Since the first time Arthur had come back into his life it went slowly better. Still he tried to avoid going outside. It made him feel anxious as this was all new for him and it was not helping that the second time he went out with Percy and Arthur, he started hyperventilating because of way too many people.

That caused him to beg Percy not to make him go back outside. Yet he still dragged Merlin out but at places, that have not many people, like woods etc. It helped a bit and he was feeling slowly better. But there was still times were no one could bring him get out of bed.

In times like these he stayed curled under a blanket and doing nothing. Most of the times he stares blankly on the wall and there is a lot of crying as well. Even in these times Percy stayed with him and Arthur too. It was heartwarming and the two were the best.

But something was different today. Something told him that he would finally meet Gwaine. It was his gut feeling that he had and so far he always trusted that feeling. It led for him to feel giddy and this was what Percy could tell as well.

"What made you feel this way?" The smile showed that Percy was happy about him being giddy as giving him a bright smile.

"Gwaine, we will see..." He softly replied yet the giddy tone stayed but there was as well some anxiety in it. He could not wait to see Gwaine again but he also felt nervous as it had been a while and the male was his crush after all.

"Ah, so your not the only one who has that feeling." Percy mused and he nodded as the other helped him like always in changing into his clothes.

Merlin even now felt still too weak to even stand up 5 seconds. His balance was off as well but he got there. He managed to stay up at least for 5 seconds so there's that. The two decided to go to a small cafe that has just recently opened.

As Percy rolled him inside of the cafe -as he still was too weak to roll the chair with wheels himself- he looked around and a homey feel was there. 

(Something like this but just with a royal blue chairs. The tables are in a dark cherry wood and the walls are in an indigo with golden patterns)

It reminded him weirdly of Camelot and that was probably why he felt homey in this café. Whoever had done that would for sure have him more then ones here. From the look on Percy's face he agreed for sure.

"Ah wel- Holy Camelot, Merlin and Percy?" The voice was familiar to him that his heart soared not expecting to have been his gut feeling had been right. Yet he could not understand the first part but he could understand the names and the word and.

"Glad to see you Gwaine. How is it going, found a girlfriend or boyfriend yet?" Percy's voice was teasing Gwaine but there was a clear relief to see the other and he had to wonder what was said.

His head tilted and brows furrowed in concentrating to translate it but he could not figure out what was said. It frustrated him to have others be able to talk understand it but he could yet talk some words but that was it.

"Uh Me talking not endlish?" His voice was hesitant and it was clear that he was not liking talking too much with how his voice was scratchy.

Sometimes he just could not handle to talk and his depression was bad. That was why he had Percy ended up telling him that it was better that he takes medicine as just their talk alone was not working that well. The reason was because of his depression getting worse.

"I see, well I guess I am going to switch then. Don't want to make you feel out of the conversation. And it's said I am not talking English." Gwaine's voice was reassuring yet there was concern and that concern made him swallow and ducking his head. As feeling embarrassed for butchering that sentence off. 

There was no way that he could look into the eyes towards the other. He just felt out in this age and he hated that feeling. Merlin could not even talk well in new English and it sucked. That now even Gwaine was considerate and talking in old English, made his heart warm and butterflies -'why did they even name them after butter? Like there is no way that butter can be flying?' sometimes he just hated his thought process and this was one of these. Not that he had told anyone but still.- in his stomach.

"Thanks Gwaine, that is nice of you to talk in old English. Oh and also, nice café you have." Percy sounded as impressed as his expression was and god how the other beamed was adorable and he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Well, thank you. So what happened?" Percy asked cautiously and Percy stiffened as he felt as uncomfortable as his friend looked.

"Well, its a long story..." Percy railed off and he shifted, knowing that Gwaine won't like it.

Arthur was protective since knowing what he went through but Gwaine, well the male will for sure never leave his sight ever again.

"Let me close the café and then we have time that you can explain why Merlin looks frail and doesn't understand new English." Gwaine said.

