"It's no use trying to escape." Isabelle's voice filled my ears when I entered Magnus' apartment after leaving for a few minutes for some air, "The trap you're in was designed to hold a Greater Demon."

"Well, that's not very nice, trapping your brother in a box." Jace remarked from inside the cage.

"You're not our brother." Alec shot back at him, "And don't get too comfortable 'cause we're gonna bring him back."

"You and your undying love for your parabatai- I hate to burst your bubble, but- when I was sent to your family in Idris, I was a desperate kid." Jace was taunting him, "The only reason I became your parabatai was to make sure there was a roof over my head."

"Pay no mind to him." I heard Magnus say as I took off my jacket, picking up the drink I barely touched, "He's just trying to get under your skin."

Isabelle's voice followed, "Is Zee back yet?-"

"I'm here." I walked into the room, downing my drink in one gulp, not even reacting to the burn, my eyes glued to Jace, silence filling the room when I had walked in.

Alec's eyes were glued to me.

But, I didn't even glance at him.

"How's the wrist, sweetheart?" Jace smirked at me, "Hope I didn't hurt you too bad-"

I didn't say anything, as Luke and Simon bursted in, "We got your call- any news about Clary?"

Simon charged toward Jace, the barrier separating them, "She gave herself up to the Clave trying to protect you!-"

"Oh- come on," Jace softly laughs at Simon, shaking his head, "Only when she knew they were doomed-"

"You never got your redemption-" Jace fake pouted at me, before eyeing me up for a moment, biting down on his lower lip, locking eyes with Simon again, "She's gonna be rotting in the cell for the rest of her life and for what- love? Wasn't even her love that snapped me back into reality- it was her older sisters-"

"Let me in there!" Simon threw himself the cage, "I'll throw you off a building!-"

"Come on!" Luke grabbed his arm and pulled him into another room, as we all followed him, "Come on, Simon- the Jace in that trap is not our Jace."

"We need to focus- all right?" Luke made himself clear as Magnus shut the door, "If the Clave finds out about Zee's wish to Raziel, it won't be long until they're storming in here and taking her away-"

I raised my brows once, "Well, wouldn't be the first time the Clave had it out for my head."

"All right." Luke inhales, "Do we have anybody in Idris that can get us information?"

"Well, we stole from the Clave's armory." Alec came to a stop next to me, but I didn't look at him, "So, if they've figured that out-"

Isabelle exhales, "They're not gonna tell us anything."

"So- what's plan B?" Simon asked.

"I'm gonna try to get some more intel on Clary." Luke says, "The best thing you can do? Go back to that abandoned building and see if you can find some clues."

"No-" Simon denies, "I'm not going on a demon hunt while my best friend is in prison!"

"Simon-" Isabelle cuts in, "Clary risked everything to save Jace- you want to do something for her? Help destroy the demon that caused all this mess."

Simon huffs lightly, "But- I want to know as soon as you hear anything."

"You got it." Luke nodded once.

"No one can find out about Jace's possession." Alec made himself clear, "If Clary's able to keep a lid on Zee's wish, we can't blow it."

-

"Can we talk?" I heard Alec's low voice fill my ears when I stood on the balcony alone, staring out into the city in complete silence, needing another minute from everyone, holding onto the necklace my mother had given me around the time I first met these people.

I didn't even turn, "No."

"Zee-" Alec huffs lightly, coming closer to me, "Please- you can't keep avoiding me."

"Yes I can." I stared ahead.

Alec began to say, "Listen, I know you're upset-"

"Am I?" My head snapped toward him, scoffing in surprise, "Alec, you just- let her give herself up-"

Alec stares at me, "Yeah- I did-"

"God, you don't even feel guilty about it-" I gape at him in surprise and took a step back, "If she manages to keep a lid on my wish- she's going to be the one rotting for something that I did-"

"Of course I feel guilty about it-" Alec shot back at me, "And yes, it was a thoughtless thing to do, but- I will always choose you. I don't care- about the circumstances, over anyone- you-"

"To hell with everyone else, right?" His words angered me, as I shoved him back like I did earlier, my jaw clenching at the pain I felt in my wrist when I used both hands, repeatedly hitting his chest, "You selfish, son of a-"

"I already lost you once!" Alec raised his voice at me, grabbing my arms to stop me from hurting him, "Twice if you want to count when you made me forget you all together."

