent an alert out to the other Institutes." Alec swallowed, running his finger over the monitor and showing us the alert. "Jonathan must be captured— alive."

"Wait- but, why can't I feel you anymore?" Isabelle pointed out, "Is it because of the rune?-"

"No." I inhaled sharply. "When I woke up in Siberia, Jonathan told me this is the consequence of an elixir Lilith prepared just for me- it doesn't let me access my abilities and gives off the impression that I'm dead. I can't feel much of— anything."

"Well- we need to find him-" Jace interjects, "There's no way he's going to roam free after what he did to you-"

"When we were in Paris, he was looking for a sword— The Morning Star." I mentioned, "If we can find it first, maybe we can track down Jonathan."

Simon inhales, "Another magic sword?"

"Unfortunately." I replied. "He said it was some sort of family heirloom. Wanted to give it to me as a gift- I doubt that was all he had planned for it."

Isabelle nodded slow, "I'll reach out to all the weapons masters to get intel."

"I'll draw all the ley line junctions in the city." Magnus suggested, "If Jonathan moved the apartment, we'll find him."

"I don't even know what to say." I was stammering as I looked between them all, "Thank you- all of you, so much-"

Jace began, "You don't need to thank us-"

"But, I do." I looked at him, "I don't know where I'd be without any of you- who I'd be. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all-"

"That's what family's for, Young." The surname rolled off Simon's tongue with ease, giving me a soft smile.

"All right, let's get to work." Alec instructed, before I felt him press a kiss to my temple before he headed over to one of the monitors.

"Hey." Jace walked over to me and stood directly in front of me, "You okay?"

I looked up at him, "Yeah-"

"Let me rephrase." Jace put a hand on my shoulder, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I paused for a moment.

Was I?

Jace notices my hesitance, then sighs quietly, "May I see it?"

My tone went bland, "Have at it."

He reached and grabbed onto my shirt gently, pulling it sideways so he could get a better look at the rune standing out on my skin. He stared at it for a few moments, his eyes scanning every indent and carving seeped with red scarring.

His expression faltered.

"What is it?" I caught it quick.

Jace stammered, "I think I've seen it before."

-

"I'm not finding anything-" I didn't look up from the book my eyes were skimming through, trying to find something, anything that could remotely have anything to do with the rune carved into my flesh, "Are there any specific key words you're looking for? Maybe I can sort these books out before we waste our time-"

"Zee-" Jace doesn't answer my question, but instead looks up at me from the book he was reading. "Listen, this could take a while-"

I reply short, "I'm aware."

"Why don't you get something to eat?" Jace suggested, his stare burning into me but I didn't dare look up.

"I'm not hungry." I told him.

"That doesn't mean you don't need it." Jace shot back at me, "Come on, Zee- you've been going nonstop since you got back, just take a break- just- a minute- you need it-"

"What I need is this rune off me." I finally looked up at him, "I'm not wasting any time."

Jace repeats, "You need to take a minute."

"I don't have a minute." My tone went strict.

"Zee." Jace's words made my sternness simmer down, "I thought I'd lost you- forever. We all thought you were dead- for a second time- I mean- we thought you were blown up in the apartment."

I went quiet and stared.

"And now that you're back- but, you're throwing yourself into work- you've barely looked at me- you haven't been with Alec- Clary, Izzy- you haven't even taken care of yourself." Jace scanned my expression for some sort of emotion. "We all spent weeks mourning and wishing we said things- did things with you before you were killed- and now that we have that second chance- you're just going to what- shun us?"

"I'm not shunning you." My voice came out weaker than I had intended. "I'm sorry- I know what you mean- I should be more considerate. I just, Jace- you don't understand. I can feel it- the rune- there's this burning feeling in my chest and I can't shake it off. It's driving me crazy-"

"I know- I'm sorry- I'm so sorry," Jace sighs and covers his face, "I'm trying to remember-"

"I know you are." I sigh quietly and shut the book I was looking at, walking towards him and pushing myself onto my tippy toes, hugging him as tightly as I could. "Don't stress it- if it's something you learned at the Institute, it would be here. You and I will find it-"

Jace hugged me tightly for a few moments.

