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Bonus Chapter #10 - [100]

Winning chapter, as voted by the readers, chapter one-hundred!
Enjoy!

Unedited, it's like 1am, so forgive me? 

PLEASE READ LAST AUTHOR'S NOTE YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE





I was not going to cry.


Smile for the cameras, Harry, I had to remind myself as we slowed down before some red lights. There were cameras flashing left, right and centre - on the bus, outside the bus -  and it would be obvious that there was something wrong if my glum expression were to be captured.


I could practically her Simon's voice in my head; Good press, boys. That's what we want. Nothing bad.


And so I smiled. Smiled for my family's sake, for the boys', for Simon and Jesus Christ, for her. I smiled for Amanda.


I smiled, not because of our conversation earlier, but because of how much I loved, and would always love her. She said what she had, for my sake. To know that somebody loved you so much as to put something so real and true on hold was a sacrifice. At least it was for me to agree with and judging by the wavering in Amanda's voice, she had felt the exact same way.


I knew she was right - when wasn't she? I chuckled quietly to myself as the bus jerked forward. The rickety motion was making me a little queasy, but that could also have been the fact that my girlfriend and I had just kind of split up...


I continuously tapped my fingers against the black screen of my phone. I'd turned it off. I knew that if we spoke more on the way to Zayn's, I would have arrived in a sobbing mess. The best solution was to switch my mobile off. And also breathe slow. Deep breaths, and think of the good times.


"You OK?" Niall asked me. The chatter on the bus had died down a little. "You're awfully quiet."


I just shrugged slowly and told him, "Don't make a big deal out of it, but I think Amanda just broke up with me."


Just saying it aloud made my heart ache.


Niall didn't say anything to begin with, almost like he were the one in shock and screaming on the inside. I was surprised when he clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a strained smile. "It's alright, mate. I'm sure it wasn't because of anything you did."


"Kind of was," I began. "Being in and out of contact snapped something within her. When we were at Cheshire earlier, she told me that it would be best if we don't see each other anymore because of, well ... this."


Niall nodded like he understood. "I get you. She's putting you first then?"


I just nodded pathetically. It's all I could do. "Yeah. She wants me to focus on my career and she thinks she's going to get in the way. Niall, what do you think? I mean, about her choice? I didn't properly listen to her because I was so upset - hell, I still am. But what do you honestly think?"


He mulled it over, sighing loudly as if he couldn't quite make up his mind. "I think," he slowly began, "that her decision wasn't stupid. You do know what's going to happen after the show, right? We'll be one step closer to entering the music industry, whether we win or lose. She knows that. You know that. Therefore, she's giving you a clear stepping stone - the ever so cliché follow your dream stone."


I wanted to tell him that Amanda was my dream...


"I know," I mumbled. When I turned to look out the window again, I had to wonder why everything seemed to be falling apart just as it was getting good. The boys and I had made it to the final of the show, and Amanda couldn't have picked a more terrible time to spring the news that she wanted to break things off.


I suppose, in a way, it was better that she wanted to call it off for the sake of my, at the moment, non-existent singing career as opposed to having had a fall out. If she had fallen out of love with me for example, it would be a whole lot worse. Or if we had an argument that would forever taint our relationship. So in a way, it ended in an almost bitter-sweet yet sickeningly painful way.


Liam, Zayn and Louis were busy on their phones. Every once in a while I'd see Zayn peek up at me, and we'd exchange a small smile. It was almost as if he could sense that something had happened, but he never spoke a word. By the look of it he was furiously texting someone and I guessed that it was his family. He was excited to be heading back to Bradford. 


I knew we were all ecstatic to see our families and friends again. It felt like ages since we'd seen them last despite some of the regular visitations to the live shows. Travelling to and from London every weekend was too much of a trek, so being able to go home and see them felt amazing. My mother had been in tears again.


Like I wanted to be.


Amanda was right. I had to remind myself of that every five minutes because when reality hit me and I realised it was over, my chest tightened and my eyes watered. Smile, Harry. Just smile and it'll all be fine, said the voice in my head. I knew it was a lie. It would never be quite all right.


"Bradford!" I heard Zayn gasp suddenly. He smiled widely at the boys and I. "We're home! Wow, never thought I'd be quite as happy to return." He chuckled. "You don't appreciate it until you're away for a while."


I just nodded.


They say home is where the heart is. Amanda had my heart. It was her's. Amanda was home. May seem cliché and overly cheesy, but it was true. My nan had always said to Gem and I that you only fall in love once, and when she said 'fall in love' she meant it - there was a soulmate for everyone, if you like. Perhaps Mands was mine, maybe not. Either way, I could feel my heart breaking.


Man up.


Brave face.


Fix yourself.


I could still see her face in my mind, the way she was frowning and how she tightly bit her lip until it was white. I knew there was something serious that she wanted to tell me, and I instantly panicked as she shut the door to me room behind us. Time was short as it was. Who knew how long we had?


"You're not pregnant are you?" I blurted.


She chuckled before forlornly shaking her head. I frowned. As I reached out and hugged her close I could tell it was worse; she didn't hug me back instantly, she remained frozen like a statue. When she finally did wrap her arms around me, she hugged me tightly. Really tightly.


"Mands?"


"Harry, I love you," she started. "And I'm so sorry."


I held her at arms length. My frown remained and a lump rose in my throat as I looked into her wide, teary eyes. That was when I knew. I had that feeling - you know the one where you just know something bad is about to happen, yet you're still not quite ready to hear it - and as soon as she began to explain to me, the weaker I felt. It was like one of my nightmares, and I was no stranger to bad dreams. 