I was still in his hold, my voice lowering when he yelled at me, "You don't get to put other people in jeopardy because you don't want to be separated from me again, Alec-"

"You don't get to make me the bad guy for wanting to spend every minute you have left before they burst through those doors and take you away." Alec's words left me speechless, "Both times I lost you before, it was sudden- I didn't have a choice- and both times, it hurt like hell- I don't want to go through that pain again- I can't."

I stared at him, "Alec-"

"I can't lose you again." Alec's voice was low and varying, his eyes looking deep into mine, all the anger I felt towards him washed away, "After Jace? Losing you too- I don't think I'll be able to handle that kind of pain-"

It was silent between us for a few moments.

"Okay." I broke the silence, nodding just lightly, my voice quiet, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Alec's tone matched mine, sighing quietly, before pulling me into his chest, holding me.

"I've been thinking so much recently-" I hugged his middle, laying my head on his chest, "I've been driving myself crazy."

Alec rubs my back slow, "Tell me."

"My mother died defending me- Jace, died- to save my life- Ithuriel, he died because I summoned him- for help- and now, you and Clary just protected me from handing myself over to the Clave- you all, are protecting me from the Clave." I held onto the necklace I had around my fist tighter, my eyes staring into nothing, "I don't know- I can't help but feel responsible- for everything- and powerless, because everyone jumps in front of me to protect me."

"And it's a new- sensation- because, I've always been looking after myself- but, now- I have worry about- all these other people- throwing themselves at the front lines of danger to keep me safe." My voice got quiet, "I'm usually the one who does the protecting- not the one who needs to be protected."

Before Alec could reply, someone clears their throat, "Am I interrupting something?"

"Magnus-" I took notice of our friend, slipping away from Alec, "Not at all- what is it?"

"Since I have you both here-" Magnus inhales sharp, "If we wanna bring Jace back, we have to get through to him using the strongest connection possible."

"Which is me." Alec knew where Magnus was going with this, "I'm in- whatever it takes."

"I don't think you understand." Magnus explained, "This isn't like the last time we tried to use your parabatai connection to help Jace- if you go in, Lilith could get her demonic claws into your soul as well."

"Alec-" I looked at him with slight wide eyes, swallowing hard, lightly starting to shake my head, "No-"

"Zee-" Alec grabbed my arms gently, facing me towards him, "You know I have to do this."

"But, if Lilith- if she manages to possess you too-" My voice was gone, complete fear in my eyes, an emotion I never masked away from either of them, "I've already lost Jace to her- if I lose you too, I-"

"I know- but, If I don't get Jace back, I- without him, I'm- I'm nothing." I couldn't argue with his words, knowing exactly what he meant, "I have to do it."

Magnus' words made my head snap towards him immediately, "What if I said there was a way he didn't need to go alone?"

-

"So- Iz and I can go with Alec to save Jace, even though we're not connected to him through the parabatai binding like he is?" I had my arms crossed, staring at Magnus as he had just explained what he meant to us.

Magnus nodded lightly, "It's possible, but- it would require more magic and give you less time inside."

"No- I'll take the chance, but, I'm not putting them in that kind of danger." Alec shook his head.

"Like hell." I looked at him, "I'm going."

Alec looked at me, "You're not-"

"Stop protecting me." I shot back at him.

"I'm always going to and you know that-" Alec crosses his arms, "You're not going-"

"I am." I made myself clear, my eyes glued to his, "I need to do this- I put him in there, I'm gonna help get him out- got it?"

"You can't convince me out of this either." Isabelle was by my side, "He's my brother too."

Alec clenched his jaw, then looked down, going quiet, sighing through his nose, "What exactly do we have to do?"

Magnus answers, "You have to find Jace and bring him out with you."

"How?" Isabelle asks.

"When you find him, you all have to be linked." Magnus tells us, "Now, I'll have one shot to pull you all out together."

"So- it's settled." I nodded once, taking a step back, "Let's go bring our Jace back."

-

"Hey, what are the chances I could get a beer in here?-" Jace asked when we walked into the living room.

