"Zee, what the hell?-" Alec's voice pulled me out of the trance I was in of numbing everyone and everything out, barely being able to make out that I was in the Institute, "What happened to you?-"

It's like I barely heard him, his voice muffled, caught in my own thoughts, breathing slow, my mind somewhere else.

"Zee- hey," Alec grabbed my arms and stopped me, eyeing my appearance, as I had shown up after disappearing for over a day, covered in dirt and blood, leaves in my hair and dried blood on the side of my face, "Are you okay?"

I blinked, looking at him, "Alec-"

"Hi-" Alec brought a hand up to my hair, pushing some out of the way to look at the wound on my head, "Where on earth have you been? You've been gone all night- I was worried-"

"I- thought I got a lead on the Owl- I lost him." I lied, swallowing hard, "Where's Jace?"

"He's gone to the City of Bones for treatment." Alec held my chin in his hand, examining the small cuts that I had just noticed, "Are you alright?"

I nodded once, "I'm fine-"

"Are you sure you're alright?" Alec put his hands on my shoulders, "You seem so out of it."

"I'm okay." I nodded again, trying my best to assure him, then changing the subject, "Were all the calls worried calls or- did you need to talk to me?"

"Mostly worried calls." Alec puts a hand on my back and walks down the hall with me, "Come on- let's get you all cleaned up-"

-

"I've been through all the Institute archives, and thought of everything Valentine's taught me, but- I can't seem to find anything on this demon- it's nothing I've ever seen before." I was on the phone with Luke while getting ready to go look at some apartments with Alec, "I don't know what else to do-"

"Ithuriel said the Owl has a master before he was killed and this has to be who it is, and- it's powerful enough to kill an angel." I tied my hair up into a low pony tail, "I don't have any more options- I have to let everyone know-"

"You do that, and it unravels everything about Raziel and the wish." Luke shot back at me.

"And? I don't care if the Clave locks me up, Luke." I put the phone back to my ear, "This is serious."

"Well, I do- so does Jace, and Alec." Luke pointed out, "If Alec knows, he'll be in violation for not telling the Clave if he decides to hide it- and what about Jace? He carried that same lie- he'll be in trouble just like you."

"That is the only thing motivating me right now to keep my mouth shut." I huff, "Alright, I have to go- I'll call you later-"

When Alec walks into the room, I hung up on Luke, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah-" I gave him a fake smile, grabbing my jacket, "Let's do this-"

-

"I really liked the last one." I told Alec when we walked through the Institute, "The kitchen was big-"

"That's your reasoning?" Alec looks at me, a small playing at his lips, "The kitchen?"

"What?" I look up at him, "You could wake up to me- cooking- or something-"

Alec looked unamused, "You can cook?"

"No." I point at him, "I can learn."

Maryse Lightwood's voice cut our conversation short, "I'm just here to see my children!"

"Is that my Mom?" Alec's attention was caught, as he and I started heading toward the commotion.

The guard was replying to Underhill, "This woman's been excommunicated by the Clave- she's not allowed to enter."

"This woman is Alec Lightwood's mother." Underhill shot back at him, "Allowances can be made."

Maryse huffs, "It's fine-"

"Let her in." I interject, "Now."

"Do as she says." Alec backed me, stopping behind me, "As long as I'm in charge, Maryse Lightwood is allowed in the New York Institute- understood?"

And with that, the guard let Maryse in, Alec and I following her to the courtyard, "I'm sorry, I should have called ahead."

I stammer, "No, it's- it's no problem."

"Mom, did the-" Alec cleared his throat lightly when we all came to a stop, his words making me put a hand on his back, "The de-runing, did it hurt?"

"Not at all." Maryse shook her head, "That adjustment's actually been easier than I expected."

"Have you found a place to live yet?" I asked her, walking towards her, my expression soft, "Because I can help you look- Alec and I have been looking for apartments, and-"

"You guys are moving in together?" Maryse smiles at the both of us, "That's wonderful!-"

"Not as wonderful as watching her critique every little thing about every place we look at, then make her decision based off a kitchen." Alec's words called me out as he walked over to me, ruffling my hair as I playfully nudged him.

"As much as I'd love going apartment hunting with you- I've actually found a place." Maryse smiles at the both of us, "All I want right now is to spend some time with my wonderful children- speaking of which- where is Jace?"

-

"Maryse-" I walked with her towards my bedroom, "We need to talk."

