"Hey- are you alright?" Jace came to my side when I walked through the Ops Center, "You've been on edge ever since Valentine escaped-"

I haven't been on edge since Valentine escaped, I've been on edge ever since I took off his Circle rune.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I put my hair into a low bun, walking towards our friends, "Don't worry about me."

Before he could say another word, I stood at the table, "Any word from Magnus or Luke?"

"No." Alec shook his head, "With Valentine free, the Downworld Cabinet has been holding secluded meetings at the Seelie Court."

Jace sighs, "Well, that's not good."

"You think anything good happens in the Seelie court?" Clary remarked, looking at Jace.

"Don't be a bitch to him because you're pissed at yourself." I snipped at her, then looked at Alec, "I'm guessing the Clave isn't gonna let this one go?"

"The Inquisitor's sent an envoy to assess the situation." Alec replies, "Chances are they'll be the ones replacing me as Head of the Institute."

Isabelle shook her head, "Not if we can recapture Valentine- Sebastian and all available personnel are searching."

"We already know Duncan managed to hijack the portal." Jace said, "If he was Luke's accomplice, he could have been orchestrating the secret transfer all along."

"No- I don't know." I stared ahead, deep in thought, "I don't think that's it."

"Listen- I appreciate the effort, but- Valentine escaped on my watch." Alec put a hand over mine, "I deserve to take the heat for it."

"What? No- this isn't your fault, it's mine." I interjected, "I was the one in charge of the transfer team- and I lost him. I'll take the fall-"

"You're always so quick to take the fall for one of us." Jace shook his head, "Not this time- it was you, Izzy and I."

I sigh lightly, as Jace spoke, "Look Alec, you are a good leader- you can't just let Imogen fire you over something you didn't do."

Robert Lightwood's voice filled all of our ears, making us look at him, "Alec will do as he's ordered."

Isabelle's eyes widen, "Dad?"

Alec looks at him, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the Clave's envoy- and we need to talk." Robert's words shocked us, "Because they think that Zee did it."

-

"Duncan was the one who escaped with Valentine- just because she was in charge of the transfer, does not mean she was the one who orchestrated his escape." Alec was stood up, raising his voice at his father at my defense as I sat between them on the couch, my hands folded, "Zee didn't do this."

"Why would she have been the one to bring him in if she was on his side? Why would she be fighting along side us if she was helping him? Wouldn't she have gone with him if she was the one who helped him escape?" Alec kept going, "She has gone through too much- and made so much progress to be degraded that way-"

I looked at him, my expression softening.

He was fighting for me without hesitation.

He didn't doubt me once.

"Alec!" Robert raised his voice to catch Alec's attention, "Look- I understand- and I trust you. But, the Clave is difficult to convince-"

"Well, convince them." Alec sat down in his seat, scoffing lightly, "You know- I never expected it to be you."

"You're my son." Robert exhaled slow, "I felt it was my responsibility to deliver your orders personally- allowing Valentine's escape was a lapse in leadership, but, our top priority is tracking him down."

"We believe he may still be in New York and I convinced Imogen that you know the city better than anyone in Idris." Robert continued, "You'll remain Head of the Institute."

Alec stares, "And that's it?"

"For now, but- Imogen is keeping you on a tight leash." Robert said, "Don't give her an excuse to give Aldertree his old job back."

"Well, I appreciate the help." Alec crossed his arms, "But- don't you think this makes up for what you did to mom."

I slowly got up, noticing the look that Robert was giving me, signaling that this had now become a private matter, "Alright, maybe I should-"

"No- stay." Alec shook his head at me, "Total transparency- I trust you with my family drama."

I slowly sat back down, as Robert sighs, "Alec- your mother and I have always had a complicated relationship."

"It's not complicated- you cheated on her." Alec's words made my eyes widen just a little, "There's a reason she returned to Idris as soon as you got here."

"I made a mistake- I never meant to hurt you, but- I fell in love." Robert stares at his son, "You of all people should know what that's like."

"Zee isn't an affair." Alec snipped at him almost right away, "Don't try to compare what you did to my relationship- I left my wedding for her- you left mom."

Alec sighs deeply, then shook his head, "I shouldn't have said anything- we can argue all about family drama once we find Valentine, but until then, I have an Institute to run and a girlfriend to protect from the Clave's wraith."

Robert trails, "Alec-"

"I can handle it." Alec snaps, "You can go."

