One minute we are talking, the next she's laying there like a bad dream. I wish someone would pinch me. I want her back! I want Lucy to be here now. I don't feel like she's gone. It's almost like she's trapped somewhere not allowing her back to her body. They have the respirator attached still and she's an organ donor so they have to keep the body going.

I scoot my chair closer to her and take her hand. She saved me, she made me want to be a better person and without her I'm scared. I may sink deeper and end up back at square one. I don't know how to do this without her.

Lizzie comes back in and let's me know that her parents will be here in 10 minutes. She places a hand on my shoulder and the tears flow once again.

"You really cared about her didn't you?" Lizzie ask.

"There was something about her Lizzie. She was kind, caring and the most patient person I've ever met."

"I was angry at you Zane, I hated you for walking out on her just when she had given you a chance. I'm glad you had gotten a chance to prove me wrong. You two were good for each other."

Just then Lucy's fingers twitch in my hand and I turn to Lizzie to see if she saw that. Lizzie is already in the hall calling out to Dr. Green. Dr.Green comes in and checks Lucy over. I'm sorry you two, it's probably rigor-mortis setting in. Lizzie looks at me horrified. He explains it that it's the muscles stiffening.

I let out a breath feeling disappointed and her hand twitches again. I wonder if the body really twitches this much. Rita and Rick arrive and I stand to get out of their way. Before walking away I brush Lucy's cheek and kiss her lips one last time. A tear falls from my eye and lands on her cheek so I wipe it off and move from her.

Rita is crying hysterically and Rick pats my shoulder as I scoot past him. He has a solemn look in his eyes and you can tell he's holding it together for Rita. Rita turns and looks at me and I introduce myself.

Rita is now at me swing and smacking me with her purse. "You bastard! How could you kill her!"

"What are you talking about?" And she's slapping me across the face.

"Lizzie told me all about you! You're drug addict and you brought her down with you! Didn't you?!?!" Rita yells and whap another smack across my face. "Answer me!"

Rick is now pulling her away from me, holding her arms in place. "Let the boy speak."

"I...I...I promise you. This isn't drug related. Ma'am she had a brain tumor." I manage to finally say.

"A brain tumor?" Rita asks.

"Yes. She was having bad headaches and dizziness. She also had blurred and double vision. She seized and that was it. They tried to resuscitate her but she wasn't coming back." I explained.

"Mom! Dad!" Lizzie comes running in hugging her parents.  She turns and looks at me like she just walked in on something bad which she did. Then her mouth silently forms oh shit.

"Thanks a lot Lizzie." I say.

"I'm so sorry Zane. This was when you left, I was angry at you for her. Mom he's a good guy, he didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm sorry Zane. I'm just really upset." Says Rita.

"I know. Me too." I say walking over to the other side of Lucy's bed and grab her hand. This time she's squeezing my hand back and I jump. "Shit! Lizzie she squeezed my hand!" I move her shirt to see if the heart monitor is still attached to her and they are with all of the wires. "Lizzie turn that machine on."

Lizzie presses the power button and the machine is beeping. Beep beep beep beep beep beep.

"She has a pulse!" Rick yells excitedly and is out the door.

Lizzie and I stare at each other in disbelief and I squeeze at Lucy's hand again. "If you can hear me please squeeze my hand back Lucy. Please squeeze my hand." Suddenly she's squeezing back.

Dr.Green walks in and he cannot believe his eyes. They are glued to the monitor and he's scratching his. He walks over and takes the stethoscope from his neck and puts in into his ear and the other part against Lucy's chest. "Sure enough her hearts beating strong. She was with activity for a long time though so there's no guarantees. However we do need to get that tumor out of there."

"Of coarse Dr.Green. Do what you need to." Rita says.

Rita signs the release for surgery and wheels Lucy from the room to take her to surgery. I head down the hall to the waiting room and Paul, Chris and Jamie turn to me confused by the smile plastered on my face.

"Um what's up with you bro?" Paul asks.

"She's alive! She squeezed my hand repeatedly then we turn the heart monitor back on and her hearts beating. They are taking her to surgery now to remove the tumor." I say.

"Wow really?" Paul asks.