"None." Alec shortly replied, "Let's go."

"You guys were always the smart ones in the family." Jace looked between Isabelle and Alec, then between the three of us, "You really think you can save Jace from Lilith?-"

"I don't know how long I can maintain the connection." Magnus told us when we all ignored him, "So find Jace as soon as possible."

"Why do you wanna save Jace?" Jace looked at Alec with a scoff, "I mean, sure- the whole "you're nothing without your parabatai" gag, but- if anything, he's your main competition."

"You've got to know deep down that her and Jace's connection is much stronger than yours-" Jace took a step towards him, almost laughing, "I mean- her love is what it took to finally make Jace completely Lilith's- and that was- without all the sleeping around that you two do-"

Alec stares at him, "Don't say another word-"

"You know, after a while, they say that couples start to resemble each other." Jace looked at me, "Why is it that you take more after Jace than you do your own boyfriend?-"

"Face it, Alec-" Jace looked back at him, his words setting us both at unease, "You may share your bed with her, but- if Jace ever showed interest in her, you know that she'd leave you in the dust like the shadow you've always been-"

"Shut up!" Alec raised his voice at him, going to take a step towards the smirking Jace.

"Hey-" I immediately got in front of him, putting my hands on his chest, stopping him from going further, my voice quiet, "Don't listen to him- okay? Don't-"

"He's just trying to distract us- to buy himself more time, he wants to get a rise out of you- that's all." I calmed Alec, then stepped back to his side, "Focus-"

"Oh, yeah." Jace began when we all locked hands, "Whatever you do, don't lose focus-"

He cut himself off with a groan when Magnus used his magic to lock a connection between us all, before Jace grunts, "You know, your girlfriend's right- focus is the key-"

Jace then screams when he slams his fists against the cage, breaking the contact, falling onto the ground, unconscious, making Isabelle gasp, "Jace?-"

"No-" I was breathing heavy, my eyes falling onto his body, "He's doing it on purpose-"

Magnus was catching his breath, "Yes, to prevent us from entering his mind."

"We have to find another way." Alec exhaled.

"I have an idea." Isabelle suddenly says, "Portal me to the Institute."

-

"Oh, brave." Jace pushes himself onto his feet when he was in only chains, smirking at the three of us, "No more box?"

"We needed the Malachi Configuration to trap you." Alec stood next to me, "We're not gonna let you use it to hurt our brother."

Jace lightly pulls on the chains, "And now you think this can hold me?"

I had my arms crossed, "My father used them to hold an Angel for 25 years."

Jace's eyes locked with mine, not breaking eye contact, "I'm no Angel."

Isabelle inhales, looking around, "How much longer until Magnus is ready?-"

"No time like the present." Magnus walked in, rolling up his sleeves, coming to a stop next to us.

Alec nods once, grabbing my hand, "Let's do this."

I grabbed Isabelle's, as Jace looked between us, realizing that this was actually about to happen, "Okay, you don't wanna do this-"

His words were cut off when Magnus initiated the connection, the feeling strong and overwhelming, my eyes slowly rolling to the back of my head.

Then, we were no longer in his apartment.

"We're in the Institute-" Alec exhaled slow, looking around at the empty space, stood with Isabelle and I.

"Inside Jace's mind-" I took a few steps, then inhale, "Come on-"

When we were metal clinging against each other, making us immediately run towards the sound, the sounds following being giggles and bursts of laughter.

"Alec, you can't steal my partner in crime!" I heard a younger boy say when we rounded the corner, seeing four kids in the training area, holding their seraph blades, "We're unstoppable together-"

It was Jace.

"Exactly why it isn't fair!" Young Alec stood next to a girl, "I call dibs on her-"

Young Isabelle looked at her older brother, "Have you lost faith in our teamwork?-"

"You can't call dibs on me!" The girl I couldn't recognize bursts out, "Come on- one on one, Lightwoods!"

"Is that me?" My voice was barely there, staring at the younger versions of ourselves train and giggle.

"Yeah." Alec was smiling at the memory, "I remember this- this was the night Mom and Dad went on mission in Geneva and we snuck downstairs to train."