-

"Alright, Alec told me I'm stuck with you, so- if we're working together on this, we're doing it my way." I walked into the room Jace was in, shutting the door behind me, "Valentine's not in Staten Island, so- we aren't wasting our time there. Our best bet is Idris-"

"Glad to know we're on the same page." Jace lightly smirked at me, then points at the map he was looking at, "Valentine used to take me to this cabin in Brocelind Forest when I was kid."

"Me too." I exhale slow, looking down at the map, "You think he's hiding there?"

"Probably not, no." Jace looked at me, "But- I bet you we find more in that cabin than we do in Staten Island."

I ask, "Did you tell anyone? We'll need a Portal-"

"I did." Jace nods once, "The Clave denied my request for a portal- what about Magnus?"

"Magnus is still in the Seelie Court with Luke." I told him, "He's not an option right now.

"Unfortunately, portalling to Idris without approval isn't exactly sanctioned under the Accords- and there's not a lot of warlocks stupid enough to risk it." Jace gestured to the map, "I was thinking, if I could find a warlock that could get me close enough to the Swiss border we could hike it-"

"I's only about miles-" Jace's started to fade when I started at the map, my eyes starting to glow gold, seeing a small transparent rune on the map, "It's a long shot, but it's the best I can come up with-"

"Jace-" My voice went low when I looked up, the rune I had seen now shining in front of me, "What if we don't need a warlock?"

"What are you talking about?" Jace looked up at me, then noticed the rune and my eyes, "What are you doing?"

I pushed my hand out, letting the rune activate like I did at Magnus' apartment, a gold portal opening up, "There's no way I just did that-"

Jace gapes, "That's impossible-"

"Think of the cabin, alright?" I was quick to move, grabbing his hand, "Let's go-"

"Look, just wait a second, okay?-" Jace pulls on my hand, but I immediately shook my head.

"No, we have to go now, I don't know if I can open it again-" I pulled his hand and went through the portal, immediately sending up in water at the other side.

I quickly swam up to the surface, pulling myself onto land right as Jace did, coughing up water, Jace rubbing my back, "Are you okay?-"

"Fine- just a little damp." I coughed a little, looking around, "We're in Idris."

-

"Do you wanna talk now?" Jace confronts me when we walked through the woods together, still soaked, "Look, I know something's up with you."

"Nothing's up." I shortly said, looking around, "I just have a lot on my mind- I'm not going to burden you with it."

"You're not burdening me with anything." Jace shot back at me, "Come on, Zee- talk to me."

"Fine." I sigh lightly, coming to a stop, "But, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone."

"I promise-" Jace stops, "What is it?"

"When I was taking off Valentine's Circle rune, we had an argument- he told me that in the long run, he would win because being here- being with you guys, being with Alec prevents me from reaching my full potential." I sigh quietly, "He said Alec would be my downfall-"

Jace started to shake his head, "That's not true-"

"Jace- just, wait- okay-" I stopped him, staring at him, "To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed- you understand that."

Jace replied to me, "But, you and Alec have proven against that-"

"No, we haven't- in fact, I've just proven to my Dad how right that sentiment has been all along." I paused for a moment, then admit, "I'm thinking about ending things with Alec-"

"What?" Jace's eyes slightly widen, "Zee, don't let Valentine get to your head-"

"Jace, Alec is my greatest weakness." I stared at him, my heart aching at the thought, "Valentine was right about one thing, and it's that love doesn't drive me. Anger- and pain do- those two things make me strong."

"And now that he's escaped? Now, that he's out there doing god knows what-" I gestured, "I need to be at my strongest- and at A game to make sure we take him down for good."

"Zee, this isn't the way-" Jace lightly shook his head at me, sighing lightly but I could tell in his face that he understood, "You can't end things with him- it'll shatter the both of you-"

Before I could reply, I felt a dizzy spell wave over me, as I stumbled and fell into a tree, catching myself.

Jace looks at me, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah-" I breathe out, but stumbled again, this time falling to the ground, trying to focus my vision.

"Hey, hey-" Jace helped me up, "An Iratze might be able to help you out with that-"

"Damn it- I don't have my stele." I checked my pockets, "I must have dropped it when I hit the water."

"Don't look at me." Jace shot back at me, "I left mine in New York- someone pulled me through the portal before I had time to get it."

