A/N Warning there are some theme with self harm and pointing on suicide as well. It's not per se written but it points in that direction. Just thought I put a warning in as I don't want to trigger anyone. 

Merlin had not yet told anyone about his magic, but that was besides the point. The point was that he was having a major crush on Gwaine and its stressing him out about the fact that he was falling for his best friend hard. Never would they accept him as he was magic and that he was in love to the same gender. It was not good and people were not accepting this too much. That was at least how he seen it in his home village.

Then there was as well Arthur who was as always made comments. It was maybe not meant to hurt him, but each time he felt as if the other was meaning them. He was genuine trying to be a good servant and yet nothing was good for him.

The other made him feel useless and he felt upset about this. Not that he would ever tell this anyone. It was better not bothering anyone, knowing that they had their own issues. It went to the point that he started to get reckless and even getting hurt.

Nothing mattered anymore and the only reason why he had not yet tried to give up was Gwaine. His best friend yet crush had made always his day and it was thanks to the other that he was feeling a bit better.

Yet he slowly felt as if he was loosing himself in the pain. It was agony and he knew that Arthur was not wanting to hurt him but how could he tell this the other. Merlin was sure that this would hurt the king. Now he was stuck and not knowing what to do and it was getting worse for him.

He was pretty sure that when this continues on he will pass out. After all his wounds were getting to him. God Gwaine would for sure leave him. The other would not accept him, this was something that he feared. Another reason why he hid how he felt.

Hit how he felt useless and worthless. Merlin felt horrible and he knew that this could lead for him to end up sick. This was bad and he felt the urge to break down. So far he had hidden his feelings and this would come bite him in the ass for sure.

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The day started worse then others. Merlin had not even got a lot of sleep this week and he felt weak. His body felt just done with him and his mentality was not better. Making this hard to get out of bed.

Why was he even bothering to go out?

Oh yeah, his fucked up destiny. Merlin was fed up dealing with his destiny. Fed up having to live. He was pretty sure that it would be better he would just give up.

That thought struck him and he shuddered. Merlin knew that no one would understand how he felt and he was really not sure what he should do. There was no one he could talk to. It was hard but he knew that he needed to get to Arthur.

Ugh, the male for sure will think he had been in the tavern. A thing that was not true. He had protected that moron more then once and what is the thanks for that? Being pulled in all direction and being yelled at when forgetting doing some of his chores.

He was overworking his ass and he really had enough. Was it too much to ask to be
appreciated?

He sniffed as trying to hold in the tears. It was semi working but knowing how bad his start of the day was, well it for sure would not get better.

This was something that he knew as he started to take a deep breath and ending up putting on his usual mask. But it was difficult to put on a smile when he was feeling horrible. All he could hope that this day would not go worse...

Okay, he jinxed it. In the end of this day he was throwing his hands up and storming out of Arthur's room. Not even waiting for what he would say. He was done. That bastard can go die in- Actually no, even as he was furious and upset he could not have the thought of the prat dying. He also could not handle the prat right now. That was why he stormed out of the room. 

In his upset state he had not even paid attention to his surrounding and ending up straight bumping into someone's chest. Merlin scowled as gritting his teeth. It was bad enough that he was getting belittled by Arthur but noo he now had to end up bumping into someone. He was seething. Everything was too much to handle.

"Yikes, let me guess the Princess?" Gwaine's voice sounded soft yet knowingly and making him grit his teeth as glaring up.

"Who else would be a utter bloody asshole." He gritted out and with this he knew Gwaine would not let this one go.

"Okay, let's head to my room and talk there, okay Merls?" His voice was soft yet also firm. Making him nod but not saying anything as getting lead to the room of Gwaine for sure.

As they entered he was surprised. The room looked clean, had a plant with some blue color (Merlin noted that the blue was  the same as his eye color: blue), with a bed that would fit two people for sure, a table and two chairs and a closet. There was as well a window that would make the sunshine light through it or moonshine as well. Other then that there was nothing else there and he was soon pushed softly on the bed.