Then I felt his stare on me, making me tear my gaze away for a moment and look up at him, "What?"

"Sorry- uhm, nothing." Alec blinked, sighing lightly, "Just memories."

My expression softens, "I wish I had them too."

"And what's the rule when our team goes into battle?" I suddenly heard Young Isabelle say, my eyes falling back to the memory.

"Four go in." Young Jace smiles, "Four come out."

Suddenly, the younger versions of ourselves disappeared, leaving only Jace, making him drop his blade, "No- no! Don't take them away too!"

"What just happened?-" Isabelle asked as the younger version of Jace ran past us, making us immediately chase after him, only for him to disappear when we turned the hall.

We turned to go back the way we came, only for there to be a brick wall in our path, my eyes widening, "What the hell?-"

"Stay close." Alec breathed out, his eyes slightly wide at the wall, "We can't lose each other."

"You think if I hit this wall, I'll knock some sense into his brain?" I playfully shook my hand, forming it into a fist, pulling my arm back, "Or maybe he'll get brain damage?"

Alec caught my fist, spinning me to face him, a very small smile on his lips, before putting a hand on my back, leading me down the hall with Isabelle.

Isabelle questions, "Is that the Jace we need to bring back?-"

"I don't know." Alec admits, "He didn't disappear with the memory, which makes me think that he's the real Jace that's trapped in here- or at least a part of him."

Isabelle inhales, "And the memory of us that burned away?-"

"It's Lilith's torture." I said to them, turning the corner, "She's taking away everything he loves-"

When I got no reply, I looked back, "Alec?"

"Iz?" They were gone, my eyes wide, rushing down the hall quickly, "Alec!"

Then, I heard distant sobs and quiet sniffles, making me stop in my tracks, looking around for a moment.

I inched closer to the sound, my footsteps slowing, lightly pushing opening the room it was coming from.

It was my bedroom.

I slowly entered the room, my gaze moving to see an older version of Jace, one that looked as if he was in his teenage years, sitting on my bed, a younger version of me that I could now recognize sitting next to him.

My bedroom wasn't much different than it was right now, except it had more to do with drawing and sketching than ever.

I barely cared much about drawing now.

I spent more time on my drums than anything.

My eyes tore from the room and to the younger versions of myself and Jace when I heard Jace's soft cry, "It was like it was happening all over again, Zee-"

"I know, I know-" My younger self rubbed his back, holding him, comforting him as he cried, "It's okay- everything is okay now."

"I feel so alone." Jace's words shattered my heart into pieces, "Like I have no family-"

"Of course you have a family-" She moves his head, making him look at her, his face sitting in her hands with tear stained cheeks, "You have me. And Alec, and Izzy- as long as you have us, you will never be alone."

"Now, come on-" She got up, holding her hand out for him, "Let's sneak out and grab some Chinese food-"

Jace grabbed her hand, looking at her, "Zee, we're not allowed to be out-"

"That's why I said sneak out." She pulled him up to his feet, "Come on- on me, I've got birthday money-"

Jace looks down at her, "Can we get Mu Shu Pork?"

"Yes, we can get Mu Shu Pork." She smiled up at him softly, before starting to the door with him, only to fade away like the other versions did before.

Jace's expression dropped, his tears that had just stopped filling his eyes again, making my heart break, "No! Please- stop it!-"

He then runs past me, disappearing before I could follow him, just like the other version had.

I hadn't realized how much our friendship meant to him until now.

And the fact that I didn't have these memories, let alone the person I watched comfort him be a completely different person than I was now made my heart break in too many ways to count.

-

"Jace?" I called out quietly when I saw spots of blood trailing into his bedroom, my breathing becoming quicker as I slowly entered his bedroom, my eyes widening when I saw a dead version of myself, bleeding out and decaying, my back slamming into the door frame from how startled I got, "Oh my God-"

Except, this version wasn't younger, it was of me now.

My gaze slowly trailed, seeing multiple versions of that scene, all around his bedroom, to see Jace, kneeling on his bed, next to a dead version of me, holding the dagger, his other hand holding my limp hand, crying his eyes out.

"Jace?" I began to take a step towards him.