"Shut up-" I squint my eyes at him, before catching myself against before I almost fell, "We should head back to the lake and see if we can find it."

"Alright- but, let's be quick-" Jace agreed, then followed me back to the lake, as I looked around, trying to find it.

"You don't think there's any chance steles can float, right?" I remarked, looking around, but didn't hear a reply, "Jace?"

When I heard his ear piercing scream in the distance, I immediately ran toward it, forgetting my stele, "Jace?-"

I pulled out my kindjals quickly, stumbling upon a pool of blood on the ground, and in it was a piece of leather, making my heart drop, "Oh man-"

-

I held my kindjals tight in my hands, farther into the woods than I was before, looking around for Jace.

He couldn't be dead.

He can't be.

I spun at ever sound I heard, blinking a few times to focus my vision when I saw a man with wings slowly land in front of me.

"Stay back!" I immediately shout, getting in position, "Don't come near me-"

"Hello, Zee-" He slowly walked towards me, his voice calming, "My name is Ithuriel."

"Ithuriel-" I repeated, slowly letting my guard down, "Like- the Angel?"

He nodded just lightly, then sighs, "My child- just hang on a little longer- help is on the way."

"Help?" I stammer, "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to warn you." He said to me, "Jonathan is alive-"

"Jace?" My eyes widen, "Is he okay? Do you know where he is?-"

"I can only direct you toward the correct path." He took a few steps back, "You must walk it yourself."

"What?-" I began to say, watching him lift off the ground, "Ithuriel!"

-

"Zee?" A masculine voice made me snap my head towards the footsteps inching towards me, four people coming towards me, "Hey- it's me- Jace-"

"Stay back-" I got up to my feet quickly, shakily holding my kindjals, "Who are you?-"

"Zee, It's me." The taller one said, "Alec."

I took a few steps back, "I don't know you-"

"You're confused." The red haired one said, "We're here to help you- everything's gonna be okay."

A loud ringing in my ears made me drop my kindjals and clutch my head, letting out a small whimper of pain, "Stop- stop, stop!"

"What's happening to her?" The tall one asked almost immediately, "Is she okay?"

"Shut up!" I pulled on my hair, the voices in my head getting louder along with the ringing, their voices becoming distant, "Damn it- shut up!"

"It's the lake water- it's getting to her-" The dark haired girl came closer to me, holding something in her hand, "It's gonna be alright- just hold still."

I stared at her, before kicking her back, the tall one shouting, "Grab her!-"

I grunted, fighting all four of them off, dodging every attempt they made to try and restraint me.

I backed away; defenseless, "Stay away!-"

The blond says, "Look, we're not gonna hurt you-"

"You're not gonna get the chance-" I slammed my foot onto what they tried to use on me, before spin kicking for his face.

The tall one was quick, grabbing me tightly, making fight in his grip, the others grabbing onto me one by one, "Let go!"

"Look. I know you're scared, but- it's us- it's Jace!" The blond one put his hands on my shoulders, his eyes glowing gold as I looked into them, "Everything's going to be okay-"

And slowly I recognized every one of them, "Jace-"

The others sighed in relief, letting go of me one by one as I stumbled back from them, looking between them, then my eyes falling onto Alec, "What're you doing here?-"

"You needed me." He said, "I came."

-

"You're telling me the Clave lied about the Soul Sword?" I whispered to Alec, as we stood by the stairs in the Ops Center, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Well, it's the Clave we're talking about, they're never transparent." Alec sighs quietly.

I ask, "Did you let anyone else on this?"

"You're the first and only person I'm telling- he asked me to never repeat it to anyone." Alec said to me, "Even if my Dad's intentions are good, these secrets only end up making things worse."

"I know." I sigh, nodding lightly, "But- if it got out there that the Clave lied about the Soul Sword, it could mean the end of the Accords."

Alec looks at me, "You've been paying attention-"

"Yes I have." I lightly pushed some hair out of his face, second guessing the thought of ending things with him, "I always pay attention to you."

"Alright- well, maybe, you're right- but, I've got to do something." Alec looks at me, "Are you going to tell Magnus?"

"I don't know yet." I was honest with him, messing with my hands, "The Sword's been nullified- so, even if anyone tried- they wouldn't be able to hurt Downworlders like Valentine's massacre- but, I don't know-"

-

"Hey, what're you doing?" I walked into the room Jace was in, noticing him flipping through pages, "Aren't you bored from all that reading?"

