I stared at the box of my mother's things I had brought from her room, seated on the ground of my bedroom.

I put my hair behind my ear and pulled out a notebook, flipping through the pages to see all the drawings she had made.

My jaw was clenched, looking further into the box, my hands touching every single item that rested in it.

I held onto the necklace that she had given me when trying to bond with me, my grip tight on it, the chain wrapped around my hand.

I slowly grabbed one of her sweaters from the pile of clothes I had collected after having to clean out her room, staring at the material.

I hesitated, before slowly bringing it up to my nose, taking in her scent, my heart stilling.

I should've tried harder to get to know her.

I should've known better.

-

"Looks like Azazel's headed south." Alec walked over to Jace and I as we stood around the table in the Ops Cenger, "We just recovered four dead mundanes with his signature M.O."

I looked up at him, nodding once, reaching back to pull the pencil out of my hair that was holding my low bun, "Alright- let's go-"

"To catch a greater demon you summoned to the Institute, defying all protocol and common sense?" Inquisitor Herondale's voice made me drop my hand and turn to face her, along with Jace and Alec.

Alec cuts in, "Don't put this all on Zee."

"We had a part in this, too." Jace backs up as well.

"Look, if you want to bench your best fighter with a greater demon on the loose, I'm happy to indulge." I took a step closer to her, my fingertips pressing against the surface of the table, "But, I hope you know that I don't even need a team to take down a threat. Because I'm that good."

"No-" Inquisitor Herondale stares at me, "First- we vanquish Azazel, then I'll decide what to do with you."

"Yeah, have me clean up the mess, then punish me for it-" I eyed her once, then pulled the pencil out of my hair, turning around, walking past Alec and Jace, "Keep up."

-

"Azazel's attacks go as far south as the meat-packing district." Alec's arms were crossed, "And then the trail goes cold."

"It's no use just tracking the dead bodies." Jace said, "With his ability to dematerialize, he could be anywhere."

"Maybe we can help-" Isabelle's voice made us all look up as she walked over to us with a blond.

"Izzy!" Clary threw her arms around her, "We've been so worried about you. Where have you been?"

"Looking for Azazel." Isabelle clears her throat, then gestures to the man next to her, "This is Sebastian Verlac, from the London Institute- when the demon came after me, Sebastian saved my life."

"Oh, I simply lent a hand." Sebastian softly chuckled, his eyes falling onto me, seeming to be glued to me.

Isabelle nods after him, "Sebastian's an expert on all things Azazel."

Sebastian blinked and cleared his throat, "When I studied abroad at the Paris Institute, I specialized in greater demons."

"Thanks for saving my sister-" Alec reaches his hand over the table from next to me, shaking his hand, "I'm Alec."

"Yeah, thank you." Jace did the same, "I'm Jace."

Clary introduces herself as well as if everyone didn't already know who she was since she's gotten here.

Then, Sebastian's eyes fell onto me once again, his eyes locking with mine, "You must be Zee Morgenstern, then?"

I stayed still, not moving to shake his hand, my hands flat on the table, "I go by Young, now."

"The great fighter in the flesh-" Sebastian held his hand out to shake mine, "Your reputation precedes you- it's an honor."

I looked down at his hand, then up at him, my expression hard, "Don't believe everything you hear."

"So- tell us about Azazel." Jace clears his throat when I didn't shake Sebastian's hand, "How do we take him down?"

Sebastian dropped his hand, "The only way to banish him is to puncture his demonic core. In corporeal form, it's between the T and T vertebrae, but- it's not that simple, the core is about the size of a pea."

"So, the entry point's right below his sternum-" I said with a low voice, using the pencil to tie my hair up again, looking down in thought.

Sebastian hums in response, as Jace nods once, "If I can get close enough, I can kill him."

"You wouldn't have enough velocity, and even if you did, the defeat's only temporary." Sebastian told him, "The nasty buggers always find a way to break out of their realm and come back."

"Alright." I stood up straight, "Thanks for the intel- we'll take it from here."

Sebastian stammers, "If I can, I'd like to help."

"That's nice." I stare at him, before shrugging, "Except- I don't really care. I'm telling you that we have it handled."

Isabelle looks at me, "Zee, you can't be serious."

I look at her, "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"Are you alright?" Clary asked, looking at me, "You seem a little on edge-"

Jace calls out, "Zee-"

"I'm fine." I shortly replied to her, then looked at Jace, "What?"

