April 13, 2015

Well today was a dosey.

I had a breathing attack last night. I felt like I was dying. My mom panicked and rushed me to the doctor. You would think bringing me to the doctor would put her more at ease knowing I was in medical hands, but no it did not. As soon as we got there they rushed me into the Er. My mom was left crying by a pair of swinging doors, where two men escorted her to the waiting room.
I couldn't breathe. It was horrible. My lungs felt like they were going to collapse at any moment and my mouth was wide open, desperate to pull air into my lungs.

The doctor said my lungs were filled with fluid. It was something I was going to have to deal with from now on out.

My dad was working night shifts at Ingalls so my mom had to call him there. Soon they were finished draining the liquids out, which was pure hell,  and Mom came in. I felt my heart was beating slower than normal and my only thoughts were about you. I didn't think of my parents, my home, my family, I could only think of you. I thought of how your hair smells like mangoes and tropical breeze and how you always hold my hand when you sense that I am upset.

You seem to be the only person that can read me. No matter how good I am at hiding my emotions you always know how upset I am. I do not know if you notice you do this but you always lean against me when I am sad and you grab my hand. You never say a word, you just let the silence and contact comfort me, and I am so thankful for that. Without you I don't know if I could have made it this long, you are my inspiration to stay alive. You are the air for my lungs.

I am sorry these letters aren't poetic or filled with romantic thoughts. I wanted it to be real. I love you with all my heart.

                                        - Love, Wes