"About the apartment?" Maryse questioned when we walked into my room, "Isabelle and I could come furniture shopping with you-"

"Actually-" I shut the door behind me, "About your excommunication- but, that's a good idea too-"

"I told you, Zee." Maryse sighs, "I'm okay."

"And I'm not Alec." I remind her, my stare fixed.

Maryse stares at me for a few seconds, then looks down, a slight sigh leaving her lips.

"I feel so lost." She caved, taking off her coat, "Like I don't know who I am anymore."

She walked toward my mirror, standing in front of it, looking at her bare skin, "Look at me- it's like they were never even there."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're still you." I walked toward her, putting my hands on her arms, "You're- so resilient."

"But- I'm no longer a Shadowhunter." Maryse sighs, looking at me, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."

"Well, start with- what you'd do with your life if you ever became a mundane- and then execute it." I cross my arms, slowly sitting down on my bed with her, "Plus, you're not alone- you have four kids that love you more than anything."

"Five." Maryse put a hand on my knee, giving me a small smile, "You're my kid too."

I softly smiled at her, then nodded just lightly, "You know what, Alec and I were actually talking- and we want to take you out tonight."

Maryse inhales, "I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Maryse, come on." I put a hand over hers, "It'll be nice- a much needed break from all the tension."

Maryse looks at me, and I could tell I almost had her convinced, as I quickly added in, "I'll force Iz to bring her mundie doctor boyfriend-"

"Doctor boyfriend?" Maryse's eyes widen.

My tone matched hers, "Doctor boyfriend!"

-

"I'm finally back to myself-" I heard Jace's voice in the Ops Center, making me jerk to a stop and look towards it immediately, "Whatever the Silent Brothers did, it was a success."

Clary smiles at her boyfriend, "So- you're finally cleared for duty?"

"Yes, I am." Jace confirmed.

"Jace-" I walked over to my friends almost immediately, finding myself hugging my best friend as my first action, "You're back-"

He barley hugs me back, "Hey-"

"You're- okay?" I slowly pulled away from him, staring at him weird, "It worked?"

"I'm fine." Jace's smile seemed forced and fake, "It's really good to be back-"

"Well, I've actually been meaning to talk to you-" I tried even though his energy already felt off to me, pulling him off to the side, "Can we talk?"

"We can talk later." Jace was pulling away from me, "I want to get caught up in the Ops Center-"

I stare, "Really?"

"Yeah-" Jace backs away.

I call out, "Jace."

"Hm?" Jace looks at me.

I asked, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm great." Jace turned away, walking away quickly, "We'll talk later-"

-

"I would've gotten a better look at it if it didn't throw me against a damn tree-" I had my arms crossed, showing Magnus a drawing I had drew of the demon, "It's nothing I've ever seen before."

Magnus stares at the drawing, "I've seen a lot of demons in my day, but- never this."

"The last thing I remember, it touched its claw to my chest- and I felt like all my energy had been sucked right out of me." I told him, "I still don't know why it didn't kill me-"

"Powerful demons often leave an imprint, traces of their unique energy." Magnus set down the drawing, "If I can tap into the spot where it made contact with you, perhaps we can get a better sense of what we're dealing with."

"Sure." I stood directly in front of him, gesturing to my chest, "Go nuts."

Magnus used his magic to try and identify, only to grunt, pulling his hand back, red magic sparking from his fingers, my eyes glued, "Why does that look so familiar to me?-"

"Because we've seen this energy signature before- it's the same as the one that corrupted the ley lines." Magnus looks at me, "It's the same demon from before-"

"Well, what the hell does it want with me?" I put my hands on my waist, then watch as he sends off my drawing as a message, "Hey! I was really specific when I said not to show anyone that-"

"Don't worry, I'm only sending a message to an old contact- he has access to information far beyond my resources." Magnus said to me, "Hopefully, he's willing to help us- identify the beast."

I swallow hard and nodded, crossing my arms and leaning back against the wall, going silent.

"Biscuit-" Magnus stares, "What's wrong?"

"What?" I look at him, "I'm good-"

"You're extremely quiet-" Magnus gestured towards me, "And I haven't heard not one insult-"

I roll my eyes, then sigh lightly, "I tried to tell Jace about all of this earlier, but, he was acting- strange."

"Strange how?" Magnus questioned.