"Yes!" Lizzie chimes in with the same excitement coming toward us.

"Amazing!" Said Chris and sits back down.

We all take a seat and wait for Lucy to get out of surgery. All of nerves are in a twist and I'm feeling like I'm going to throw up from hunger. Rick heads out and goes to get donuts and coffee for everyone.

About two hours later Dr. Green comes out and let's us know that surgery is going well and that it's going to take a bit more time. He explains that there's more to the tumor than he had thought and they are doing what they can to get it all. He believes the tumor is benign and that there should be minimal treatment after. He goes on to explain that there's a possibility of minor damage to the mobility of her left side. Once he explains that he lets us know if that happens we will do therapy. He heads back to the OR and leaves us feeling confident that things will be ok.

Ding ding code blue code blue OR 13 code blue.

I turn and look down the hall to see Dr. Green take off running.

"Shit please don't be Lucy! Please please please don't be Lucy." I say under my breath.

Paul walks over and sits next to me and puts his arm around me for comfort. Paul and I really haven't been this close in a long time. Last time he's comforted me like this is when our grandfather died. I try to return the comfort to him also because Lucy is important to him as well.

"I'm sorry little brother." Pauls starts to say. "Lucy's strong she's fighting this."

As quickly as Dr.Green disappeared be reappeared. He comes down to let us know that yes it was Lucy that codes but it's because she seize again before the tumor removal. She is stable again and they will continue the surgery.

Rick returns with the donuts and coffee and I scarf a donut down like I haven't eaten in days. Rita fills him in with what happening with the surgery. Paul and Chris decided to go take a walk and Jamie and Lizzie went with them. Rick paces back and forth and Rita is reading a book and glances up every 10 seconds to see if the doctor comes out.

Lucy better make it, she can't leave me now. I had just found her we are just beginning our story. Thinking back to the conversation of her accusing me of not wanting to have sex with her, I want to tell her I do and to tell her every part of her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes makes my body ache with want for her. I've never felt this before, I've never been down this road and I've never wanted someone as much as I've wanted her. I'm falling in love with her and that scares me. Every other girl I've been with has never compared to Lucy. Lucy is her own unique persons and mysterious, but at the same time she's an open book. She had better make it so I can tell her all I need to tell her and so I can spend the rest of my time making her see what she does to me.

"You look like you're in deep thought?" Rita asks.

"Yeah just thinking about things and how scared I am."

"Lucy has always been a tough girl. She's fighting and she's fighting hard."

"She drives me absolutely mad, that daughter of yours is truly an amazing person." I say tying not to tear up.

"Look Zane I'm sorry again. I had no right to make assumptions. I'm just angry at how this preciously little girl could be so sick and practically die in front of our eyes. Thank god you were there though, thank god she wasn't alone."

"It's ok Rita, I know I have a bad rep but I will prove to you that I am a good person. Lucy has brought the person out of me that I didn't know existed anymore."

"Lucy has that touch Zane. She's not done with you yet so let's just hold onto the hope that she will get through this surgery and she will be good as new."

"How do you do it Rita?"

"Do what Zane?"

"Go from hating me to what I'm guessing liking me?" I say.

"Because whether I have a choice or not my daughter likes you and from the what I can see you aren't going anywhere because your ass has been planted in this seat the whole time waiting and waiting."

"Maybe it's because I'm being sincere. I truly do care."

"I believe you Zane, just don't give me any reason to doubt you."

"You see I went down a very dark road, my only escape was boozing and drugs. That was my escape from reality. I lost my brother because of my dumb actions. Thankfully he's forgiven me."

"Pauls a good guy that's why. He done so much for Lucy, they are best friends and he's like a brother to her."

"I know. They take good care of each other."

"That boyfriend of his though. I'm not so certain I trust him."

"What do you mean?"

"I know it doesn't make sense. There's just something about him that doesn't add up."

"She's a pretty good judge of character." Rick says sitting next to Rita.

She smiles at me and places her hand on Rick's leg. Rita picks her book back up and Rick turns his attention to the tv. And for me I go back to pondering my existence, Lucy, what I want to do to have a good life for me and for Lucy. Anything to distract me from this waiting game we are playing.