"From everything I've heard, my mother suffered in silence alone for years." Jace said to me when we walked into the courtyard, "She never got the help she needed."

"Well, good thing you have me." I crossed my arms when we came to a stop, "I'm not gonna let that happen-"

Jace exhales slow, "I'm- thinking of going to the City of Bones for treatment."

"You want to go for treatment-" I stared at him, "With the Silent Brothers?"

"They have a history of helping Shadowhunters with mental health issues." Jace told me, crossing his arms as well.

I blink, "Well, we don't know if that's what you're going through-"

"There's a family history." Jace pointed out.

"Sure, but- you didn't start feeling this way until I brought you back." I put my hands onto my waist, "There has to be some sort of connection- it can't just be a coincidence-"

"I think it was a trigger-" Jace cut me off, his eyes locked with mine, "For something that's always been there."

"You think- that me bringing you back to life, triggered you losing your mind?" I trailed off, shaking my head, "Okay, Crazy-"

"Look, I can't sit- benched and do nothing." Jace put his hands onto my arms, "If there is even a chance that the Silent Brothers can help, then that's-"

"And if they can't?" I tilt my head to the side lightly while looking at him, "The Clave would seem you unfit for duty and you would be deruned-"

"And what choice do I have?" Jace's voice fell quiet, "I can't live like this."

"Well, here's an insane idea-" I trailed off, then click my tongue, "I could try to talk to the Angel-"

"What? No, it's too dangerous-" Jace immediately denied, "If we summon Raziel, he could destroy us just for bothering him-"

"First of all, there is no we in this-" I gestured between the both of us, "I will be doing this- and, I was thinking Ithuriel- I mean, his blood runs through our veins- and, he's helped me before."

"You are not doing this alone-" Jace wasn't okay with this, "What if he kills you? I am not going to be responsible for your death-"

"And I'm not going to be responsible for what's been going on with you." I shot back at him, "Look, if you're suffering the consequences of being brought back from the dead, then- I'm gonna fix it. If that means summoning and interrogating an angel- I'm gonna do it-"

Jace asks, "And what if he doesn't come?"

"He will." I reacted to the look on his face, "What? I'm Zee Young, everything goes my way-"

"Well, what are you gonna do?" Jace finally gave in, "Are you gonna text him?"

"He prefers email, but, hey- I'll give it a shot." I put my hands on his arms, "Listen- I am going to help you."

Jace gave me just a small nod, before pulling me into his chest, hugging me tight.

-

"Hi there, honey-" I was playful with the pet name, walking into Alec's bedroom, heading over to his bed to grab my leather jacket when I saw him buttoning up his shirt in the mirror, "Just came to grab my jacket-"

Alec doesn't say anything.

"Alec?" I stopped mid grab, looking at his back, dragging his name out, "Alexander?"

"You left me alone in bed this morning-" Alec looked at me through the mirror, "I find that rude-"

I scoff lightly and stood up straight, gaping at him in surprise, "I was in the shower-"

"Well, I'd like to wake next to my girlfriend instead of wondering where she is-" Alec looks back at him, and from the look in his eyes, I could tell he was messing with me, "The showers are like- ages away-"

"I'm sorry." I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his middle, "Forgive me?"

Alec leaned down and pressed his lips into mine for a small kiss, as I smile lightly, "Where you headed?"

"Just- a little thing I have to do, nothing important-" I lied through my teeth, then looked away from him, fixing my hair in the mirror, "What's up with you?"

"I've actually been thinking- a lot, recently." Alec trails off, fixing his sleeves, "You know- that it wouldn't be an issue if we didn't have to go back and forth between our rooms so much."

I look at him, "Well, I'm just right down the hall-"

"Yeah, but- I mean you spend practically every night here- most of your stuffs in here, the only time you ever go to your room is to play your drums-" Alec started to list off, and in his tone I could hear that he was nervous, "And, you know, to grab something that isn't already in here-"

I face him, "What are you getting at?"