But then he paused, his words making me tense up, "But- I didn't just study at the Institute."

"And neither did you." Jace slowly slipped away and grabbed my arms, looking at me, "We've been looking in the wrong place."

-

"Paradise Lost." I stared at the copy he brought over, setting it in front of me, "Valentine made me study that when I was younger-"

"This edition was illustrated by a special sect of the Silent Brothers- seers." Jace opened the book and flipped through the pages, "Valentine made me memorize it- do you remember what it was about?"

"Lucifer's war on Heaven." I replied.

Jace added onto my sentence, "And his clash with his brother, the Archangel Michael."

"I don't see where you're going with this." My gaze was fixed on him as he flipped through the pages of the book, stopping on one illustration.

"Look." Jace pointed to a symbol that looked all too similar to the rune on my chest, "Michael and Lucifer weren't just siblings."

"The rune-" My heart stopped, my finger pointing at the next illustration. "It's gone in this one."

I look up slowly, "Michael vanquished Lucifer."

"He must have found some way to separate himself." Jace looked at me with a nod.

"That means there is a way- that we just have to find it." I stood straight and took a step back, "Okay, I'm going to go find some books on Michael and Lucifer- see if I can-"

Jace cut me off, "Zee, no-"

"Jace-" I began to say.

"No." Jace made himself clear, "Listen, I want you to go take a minute. I can handle this- if I find anything, I'll call you-"

I start, "Jace, I don't need a minute-"

"You have no idea how much you need a minute right now." Jace's words made me shut up, "You were kidnapped- you collapsed in my arms when we found you- you have been through so much and you need to take a breather."

My voice was quiet, "I'm fine-"

"You can keep telling yourself that, sure." Jace stared at me, "Go spend time with Alec."

"Alec's working." I told him, "Just like we should be-"

Jace replied, "He will drop it for you."

"He wouldn't." I stared.

"Yes he would." Jace shot back at me quick, "You know he bought the apartment? The one with the kitchen you liked? When we all thought you were dead-"

My heart stopped, "He what?-"

"He bought the apartment." Jace exclaimed, "He spent all his free time there when he wasn't working. He renovated the place-"

I didn't reply.

"Go spend time with him." Jace looked down at his book, "If not for you, for him."

-

"You know, you could've dipped into my bank account while I was gone to help pay for the place." I carried a huge box through the door and kicked it close behind me hours later, as Alec and I decided to finally move in. "That way I could've at least, somehow- contributed to the place."

Alec walks over to me and meets me halfway, taking the box from me so I didn't have to carry it any longer. "You did contribute to the place."

"Oh really?" I place my hands on my hips and watched as he walked over to the pile of boxes and set the one we had just brought in on top of one, "How?"

"You told me you really liked the kitchen." Alec smiled at me sheepishly and gestured to the kitchen. "It helped me make my decision."

"Oh, piss off." I shook my head at him, making him softly laugh at me as I walked over to the boxes, "My drum set's still at the Institute-"

"Oh god." Alec thought out loud, "Our neighbors are going to hate us."

"Well- they better not complain unless they want a drumstick in their eye." I looked up and met his gaze, "Kidding."

"Sure you were." Alec reaches and ruffles my hair, "Come on- why don't we go grab a bite?"

"We have all this unpacking to do, Alec-" I looked away and opened a box, "It's going to take hours-"

"Well- let's just take a minute then." Alec reached and grabbed onto my hand before I could grab something from the box, pulling me towards him, "Just a minute."

"We don't have a minute-" I placed my free hand onto his chest. "We have things to do-"

"I'm sure the boxes won't run off anywhere." Alec used our locked hands to twirl me. "I think we can spare a minute-"

"What're we doing?-" I asked the most obvious question when I faced him again, his free hand finding it's way to my waist.