The other took a chair and carried it right in front of the bed and sitting then down as he could see Gwaine hold a concerned expression. There was as well arms being folded and he knew now that the other would not let him go until he talk. And that was what he done...

"I am done, dealing with Arthur. That oblivious jerk doesn't even realize what he is doing with his comments. I am trying my bloody best and all he calls is half good of a servant. It's not like that he makes me do so many chores that I end up being awake until late in night, and no other servant for sure protects the bloody asshole from threats in night. I haven't much gotten sleep and then there are these fucking nightmares. He makes me feel useless and underappreciated. It's getting to the point where I start thinking about..." The rest he could not say anymore as realizing what he almost admitted that he was thinking about killing himself off.

The thought horrified him and startling him that much that he could feel the tears rolling down and with the tears the first sob wracked through. With this another one came and it was not even a 2 seconds later that he was wrapped in a pair of arms.

He clung onto his best friend. This was why he loved Gwaine so much. He had always been there for him and had always believed him. Arthur for sure had not thought much out of it and that was a big issue. It took a lot for him to calm down and when he done he was exhausted. His body shuddered and he snuggled into the arms of his crush.

Merlin would feel horrified about doing this but right now he was too tired to be embarrassed or shy. He needed this and he was grateful for the other being there for him and letting him rant and not interrupting him.

"Rest, I will be still there and we can talk in the morning. You need it, okay Merls." The tone was soft yet firm.

He would usually argue against resting but he was too exhausted and he trusted Gwaine with his life. Merlin knew that the other would have his back, and so he fell asleep still in the arms of Gwaine. But before he falling asleep he felt a hand go through his hair, a kiss on his temples and a soft spoken : 'I got your back, don't worry Merlin.'

Gwaine's pov

Gwaine had known that at some point this could be too much for Merlin. His best friend (coughcrushcough)  was someone that had a heart of gold and he knew that Merlin was always emotional. That was why he expected this but hearing the full extent of how Arthur had messed up made him angry.

He knew too well how it was as his father had acted this way and he knew that Arthur might not realize how harmful these comments were, as that jerk was the most oblivious person he has ever met. Now he had full picture and he was worried sickly as he knew that this could lead for someone to consider killing themselves.

It reminded him too much of himself. He would for sure yell at Arthur for being a moron and a jerk. Merlin was the most precious being someone would ever meet and acting this way was not forgivable. Yet he knew that Arthur was different then Uther and hoped that him yelling at the other would at least stop the king from being a jerk to Merlin.

At some point he fell asleep, as pulling Merlin closer and praying that this night his bestie (I can so imagine Gwaine call Merlin his bestie) would have a nightmare less night.

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His eyes glared daggers at the door that had the person behind it, that woke him up. It was too early and he really was not wanting to wake up. Not to mention his mood was bad with how Merlin had been yesterday evening. Never had he seen his bestie be this distressed. Even though he was cuddling with Merlin, it helped not really that much of his mood. It would be better when he yelled at Arthur.

Lucky for them, Merlin indeed had a nightmare less night and even now the other was still asleep. Gwaine for sure would not wake the other up. Not to mention he's adorable snuggling into his arms and looking innocent.

So he slowly slipped out, even with the whimper that went out. Gwaine genuine felt guilty about this. That was why he took the teddy (that was given by his sister -yes in this fanfic he has a sister- as a goodbye present.) which has brown fur and put it into the arms of Merlin.

The male instantly latched onto it and snuggling into the teddy. It was adorable and making him slightly smile. Then he waltzed over to the door, opening it, walking out and closing the door behind him, to see Percy. Seeing his best friend, the person that he knows was a gentle person was making him not be mad at the other. It was for sure not his fault that he had to wake him up. Yet his mood was sour and he rather wanted to stay inside and stay with Merlin.

"Not in the mood Percival." His voice was showing his displeasure about being woken up, and there was as well some clear anger heard. So that the other knew that something had happened.

"Uh, let me guess it has to do with your adorable crush?" The male sounded both awkward yet also had a teasing undertone. 