"I don't know- maybe I'm being paranoid, but- he didn't exactly seem happy to see me." I stood up straight, "I tried to hug him and he barely hugged me back- and it seemed like he didn't even want to- speak to me-"

"I mean- I've been losing my mind over him, and he just- pushes me aside." I looked down at my shoes, "I don't know- it just sucks. I'll get over it-"

"Biscuit, I don't think it's you." Magnus says to me, "Jace has been through a lot- he probably just needs some time."

"I guess." I muttered, watching as a fire message flew in, on that Magnus caught quickly.

"We're in luck- Brother Zachariah says he's willing to meet." Magnus snaps his fingers, "Tonight."

"I can't do tonight." I walked over to him, "I'm having dinner with the Lightwoods- I can't miss."

"Take Clary-" I said before he could speak, crossing my arms, "Just- keep me updated."

Magnus puts a hand on my shoulder, caressing with his thumb, "Biscuit- it's okay."

I look at him, "I didn't even say anything-"

"You said Clary's name." Magnus' words made me roll my eyes and scoff, leaving the room.

-

"Hi- I'm here-" I walked over to Alec, Jace and Maryse in the Hunters Moon, sitting down in the seat by Alec, "I'm sorry, I got caught up in something-"

"Hi-" Alec grabs the leg of my chair and almost instantly pulls me directly next to him, wrapping an arm around me, putting to the slim white sweater I had pull on, along with the olive green denim jacket, "This is unusual-"

"Thought I'd step out of my comfort zone for tonight." I leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek, before messing with my sleeves, glancing at Jace, who's eyes seemed to be everywhere but at anyone at our table.

Isabelle grabs the menu, "How about we order some food?-"

"That is a great idea- I'm starving." Alec grabs his menu, wrapping an arm around me and opening the menu so we could share, "You must be too."

I look at him, "What?"

"You haven't eaten at all today." Alec's eyes scanned the menu, "You should get a filling meal-"

I blink, "I haven't?"

I hadn't.

I was too caught to even think about eating.

"I hope I'm not embarrassing you." Maryse's words saved me from being interrogated from Alec.

"What are you talking about?" Alec looks at her, "You're our mother- we stand by you."

Isabelle grabs her hand, "Always."

"Thank you." Maryse smiles at us all, "If there is a silver lining in all of this, it's getting to be with the four of you again."

Alec asks, "So- what are you gonna do now?"

"I need to find a job." Maryse replied, "I'm looking forward to it, actually-"

Alec lightly nudges me, as I looked toward him, as he was pointing at the menu, "Do you want pasta? Actually- no, I know you'd want fries, so- you could get a burger?"

I softly smiled at him, before shaking my head just lightly, "I don't know what I want- I haven't really been in the mood for anything."

"Alright." Alec folds the menu and leans his free hand against the table, his other arm around me, his voice low to keep our conversation private, "What's going on with you?"

I blinked, "Nothing-"

"I gave you the time to come to me yourself, but- now, I'm just even more concerned." Alec's words made me sigh, "You seem so out of it- and you haven't been eating- and the mysterious disappearances?"

"Well, I'm quite obviously off with my secret boyfriend." I made a joke to get out of the questioning, "Is it that hard to piece together?"

"Oh, you're right." Alec decided to play along, understanding that I wasn't ready to talk to him yet, "You've been having dinner with him, aren't you? And being gone for all those hours- the zoning out- you're thinking of him? How could you-"

I smiled at him, before leaning in and pecking his lips a few times, before I heard Maryse say, "Isabelle, where's your friend?-"

Jace questions, "What friend?"

"Friend?" Alec sat up, "Wait, you have a new boyfriend? Why am I the last one to hear about this?"

"Oh, no." Jace's tone seemed so off to me, "Alec, I haven't heard about this one either-"

Alec notices my reaction not matching theirs, "You knew? And you didn't tell me-"

"I didn't tell you?" I tilt my head to the side while looking at him, "Oh- my mistake, I might've told the wrong boyfriend-"

Alec scrunches his nose and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his side, as I softly laughed.

At least, even with Jace making my tension intensify, I felt at peace with Alec.

"He's not my boyfriend." Isabelle quickly points out, "We've only been on one date."

"Alec and I were practically dating before our first date." I exaggerated, intertwining my fingers with Alec's.

Alec's words made me start to giggle, "Oh, yeah- I mean- we've been married forever."