"These aren't books- they're journals." Jace looked up at me when I walked over to him, "Valentine used to keep these on the highest shelf in the cabin- I remember trying to read one once, see what all the fuss was about."

"He got to me before I could even open it- that was the last time we went back to that cabin." Jonathan slightly pushed a journal toward me, "Now- I know why."

"I remember this." I slowly took one, Zee Morgenstern written at the top of the page, before notes upon notes went on for each dated entry, my eyes scanning the words, "He recorded all of it- our entire lives-"

"Look at this." Jace showed me another journal, where two names were written side by side, trailing down with research, "Morgenstern- Herondale."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense-" I took the journal from him, "My dad told me that- Jonathan- the real, Jonathan- died in a fire he started when he was an infant."

"How could Valentine still be studying him if he was already dead?" I questioned out loud, staring at the page.

Jace's eyes slowly widen as he pieces it together, "Wait- that can't be-"

"When we were in Idris, I saw Ithuriel- I was, under the influence of the lake water, so I didn't think much of it when he said that Jonathan was alive." I looked up at him, "He wasn't talking about you- he was talking about Jonathan Morgenstern."

Jace stares at me, "He's still alive-"

"Jace- I have to do it." I panicked, setting the journal down immediately, "I have to do it-"

Jace knew what I meant, "Zee?-"

"You can't change my mind, Jace- I'm sorry." I was shaking my head, backing up to the door, "I have to do it-"

"You can't-" Jace said, "Alec won't agree to it-"

"He won't know- because, I'm not breaking up with him- I'm making him forget our relationship all together." I left the room without another word.

-

"Biscuit- are you sure you want to do this?" Magnus was hesitant when I had showed up to his apartment, explaining to him what I wanted him to do in a panic, "This spell- it puts a block on his memories- there could be triggers- or-"

"Magnus, I need you to do this for me- please." I stare at him, my eyes slightly wide; desperate, "I need it all gone- from the moment he started to feel remotely anything towards me-"

"I'll do it if that's what you really want, but- I'm worried about you." Magnus said to him, "Can you recover from that?"

I reply, "That doesn't matter-"

"Zee?" I heard Alec's voice when he walked into Magnus' apartment, making me walk out by him, "Hey-"

"Hi-" I walked over to him, as he greeted me with a kiss, "I'm glad you're here-"

"Why are we here, exactly?" Alec asked, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "Why'd you want me to come by?"

"Come here-" I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the living room, seating him on the couch.

Magnus stood behind the couch, right behind Alec, looking at me with a look that asked me if I was sure.

I shot him a look back, my attention snapping towards Alec when he questions, "Zee, are you alright?"

"Yes, yes- I'm fine." I gave him my best smile, starting to feel guilt and pain in my chest, tearing up lightly, "Hey, just- just hold my hands- okay?"

"Okay-" Alec grabbed my hands tight, staring at me, when Magnus started the spell behind him, "Zee, what's happening?-"

Tears pool in my eyes, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes-" Alec nods once.

"Okay, then- just, focus on me." I hated hiding this from him, and doing this without his consent.

Alec exhales, then nods again, holding my hands tighter, "Okay- I trust you."

"Good." I nodded at him, sniffling quietly, trying not to let the tears in my eyes fall, "Because this is the only way to ensure that we win."

Before Alec could reply, Magnus finished the spell, making Alec's head drop, his eyes closing for a moment.

I pulled my hands back and stepped back, as Alec slowly got up, his eyes landing on me, his words shattering me, "Who are you?-"

I stammer, "What?-"

When Alec's fist swung towards me, I immediately dodged, Magnus using his magic, putting Alec to sleep with a snap, Alec dropping to the ground.

"Magnus-" My eyes were glued to Alec, breathing slow, "Why doesn't he remember who I am-"

"I put a block on all the memories of him- ever- feeling anything for you- like you asked me to." Magnus trailed off as I looked up at him, "Biscuit- it's been ever since you guys were young kids- if anything, it was love at first sight-"

I took a step back, trying to process.

Love and first sight.

authors note:

plot twist sorta slsksksksk, bet y'all weren't expecting that one coming-

but, this chapter made me sad, especially since i was listening to another love by tom odell so if you want the extra feels, listen to the that

zace >>

and alec defending zee ! omg

but, thank you for 37k !!

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