"During the attack on the City of Bones, Zee Young and Jace Wayland fought bravely, and thus the Clave, in their wisdom, has exonerated them both from all crimes." Aldertree said to the Ops Center filled with many Shadowhunters, "And the chief physician in Idris reports that Lydia Branwell's condition continues to improve."

I stood far enough from Jace and Isabelle, staring at Aldertree, watching him give his updates and announcements.

I meant what I said.

I couldn't put them in danger.

Even if my father was long gone.

But I was filled in on what happened when Jace and I were gone in the City of Bones.

Jocelyn Fray was dead.

The demon my father released in the Institute possessed Alec and he had killed her.

Then the demon possessed Isabelle.

And now here we are.

"Hey- why isn't Alec here?" Isabelle moves through the crowd and comes by me, Jace right behind her.

I cross my arms, "How am I supposed to know?"

Jace exhales and looks at me, answering the question for me, "He needs some space."

"We face a new threat." Aldertree began, "Valentine has the Mortal Cup, and now possesses the Soul-Sword, two of the three Mortal Instruments. Our mission now is to find out what he plans to do with them and when."

"Hey," Jace nudged me lightly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I shortly said, looking around, "Are you? I mean- I'm used to all these stares, but you?"

"I'm good." Jace exhales, "But- yeah, apparently no one else is, judging by the way they're all looking at us."

"Guys, I'm sorry for letting them take you to the City of Bones." Isabelle suddenly interjected, looking between us, "I thought-"

I cut her off, "Don't stress it."

"It's all good, Izzy." Jace followed up, "You saved Alec's life and ours. I would've done the same thing."

"Tomorrow night's rite of passage will bring the total number of dead to 26 fallen Silent Brothers and three Shadowhunters." Aldertree continued to a finish, "Take this time to grieve and plan for what lies ahead- your orders will follow."

Isabelle grabbed her arm gently, making me glance at her, feeling that she wasn't okay, "Shoulder still hurts?"

"A little stiff." Isabelle nodded a little and rubbed her arm, "Uh, don't worry about me- keep an eye on Clary."

-

I reluctantly walked over to Clary where she stood over her dead mother, running her head through her hair, stood in silence, "Hey, redhead."

Clary looked up at the sound of my voice, "Hey."

"Uhm-" I trail off, slipping my hands into my back pockets, looking at Jocelyn, "You doing okay?"

Clary sighs deeply, "I'd be a lot better if people quit speaking in quiet voices and telling me it's okay to grieve."

I shrug, "Fair enough."

"How do you feel?" Clary questioned, staring at me, "I mean in a way she was- kind of your mother too."

"The woman tried to kill me." I was straight forward, shrugging, "Let's just say I wasn't very fond of her."

"I don't know why." Clary inhaled quietly, "I just don't feel much of anything right now."

Then she softly chuckled, looking at me, "Emotions cloud judgment, right?"

"Look," I took a deep breath as of saying this would kill me, "I spent my whole life fighting my emotions- hiding them- my father telling me how to feel- taking it all out on the people I fought. I mean- look at where it landed me. When those emotions finally come rushing back- it's never good."

Clary had small tears in her eyes.

"This just hasn't fully hit you yet." I said to her, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "But, you have to let yourself feel that pain."

Clary walked around the surface and held her arms out for me to hug her, thankful for me talking to her.

"Nope." I shook my head, "I don't do hugs."

Clary moves ahead regardless, making me take a step back, "We're not there yet-"

Clary hugs onto me for slight comfort, as I purse my lips and sigh through my nose in irritation, letting her.

-

"You wanted to see me?" I walked into Aldertree's office a little later that day, crossing my arms.

Aldertree gestures to the seat in front of his seat, "Yes, I have a seat-"

I sat down and looked at him, waiting to hear the reason he had called me in here and wanted to speak with me.

Aldertree leans onto his elbows, eyeing me slyly, "Are you free tomorrow night?"

"Depends." I shrugged, "Why?"

"I know this may seem sudden- maybe even weird but, I couldn't help but notice how you held your ground during your trail." Aldertree began, "How strong you were- how you chose to save my life instead of joining your father. I admired that."

I squint my eyes at him, eyeing him after his words, "Okay, where exactly is this going?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me." Aldertree stares right into my eyes, looking for a reaction, "Tomorrow night."

I didn't have one.

"I'm busy tomorrow night." I sat up slowly, pressing my palms together, "Sorry."

"You have plans tomorrow night?" Aldertree cleared his throat lightly, "One dinner is all I ask."

"Yeah, sorry- I'm booked." I got up, turning for the door to leave before this conversation got any further.

