Another two years passed.

But it didn't heal the pain.

Hadn't 08A always told me he would always be my brother? He'd made me trust him, believe him. Yet, that day when I had fought that terrible girl who'd destroyed the boy's toy, he'd barely even looked at me. Even after I had beaten the other girl handily, he wouldn't even look me in my eyes or acknowledge my presence. He'd just... stared. He had looked at other children, watched them with a dispassionate expression as they'd fought each other.

But he wouldn't ever look at me.

Why?

I was better than the others, better than he had been at my age. 08A must have known it. Known that I was better. Was he jealous? Did he hate me now that I was getting better than him? Did he resent training me years ago?

Regardless of his reasons, 08A's promises of affection had been bold-faced lies, and now I was left to pick up the pieces of his broken lies.

Over time, these thoughts of pain from my brother's rejection of me morphed into anger.

Fine.

Fuck him.

I would just be better than he ever was. I would make all the other children fear me. I'd make A fear me. Because I was going to be the very fucking best. I had to be better than him, so my pain fueled me as I trained. It was a different sort of training from what I'd been doing before. Before, I'd been training because I loved my brother.

Now I was training because I hated him, and it didn't take long for my efforts to pay off. I did become stronger than 08A.

One evening, after a brutal day where I had nearly killed a boy during combat, I lay in my bed in the dormitory thinking about my trials. I was only 10, but at this rate, they would have me do my trial at 11 rather than the normal 12. Once I passed my trails, I'd go into the field and be able to prove myself to the trainers... and A. He'd be able to see how much better I was than him now. Maybe I'd even be given a command position one day. Maybe I'd be 08A's commander. As I pondered this new strange hope of mine, an attendant came and signaled for me to follow him.

The sight was welcome, and I smiled faintly to myself.

Generally, when the attendants came and collected us at unusual times, it was for a meeting with someone important. Perhaps I really would get word that I was to take my trial early. Then I'd prove my worth.

Still grinning slightly, I followed the attendant in his drab green uniform, my gray slippers shuffling on the ugly tile of the hallway. I could move silently if I wanted to. I'd been trained to make my footsteps soundless, but I liked people being able to hear me approaching.

If they could hear me coming, then that would be more time for their fear to build before I attacked. Good fighters didn't have to catch their enemies by surprise. Good fighters fought better than their enemies without shitty surprises.

I got lost in the sound of the attendant's footsteps and the sounds of my own feet whispering over the tile, but when the attendant passed by the administrative wing of the facility, I glanced around in confusion. Nothing seemed amiss as the attendant kept walking, eventually leading me instead to a utility closet near the security doors that opened to an even more secure section of the building. Glancing around and seeing no one else present, the guy quickly opened the door to the closet and motioned for me to enter.

"There are clothes and shoes inside. Put them on," he said in a hushed, furtive whisper.

Shrugging, I stepped in and did as I'd been ordered. Now, I realize that I should've questioned what was happening, but at the time, as a child trained from birth to obey our trainers, I thought very little of the strangeness of my situation as I began dressing in the winter garb which happened to be exactly my size. Perhaps this was all part of some secret assessment. Maybe I'd even skip my trails and go straight into the field. No one had ever done that before, at least not that I was aware of. The attendant waited outside the room while I finished.

Once I had the snow pants, thick coat, and sturdy shoes on, I opened the door and the attendant wordlessly motioned for me to follow him deeper into the facility as he used a card key to gain access to the world beyond the double doors. None of us children had ever been into the inner sections of Imhullu and returned, and for that reason, I now found myself nervous.

Had... had I done something wrong? Was I to be eliminated? If so, why dress me in cold weather gear?

We reached a windowless corridor likely carved deep into the Arctic permafrost and walked the length of the hallway for quite some time. Eventually, the attendant ushered me into yet another small storage closet while saying, "Stay here until someone comes to get you."

"Sir? Can you tell me, is this some sort of test?"

My question only gave the man momentary pause, and he shrugged before replying in a harsh murmur. "To hell if I know. I don't know what they do with you creepy ass kids. All I know is I did what I was supposed to do."

I nodded, biting my lip with my uncertainty, and with that, the attendant left me alone in the darkened room. With a hefty sigh, I rubbed my shoulders and wrapped my arms around myself to stave off the chill. It was cold here in the recesses of the Arctic facility.

Not knowing what to do next, I plopped down on a crate to wait but only after grabbing a wooden broom and unscrewing the bristles from the handle. I could at least use the wooden stick as a weapon if necessary. If this was some sort of test, I didn't know what sort of monster I might be going to face. I needed to be ready.

I always needed to be ready

About thirty minutes later, my head jerked violently, telling me that I'd been asleep. Heart pounding, I shook my head to clear my vision as I heard a quick knock on the door. Before I had time to say a word, the tall yet still unmistakable form of my brother entered the room. The sight of him standing there in the semidarkness made my heart pound even more. For several moments, 08A looked at me with an expression that seemed almost apologetic.

"Hey, B," he said with feigned ease.

"What are you doing here? Is this some sort of test?" I didn't like that fake smile he was regarding me with, and I certainly didn't trust it.

"No," he responded. Upon seeing my dubious reaction, he quickly added, "But, you're here for a reason, B. Believe me."

His words did little to assuage my rage. He was here. Finally. My brother who'd left me then ignored me. The brother I now hated. In that moment, I didn't care if this was a test or not. My anger at his betrayal got the better of me, and I swung the broom handle directly at his head. I was fast, but 08A was somehow quicker, stopping my attack with a dirk he deftly pulled from his inner coat pocket.

At the sight of my aggression, he smiled faintly. "You've gotten good, B."

"You didn't seem to think that the last time I saw you."

