06 April 2020

I have been in denial about the end of us. I am not sure what I expected, a definite goodbye maybe, a 'let's be friends' scenario. I dont know, I just had hope for more between us, that you wouldn't be known as the guy who hurt me.

Maybe I didn't want to slowly hate every moment you made me smile and laugh and lit up my dark days. Maybe I wanted to hold onto the brief memories shared and not taint them with sadness. But deep down I know there won't be another text, even when I try to tell myself you said you cared about me, you never wanted to hurt me. 

I thought I was immune to the sweet talks and gentle touch but turns out I am not. I fell for every word even when my gut felt something else. I wanted you so bad, wanted us to work so bad even though it didn't seem to fit. I ignored every red flag because I could deal with it if it meant I had you.

But now I'm here and you're a ghost who has so easily discarded me. Left me feeling so unwanted and hurt, betrayed and confused. Less than a week ago I was what you wanted, now I do not matter at all. It hurts so bad yet I have this hope that you will text and say it was all a misunderstanding. I just miss you and the moments shared but I need to realize that you don't. 

I dont want to hate you or forget the moments we shared. But how do I hold onto the good times and the special moments and let you go as well? How do I stop hurting myself and stop the endless thoughts about you when its what has made me happy. I dont want you to be another failed attempt at romance, I dont want you to be another guy who hurt me. 

Note
Sadly, the high tends to come and go though