Alec began to sway back and forth, "Dancing."

"With no music?" I swayed with him, scanning his expression, "That's boring."

"There's music in my head-" Alec dipped me, "You'd like it-"

I wrap my arms around his neck, "Would I?"

"Mhm." Alec brought me back up to my feet.

I barely hummed in response, my eyes locked his as we danced in the middle of our apartment surrounded by boxes.

"Talk to me." Alec had suddenly broken the silence, his voice low, "You can talk to me."

My tone matched his, my eyes remaining connected with his, "What makes you think I need to talk?"

"I can see it in your eyes." Alec caressed the hand he had in his with his thumb, "You're here- but, you're not really- here."

I inhale sharp, "I'm fine."

"You're not." Alec scanned my expression, "But, Zee- that's okay. It's okay to be weak sometimes-"

I stopped dancing and took a step back from him, instantly getting defensive, "I'm not weak."

"Zee-" Alec began to say.

I stare, "I'm not."

"Zee, you were kidnapped." Alec's tone remained calm, "You came back with a rune tying your life force to Jonathan's- without being able to feel your connection to Izzy- or have your abilities- one person can only take so much-"

"So much?" I took another step back from him, "Jace died for me. I brought him back- I made him weak enough to subject himself to Lilith. I summoned Ithuriel and got him killed- I was arrested- I slaughtered- an entire group of Circle Members at the Gard- I practically killed my own father again; I almost froze to death in Siberia and I had to stab myself- multiple times- to get away from Jonathan in Paris- I thought you were dead the entire time- and if that wasn't enough, Magnus gave up his magic to fix my mistake. And now, I have this rune- that I haven't got a clue how to get off me- and I feel more connected to my meant to be dead brother than I do my parabatai-"

"I know, I know-" Alec reached his hands and pushed my ear behind my ears, grabbing my face gently, his tone remaining soft and gentle with me, "You endure what is unbearable and you bear it."

Unwillingly, tears welled up in my eyes.

"What I'm telling you is that you can break with me." Alec caressed my cheek with his thumb, "You don't need to hold it in with me."

My voice was a whisper, my eyes locked with his, "I don't want to be weak."

"I wish I was as half as strong as you on your weakest day." Alec said to me, "God, if anything, I aspire to be as strong as you one day- you have endured so much and it's admirable that you're still here."

I said nothing.

"You can beat this." Alec let one hand drop from my face and grab my shirt, slowly revealing my rune, "You can beat anything."

A tear fell, "I don't know if I can beat this."

"You can." Alec assured me, "I know you will."

"No, I can't- because I'm not fighting Jonathan, I'm fighting the darkness— again." My voice was quiet and shaky, "And I'm not sure I'm going to win this time-"

Alec used his thumbs to wipe my tear, "Zee, you are not that person anymore-"

"What if he makes me that person again?" I looked down and tried to focus on my breathing, not wanting to lose it in front of him. "I don't want to be that person anymore, Alec- I don't know if I can come back from it another time-"

"You won't need to." Alec tilted my face up to look at him, "You are not that Zee anymore, and you won't ever be again-"

"Except you don't know that- I don't know that- none of us know- I mean, what if it's wired into me?" I was stammering, "Why else would this be happening to me right now- what if this is who I'm meant to be? No matter what I've done- no matter how hard I've tried not to be-"

"You've come too far to go back now." Alec scanned my expression, "You are not who you were. And I won't let you become that again-"

"I'm scared he's going to come back for me." I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe, my eyes pooling with tears, "I'm scared he's going to take me again and make me come to terms with who I am- and then I'll hurt you-"

I felt weak.

And Alec knew.

Because the small flicker of shock in his eyes when I admitted out loud that I was scared was hard to miss.

"Shhh-" Alec pulled me into his chest and held me tightly, his heart beat racing when my head pressed against his chest. "Don't worry- don't worry about a thing, I'm going to keep you safe."