Jace huffs lightly, "Look- he clearly knows more than us about Azazel- we could use all the help we could get."

Before I could reply, Alec places a hand on my back, "Are you sure you're okay?-"

"I said I'm fine." I snipped at him unintentionally, Alec looking slightly taken back, but more so concerned than offended.

Sebastian began, "Now, as far as tracking is concerned, we should really think about-"

"Magnus is more than capable of tracking." I looked toward Sebastian, "I said what I said-"

Isabelle spoke again, "Zee- come on-"

"Look, do you want my help or not?" My head snapped toward her, "Because this is what my help looks like. If you want my help, we do it my way- if that's not enough, then I'm working on my own."

Before any of them could reply, I walked away.

-

"Magnus!" I banged on his door for the third time, huffing dramatically because he was taking so long to answer.

Magnus swing open the door, peaking his head out, staring at me, his voice unusually deep, "Hello-"

"Yo, what the hell?-" I blinked, staring at him, "Why's your door locked- you never lock your door- because you know I just- barge in? You ruined it-"

"I-" Magnus began to speak, but I pushed past him and walked through the doors and into his apartment.

"I mean, come on- what is up with everyone today?" I looked at him, putting my hair down, "I mean- first everyone thinks something's wrong with me because I'm being the only rational and cautious person about a stranger- and now you've locked the door- so now I couldn't make my big- dramatic entrance about how much I hate these people-"

"Zee-" Magnus grabbed my arm, looking slightly cautious, the way he walked and held himself up just as weird, "Look, maybe you should go-"

"What, so now you're denying my right to vent to you?" I looked at him, feeling weird that he called me by my actual name, "God, the universe just hates me today-"

"Did I not tell you to get rid of her?" Azazel's voice filled my ears, making my head turn, him throwing Magnus to the side.

I pulled out my kindjals immediately, Magnus shouting from the ground, "Zee, don't!"

Azazel threw me back, as I threw my kindjal at him with full force, landing right in the middle, his scream filling the air before he vanished, my body hitting the ground.

"No!-" Magnus rushes to the pile of ash, digging through it hopelessly.

"What the hell?-" I got up with a grunt, looking at him, "What is wrong with you today- why did you tell me to stop- why was he in your apartment?-"

"I was afraid something terrible would happen." He ignored my question, "Something that couldn't be undone."

-

"You wanted to see us?" Jace said when he and I walked into Inquisitor Herondale's office.

"Yes." She looked up, looking at me, "I told you I would decide what was next for you once Azazel was vanquished, so- here we are."

"You're welcome, by the way." I crossed my arms, "Look, you can do whatever you want with me, just- leave Jace and the others out of it. It was all me-"

"What? No-" Jace denied immediately, shaking his head, "Whatever you do to her, you do to me too- we did it together- I'm not letting her go down for us."

"Well, that works perfectly fine then." She folds her hands and looks between us, "The Clave wants to have you both tested to get a greater understanding of your unique angel-blood abilities."

"Yeah, never mind-" I immediately shook my head.

Jace agreed, "Yeah, we'll pass on being lab rats."

"It's for the greater good." She replied, looking towards me, "You need to be tested. You've excelled in many ways- we've taken an interest in you."

"That's too bad." I place my hands on my hips.

"I'd pick wisely, Ms. Morgenstern." Her voice went stern, staring at me, "Of course, if you'd rather have us test your younger sister- I'm sure she'll be thrilled to oblige-"

My jaw clenched, looking down, swallowing hard, "Fine- whatever, I'll do it."

"I'll do it with her." Jace sighed lightly and looked at her, "I guess it's your lucky day."

-

"You think if she ever smiled, her face would crack?" Jace remarked to me, his sword clashing against mine, as we were changed into clothes to train in.

"Don't know- can't be easy being a Herondale." I took a step back, flipping my seraph blade in my hand, "I'm up for the challenge-"

"Oh, yeah- I know it must be tough to be like Shadowhunter royalty." Jace shot back at me, then swung his blade at me, "All that power- prestige."

"Well, how'd we know, right?" I blocked his blade, "All we know is neglect and contempt."

"You're right." Jace kicked me back, flipping his blade in his hand, "Speaking of how much our lives suck- how are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I grunted when I hit the ground, before pushing myself back up, roundhouse kicking him, "I'm fine."