"I tried not to." Jace's shaky voice made me want to cry, "I tried every time-"

"It's okay- all right?" I was inching towards him slowly, knowing that this was the Jace we had to get to, "I'm right here- none of this is real."

"Lilith's torturing me." Jace was sobbing, his appearance catching me completely off guard as I had never seen him this bad, "She's punishing me-"

"I'm gonna get you out of here- okay?" I assure him, "Everything's gonna be okay-"

"No, please!-" Jace stumbled to his feet, backing away from me, the dagger shaky in his hand, "Please, I don't want to kill you again- I don't want to hurt you again- please-"

"Jace- you won't." I stopped moving so I didn't scare him more, "I'm not part of Lilith's mind games-"

"That's what they always say-" Jace had one hand gripping his hair, a loud sob leaving his lips, "Please- stop- I can still hear her screams!-"

"Jace!" I was tearing up, taking another step towards him, both of my hands slightly out at my sides, "I'm real, I promise I'm real-"

"Wait," Jace stopped and stares at me, sniffling lightly, more tears wetting his cheeks, "Your- your wrist-"

"See? It's me-" I held up my arm, as I was the only one wearing a brace out of all the bodies since his demonically possessed side had broken my wrist, "I promise you, I'm here- I'm real-"

"You- you came for me?" Jace slowly dropped the dagger, "Are you really here?"

"Yes-" I held my arms out to hug him, a tear falling from my eyes, "Of course I came-"

Jace instantly rushed over to me, his body clashing into mine in a tight hug, holding me tighter than he had ever done, "I'm so sorry- I'm so sorry- for what I've done-"

"No, I am-" My voice broke, my feet barely touching the floor because of our height differences, "I'm the one that's sorry- I'm so sorry, Jace-"

"Jace?-" Alec's voice filled my ears, making me slowly pull back, sniffling, taking a step back, before he and Isabelle greeted their brother, my eyes scanning the room to see all the other versions of me gone.

Then, Magnus' distant shout filled the air, Alec and Jace's parabatai runes starting to glow, "Hurry!-"

"Okay-" Alec looks up at the echo, then inhales sharp, "We have to go now-"

Jace looks between us, a tear falling, "I can't."

"What are you talking about?" Isabelle's eyes slightly widened, her, Alec and I completely caught off guard by Jace's words.

"She's gonna come for me." Jace tears up more, "She's never gonna let me go-"

"No- no, we'll stop her- together." I grabbed his hands, my eyes wide with tears, "Please, we're so close- you have to come back with us-"

"You can't- you can't stop her." Jace stutters out, shaking his head, "No one can-"

"There's only one way to help me, there's only- one thing you can do." Jace slowly pulled away from me, grabbing the dagger from the ground and looking at his parabatai, "Alec- I need you to kill me."

My heart broke, "Jace-"

"What?" Alec's eyes were just as wide.

"Please- please!" Jace was breaking in front of us, holding the dagger towards himself, waiting for Alec to take it, "I've tried- I've tried so many times, please, Alec-"

Alec shook his head, "No-"

"I need you to do this for me." Jace was begging him, "Alec, please-"

"Never." Alec wouldn't do it, shaking his head repeatedly, "You're coming with us-"

Jace stares at him for a few seconds, then turns toward me, grabbing my hands and putting the blade in it, holding my hands in his own, "Zee-"

"Jace-" I looked between the dagger and him, the tears in my eyes falling free, fear burning in my chest, "Please don't ask me-"

"Zee, you always were the one to do things that had to be done when others couldn't." Jace stared into my eyes, tears falling from his own, "You need to do this for me- please-"

I could barely muster out a word before he was continuing, trying so desperately to convince me, "Zee, listen- I did all those things- I hurt you- I threw you off that rooftop- I almost killed you- I possessed all those mundanes- and Imogen-"

"If I go with you, she's gonna find me- she's gonna make me do worse, and you won't be able to stop her- you won't be able to stop me." Jace's voice was tremulous, "I'll end up hurting you worse- I'll do more terrible things- you- you need to put an end to it-"

Alec looked between the both of us, his breathing quickened, "Jace, stop-"

Isabelle was in tears, "Please-"

"Zee, if you love me- if you care for me, please- just kill me- please- I'm begging you." Jace was pleading, steadying my hand on my dagger, and my other hand on his shoulder, "Do it."