I burst into sobs and grasped onto his shirt tightly, not being able to hold it in any longer.

"I'm going to take care of you." Alec whispered in my ear and held me tightly, his body just as tense as mine, "I'll protect you."

Despite how tense I was, I found comfort in his words.

He held me while I cried, one hand buried in my hair and the other wrapped around me tightly. He rested his face in my hair on the top of my head, kissing it every now and then.

I felt safe.

Except that feeling didn't last very long when my palm started to burn terribly, making a gasp leaving my lips and my immediate reaction be to pull away and look at my hand.

The skin of my palm was scorched and red, the stinging and burning getting worse with every moment that went by, making a small grunt leaving my lips through my teeth.

Alec caught eye of it instantly, grabbing my hand to look at my palm, the other digging through his pocket to find his stele. "What is that- what's happening?"

"Jonathan." I clenched my free hand at my side, my nails digging into my skin as another grunt left my lips trying to endure it. "He's burning himself-"

Alec was quick, fishing out his stele and activating my Iratze, the stinging along with the burning disappearing from my palm, "Here- everything's alright- it stopped-"

"Yeah, for now." I looked from my palm to him.

Alec inhales, "Zee-"

"I'm going back to the Institute." I pulled my hand from him, pulling out my phone from my back pocket, "I'm not wasting my time anymore-"

"Wasting your time?" Alec repeated my words, "What does that mean-"

"It means I'm getting this rune off me." I looked at him while I was dialing Jace's number, "I don't care if I have to carve it out myself, I'm getting it off."

"Just wait a minute-" Alec began to say, shaking his head, "It's too dangerous- we'll figure something out- we don't know what-"

"I don't care, Alec-" I cut him off, turning my back to him and walking toward the door, putting my phone to my ear, "Jace, hey-"

-

"Don't stop until it's off." I told Jace as I sat on the bed, taking off my jacket and setting it aside. "I don't care how bad it gets-"

"Zee-" Jace held the device, staring at me with a hesitant look, "It's gonna be painful."

I stare blankly, "I know."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Jace questioned, "I don't want to hurt you-"

"The more it hurts me, the more it hurts Jonathan." I tilted my head slightly to the side. "I want him to feel every bit of pain."

"Zee." Alec grabbed my hand, scanning my expression, "You don't have to do this- we can figure something else out-"

"Alec." I looked at him, "I need to try."

Alec stared at me for a moment and then slightly huffed, "Do it-"

I gave Jace a nod, watching as he hesitantly turned on the device and started to try to remove the rune from my skin.

But the moment he started I felt nothing but excruciating pain.

My hand gripped onto Alec's tightly and my body stiffened, pushing back against the seat I was in, trying to tough it out.

But it wasn't long until I let out a small scream, my jaw clenched tightly and my breathing heavy.

"I can't-" I suddenly heard Jace say, feeling the pain vanish and leave soreness and slight stinging on my rune, "I'm sorry- I can't-"

"What? Jace-" I began and quickly sat up, pulling my shirt aside to look at the rune that was still there.

-

"Zee?-" Alec's voice rang through the apartment later that night, "Where are you?"

"In here-" I called out, standing in the middle of our not so empty bedroom after I had set up a bed for us, frame and all.

His footsteps came to an abrupt halt when he walked into the room, his eyes scanning it.

His expression was what I was expecting.

Pure surprise.

The room was lit with candles, rose petals scattered on the floor, the only piece of furniture occupying the room being a king size bed in the center of it.

"Zee-" Alec took another look. "Oh my god-"

I cringed and took a step towards him. "Wait- just, before you say anything-"

"Zee, god- what is this?" Alec's face broke into humor, a soft laugh of amusement leaving his lips. "This is extremely not like you."

"Yes, yes- I know- it was Jace's idea- but, that's not the point, okay?" I was completely and utterly embarrassed, feeling my heart start to race and a rose color burn onto my cheeks.