"I don't believe that." Jace grabbed my ankle and flipped me onto my back, "You've been quiet- miss hearing your snarky comments and insults toward- how do you say it- the redhead?"

I grunt, glaring at him, "Maybe- I just don't want to gloat about how I banished Azazel on my own."

"Congratulations on that, by the way-" Jace flipped his blade in his hand, "But, no- you don't seem alright- I can tell- just how you could tell with me-"

"I could tell with you because I'm dating your parabatai, who just so happens- to be able to feel exactly what you do." I said, saying half the truth, and pushed myself onto my feet, my blade hitting against his, "Ever think of that?"

"Wanna play that game? Alright." Jace pushes me back with his blade, making my blade fall out of my hands and behind me, "Your parabatai is my sister."

"Oh, right- totally slipped my mind-" I started taking a few steps back, picking at him, "What is it now, huh? Wayland, Morgenstern, or Lightwood?"

"Funny." Jace playfully glared at me when I gave him a smirk, turning away and walking towards my seraph blade.

When I turned, Jace had landed right in front of me, his blade aiming for my neck, a movement that I quickly prevented, "You can't best me, blondie-"

Jace softly chuckled at me, before flipping backwards, his eyes gold as he landed on his feet behind the Inquisitor.

"Sun rune." She walked toward me and stood in front of me, "Try again."

I toss Jace my blade, before taking a step back from her, my eyes growing hold, them focused on my palm, as the sun rune started to sear onto the palm, but quickly fade before enacting.

She stares at me, "So- you've created new runes in the past, and now suddenly, they don't work anymore."

Jace cuts in, "What are you saying, she's lying?"

"She is Valentine's daughter." Her eyes were glued to me, "Who knows what she could be hiding-"

"That's a hell of a lot coming from you, knowing how much the Clave hides." I took a step closer towards her, my jaw clenching, "You know, after all I've done to protect you people- I think I'd deserve at least some credit."

"We're done for today." Jace seemed to be angered by her as well, before coming over to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me away from her.

-

"I know you're listening!" Valentine's voice boomed after throwing a show at the camera, "Please! I'm not Valentine, I'm Magnus Bane!-"

I pulled the door open, pulling up the sleeve of the zip up hoodie I had put on, before grabbing him by the collar and pushed him into the wall, shouting at him, "That's enough!"

"Biscuit, thank God you're here-" His addressing make me hesitant, "You have to listen to me-"

"Don't call me that!" I cut him off, keeping my ground, "You're gonna listen to me because I'm only going to say this once- this sick game of yours, Dad? It's over- you're going to be locked in here for a very long time, and playing tricks isn't going to fool anyone!"

"It's not a game-" His panicked and change in voice made me think back to when I was Magnus' earlier, "I know it sounds crazy, but- I'm not Valentine- I am Magnus-"

"You think I'm going to believe that?" I scoff at him, almost bursting out in laughter, "You're amaze me every time-"

"Biscuit, Azazel switched us with a curse!" He called me by the nickname Magnus called me again, "Unum ad Unum-"

"You're insane." I seethed through my teeth, my grip tightening on his collar, "You've officially lost your mind- you think I'm going to believe a bunch of words you just made up and think it's an actual spell?-"

"You- you told me that you didn't know what you would've done if you found my body the night of Valentine's massacre-" He suddenly blurts out, his eyes starting to burn with tears, "I convinced you to go to Alec's wedding- and stop him from marrying Lydia- because he made you believe in everything but to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed- and that when that love came you needed to fight for it- and look at where it lead you- you guys are so happy-"

"Stop!" I shouted at him, letting go of him, taking a step back, "How the hell do you know these things?"

"Because- it's me, Biscuit-" Valentine's body movements were just as different, "Please, you have to believe me- if you love me, please believe me-"

"Shut up!" I shouted again, backing away more, "Just- just, stop!"

Valentine called after me, before I turned, leaving the cell, "Biscuit!"

-

"Hey, Alec-" I grabbed his hand, pulling him away from whoever he was speaking to, "I need to talk to you-"

"You do?" Alec blinked, letting me drag him along, "Really?-"

"What?" I stopped and looked at him, my eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean really-"

"I thought you were upset with me-" Alec rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, "I was trying to give you some space- I didn't want to- overstep-"

"Oh- no, I'm fine-" I shook my head, squeezing his hand in assurance, "I'm not mad at you- I promise- I'm sorry I snapped on you earlier-"

"It's okay-" Alec's sentence was dragged when I quickly pulled him along, walking right over to Jace.