Soon the café was closed, some drinks -for him some calming tea and for Gwaine a bear (no surprise there with how much he liked mead) and Percy a coffee. Everyone had some cakes that fit, but he had not eaten it. As he could not bring himself to eat, guilt gnaw on him and the sorrow hit him even worse after Percy had said this.

It ended up with Gwaine picking him up and pulling him into his lap. A thing that surprised him and he could feel the heat flush deeply.

"God Merlin, I am so sorry. Wished I could had been there for you." The other sounded as he felt, sorrowful and the apology made this not better.

It ended up with him breaking down and burying his face on the neck of the other, as he could not look at Gwaine. His hands clenched onto the fabric and he was glad that the other was trying to sooth his sorrow, with sweet and reassured words that were whispered. Arms as well hugged him closer and it took a few minutes to calm down and even afterward he wasn't wanting to leave.

The thought about Gwaine suddenly vanishing made him cling more onto the other. It was probably why his crush had not let go yet.

"Anyway, why a café? Thought you would rather go with a tavern with how many times you went to one and getting drunk.

"I was bored anyway and my parents are rich so I thought why not have my own café. About why not a tavern, well my parents would not like it so, a café it was." Gwaine shrugged as explaining why he had a café and made him surprised.

He snuggled into the arms, finally having Gwaine back. It would probably be embarrassing, when he wasn't feeling the exhaustion hit him hard. It had been hard to hear that Percy had been there the entire time and he felt drained after having cried.

"I guess he's tired. You mind me staying with you?"

"Of course, I don't mind. Why would I..."

Merlin could hear half of their conversation but after the I, he was feeling himself drift off to sleep.

.

.

.

Even after a month, Gwaine had not left and most of the times, it ended up with him being staying with the other whenever he opened the café. The reason was that Percy decided that it was time for him to get out and Gwaine the betraying jerk agreed.

Percy must had told the other about him trying to stay inside and decided to tell Gwaine that he should try to get him outside. It was probably why Gwaine stayed with him and he wasn't minding it. What made him anxious was that he was seeing strangers.

Strangers that he could not understand that well. Yes, Gwaine helped a lot with him learning the new English but it was still sometimes difficult. Arthur was even visiting a lot of times after work the café.

It was nice to see that people really cared. There was as well Gwen and Lancelot. Hearing that they had a poly relationship at first was making him confused. He had not yet known that there were other types of relationships or sexuality. It ended up with them having to explain it and that was embarrassing for both parties.

Other then Gwaine who was never letting this one go and embarrassed him a lot about this. The talk made him realize that it was fine to love the same gender. Yet he also knew from Percy that there are still people that wouldn't like this, but that was fine.

After all he had his friends who stood behind him. That was why he wanted to tell Gwaine about his feelings but he wasn't knowing how to do it yet. His throat always closed and he felt the urge to cry. It was one of the reasons why he would probably give the other some flowers in hope that the other would understand what he meant with them.

(Camellia

The general meaning of these flowers is love, affection and admiration. Go for white to show adoration and pink to show longing (often given to someone who is missed).

Amaryllis

Give this flower to someone you find incredibly beautiful who you also value beyond their beauty.

Gerbera

These daisy-like flowers mean cheerfulness, loyal love, innocence and purity.

That are the flowers that Merlin is choosing)

With this he decided to leave without anyone knowing where he went, other then writing a message to Percy that he was heading somewhere to get something for Gwaine. It was still exhausting for him to roll the wheelchair on his own and he was not sure that this was a good idea. But he really wanted to do this on his own.

It should be a surprise for Gwaine and he didn't want anyone to know about this. Percy might tell Arthur and Arthur would tell Gwen and the female would tell someone else. He knew how his friends were. He pouted at the thought but soon started to breath heavily as having to take a break.

"Merlin what in gods name are you doing alone here?" The familiar voice of Mordred made him wince and trying to translate what the other said. Even after a month he sometimes needed time to translate on his mind.

"I ask again, what in gods name are you doing alone here?"

