Author note: So this is a vent book (as you can probably tell from the title). I thought finding some kind of outlet might be a good idea, as lately I've been relying to heavily on letting things bottle up. This isn't an invitation for people to worry or fuss over me, because just know that if I'm trying to vent here using something I enjoy (my writing) then I think it should hopefully be good for me. But yeah, if you don't like depressing subjects this likely isn't something for you to read. This is more for me than anyone else.

Life. It's a complex thing to deal with, isn't it? And sometimes some of us have the luck of being able to deal with it better than some people. Some are able to take their problems in stride, see the positive light in those issues to make things easier for themselves. I was one of those people.

Was.

I don't really know when or where it happened, but one day I found myself slipping into that other group. The group that sees life as nothing but a big ugly monster that was just waiting to eat them up. Like everything was out to get us, and we weren't sure of how to protect ourselves from it.

Life likes to push and punch at us. Hold us down to the ground like a defenceless being with no escape. No hope. And the only thing you can hope to do is just pick yourself back up if you're strong enough. Sadly, because of the big swirling mess of thoughts that we can obtain on the insides of our skulls, some of us aren't strong enough to do that.

It's like getting pulled under the waves of the deep dark ocean, feeling like you're unable to breathe or reach for help. Out alone in the ocean, you're already done for, right? What will reaching out, or kicking and screaming do when you seem so far away from everyone else?

Issue is, I think many expect everyone to be as equally strong. But we just can't all be that. I can't, even though I want to be. I want to be that person that people enjoy to be around. I want to be who I was before life wrapped its arms around my neck and went to squeeze all the strength out of me. But it's not that easy. You can yell at me to pick myself up, to ask for help, or to stop putting myself down. But I can't.

I can't.

I can't...