"Wow-" Jace's voice varied when I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me, pulling them both into the hall, away from everyone.

"Okay, listen-" I let go of their hands and crossed my arms, looking between them both, "This is going to sound insane- but, I was just Valentine, and he says that he's Magnus, and that Azazel switched them with some kind of a demonic curse."

Alec blinks, "What?"

"Are you serious?" Jace said.

"Not only that, but when I went to Magnus' earlier- he was being weird- more- masculine. And he called me by my name-" I continued, "When I was downstairs with Valentine- he was acting different too- he kept calling me biscuit- and he knew things that only Magnus could know- like- before I barged in on the wedding- or after Valentine's massacre-"

Jace nods slow, "Well, he could have had a warlock steal your memories-"

"No, that's not possible." I shook my head, "I would have noticed by now- that didn't happen-"

Alec sighs, "Zee, look- you've been on edge all day-"

"No, I'm serious about this-" I cut him off, "I think there's something wrong here- I know my Dad, and I know Magnus- I think he's telling the truth-"

"Sure, whatever- let's say you're right-" Alec stares at me, "This is extremely risky, you know that?"

"Listen, just remember that this is Valentine." Jace said, "He's always ten steps ahead of us- he's always planning his next move."

I shook my head, "I-"

"Zee, just trust me." Jace put a hand on my shoulder, "You don't wanna fall for his lies."

-

"Your rune ability still causing you trouble?" Sebastian's voice made my head snap up, as I was seated on a bench in the Greenhouse, trying to get my ability to work.

"You've been here for a day." I stare at him, "How the hell do you know?"

Sebastian chuckled lightly, crossing his arms, "Yeah, it's, um- it's kind of the hot topic around here."

"It's none of your business." I looked back down at my palm, trying once again, only to get the same reaction again.

"I've been trying to warm up to you-" Sebastian took a step closer to me, "It hasn't really worked, has it?"

"Uh, no-" I don't look at him, "I don't like blonds."

Sebastian points out, "Jace is blond-"

"What makes you think I like him?" I looked up at him, blinking a few times, "He's the most annoying person I've ever met- oh, you know what- actually, sorry- that's Clary-"

"I just- see how close you guys are- it's not hard to see the bond you guys have-" Sebastian mentioned, "I've heard a few things too-"

"In that case," I leaned back against the bench, shooting him a fake smile, "I'm pretty sure he dyes it."

Sebastian inhales slowly, before clearing his throat, "Look- maybe I could help you with your problem?"

"How would you do that?" I scoff lightly at him in amusement, then shook my head and looked down at my palm, "I don't even understand the lengths and limits of my newfound abilities sponsored by my pure angelic blood-"

"Look, it, um- it might be simpler than you think." Sebastian sat next to me, "If you'll let me?"

"Fine." I crossed my arms and looked at him, "Humor me."

"We are trained so fiercely to believe that emotions cloud our judgment, but- I believe that emotions give us power." Sebastian began to explain to me, "And when we suppress them, we are all the weaker for it- perhaps, that's the problem."

"I'm not suppressing my emotions." I stare at him.

"I heard your mother just died." Sebastian admitted, "That Valentine killed her- and that- Jace just found out he's not Valentine's son."

"Wow, you've really done your research." I tilt my head to the side while looking at him, "What does that have to do with any of this?"

"Well- I mean, think about it-" Sebastian rubs his hands together, "You barely got to know your mother before your own father- who's barely acted like your father- killed her right in front of you- and then you find out that Jace was never really your brother? You lost two family members in one- traumatizing night-"

"Maybe you're onto something." I sat him, folding my hands, looking at him, my voice low, "What do you suggest I do about that, Mr. Know it All?"

"You need to take a moment for yourself and let all that pain in, Zee." Sebastian stares into my eyes, the idea of him warming up to me slightly, "It's what's preventing you from accessing your abilities- if you hold it in longer, it's just going to set off in the worst way."

I reply, "I have let it in."

His words made me question myself, "Really?"

-

"I- just- put this shirt on, I'd appreciate it if you don't soak it if I hug you?" I said to Clary when her tears began falling after letting out all her feelings to me able Jace never being our brother, "Alright- whatever- c'mere-"

Clary hugged onto me tightly, quietly crying, as I comforted her, rubbing her back right in the middle of the Ops Center.