Aldertree got up, almost sensing that I was misleading him, walking around his desk and grabbing my wrist, "What're they?"

"Don't know." I pulled my wrist from him, making eye contact with him before walking towards his door, leaving him hanging, "I'll have to figure it out."

-

I walked out onto the roof of the Institute, seeing Alec leaning against the small stair case, his hand cut up and bruised, "Hey."

I was trying on sticking with my whole staying away from them to keep them safe plan.

Except they were making it hard.

Isabelle and Jace wouldn't leave me alone, Alec was blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault and Clary was mourning over her death mother.

I just felt more drawn to them.

It was hell of a lot easier to tell them to stay away when I was locked in a cell, thinking I'd never leave.

"Thought I'd might find you here." I slowly walked over to him, crossing my arms when I came to a stop in front of him, "You okay?"

Alec looked down, "I can't be in that Institute."

I inhaled, "Alec-"

"Heard you were exonerated of all crimes." Alec cut me off, staring at his hand, "That's- that's good."

I could tell he was still hurt by the pain I caused him.

"Yeah," I swallowed hard and looked at his hand, "Too busy to use your Iratze?"

Alec used his hand to cover the bruised one, looking away, "I'm fine."

"No, you're not." I shot back at him, shaking my head, "You're hurting-"

"I know better than anyone that, you hope the pain here will overpower the pain there." My hand touched his chest, right over his heart, staring at him, "Alec, I wish it were that simple."

Alec looked at my hand, "I let a demon in, Zee."

I remind him, "Alec, that wasn't your fault."

"I don't know what to say to Clary." Alec's voice sounded guilt ridden, "I can't face her."

"But- you will." I pressed, staring into his eyes, "Because that's what you do, Alec."

Alec stares into my eyes, his pupils dilated, silent.

"It may take you a minute, but I've seen it up close- I mean, I went to your wedding." My heart ached at the thought of it, and not being with him anymore, "You'll blow up the very ground you stand on to make something right."

-

"What are you doing?" I caught Clary red handed, standing over her mother's body, chopping off a piece of her hair.

Clary inhaled and hide the strand behind her back, "Nothing-"

"Am I just supposed to pretend I didn't see that?" I crossed my arms, "Come on, what's that for?"

Clary sighs deeply, pulling her hands in front of her, revealing the strand of hair once more, "I went to see a warlock in Park Slope, her name's Iris Rouse and she-"

"You're not trying to bring her- back, are you?" I stare at her, my eyes squinting, "Because, that is in fact, the stupidest thing you could ever do-"

"I can bring my mom back, Zee." Clary cut my words off, trying to persuade me, "Our mom."

"Let's get one thing straight, Jocelyn isn't my mother." I began, my tone stern and right to the point, "The only thing you and I have in common, is we share the same lunatic father."

"Regardless-" Clary huffed, "I could bring her back."

"You can't." I told it to her straight, "Look, I get you've only been in this world for a few weeks- and you still think anything is possible now that you've saved your mother, but- this isn't, you don't bring people back from the dead, that's just idiotic-"

"She wasn't supposed to die, Zee." Clary was stammering, small tears filling her eyes, "It was a mistake- a freak demon attack."

"Okay, and?" I placed my hands on my hips, "Things happen, people die- you can't change that."

"Zee-" Clary stuttered over her own words, "I- I want more time with her."

"Have you not realized that you could conjure up a demon in Jocelyn's form?" I questioned, "You don't know what you're going to get back- it might not be her-"

"You said could." Clary pointed out, clinging to any strong, "She could also come back the same, right?"

"You're being delusional." I remarked at her, then exhaled deeply, "Look, I know you want her back- it must be hard losing your mother."

"But," I shook my head lightly towards her, "You don't bring people back from the dead."

-

"Aldertree's benching you?" My bo's hit against Jace's in the training room, "That doesn't make sense, why didn't he take me with?"

"He already did." Jace was out of breath, his arms flexing with every movement, "And- I'm happy he didn't take you with- you're our best-"

"I know I am." I kicked his staff in the air, kicking it to the side, looking at him, "But, that sure does mean a lot coming from you."

"Yeah, it physically hurt my heart admitting that." Jace's only stick slammed against mine, his breathing heavy, "But, hey- maybe Aldertree has a soft spot for you."

"Who knows-" I breathed, my body inches away from his as I stared up at him, "He asked me out on a date- I rejected him."

"You and Aldertree?" Jace knocked my sticks out my hand and had me against his chest within seconds, wrapping his arms around my neck and holding me there, "I could never see that happening-"

I grabbed his arms and bent, flipping him onto his back and going down with him, "Probably because the only person you could only ever see me with Alec."