"Um..." He could not say anything as he still felt cautious towards the other, even as the two apologized. It would take a long time for him to even get through everything that they done and he hadn't yet forget this all.

Yes he forgave the two as knowing that it was not their fault in theory that they ended up this way, but they still were the fault that both Gwaine and Arthur died.

"Your barely be able to move, how about I help you where your heading and then we go back to your home." Mordred suggested and he flushed at this.

It was embarrassing what he was planning to buy but in the end he let Mordred help him. Merlin knew that he won't be able to move any time soon and it was better that he hurried or he will worry Percy.

Buying the flowers had been a chore with him forgetting the flowers name in new English and it led for Mordred to help translate. It was embarrassing the entire time and after the flowers were ready, there had as well a message written that he could not understand.

His eyes glance questioning to Mordred who gave him a grin and leading for to feel dread that he had made the message embarrassing.

"Don't worry, Gwaine will know the meaning behind but just to be sure I wrote that you love him and that he better not start flirting with others."

His eyes blinked a few times until it sunk in what he wrote and chuckling at this. It sounded something that he would had written for sure. Yet he wondered how he knew, the answer was that it was apparent.

"Thanks..." He shyly mumbled as ducking his head.

"No problem, just couldn't help but want to help. You two were impossible dancing around each other not even getting that one of you loves the other." Mordred huffed and he flushed even more at this.

It was true. The two had been teasing and somewhat flirting and that alone made him unsure. Gwaine was always a flirt and he always thought that he was flirting the usual way but maybe there had been indeed something behind it. Either way he would find out.

.

.

.

"Merlin Ambrosius Emrys, what the hell?"

He winced at the tone that was used by Percy and he knew he messed up when he heard the other curse. Percy normally cursed not often and when he done then well your screwed.

"Sorry I just..."

"Merlin wanted to buy something himself and couldn't do that with you guys. It's after all a present." Mordred intervened and Percy stared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh and then pulling him into a hug.

"Don't ever do this again. I was worried sickly." Percy sounded softly and he sniffled as hugging the other back.

"Oooo flowers, who's the lucky dude or dudess that will get them?" Gwaine asked with a curious tone, yet there was something else heard. Something that he almost thought sounded jealousy and making him glance at Mordred who grinned as moving over to Gwaine who put the flowers into his hands.

"You should stop being jelly, he has eyes just for you. Other then Arthur but guess that bet of you guys is wrong. So better tell the others that you pay up." Mordred wickedly teased and he could feel the heat on his cheeks get more as burying his face into the chest not wanting anyone to see his red cheeks.

"Oh." Gwaine sounded surprised and Percy moved away, even as he was not wanting to.

Then there was a chuckle before Gwaine gave him a smirk and this alone made his embarrassment nor shyness better. Because he knows that now there would be teasing.

"Awe come on Merls. Your jealousy was making you look more attractive. Pretty sure you used some magic to make the females and male trip or look bad."

It was true and that Gwaine knew made him duck his head not even being able to deny this. There was no way that he had handled this and he always felt mad whenever they flirted back or giving some eyes.

"Awe how adorable." Mordred teased and he wanted to burry a hole and hide in this forever.

"I mean - Well they were never um..." Merlin could not explain himself as the other was in front of him and hugging him suddenly.

"No worries, Merlin. I found it adorable and made fall for you even deeper. There is only two regrets, that I felt when I died, that I couldn't stop Morgana from finding you and Arthur and that I had not told you about my love for you." Gwaine softly replied and he hugged back as feeling his heart sore at the kiss on top of his head.

A thing that he had realized, that Gwaine had done a lot. Now at least he understood why the other had been this way and he loved this a lot. It would take a lot for him to be better but he was sure that now everything would be fine. That was what he believed as he kissed the others cheeks with a bright hue of red on his cheeks.

A\N when you have ideas that you want me to write with this shipping, write write me. I will try to but cannot promise it. As I am writing on a fanfic continuation of my conflicted love story.