She said she felt alone.

How she lost her mom, and now another person that she thought was family.

Which I understood more than anyone because we weren't even full sisters.

When she calmed down, she slipped away from me, wiping her tears, sniffling, "God- I'm a mess- I'm sorry-"

I didn't reply as my attention had be caught somewhere else, as Alec had walked up to Inquisitor Herondale, who was standing in front of the elevator, "Inquisitor Herondale, I heard you put a request in for Valentine's execution-"

"Sorry- there's something I have to take care of-" I was already walking away from Clary, charging right for them, "You put a request in for Valentine's execution?-"

"Unfortunately the Clave has denied that request-" She replied, looking between us, "They don't understand- Valentine will never tell us where the Mortal Cup is."

I took a step, "And?"

"It's time to take matters into my own hands." She walked into the elevator, taking it downstairs, Alec and I right on her tail.

"You're going to execute Valentine right here in the Institute?" I confronted, trying to keep up with her, putting a strand of my straight hair behind my ear, "You're going against the Clave's wishes? Once they find out-"

She cuts me off, "I disabled the security system."

I clench my jaw, uneasy about Valentine being put to death, especially when it could be Magnus, "Do not let your emotions cloud your judgment."

Alec tried, "That's not protocol, that's-"

"Mr. Lightwood, Ms. Morgenstern- either help or go." She made herself clear, "The choice is yours."

I swallowed hard and looked at Alec, exchanging the same look with him, before hesitantly following her into the cell.

Her eyes were glued to Valentine, "Put him in the chair- now."

"Biscuit, what's happening?" Valentine looked hopeless when Alec slowly grabbed him and put him in the chair, "No- please- don't do this- biscuit- please stop him-"

"Gag him." She said, Alec giving me a look, before doing exactly that, looking slightly hesitant now.

"Please, don't do this!" He screamed into the gag, "Please!"

"My son is dead because of you- and it's been years, and the pain just never goes away." She pulled out a dagger, not looking back at Alec and I, "Guard the entrance."

I swallowed hard, blinking hard before turning around, heading towards the door, standing there with Alec.

I felt sick to my stomach letting this happen, and almost did, until I saw a hologram of Magnus appeared in front of us, Jace right next to him, his wrists in cuffs, "Hello, my dear-"

Alec's expression dropped, "Zee-"

"Zee, I'm so sorry." Jace apologizes right away, his face panicked, "You were right- they switched."

"Stop!-" I ran into the cell, throwing myself in front of Valentine, my hands landing on the arms of his chair, covering him, the Inquisitor's blade to my neck, "It's not him!-"

"Ms. Morgenstern-" Her eyes were wide with anger, the anger and pain clouding her mind, "Don't think I won't go through you to finally get rid of him-"

"No- enough!" Alec was shouted as well, rushing over right after me, grabbing her wrist to pull her blade away from my neck, "Get away from her, it's not Valentine!"

She stares at us, "What are you talking about?-"

Magnus' voice filled the empty silence, "You've taken my light, your darkness will come."

She slowly turned, "What did you just say?"

"I'm repeating your words back to you." He said, "You remember the fire message you sent to me the night Stephen died-"

"I'm so sorry-" My voice was quiet as I turned to face who was proven to be Magnus, pulling the gag from his mouth, "It's going to be alright, I promise- we're going to get you back to yourself-"

Magnus, who was known as Valentine then spoke, "The good news is, in exchange for my freedom, you can save your pure angel-blooded warrior."

Inquisitor Herondale replies, "I don't make deals with the devil."

"You chose the wrong bait." Jace remarked, "For all she cares, you could slaughter me right now."

"I don't think so." He replied, "Imogen wouldn't dare slaughter her grandson."

Jace almost laughed, "After all your lies, you expect me to believe I'm a Herondale?"

"Stephen Herondale was your father- and his wife Céline was your mother." He said, "You ever think about poor Céline? Nine months pregnant when she took her own life- her dead body ravaged by werewolves, her unborn son eaten alive. Or was he?"

Inquisitor Herondale began, "You didn't-"

"The Clave took so much from me- so, I took something in return." He held up a ring, "But- I'm sure you want further proof."

"My family ring." She recognized, "Where did you get that?"