"That's true, but I don't really see Aldertree as your type," Jace thought out loud teasingly, holding onto my ankles, "I always thought it was- a tall, handsome, honorable man by the name of Alec Lightwood-"

"He's not." I looked at him, "And you don't know what you're talking about-"

Jace laughed lightly, "Speaking of that- when are you gonna fix things with him?"

"Not any time soon." I held him there, "I meant what I said, I'm not putting any of you in danger- if that means sacrificing what I felt for him, then so be it."

"Well, now you're just making it seem like you don't feel that way about him anymore-" Jace sat up and pulled me along with him, throwing me in front of him.

I grunted, "I don't."

"I find that hard to believe." Jace stood up and grabbed his sticks, "And, you say you don't want to put us in danger, yet you're still hanging around us and not pushing us away."

"Because you guys won't leave me alone-" I forced myself up and grabbed mine, "You guys are like- annoying children-"

"Annoying children?" Jace's stick hit with mine, "Well that only fits since you've taken the mother role- you've really been looking out for Clary."

"Don't get too happy about it." I kicked him back, "Her mom just died, I thought I'd lay off the insults and actually talk to her- I mean, if I'm going to start getting used to the fact that I actually have a sister, I'm going to need to act like one."

"And if you're going to get used to the fact that you actually have someone who loves and cares about you, you're going to need to give some of that affection back-" Jace was hinting Alec, having me against the wall with his stick to my neck, "Come on, this is too easy-"

I knocked his sticks out of his hands and kicked him back forcefully, grabbing both arms and twisting them behind his back, my knee pushing into it, making him fall onto the ground on his chest, holding him there, "Too easy?"

Jace grunts, "The easiest-"

I laughed lightly and let go of him, sitting on the ground next to where he laid, "That's what happens when you get cocky."

"Okay, but on a serious note-" Jace propped himself onto his elbow, looking at me, "There's always going to be a battle we're going to have to face with Valentine- and pushing Alec away isn't going to keep him protected."

I inhale, "Jace-"

"Even knowing that you can handle your own, he's still going to jump out on the field to protect you." Jace persuaded me, "You're stronger together."

-

"You know, when I came in here to give you some company-" I bit into the red licorice I ate, staring at Clary, "I didn't think you'd be this boring."

Clary looked back at me from where she stood, as if she was hiding something from me, "Sorry-"

My eyes squint in suspicion, sitting up, "What exactly are you doing? You'd had your back to me for at least ten minutes now."

"I- nothing-" Clary turned away from me fully again, the strand of hair from earlier catching my eye.

"Hey-" I set my licorice down and walked over to her, coming in front of her, revealing a picture of her and Jocelyn, and the hair in her hands, "Did you not hear me correctly the first time?-"

Then there was a small knock on the door that broke our conversation, Alec slowly walking in, looking between us both.

I pointed at Clary, staring right at him, "Can you tell her that she's insane-"

"Zee, stop-" Clary put a hand on my arm to stop me from uttering another word.

I looked at her in frustration, my teeth gritted, "That threat of losing a hand is still very much on the table."

Clary swallowed and pulled her hand away, looking at Alec, knowing what he was about to do, "Look, please don't-"

"Clary, I am so sorry." Alec apologizes right then and there, "I would do anything, I mean anything, to take back those 30 seconds- to get your mom back."

Clary's eyes slightly widen with hope at his words, "Alec, maybe we can get her back."

Alec was taken black, "What?"

"Okay, no- absolutely not." I interjected and looked at Alec, "You out of all people should know that you don't bring back the dead."

"I found a warlock who claims she can do it." Clary said right after me in hopes to convince him, "But- there are risks."

Alec's words shocked me, "I'll go with you."

"Are you out of your mind?" I blinked, my eyes widening, "Am I the only sane person here?"

"Zee, if there's any chance that we can get Clary's mother back, we have to take it." I could see the overpowering guilt in his eyes, "No matter what happens, I'll be there."

"Are you actually willing to put her mother's turn in the hands of a warlock?" I questioned, "Especially one that's probably just trying to get their end of the bargain?"

"Zee, it's two against one." Clary looked at me, gaining confidence, knowing Alec was on her side, "Are you in or not?"

-

"You know, I thought Clary was the stupidest person I have ever met- my entire life." I had my arms crossed when we stood in front of the home of the warlock, looking at Alec, "But, no- congratulations, you have officially one upped her and are now ranked number one of my list."