His expression darkened, but he said nothing more about that last encounter we'd had and instead threw me another coat, this one thicker than the one I was already wearing. "You'll have to put that on."

"Why?"

He offered me what I suspected was a half-answer: "It has to do with field work."

I nodded. 08A was a field agent. He was a superior whose orders I was bound to follow. While I slipped on the abnormally warm garment, 08A spoke. "Follow me."

I did as ordered. Neither of us spoke as we wound our way through a warren of empty subterranean corridors. In spite of the chill in the facility, the thermal coat I wore caused beads of sweat to dribble down my neck, adding to my discomfort. Still, 08A said nothing, and we walked in eerie and awkward silence. Eventually, we came to a steel door, which he opened by turning a large wheel. A blast of Arctic air hit my face. Never in my life had I felt such cold. Then, my brother led the way out the door and into the sun. My boots crunched on snow as I followed him.

I realized this was the first time I had ever been outside, and the white expanse surrounding me made me deeply uncomfortable.

08A looked back at me briefly as we made our way to what I now noticed was an icy airstrip with an incredibly loud cargo plane idling on it. Before we got close to the plane, 08A stopped, and a figure bundled against the cold approached us.

"This the kid?" she yelled over the sound of the massive engines.

"Yeah," 08A said, "give us a minute."

The way he'd talked with woman, the easy smile he'd given her. He looked almost normal. Almost human, but then he turned back around and regarded me with the eyes of a child from Imhullu. The dark, wounded eyes that we all had. In response to my brother's words, the woman grunted and ran back to the plane to, I assume, begin flight preparations.

What sort of mission was this?

08A's green eyes softened as he regarded for a few seconds before speaking quickly. "I need you to listen to this 30B. I was wrong. The things they do here, what they make us do. It's not right."

My mouth dropped open until the cold forced me to snap it closed, and when I said nothing, 08A continued. "And the monsters we fight, B. The things I've done, what I've seen since going into the field and doing what they created me to do, us to do. You don't want this life." He gestured emphatically. "You can't live like me."

"What are you saying?"

My world was breaking, but I didn't quite understand why.

"You have to get out, B!" he exclaimed, dark hair falling into hsi features as he gestured wildly at the plane then back at me before adding a bit softer, "Before you become like me."

I felt my anger resurfacing, bubbling over yet again. I wanted to reach for his hand, but I also wanted to slap him away. "I was created for this! We all were. How can you give up and let the monsters win, A? And you're telling me to do the same thing? You... you're acting weak."

"There are monsters out there, terrible, evil creatures that need to be slaughtered, but how we do it, what we've done to children. That's also evil, B." He pleaded with his gaze for me to believe him, but I couldn't. This wasn't right. This wasn't what we were supposed to be doing. This wasn't a test.

Or it was a test, and I wouldn't fail.

"You don't get to decide what's right and wrong! You don't get to tell me to abandon everything I know because you feel it's what's right. This... this is a test. I won't go. No."

08A dropped to his knees in front of me so that he easily look me in my eyes. When he reached out his hands, I wanted to shrink away from his grasp, but I didn't. Instead, I let him place a hand on either of my shoulders. When he spoke, he sounded pained. "You're my sister, B, always. This isn't a test. This is me coming to you as your brother. I... I'm not trying to make you do anything. I just want you to have the chance at a real life."

Sensing his sincerity, I felt some of my anger slip and instead my pent-up pain and resentment shone through.

"You left me."

I hated that I sounded like the child I was.

"I know, and I'm sorry, but this is how I make it right. Get on that plane and get as far away from here as possible. Understand?"

"Without you?" I asked in a weak voice. I was powerless. I was a stupid little kid who couldn't even save a damn moth.

He nodded, bangs brushing against the scar along his face. "I can't go, B. I'm in too deep. I'll never be able to get away. I've done... too much to start over, but you're young enough to get away. Make a real life away from this place, away from the monsters."

I fought back tears as he kept speaking. "Remember when you asked me why we became so close? I said it was because I thought I could use you to get better myself. That was a lie, B. That day when you were little and tried to save that bug, I saw something I'd never seen before. You're compassionate. You want to protect life, not take it. You should protect life."

When I wavered, his hands squeezed my shoulders. "This place, it's robbing you of that compassion, B. They tell you that you're weak, but compassion isn't weakness. You're stronger than anyone here, stronger than me, and you've got to leave before they take that compassion away from you."

He sighed and looked at his watch as my tears fell, leaving icy tracks along my cheeks. It was really late at night, but thanks to the midnight sun, it looked like it was daylight out. Was it like this everywhere or just the Arctic. Maybe 08A could tell me all about it. About the world.

"You've got to go now, B. I bribed security in this sector to give us 15 minutes."

"I won't go without you." My voice was pathetically weak. He looked at me with something in his eyes I had never experienced yet instinctively understood. My brother regarded me with love in his gaze.

"You don't have a choice, sister. Here..." he quickly handed me a small backpack he had been wearing and helped me put it on. "There's money, weapons, food. Carol..." he gestured to the plane, to the pilot who had greeted us "...will get you to a safe house. You'll be able to have a normal life."

I cried as he hugged me then took my hand and led me to the plane before ushering me inside. As I shivered, 08A produced an origami heart from his pocket and handed it to me. The sound of the plane's engines was far too loud to hear anything he might have tried to say. Tears clouding my vision, I looked down, and on the heart he had written, "I love you, little sister."

Then 08A waved before closing the door and separating us both. Before I even had a chance to process what was happening, the pilot yelled for me to sit my ass down somewhere. A moment later, the plane began taxiing down the airstrip.

I never got the chance to tell my brother that I loved him too.