"Off Céline's very hand." He told her, "You have one hour to meet my demands, or your grandson dies."

-

"I don't know why you felt the need to bring him here-" I muttered under my breath to Alec, slipping on my leather jacket as we walked through the halls of Magnus' building, Sebastian right behind us.

"Well- I have no idea where Clary was- or Izzy-" Alec replied to me, "He was the first person I saw-"

"I thought you and I made a pretty good duo." I said, before heading right for Magnus' door, my jaw clenched.

"Whoa-" Alec grabbed my arm quick, stopping me before I could barge in, "Slow down, hotshot-"

Sebastian stopped, "Wards are up-"

"You're kidding-" I scoff lightly, staring at the door, "He's an idiot- I didn't think he would have this kind of warlock power already-"

"As always, he defies expectations." Sebastian then looks at me, "Look, we're gonna need you."

"Bold of you to assume that I can do anything about it." I huffed, slipping away from Alec's touch and standing directly in front of the door, focusing on it, along with my abilities.

My eyes glowed and a rune appeared in front of me, but when I tried to push it onto the barrier, it burned off and faded just like all my other runes.

I huffed, "I can't do it-"

Sebastian pushes me, "Yes, you can."

"Try one more time?" Alec asked of me.

I roll my eyes and tried again, only for the reaction to be the same, my body whipping to face them, "This is only wasting time- we need to find another way in-"

Sebastian suddenly grabbed my arms and forced me to look at him, "Tell me what it feels like to have your entire family ripped away from you-"

I scoff, "What?-"

Alec immediately put his arm on Sebastian's shoulder, his voice stern, "That's enough-"

"Trust me on this, okay?" Sebastian looked at Alec, "Trust me."

Alec stares at him for a few seconds, before dropping his hand, my eyes glued to him, shooting him a look, and if looks could kill, he would've dropped dead.

"Look, your mother? She's never coming back." Sebastian stares right into my eyes, "Jace is not your brother- and Clary? She's not even your full sister- you feel like you're all alone in this world, don't you?"

My body was tense, "Shut the hell up-"

"No!" Sebastian tightened his grip on my arms, his voice urgent, "Feel it, Zee. Feel it!"

"You never even gotten to fully get to know your mother before you own father killed her right in front of you-" Sebastian called me out on everything, "And that father? He ripped every memory you had with her and everyone else away from you to make you devoted to him- to make you his soldier- has he ever treated you as anything but a pawn? His weapon-"

My jaw was clenched, starting to feel my eyes unintentionally burn with tears, "Sebastian-"

He repeats, "Your mother is never coming back-"

"Sebastian!" I raise my voice.

"Your father will never love you." He continued regardless of my protests, "The only reason he wanted you was to use you- he wanted to use your abilities for his benefit- because he knew you were too powerful to not have you beside him-"

"Sebastian, this isn't working." Alec tried to stop him, "Enough, you're only upsetting her-"

"You wanted a family so badly, because then at least you wouldn't feel the pain anymore, you wanted someone that could heal you from all the suffering, but then he took the one chance at happiness away from you, again." Sebastian's words made a sharp pain form in my chest, "He killed your mother. And he won't stop until he's hurt every single person you care about- and knowing that makes you feel miserable-"

My eyes were filled with tears that I couldn't hold back, "Stop it!"

"I can't stop it, Zee." Sebastian said, "That empty feeling that eats away at your soul and makes you feel like you want to die, day after day after day, it never stops."

"Now, take that pain-" Sebastian faced me toward the doors, "And use it."

I didn't let the tears in my eyes fall, my eyes glowing gold, the rune appearing right in front of me like it had before.

My jaw was clenched, my palm coming forward, pushing the rune onto the barrier, as it stuck this time, breaking the barrier, the wards falling.

Immediately, we threw the doors open to see Valentine and Magnus fighting in front of an open portal.

Magnus shouts, showing me that they had switched, "Biscuit!-"

I didn't stop, grabbing Valentine and jumping through the portal, the both of us falling to the ground in his cell.

I couldn't help myself, starting to instantly throw punches at his face the moment I got onto my knees, my jaw clenched, my movements fast and hard.

I was quickly pulled off by the two guards, the other two grabbed Valentine, who looked at me, "You're taking the wrong side, Zee. One day- you'll understand."

-

I stood in front of Magnus' door, blinking away the tears in my eyes that I refused to let fall.

I felt nothing but pain.