"Percival not now. I am not in the mood for teasing. What do you want?" His voice showed how much of a bad mood he was.

"Well, the king tasked me to get to you as you are late for training. He also seemed into a bad mood, so be careful."

"I show him bad mood. I don't give a damn. He pretty much deserved what I am going to yell at him." He gritted out and the other looked surprised.

"How about you try and think this through?" Percy -the adorable cinnamon roll- tried to calm him down but in the end he could tell that there was nothing that could stop him from storming to the training place and do what he was going to do.

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"Arthur bloody Pendragon!" He yelled as storming over to the other and the male blinked a few times as staring at him in surprise but not just him the others as well.

"Be careful now, I am still the king." The tone was warningly and a scowl soon adorn on Arthur Assdragon.

"I don't give a damn. You made Merlin cry you fucking asshole. Do you have any idea how your treatment got to him. You bastard made him feel useless and underappreciated. He tries his bloody best but noo instead of thanking him you yell at him. I am even surprised that Merlin hadn't punched you for being a asshole. Then again he's too much a softy to punch you." He gritted out and punching the other.

Everyone was silent and Arthur slowly went over to the face and looked at him in surprise. He was not regretting this, as the other deserved the punch.

"That was all I wanted to say and do. Good day, Arthur Pendragon." He huffed out as turning out of the training yard, not even bothering of waiting. The king deserved it and he was not wanting to let Merlin alone right now.

The risk of the other doing something really bad made him hurry back.

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As he entered he looked at the most adorable sight he had seen. Merlin still half awake, rubbing his eyes and snuggling the teddy closer.

"Gwaine?" The soft voice made his tension melt instantly. It was fragile and pained his heart. He walked back to the bed and pulling the other back into his arms.

"Yes, cutie?"

The other blinked as slowly cheeks heating up more yet not letting go of the teddy but one hand was gripping the fabric of his shirt.

"Did you- Um yell at Arthur..."

"Yup and punched him. I was furious about how he treated you and had enough."

The other stared with wide eyes before starting to snort and then giggle. It was adorable and making him grin.

"You- pff-Oh my god, I can so imagine Arthur Pratdragons face." This led with another heaps of giggles and making him chuckle. It took a bit for the other to calm down but then there was concern seen.

"I hope you don't end up to badly punished. Wouldn't want you to get hurt..."

God, Merlin was such an adorable bean and he would do anything to protect the other. Even when it would kill him. His crush deserved the world in his eyes.

"I am sure that Arthur wouldn't. He might had hurt you but he never wanted to do that intentional. Knowing Arthur he is now sulking in his room and trying to figure out a way to make it up to you."

"I guess..." His voice stayed soft and he knew that it would take a while for Merlin to be back to how he had been.

"Did I ever mention how much I care for you? I really love you and that punch was deserved because Arthur had been a jerk to you."

The male looked with wide eyes, gaping and the entire face was in a deep red. It was adorable and making him grin brightly.

"Oh-Oh I didn't- Oh that um love you too." It was said in a shy and even face was ducked down. God Merlin will be the death of him.

"Heck yeah, now I can tell everyone that they can back off and I can be the overprotective boyfriend."

"Weren't you overprotective either way?"

"I mean, I had to. There was no way that I would let you get hurt."

The male flushed even more and he smiled softly now. He was happy that the other was loving him back.

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Back with Merlin

The entire day he stayed in the room of Gwaine. No way could he get out and the thought alone unnerved him. Gwaine had not left, other then for food. It made him grateful that his boyfriend -still couldn't believe that his crush loved him back- had stayed with him.

There was as well the teddy that he had not let go. It was soft and helped him to ground him with Gwaine. The other explained that this was given by his sister Anastacia. She wanted him to have something that would remind him that she would always be there for him. Gwaine had not teased him about his hold on the teddy. When asking about him not teasing Merlin about this, the answer was simply that it helped him and he found it cute. This led for him to flush in a deep red and they moved on from that conversation, as he could tell that he missed his sister. 