"Oh my god, you're actually going red- I've never seen you go red before-" Alec was nothing but amused, reaching and grabbing my face with one hand, caressing my cheek with his thumb. "This is too much at once- I'm going to need a breather-"

"Alec." I grabbed his wrist with one hand, placing the other on his arm. "Listen to me, please-"

Alec stares at me for a moment and then nodded slowly, dropping his hand from my face and stared at me, "What is it? Why did you ask me to come?"

"I wanted to apologize." I exhaled slow.

Alec blinked. "Apologize?"

"Yes." I swallowed hard and scanned his expression, "Look, I know how I've been a lot to handle- I've been really emotional- and pissy- and have focused too much on this rune rather than what I should be focusing on."

Alec watched me, "And what's that?"

"You." My voice fell low, grabbing his hands in mine. "You are the only thing that matters to me. Being home- to you, is the only thing that matters. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to get my head straight-"

Alec slipped his hands up my arms and snaked his around me, "So, you're not wasting your time then?"

"Never." My voice got quieter, a pang of guilt burning in my heart when I recalled the moment I said that. "I never waste my time with you. I'm so sorry I said that-"

"It's okay." Alec leaned down to lean his forehead against mine, pressing a soft, short and gentle kiss to my lips. "You're here with me now. That's what matters."

"I'm sorry I've been so much to handle lately." I closed my eyes for a moment. "I know I'm a lot to take care of, but-"

Alec cut me off, "Stop apologizing to me."

"But, I need to." I opened my eyes to look at him, lifting my head just slightly. "I've been extremely inconsiderate- and selfish- I'm a mess-"

"I don't care." Alec slipped an arm around my waist and one hand into my hair. "I'll take it-"

I stammered, "You'll what?"

"I'll take it." Alec repeated himself, pressing his lips into mine for a moment. "I'm yours."

I didn't reply.

"No matter what you do- or what you say- I'm completely yours." Alec kissed me between every word. "Every ounce- every shred of me is yours."

This time, I did speak. "Say it again."

"I'm yours." Alec gripped my hair with the hand that was already tangled in it, tilting my head back slightly to press kisses on my jawline.

I felt him start to back me towards the bed, my breathing starting to quicken when the kisses he trailed down my jawline found their way to my neck, "And I'm yours."

"You're mine-" Alec caught himself with his palm by my head when I hit the edge of the bed and fell back onto it, bringing him with me.

-

"You look like a raccoon." Were Alec's first words when he had finally caught his breath and a glimpse of my face, noticing all my melted off mascara.

I looked at him. "Bastard."

Alec scrunched his face and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into him. "You know, the candles and rose petals made it a lot more romantic-"

"I think that was the point." I slung an arm around his middle and looked at him. "I suppose it was a good thing I let Jace help me make it up to you."

Alec ruffled my hair, "I did get a good laugh."

"Shut up." I looked at him, pointing my finger at me, "I swear, if you tell anyone- I mean anyone about this-"

Alec scanned my expression with nothing but pure amusement, "You'll what?"

"Kill you." I simply said.

Alec shrugged, "You probably could."

"I'm glad that you're aware." I began to say, but stopped myself before I could muster out another sentence when a sharp pain pierced into the flesh of my arm.

Alec felt my tenseness immediately, his eyes lightly widening when I let out a small grunt, reaching for my arm, "What's wrong? What's happening-"

But he stopped talking too when his eyes fell onto the freshly carved words on my skin.

I forgive you.

authors note:

the soft zee moments in this chapter-

zee completely breaking in front of alec and him telling her he's going to protect her and keep her safe >>> god, chef's kiss

ALL THE ZALEC MOMENTS IN THIS CHAPTER- i missed them so much

the 'i'm yours' segment— feels

i love zee and jace so much, their friendship is everything to me and him putting her straight makes my heart warm

but, thank you so much for 80k !!!

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