"Zee, will you stop please?" Clary sighs, knocking on the wooden doors, "You've been criticizing the whole way here-"

"Just because you have tall, dark and handsome on your side doesn't mean you're suddenly on the right side of this." I looked at her in slight disbelief, "You're so hell bent on getting your mother back that you're not even considering the consequences of actually bringing her back."

Clary looked at me, "She said she could do it-"

"You're delusional." I rolled my eyes at her and looked at the door, "You thinking this could actually work shows how little you know of this world. And Alec? How stupid I didn't know he actually was-"

My words were cut off when a woman answered the door, "Are you here to see Dr. Rouse?"

"Yes-" Clary cleared her throat and smiled, "Um, I- I think she's expecting me- my name's Clary."

The woman who was Iris Rouse revealed herself, "I was indeed expecting you- I only wondered when."

"And I see you brought guests." Iris looked between Alec and I, "And one of those is Zee Morgenstern-"

"That's right." I stared at her, in hopes that who I was would scare her off, "My reputation precedes me."

She proved me wrong, the smile remaining on her lip as she gestures toward Alec, "Your boyfriend?"

I blinked, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, are you two not together?" asked Iris, shrugging lightly, "He just seemed more your type than hers-"

Alec swallowed hard, "No-"

"Well, whatever you are, leave your weapons outside." Iris' words made us look slightly shocked, "Any warlock worth a damn can see through Shadowhunter glamour with ease."

"Oh, don't worry." Iris then added when she let us in, "It'll be safe in the alcove."

I huffed lightly and pulled my kindjals out, setting the on the ground by the door, Alec setting his bow and next to mine.

Iris looked back, "Sorry, did you bring your mother's-"

"Uh, her hair." Clary held it up, "Yes."

"Perfect." Iris nodded, "Nurse Leigh will help you with the paperwork."

Alec interjects, "Uh, paperwork?"

"Yeah, just a simple pin prick to draw blood for the oath." Iris nodded again, "For the favor we talked about."

"Favor?" I place my hands on my hips, shooting small daggers at Clary, "We weren't aware about any favor-"

Iris gestures to Clary, "Oh, that was the deal we made."

"It's fine." Clary places a hand on my shoulder, stopping me, "I wanna do this."

"Clary," I looked at her, my teeth grit, "I swear- I will cut your hand off-"

"Delightful." Iris didn't hear my threat, "Follow me- your friends can wait here for you in the waiting room."

Alec shook his head, "No, we're not leaving her side."

I looked at him, crossing my arms, "So you're just roping me into this now?"

"Oh, then I can't do this." Iris denied, "His energy is too turbulent- so is here, I need calm, and he is not calm."

"Okay, I'm gonna need to see some credentials." Alec began, "Show me your warlock mark."

"Dear, if a lady has concealed her mark, assume it's for good reason." Iris eyed him, reasoning quite well.

"Alec, it's okay." Clary stopped him, assuring him, "I'll be fine- really."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the small bench, sitting down, Alec sighing and following me, taking a seat next to me.

When Clary and Iris made their way up the stairs, a young girl stood by the staircase, staring at Alec and I.

Alec gave her a soft smile, "Hello."

The girl said nothing.

But, that didn't stop my heart from slightly warming at the sight of that.

"It's a nice place." Alec glanced around and looked back at her, "Where are all your toys?"

The girl pointed upwards, then looked at me, waiting for me to say something to her like Alec had done.

I noticed the mark on her neck, smirking lightly at it, letting out a small, barely there laugh, "Cool gills."

The girl softly smiled.

Then, when the sound of a baby crying filled the room, she turned and walked up the stairs without any other word.

"This place creeps me out." I stood out, running a hand through my hair, "I'm gonna check it out-"

"I'll come with you-" Alec got up.

I looked at him, remarking right away, "What? Scared to be left alone for a few minutes?"

"Scared that you'll get hurt with no weapons on you to defend yourself." Alec shot right back.

"I can handle myself and you know that." I shot back at him, walking past him and up the stairs.

But, regardless, he followed me.

I looked around, seeing the woman from earlier, holding a child, my eyes falling onto it.

His eyes flicked to black for just a moment, before his eyes went back normal.

The woman quickly went back into the room, shutting the door, as I traded looks with Alec.

Alec lightly knocks on the door, the woman coming back out a few seconds later, shushing us, "There's babies sleeping-"

"Babies?" I blinked, "There's more than one."

Alec looked at her, "We're looking for Clary."

The woman was confused, "Who?"

"What do you mean who?" I got serious, looking st her, "We showed up with her- you met her."

The woman swallowed hard before waving for us to follow her, walking towards another room and opening the door.

I walked in first, Alec following after me, my eyes immediately noticing broken glass on the ground.