"Well," Alec rubbed the back of his neck, "Uhm-"

"Alec-" I stare at him, "Spit it out-"

"What if we got our own place?" Alec blurts out, my expression remaining blank, not knowing how to react, "Like- our own apartment- just you and me-"

I opened my mouth to speak, but he continued, taking a few steps toward me, "We're already familiar with the concept of sharing a room- and you know, this way- I'll know you're in the shower- 'cause I can hear the water- oh, you can have private showers!"

"And we can, you know- have our own privacy- without getting interrupted- or bothered- and you know, you can wake up to the smell of coffee- and breakfast-" Alec's words make me piece together that he had already thought our life living together would be like, "I don't know- there's no rule that the Head of the Institute has to live at the Institute-"

"Okay." I blinked, cutting him off, "Let's do it."

"What?" Alec wasn't expecting my answer, "Really?"

"I-" I was at a loss of words, having a hard time grasping at the thought that we had actually come this far in our relationship, "You want this?"

Alec nodded slow, "Yes."

"Okay-" I slowly nodded back at him, exhaling completely, "If it makes you happy, let's do it-"

Alec smiles at me, grabbing my face and pressing his lips into mine, where I kissed back with the same energy he kissed me with.

-

"What?-" I answered Isabelle's phone call, walking down the street, heading for the precinct.

"Can I borrow a dress?" Isabelle cut right to the chase, "I like your clothes-"

I replied short, "I don't care."

"Good, 'cause I'm already going through your closet-" The sound of hangers hitting against each other filled the line, "I'm going to wear the orange one-"

"Don't ruin it, please- Alec really likes that one." I knew immediately which dress she was talking about, "Why do you need a dress?"

Isabelle sighs, "I'm going out tonight with the doctor."

"The mundie?" I almost laugh, lightly shaking my head at myself, "I knew you were into him-"

"It's just dinner." Isabelle replied, "I'm only doing it so he can leave me alone."

"Really? If so, you're going about this completely wrong." I put a strand of my hair behind my ear, "Why go out with him at all?"

"You're right- I should cancel." Isabelle thought, "Help with The Owl search."

"You know, you going about this in all the wrong ways can't help but make me think that you actually want to see him." I quickly said, "Go."

Isabelle was silent for a few moments, then questions, "You think I should?"

"Yes, go." I reply, "You need it."

"Fine- enough about me." Isabelle brought up suddenly, "What's wrong with you?"

I stammer, "What do you mean?-"

"You sound- weird." Isabelle confronts me about it, "Did Alec ask you to move in with him? Oh- wait, I probably shouldn't have said that-"

Before I could speak, Isabelle gasps, "Wait- did you say no? What happened?-"

"No, I said yes." I responded to her, rolling my eyes to myself, "I'm just- having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept."

Isabelle questions, "How so?"

"I don't know." I exhale, "I just never saw myself in a position where I'd actually have someone- and I mean- he loves me- he wants to move in with me- I'm having trouble processing it."

"Well, believe it." Isabelle teases over the phone, "He's been head over heels for you for ages-"

I shot back, "That hasn't been my experience!"

-

"These are the victims of the Owl?" I asked Luke, my arms crossed, my eyes scanning the board with all the photos put up against it to identify.

"Yeah- 26 victims in total throughout the tristate area." Luke nodded, seated at his desk, "Law enforcement thinks it's some deranged cult brainwashing their members to kill their loved ones- what's up?"

"Well-" I look at him, "I need to talk to your sister."

Luke blinks, "Cleophas?"

"I need an Iron Sister." I lowered my voice, leaning back against his desk, a palm resting on the surface, "I can't go to the Citadel for this."

"What's this all about?" Luke took my silence to his question as a chance to try and comfort me about it, "Kiddo, it's me."

I stare at him, "I'm twenty one."

"And you're like a daughter to me." Luke crosses his arms, "Come on- you can talk to me about anything."

I swallowed hard, before looking around for a moment, then back at him, my voice lowering, "Fine- but, you can't utter a word to anyone else, you hear me?"

Luke stares at me, "What is it?"