I looked between him and the dagger, more tears falling, my breathing getting heavy with fear that I might actually do it.

"Zee-" I could tell Alec had the same fear, "No-"

"Do it!" Jace cut him off, his voice raising lightly to force my attention on only him, trying to push me to do it, "I'm begging you- do it!"

"No!" I raised my voice back, throwing the dagger to the side with full force, the dagger landing in the wall, stumbling back from him, "I won't do it!"

Alec and Isabelle both let sighs out, Jace staring at me, his eyes red from crying, his body still.

"Four go in." I held my hand out for him, my other hand grabbing Alec's, "Four come out."

Jace couldn't help but sob at my words, looking between us, "Please don't let her take me again."

"I won't." I kept my shaky hand held out for him, sniffling, "I promise."

Jace gave in, slowly grabbing my hand, and the moment he does, everything went black.

The moment I opened my eyes, I was greeted with the sounds of chain rattling and Magnus grunting, my eyes immediately going over to where Jace once was, the chains broken.

I let go of Alec's hand, stumbling onto my feet, "No-"

"No, no, no-" Alec had the same reaction, his eyes wide, "She took Jace!-"

"I'm sorry." Magnus was breathing heavy from the ground, "I couldn't stop her."

-

"He begged us." Alec stares at the broken chains, "He begged us to kill him."

"All the terrible things Lilith made Jace do." Isabelle slowly stood up, "He said if she takes him back, she'd make him do much worse."

Alec had his arms crossed, "Now Lilith has him again, just like he said she would."

"I promised him that I wouldn't let her take him back." I stared ahead, my voice as quiet as ever.

Magnus looks at me, "You did all you could-"

"It wasn't enough." My voice was a whisper, not being able to raise it higher because of how guilt and anger I felt.

It was until Magnus' apartment doors bursted open, making all our attention snap towards it, Consul Penhallow storming into the apartment with many guards at her side, Clary being dragged along with them.

The guard practically threw Clary to the ground carelessly, her hands still in cuffs, tears in her eyes, "Zee, I'm so sorry- I'm so sorry-"

"Are you okay?-" I tried to get to her, but I was being pulled and jerked away within seconds, cuffs around my wrists, as they were now behind my back.

"Zee Morgenstern, you are under arrest for compelling the only wish from the Angel for your own personal gain." Consul Penhallow announced, "And for knowingly decieving the Clave about it-"

"Let go of my hands!" Magnus raised his voice as guards grabbed him, Alec and Isabelle as well, preventing them from coming over to me or letting them help me escape.

"Fortunate for you, Miss Fairchild gave us enough information during her trail to help determine your sentencing, so- you don't have to wait." Consul Penhallow stood straight and tall in front of me, her hands behind her back, "Do you have anything you'd like to say before receiving your sentence?"

I stammered, not saying anything.

"Very well." Consul Penhallow nods only once, inhaling deep, her words making my heart stop beating, "Zee Morgenstern, you are hereby sentenced to death."

"What?" Alec's broken voice filled the silence when my eyes went wide, trying to tear himself from the guards' grasp, "No!-"

Isabelle was trying as well, "You can't do this!"

"Biscuit-" I could tell from Magnus' tone that he was scared, and the look in Clary's eyes that she felt regret and guilt.

"Listen-" I tried to stop the guards from pulling me away, my eyes glued to Alec, "I love you- I love you!-"

Alec's eyes were wide with fear, "No- stop!"

Then, they dragged me out of the apartment.

authors note:

this chapter actually made me cry a lot

because you get to see some young zace moments and how strong their connection really issss, agh, my heart.

and jeez, the way zee must've felt seeing those memories, knowing they were lost to her forever

and ZALEC, omg, them fighting in this chapter, my heart aches

he technically lost her three times, if you really want to thorough, first when she was kidnapped, second when she took his memories, third when she died.

omg, the way zee tried to get to clary but they pulled her away- she really cares bro, the character development is skskandng

but, ahhh, she got arrested and sentenced to death-

sksksk, but, thank you for 50k !!

vote and comment loadsss