But, I needed to be okay.

Because Magnus needed me.

Everyone did.

I swallowed hard and opened the door, walking in, noticing him sitting on his couch, alone.

"Hey-" My voice was quiet, walking towards him, "How are you?"

Magnus doesn't reply, his gaze on the ground.

"Magnus-" I slowly crouched in front of him and put my hands on his knees, "I am so sorry- for everything you had to go through- and for not believing that it was you. That signs were there, and i was being- stupid-"

"It wasn't your fault." Magnus looked down at his hands, "You were being cautious- I wore the face of a man who caused you so much pain- I don't blame you for anything."

I sigh through my nose, staring at him.

"That agony rune," Magnus slowly looked at me, pain in his eyes, "-made me relive memories I've spent centuries trying to forget."

"I know, honey- I know-" I let the comforting name slip from my lips, before getting up and sitting next to him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling me into me.

-

"Zee, hey-" Sebastian stopped me when I walked into the Institute after returning from Magnus'.

I blink, stopping in front of him, "Oh- hey-"

"I- uhm, look-" Sebastian rubbed his hands together and cleared his throat, "Look, I- I'm sorry if I was too hard on you tonight. I hope you know I never wanted to do anything to purposefully hurt you-"

"I- no- Sebastian, you helped me with my runes." I exhaled, crossing my arms, "Guess you helped after all- I don't know how to thank you."

Sebastian swallowed hard, then suggests, "Well, how would you feel about dinner?"

I stare at him, "Dinner-"

"Oh God, I was too forward, wasn't I?" Sebastian looked nervous, "God, I was-"

"No, not that- just-" I squeezed my arms, "Sebastian, I have a boyfriend-"

"Of course you do." Sebastian thought out loud, "Of course you do, how could you not?-"

"He's a keeper." I gave him a very slight smile in sympathy, taking a step back, "But- thank you- again, for everything."

-

"Hey-" Alec's voice filled my ears when we walked into my room, the door shutting behind him.

"What- what is it?" I stopped right where I was, looking at him, "Are you okay? Do you need me?-"

"I'm fine- are you okay?" Alec was staring at me with eyes of concern, holding his hands behind his back.

"I'm fine-" I blinked, before looking back to what I was doing, rummaging through my drawers and looking through all the items on my desk.

Alec's words made me turn my head, noticing him holding up the necklace my mother had given me, "Looking for this?"

I stopped, "Where did you get that-"

"I saw it on my bed in my room- with one of your mom's sweaters?" Alec mentioned, slowly walking towards me and handing me the necklace, holding that hand in both of his, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I laid in his bed while he was out on duty because the scent of him brought me comfort when I was on the verge of breaking.

"Zee, you're allowed to break." Alec stares into my eyes, his eyes filled with worry, "I promise-"

"No, I- I can't- alright?" I tensed up at his words, holding my palm up, taking a step back, "I'm fine-"

Alec began, "Zee-"

"I can't, Alec- okay- I can't take a minute for myself-" My eyes were glued to him, both my hands out in front of me as if I was trying to keep him away from me, pain erupting in my heart, "Because- everyone- needs me- Izzy- Jace- Clary- and, and- Magnus-"

"Zee, listen to me!" Alec set my necklace down and took a few steps toward me, "You have the ability to break- and to fall apart. You don't have to be okay for everyone else- because I'm here- to hold you up when you fall- and I'm not going to prioritize myself over you-"

My eyes were burning with tears, my breathing becoming heavy, my knees feeling weak and my hands being to shake, "I can't-"

"Look at me." Alec moved past my hands and reached, grabbing my arms in comfort, "The pain doesn't make you weak. It makes you human- and you have every right to feel human-"

I couldn't listen to him anymore, completely collapsing into him, wailing out due to the pain in my chest, tears uncontrollably falling down my cheeks.

Alec fell with me, seated on the ground, holding me tight in his embrace, comforting me as I let out all the pain I'd been keeping in, "I got you- it's okay-"

authors note:

zee knowing that she's the best and making it known makes me laugh every time

but omg the end of this chapter legitimately made me cry. she's always there for everyone that she doesn't take a moment for herself

they give me such feels

are you with me by nilu gives me such a zalec vibe for some reason, i listen to it whenever i write a intimate scene between them where they really connect and build their relationship yk, it's become their song for me

but anyways, thank you for 32k !!

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