But he knew that at some point he would need to get back working with Arthur. Yet he could not. It was too much to think about working right now. Maybe that was why he ended up being badly sick. That sick that he couldn't even get out of bed.

His fever was not helping and he felt just awful with a headache, stomach cramps and dizzy spells was making him whining and cuddling the entire time with Gwaine. His boyfriend had almost never left his sight and he loved how caring he was.

He cuddled with him, giving him kisses on his temples or simple giving positive affirmation. Merlin loved the attention that was given to him but he also felt bad. The male had this entire week not done his duty as knight.

After this week he was finally healthy enough and sadly had to leave his protective bubble as they both were called to Arthur. He really wanted to have his teddy with him -yes his, Gwaine told him that he will give it to him, as he needed the teddy more- yet knew that he shouldn't. They would see him as a child and would for sure made fun of. So that he left the teddy in the room. As they walk towards Arthur's room, his body was constantly trembling and Gwaine was had the entire way an arm around him. It help to sooth some of his anxiety.

As they entered Arthur's room he could see him scribble something but that stopped as soon as the door got closed. As the king turned around he could still see that the nose was still not yet healed.

This alone made his head duck. He knew that Gwaine had done this and he felt awkward and anxious to see what the other would do now.

"I suck at these kind of talks and you deserve a genuine apology. I really did not want to make you feel this way. I didn't realize how bad it gotten until Gwaine yelled at me for being a jerk. The punch was a bit too. Usually I would have throw him in the dungeon but I can't. Not when I deserved that so yeah, um I apologize for harming you and making you feel this way." It was genuine and that the King apologized was something that he had not expected yet once again he could see that the other was not like Uther.

"Oh..." Merlin could not even say anything else. It had been difficult and there was no way that he could forget this.

"Good, I hope you learned out of this. It's your fault that Merlin stopped caring for himself and ending up sick."

"Shit, I never wanted to cause any harm. You can take time off as long as you need. I think we both need to some time off, from each other."

He wanted to argue against this but at the same time he could not. Because he knew that Arthur was right. They needed to stay separated after what went through.

"Gwaine you too. Take time off and do something with him."

"Well, I would say we are going to visit your Mother. I am sure she is missing you and Camelot will still stand when we come back."

Gwaine suggested and he nodded as he couldn't say anything. There was nothing he bring out and in the end it took two months for him to be better and Arthur indeed gave him time. It was surprising. His mother was accepting that he was together with Gwaine.

What was fun to see was that his mother threatened Gwaine to hurt him when he would hurt Merlin. The time with his mother had been a good thing. It had been needed, yet he still felt sometimes feel that he wasn't deserving the kindness of his Mum or his boyfriend. Lucky for him the two showered him in affection.

There was as well the sister that they visited. She lived close by to his home village. She was a sweet heart and beamed at the news of them being together. She also unintentional walking in on him holding the teddy close. It was his anxiety that went over board as Gwaine had left just for a few minutes to get something. She ended up smiling softly and telling him that she was happy that the teddy is in someone's hand that takes care good care of it. 

That was how they ended up closer and as they left she joined them. Telling the two that she wants to see Camelot and would miss his brother and his awesome friend. This alone made his heart sore in happiness seeing that the sister liked him. 

When they came back, there was a clear change. There was a talk about magic being accepted. That the magic ban would be lifted. Arthur was not minding having Stacie (a nickname that he gave her)  in Camelot. It made him happy to have Stacie with them. 

Another thing was that his work loud was halved and there had been never been one time without a thank you or a please from Arthur. It was startling him at first and even now he ends up flustered and Arthur gave him these soft looks that made him know that the other genuine cared for him.

Gwaine and him were even closer and he knew now that everything would go well. After all, Arthur unbanned Magic and that after he finally told Gwaine first about him being magic and then Arthur.

Gwaine was not caring about this and Arthur had first been slightly upset about him hiding this but understanding why he hid it. A month later came the ban lift and he never felt a weight being lifted of off him.

A|N Dreamy_SirGwaine hope you enjoyed this one and thanks again for the idea. I try to get other ideas but it will take a while with my other fanfics ^~^