I sigh quietly and sat down on the ground, hidden behind his desk, my back against the cabinets, my voice low, "Back at Lake Lyn- when Jace and I were battling my father- Jace wasn't just injured, he was killed."

Luke's eyes widen, "What?-"

"It was supposed to be me." I looked at him, feeling tears start to burn in my eyes no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, "He got in the way- and it took the hit for me- he told me he'd rather it be him than me-"

"Zee-" Luke stares at me, "What happened?"

"I used to the wish to bring him back." My voice broke and fell even quieter, "Raziel was right in front of me- I- I couldn't handle losing someone else I loved- I mean- after my Mom- and making Alec forget me- and Magnus despising me- I- couldn't bare it-"

Luke leaned his head against his hand, "Zee-"

"I've been lying to everyone, Luke-" The tears in my eyes fell, "I've been lying to Alec- and after all I've done to hurt him, I can't screw this up with him again- but, after this- after he finds out I've been lying to him? Right to his face- he's going to hate me-"

"He won't hate you-" Luke put a hand on my shoulder, "Zee, you could be facing serious consequences for this if anyone from the Clave knew- it's okay-"

"It's not okay because I screwed up, really bad." My eyes burned, shaking my head at him, "Every since Jace was brought back- he hasn't been himself-"

"There's something seriously wrong with him and it's my fault, but- I don't know what it is or how to fix it." My voice was raspy, "I need to fix it."

Luke exhales, "And that's why you need Cleophas?"

"I really need your help." I nodded lightly at him, sniffling, "Please, Luke."

-

"Oh, man." Luke breathes out when we came out of the portal I had made, "I will never get used to that."

"Well, my navigation's definitely getting better." I click my tongue, looking at the farmhouse, "Of all places, why would she come here?"

"I brought her here." Luke started to walk towards it, "It's my farm."

"You have a farm?" I look at him, blinking a few times, "Where are the cows? The pigs- the chickens- did you eat them all?"

"I stayed here for six months, back when I first turned." Luke only smiled at my playful words.

"Again," I cross my arms, "Feast on the poor animals, now did ya?"

"No-" Luke lightly nudged me, "I stayed here back when my life fell apart- that little farm house is where I put it back together."

"Cute story." I walked up the hill, "Let's hope that farm house had the same effect on her-"

"I wouldn't know- I haven't heard from her since I brought her here." Luke said to me, "She's cut herself off."

"Well, let's find out- shall we?" I hopped up onto the porch, as Luke inhaled sharply, before knocking on the door.

"Cleo?" Luke calls out, "It's Lucian."

Cleophas opened the door, looking between us, before her eyes fell onto me, almost instantly hugging me tightly, "Zee-"

I stiffen up, looking at Luke, "How the hell does she know my name?-"

-

"Iron Sisters do have ways to communicate with the angels." Cleophas said to us, as we were seated in the back with cups of tea, "But- I'm afraid I cannot do that for you."

Luke clears his throat, "You can't, or you won't?"

"I have been trying to contact the angels, but as hard as I try, they will not answer." Cleophas replies.

I stare at her, "Well, why not?"

"I'm not certain." Cleophas exhaled, "I sometimes wonder if my own- irredeemable actions have severed my ties to the heavens-"

"I'm useless." She then looks at me, "But you, Zee, you are far from useless."

I sat up, "You lost me-"

She began, "You may not be an Iron Sister, but- Ithuriel's blood runs through you-"

"You think I can summon Ithuriel?" I set down my cup of tea, "Is that possible?"

"No one other than an Iron Sister has done it before." Cleophas explained, "There may be risks- but, it's certainly worth a try."

Luke questions, "What risks?"

"There's a chance it could anger Ithuriel." Cleophas said, "He could lash out at her-"

"Well, I don't care." I cut her off, sitting at the edge of my seat, "I'll take it- how do I do it?"

"This is dangerous." Luke looks at me, "Zee, I know this is important, but- so are you."

"No I'm not." I got up, "I'm doing this- for Jace."

-

"This contains trace amounts of adamas, to help call the Angels." Cleophas says as we were in the middle of the woods, darkness having fallen over us.