"He's a doctor." Maryse adds in.

"Well, what is he?" Alec questions, "Is he a werewolf? A warlock?-"

Isabelle purses her lips, "He's a mundane."

"Seriously?" Alec almost laughed.

Jace remarks, "Well, that's new."

"I'm practically a mundane at this point." Maryse took a sip of her drink, shrugging at us.

Isabelle looks between us, "You all have to promise to behave yourselves."

"Us?" Jace looked amused.

Alec was fake baffled, "What?-"

"Oh, Isabelle." Maryse said when the mundane walked in, "He is handsome."

Isabelle shot her a look, "Mom-"

Jace's eyes were glued, "Can't wait to meet him."

-

"So- what kind of doctor are you?" Alec asked Charlie, setting down his drink, his arm around me.

Charlie responds, "Pediatric surgeon."

"Oh, you work with children?" I had barely touched my food, holding onto my drink that I had only taken a few sips of.

I was trying so hard to stay focused on the conversation and not let my mind wander.

"Yeah, well, kids love to break their arms, running at a coffee table." Charlie's words made us laugh, "And- not everybody heals as fast as Isabelle."

"Yeah-" Isabelle excuses, "The magic of makeup."

Charlie nods slow, "Anyway, Isabelle has told me about the family business."

"What exactly did she tell you?" Alec tenses up.

Charlie looks caught off guard by the sudden tension, "Is the jewelry thing a secret?"

"Oh- jewelry." Alec was trying not to laugh, as I swallowed back my laughter, "She told you we're jewelers?-"

Maryse cuts in, saving him from the embarrassment, "We prefer to think of ourselves as artists-"

"I'm gonna go get a refill-" I announced, giving them all my best smile, before escaping the table, walking over to the stand, to see Simon seated alone, "Simon- hey-"

"Simon?" He looks back at me, blinking a few times, "Wow, it really is you- I had to make sure the name fit with the voice it came from-"

"You're right- I've totally lost my touch." I sipped my drink, then gave him a small smile, "You okay? You look stressed."

"Stressed? No, no, I'm fine-" Simon shook his head quickly, "I'm totally relaxed."

I nod slow, "So, you don't want to talk about it?"

"Not really, no-" Simon shook his head again, "But- how are you? Clary told me you showed up to the Institute looking like you got hit by a bus-"

I scoff lightly, "At least I looked like that because I was attacked, not in general-"

"There she is." Simon pokes my arm, "Glad you're back- missed the two minutes you were gone."

I scrunch my nose and ruffled his hair, not being able to help a smile, "Thanks."

"For what?" Simon smiles at me as well.

I shrug just lightly, before putting a hand on his shoulder, "For making me feel- kind of okay."

-

"You don't deserve him." I heard a girl say when I walked into the back to fix my hair, stopping at the sight of the blond, dressed head to toe in red.

I stopped, "Excuse me?-"

"You don't deserve him." She spaced out her words and looked angry, taking a step towards me, her eyes fixed as a glare on me.

I stare, "Who the hell are you talking about?"

She hissed, revealing her fans, throwing herself at me, as I quickly dodged her, only for her to grab a glass from the shelf and slam it against my head.

It took me a moment to process that she had just done that, my eyes falling onto her, holding nothing but a death stare, before grabbing her and throwing her into the shelf.

She groans, stumbling to her feet, reaching her arm back to punch me, but I caught her fist and flipped her onto the ground, before kicking her side.

She whimpered in pain, my hands gripping the collar of her dress, throwing her into another shelf, tossing her around all a rag doll, as she let out a pained shout, hissing at me, "Get away from me!"

"Don't move!" I pulled out my kindjals, holding them tight, stood above her, one shoe on her neck as she laid on the ground helplessly, "Who the hell are you?-"

Simon then ran in, "Zee, wait!"

"What the hell?" I looked at him, then gesture my head toward her, "You have two minutes, or I'm going to make her pay for attacking me-"

"Her name's Heidi- I'm her sire." Simon quickly explains, "It's a complicated story, but she's not in her right mind- Raphael tortured her, he thought because she had my blood, she might be a Daylighter too."

I look down at Heidi, "You're the one he experimented on?-"

"Yes-" Simon inhales, "You knew about that?"