Alec looked around where Clary was no where to be found, "Where is she?"

"Where the hell is she?" I looked at the woman, "What have you done with her?"

-

"Talk to me." Alec was crouched in front of the woman, where she sat, resorting to talking to her, keeping me back from my own methods.

"Alec, I can force it out of her." I whispered to him in argument, "We don't have the time for this-"

"What? You're going to beat her up? Restrain her until she speaks?" Alec whispered back in shout, "She's pregnant."

I stare at him, "I could have other ideas-"

"I know you." Alec stares right back at me.

I swallowed hard at the eye contact we made, breaking it, crossing my arms.

She placed her hands on her stomach, "I don't wanna get Iris in trouble."

"Nobody's gonna get in trouble, I promise." Alec assured her, looking at her, "Was that your baby?"

"One of them, I think-" The woman quietly said, "She takes our memories- I just remember little bits at a time."

"Wait, there's-" I crouched next to Alec, staring at her, "There's more of you?"

"The women come and go." She trailed off.

"That bitch was a redhead, right?" I looked from her to Alec, "See? I swear, redheads are crazy-"

"The babies are placed in homes where they're cared for-" She continued, "Nurtured."

Alec inhales, "Please, try to remember."

I stare at the woman, "Where did she take Clary?"

-

"What'd you do with her?" I immediately shoved Iris into the wall and gripped her neck with my palm when I spotted her come out a room, "Where the hell is she-"

Iris lets out a breathy laugh at my attempt, "I suggest you take your hands off me-"

Alec was right behind me, "Where is she?-"

Then, she pushed us both back with a burst of magic, as I landed onto the ground, her taking Alec up to the ceiling, then dropping him down, holding us both down, "You've gotta to do better than that."

"Nana!" The girl shouted when she came out the room, "Nana, no."

"Oh, hi, honeybun." Iris stopped and crouched in front of her, "Why don't you go back inside? And don't worry, I'm just playing with them-"

"Playtime's over." My parabatai's voice filled my ears, along with a sound of her whip when Iris picked the girl up, "Put the girl down."

"Her name is Madzie, and she's better off with me than left to fend for herself in this cruel world." Iris opened up a portal, "You can save the redhead, but she still owes me the favor."

"Iz-" I grunted, forcing myself up onto my feet, hitting Alec's back lightly, "Hey-"

"Hey-" Isabelle rushed over to us quickly, looking at me, "You okay?"

"Sore-" I forced Alec away, holding my hands for him, "Grab my hands-"

Alec did, letting me pull him up to his feet, almost clinging to the touch, "We have to find Clary-"

I reluctantly let go and dusted myself off, "I'll take lower levels-"

I only received nods, before I quickly ran down the stairs, finding my way to the lowest level.

I rushed throw the halls, heading sounds of a demon shrieking and growling loudly, and the sounds of small screams.

"Stay back!" I heard Clary shout, making me run faster, turning the corner to see her on the ground, a demon inching closer to her.

I barely came to a stop because of how fast I was running, my hand beginning to burn in a symbol, my eyes glowing gold, everything suddenly being slow, my head feeling dizzy.

My hand began to glow brightly, my first instinct being to point right at the demon, a shot of sunlight bursting from my palm and at the demon, killing it.

Jace's voice filled my ears when I came to from the sudden feeling, his rushed footsteps coming to a stop next to me, "What the hell was that?-"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, looking down at my palm in shock, "I- I don't know."

Clary got up and rushed over to me, also in question, "How did do you that?"

"I- I don't know- my hand- the rune just- self seared itself on- I didn't even use my stele- I haven't even- seen this rune before-" I was stammering in shock, completely taken back, "I've never done that before-"

"You just shot sunlight out of your hand." Jace grabbed the hand I had used in amazement, "I knew you had a strong skill set, but, that was amazing-"

I was shocked, "I don't know what that even was-"

Jace then notices, "Where's the rune?"

"I don't know-" Those were the only words I could even muster out, "It was there a second ago-"

Clary stares at my palm, "It's gone-"

Jace swallows hard and looks up at me, "Look, whatever just happened, let's keep this to ourselves."

"There you are-" Alec ran in, followed by Isabelle, looking at Clary, "Are you okay?"

Clary nods, making him immediately look at me, noticing my expression, his voice low, "Are you?"

I pulled my hand away from Jace and stepped back, swallowing, "Yeah- I'm fine."

authors note:

guess who finally updated-

ahhhh, all the moments they had, my heart

you can tell they're both in pain smhsmh

but, zee and jace ! god , i love their relationship

thank you for 8k !

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