She then gestures for me to get inside the circle she had rested in the dirt, as I do so, "Activate your angelic rune."

I pulled out my stele and do exactly as she says, before putting it back into my pocket, "Now what?"

"Repeat after me." Cleophas nods at me slowly, "Ignis aurum probat."

"Ignis aurum probat." I recite.

She continued, "Ita probat me."

"Ita probat me." I repeated, looking down when the circle around me lit up gold, making me look at her, "What's happening?-"

Cleophas took a step back, "They've heard you-"

I nod slow, "Now what?"

"For you to hear them," Cleophas walks over to Luke, "We have to leave you here."

"Leave her here?" Luke denied, "No way."

"You're a Downworlder, and I murdered an Iron Sister." Cleophas made good points, "How do you think the Angel's gonna react to us?"

"Luke." I look at him, "I can handle myself.

Luke reluctantly agreed, before leaving with Cleophas, "May the Angel be with you."

-

I huffed to myself after waiting in the golden ring, looking around for any sighs that Ithuriel could be near.

And as if he knew I thought of him, a bright light came towards me from the sky, making me shut my eyes and cover my face when it came to the ground, light erupting the sky when I looked at Ithuriel, who had landed in front of me.

"Zee-" He took a few steps toward me after he landed, "You should not be here."

"Ithuriel, I'm sorry to have summoned you- I understand if you're angry with me." I immediately said, not daring to look up at him when he neared me, "Please- I would not have bothered you if I didn't have a good enough reason."

"It's all right, my child." His comforting words made me look up and lock eyes with him, "I'm here for you."

I exhale, "Thank you."

"You've come because of Jace." He already knew.

I nodded slowly, swallowing hard, "Please- I need to know- is Jace the way he is because of what I did?"

"No." Ithuriel lightly shook his head at me, "But- returning from death has left him vulnerable- and you now face a greater threat than you realize."

"What?" I blink, "I don't follow-"

Ithuriel takes a step toward me, "A great evil has arrived in the realm of the mundane."

"The Owl?" I guessed.

"The Owl has a master." Ithuriel's words ignited curiosity in my mind, "Its name is-"

His bloodcurdling scream echoed through the woods when a claw broke through his chest, holding his heart in his eyes, making my eyes go completely wide, "Ithuriel?-"

He looks at me, before his entire body blew up in an explosion of light, making me fly back and hit a tree, rolling onto the ground, holding my pained head, darkness present in the sky once again.

A demon snarls over me, as I grunted, trying to focus my blurry vision, trying to grab my kindjals, but my body felt weak.

It was a demon that I'd never seen before.

The demon reached it's claw to my chest, extracting something from me, the sensation so overwhelming that my eyes rolled to the back of my head, as I fell back into the ground, passing out completely.

-

A loud gasp left my lips when I jolted awake, reaching for something to grab, my eyes blinking rapidly to focus my vision, my hands gripping the couch I was laying on, noticing how I was in the farm house and now outside in the forest.

"It's okay, it's okay-" Luke touched my arm, my head snapping towards him, "You're gonna be alright."

I breathed heavily, my hand going to my aching head, touching some wet blood from the dried stream doing down the side of my face, taking in that I was covered in dirt and blood.

"What happened out there?" Cleophas gestured to me, eyeing my appearance, since it was much different than when they left me, "Did Ithuriel appear?-"

The sound of his name made my heart stop, as all the memories came flashing back in my mind, my eyes widening, "Ithuriel-"

I had caused another death.

authors note:

not many zalec moments lolol, but it's okayyy

but, ah her beating herself up for lying to alec- I mean, she's partially afraid he's not gonna wanna live with her after he founds out, she's so afraid of losing him lmaooo

but, zee really do be going back and forth with her two last names, it's funny sometimes

and aghhh, i love how protective she is over jace, she really said she wasn't important and he was-

their connection is so strong, agh

and oop, a little cute vulnerable zee and luke moment

zee's always carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and it makes me feel so bad sksksk, she can never catch a break

but, vote and comment loadsss