"Isabelle filled me in on the details- I don't know what she did to him." I looked between them, "Listen, Simon, she went rogue- attacked a blood truck, killed a mundane, and just tried to kill me-"

"And so- what? We turn her over to the Clave?" Simon looks at me, "The Clave will do what? Execute her? Toss her into the Gard forever? She doesn't deserve that."

I exhale through my nose.

"Look, everyone knows how hard it is for fledglings to control their urges, and she didn't have anyone looking out for her- but, now she does." Simon persuades, "So please, Zee? I'll make sure she never hurts anyone again."

"Put her on a leash." I let my guard down, putting my kindjals away, shaking the glass out of my hair, before stepping back into the Hunters Moon.

"Hey- I lost you." Alec walked over to me the moment he caught eye of me, "Why do you have glass in your hair?-"

"Damn-" I huff, running a hand through my hair, "I'll tell you later-"

My phone buzzed in my back pocket, as I pulled it out and answered it, "What?-"

Clary asks, "Hey, you at Hunter's Moon?"

"Yes." I confirm, "What?"

Clary questions, "Is Jace there?"

"He- was." I looked around the Hunters Moon to see him no where, "Why? What's wrong?"

"Zee?" Alec was confused, "What's happening?"

"You said Jace was acting cold towards you earlier? Detached? As if he didn't have any sort of feelings for you anymore?" Magnus said to me, "Around the time that Jace was preparing to go to the Silent City, a woman came to see me."

I ignore Alec, "Okay, what did she want?"

"She requested an elixir that would make a person fall out of love- or, in other words- to destroy a connection so deep between two people- but, there was something off about her." Magnus explained, "I couldn't put my finger on it right away, but- what if she was simply masking her power? What if she was the demon that attacked you, disguised in human form?"

I trail off, "You really think that's possible?"

"To complete the potion, a sliver of soul was required from the object of affection." Magnus thought out loud, "And you wondered why that demon only touched you, instead of just killing you."

"Not only that, but-" Clary's words made everything click in my mind, "Zee, Jace never went to the City of Bones for treatment."

That was where I hung up, my eyes glued to the door as I pushed past people, leaving the Hunters Moon, Alec right on my tail.

-

Screams echoed through the alley as I ran around the back, my kindjals now in hand, Alec right by me, his bow and arrow ready to fire.

He didn't question me for a second.

He saw me pull my kindjals out and knew he had to back me, whatever it was.

And this was something I hope I wasn't right about.

Jace was the Owl.

It had to have been him.

Nothing else made sense to me.

He wasn't losing his mind; he was possessed.

This entire time, right under my nose and I didn't pick it up, and now he was already too far gone.

Another thing that was my fault.

And I hated myself for it.

"Stop!" Clary's distant shout sounded, as I rushed toward the sound as fast as I could, skidding around the corner to see her defenseless, Magnus on the ground, and the Owl hovering over Ollie.

"Hey!" I shouted, throwing my kindjals at him, onto for him to knock both of my weapons to the side, Ollie starting to seize on the ground.

The Owl stood up, snarling at us.

Alec shot two arrows at him, only for him to dodge one and catch the other, launching it towards me, Alec immediately shooting another arrow, one that came in contact with that one and broke it in half.

I couldn't wait longer, launching myself toward the Owl, as we began to throw ourselves at each other, blocking each other's blows and trying to get hits in, attempting to overpower one another.

He matched Jace's fighting style.

We were brutally tossing each other around, moving so fast that the eyes that followed us could barely figure out how many times one of us swung.

"Coward!" I screamed into the night when he threw me into the wall, holding me by my neck, "Show your face, Jace!"

Alec was caught off guard, "Jace?-"

Gun shots filled the air, the Owl grunting and jerking with every shot as it hit his back, before throwing me to the ground, grunting and growling.

I stumbled onto my feet, wiping the blood from my mouth, my heart beat racing as I watched his glamour fade into the familiar face of my best friend.

And in that moment, I hated myself more than I had ever hated anyone my entire life.

Because I did that to him.

"Oh, Jace-" My heart shattered, staring at my possessed best friend, "It's you."

authors note:

zee's not herself at all sksksk, i feel like everything's starting to slowly hit her and she's gonna go crazy lmao

zee and simon are underrated tho, i love their friendship sm

also, awh- i love how alec looks after her cause he knows she isn't looking after herself

and all their jokes sksksk, awh, they make me soft

omg zee excitedly telling maryse about apartment hunting- i just love

but, thank you for 48k !!

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