"You need to have no distractions." She cleared her throat. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this but you and I both know it's for the best Harry. Please understand what I'm trying to do here. It's hard, I know; I can tell by the look on your face. Neither of us want this to happen but if you're stuck thinking about me when you should be focusing on something more important, things could go to shit for you and the boys. You've seen what happens to X Factor winners and runner-ups, they always get famous. And trust me when I say that I know you boys will be huge."


"Amanda," I cut in. My voice was like a whisper.


"No, wait. Let me finish. I want you to know that I still love you and that you've done nothing wrong. But think about it - we've been in and out of contact for weeks and it's been driving me nuts-"


"Me too!" I cut in. "But Amanda, we don't need to break things off. It won't always be like that."


"I know, Harry. But think about it - when you're busy singing, touring here and there, we'll hardly see each other and long distance relationships get messy."


I took her face in my hands and kissed her hard. For all I knew, it could have been the last time I'd be kissing her. I savoured the feel of her lips on mine, how they seemed to be trembling and desperately mould against mine. I knew I was right - the last kiss.


When I pulled back, I found her crying. With a quick wipe of her sleeve, they were gone and she gave me a small, weak smile. "I'm sorry," she whispered.


"Amanda, I love you," I said. "I don't think this is the best thing though. I'm not going to let you give up on us this quickly!"


"I'm not giving up!" she shot back. 


"Well, it seems-"


"Harry?" 


I was interrupted by Gemma who had knocked and peered round at us. She saw Amanda's red eyes and her expression softened. She looked to me for help and I crossed the room to ask her what was happening.


"Crew want to film some home videos," she told me. "Two minutes they said."


"Thanks," I said with a nod. "I'll be down soon."


"Is everything OK?" she asked. Wow, my sister asking how everything was going - a first.


I nodded. "Yeah, it's all fine." Lie.


"Really? Because I see your girlfriend crying behind you."


"Very observant," I snapped before I shooed her away. When I heard her footsteps retreat down the hall, I turned to face Amanda, and I allowed myself to memorise every inch of her face. Her blue eyes, the freckles on her cheeks, the way her lips were the faintest pink. Just everything I could. It could have been the last time I'd see her.


"Harry, please don't be mad," she said. 


I just shrugged. "I'm not that mad."


"But you're still a little mad," she observed. "Please try to understand that this is for us both. I don't want me to stop you doing anything you want to do. Harry, you know I'm right. This is for the best."


"For the best?" I scoffed. "How is a break-up benefiting us, Mands? It's not quite stuck for me yet." My voice had raised a lot, but I didn't care. I was angry, sad, hurt, scared. All at once.


"Harry!" I heard my mum cry from the bottom of the stairs.


"Shit," I mumbled. I looked to Amanda one more time. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I do see where you're coming from but why? Why now, why here?"


"When will I see you again?" she asked with a chuckle. "I've barely seen or spoken to you in weeks, and it will get worse. I want you to focus on your dreams Harry."


You are my dream.


"Amanda," I began but she shook her head.


"No." Her voice was firm. "I'm sorry." Before I could say more, she'd shot out the room and made it to the bottom of the stairs with me frantically chasing after her. The plan was to follow her, but my family blocked my way and ended up shoving me towards the living room to do some shooting. Mum was on the couch smiling at me.


I wish I had been able to give her a whole-hearted smile in return.


And just like that, I completed the shooting and was told that it was time to head back onto the tour bus. I never even got to say goodbye properly. Just before the bus pulled out of my street, I looked out the window to see her standing by the back gate. Her arms were wrapped round herself and she just stood and stared as we left home.


As I left Amanda...


"Harry?"


"Mate?"


"Oi, Ditzy Daydream?" 


The boys were calling to me from the front of the bus. I shook my head and glanced out the window to find we had arrived at Zayn's home. I could see his family and friends waiting by the door for him. He was the first one off the bus, obviously and I'd never seen him smile as much before. He hugged his family tightly before beckoning the boys and I to join him.


I huffed as I got up from my seat.


Niall put a hand on my shoulder to prevent me going any further.


"Niall?" I asked confused.


He smiled. "Chin up, mate. No bad press and such."


I just laughed and promised to be on my best behaviour. "Yes, boss."


We shuffled towards the door together, Niall patting my shoulder reassuringly. I needed comfort, especially now. We were close to the end of the show, Amanda and I were going our separate ways, and two heart-aches would be a bitch.


"It's all right Harry," Niall promised. "One door closes and another opens, right?"


"Yeah," I mumbled. "One good thing ends-"  Amanda - "and another begins." 


I'd see her again though. I always did believe in chasing your dreams ...





A/N: Well, we've come to the end. Thank God, aha. Honestly? I was kind of losing the will to live with this story after the bonus chapters started because I've been so un-motivated and I apologise for that right now. I tried, and I really hope you enjoyed the story! 

If you have read any of my completed works you will be aware of my Q&A section I always have at the end, but if not and you have not idea what I'm on about, here you go: if you have any questions at all, anything about Messages that you want explained better or just want to ask in general, leave your questions in the comments on this chapter. I will answer them in a final thank you note in a few days. And don't hesitate to ask silly questions or ones you think aren't worth asking - just fire away! Honestly, ask me a shit ton, I like answering ehe.

Thank you all so much for your support with this story, I hope you liked it and I hope you like my others stories *hint hint* check 'em out friends! 

Cazza x

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