Porchay is not sure why he is here.

He remembers he adamantly refused to have early dinner with Vegas, citing that it would be best if he went home instead as he didn't want to take Vegas's time any longer.

But here he is, viewing the gorgeous view of Bangkok City at dusk in one of the most expensive rooftop restaurants in the city while Vegas is listing what they will be eating to the waiter. "No, we won't be having alcohol, thank you," he hears him say to the smitten waiter with a smile. The woman is side-eyeing his uniform after that.

Porchay wants to roll his eyes so bad at her, but decides petty is not his middle name.

"It's gorgeous, isn't it?" he says as he watches Chay takes pictures of the sight. His eyes are focusing on Chay's face, especially on those romantic long lashes. He wants to see them fluttering as Porchay struggles to keep his eyes open, sprawling on his bed when the morning comes. The view will easily outdo this sight.

Porchay hums his answer and takes his gaze from the view and directs it to Vegas. A smile appears on his beautiful face. It knocks the air from Vegas's lungs.

"Wait for one or two hours, Chay. It will be a different beauty once the sky scrappers fill with lights."

Chay frowns. Two hours? Can he afford it?

It seems Vegas knows as he then says, "I've informed Porsche. Don't worry. You probably should inform your boyfriend. I don't want you guys to fight over this."

Porchay's head reels in. How can he forget about Nat? As he scrambles to open the chat app, his head is filled with what he wants to say to his boyfriend. He already informed Nat that he was with Vegas to buy his glasses. Nat wasn't happy but he let it go.

He is about to hit send when he changes his mind. He could say that he goes out to eat and leaves his phone at home, right?

Nat has been going crazy with something lately. Any small matter can trigger something big. Chay assumes it was his reluctance to have sex that was causing it. Nat has been hinting to that direction pretty hard.

Chay is pausing. He doesn't know if he wants to take the next step with Nat. Sure, the kisses are fine, but ... Sex is a big thing and he hates being pressured. He doesn't want to have sex just because he can have sex. He wants it to feel it is right to have sex, that Nat is the right person to be losing his virginity for.

And Nat ... Nat doesn't feel right.

"What's wrong?" Vegas asks as he is sipping his coffee.

Chay contemplates, but then he decides to just go with it. Vegas can't be worse than Porsche. "How did you have sex for the first time?"

Vegas almost spouts his coffee out. He doesn't expect this question, not from Chay at least. "I ... Erm... I had sex for the first time in my first year of high school. With my girlfriend at that time. It's just sort of happened. I don't remember why, to be honest."

Porchay frowns. "How... How do you know that it is the right time to have sex?"

"In general or for the first time?"

"Both."

"Well," Vegas needs to think this through, "For the first time, I think I was in love with that girl. Thus the attraction. So it wasn't a hard decision. The general," he pauses, "It comes to the point where I want it and the other party also want it and we just do it."

Chay makes a small judgment in what he says. Yes, yes, he is a jerk. But whatever sex situation he ever entered in, it was always mutually consented. He never raped anybody.

"You want to have sex?" Chay is making a face. "You don't want to have sex but don't know what to say?"

Chay nods.

Vegas sighs a relief. "Why? Is Nat not doing a great job in ...," How the fuck should he say this? "In intimacy?"

Porchay is sighing. "The kisses are fine. It's just ... I don't know if it's right if he's the right person."

Vegas tries to hide his smile with his hand, making it look like he is thinking. "If he's the right person ... The kisses shouldn't be just fine, Chay. It should be mind-blowing, earth-shattering, breath-stealing. It shouldn't be just fine."

Chay is thinking about what Vegas said and agreeing inside his head. His and Nat's relationship is not built on mutual feelings. It is because he is caving to Nat's relentless pursuit and his friends' words.

His feeling is still with ... His eyes are finding Vegas, who is now elegantly drinking his coffee.

"He puts pressure on you, doesn't he?" Vegas says he tries to minimize his annoyance, clenching his fist with a smile on his face instead. It is so hard to be understanding when all he wants to do is bash something.

"He just ... He just keeps saying that 'everybody is doing it, why can't we?'. He keeps asking, questioning, whether I like him or not, because I keep ... I keep putting a distance between us. When I'm not. I'm trying to be comfortable first. I just ... I just ...," he can't continue.

Vegas is nodding. "If you're u
not comfortable, then you're not comfortable. As a boyfriend, he should notice that and try to accommodate you, not the other way around. Consent is important, Chay."

Chay nods.

"I'm not saying you should break up, but if you guys are not on the same page, the relationship will be hard and you have to sacrifice a lot. Now, do you want to sacrifice for someone who you think is not right? You're still young, Porchay. There are plenty of fishes in the sea."

Chay lifts his head and pouts. "There are plenty of fishes in the sea, but what if the one that I want doesn't want me?"

Vegas is studying the way Porchay looks at him. That undivided attention. That body language.

And he smiles. "That's impossible."

Porchay wants to say something but then the food arrives and Vegas is ushering him to eat plenty.

Vegas thinks as he watches Chay eat. He is acting just enough to encourage Chay to break up, right? He's not overly done it, right? He'll have to wait and see the result now and be patient.

He knows he wants Porchay and now he confirms that Chay's feelings for him haven't changed. Porchay still likes him. He just needs to be patient, not rushing this out and spooking the doe.
***

When they arrive at Chay's house, Chay sees Nat's car first before the person. Vegas, who sees it too, decides to get out of his car and follows Chay. It turns out Nat is waiting at the stone seats in the front yard. His eyes turn hard when his gaze falls to Vegas. "Phi Porsche is letting me in," he says to Chay.

Vegas offers him a smile. "Porsche is inside, right? I'll go greet him," he says as he leaves the two of them alone.

Porchay takes a breather and then smiles. "Do you wait long?"

His question is unanswered, instead, Nat bursts out, "Do you buy the glasses out of the city so it took long hours to come back?" The bites in the sentence don't go unmissed.

"We went to something," Porchay calmly states.

Nat chuckles, and he puts both his arms on the waist. "Is he the reason why you don't want to take things further with me?"

"Nat!"

"I heard what people said about you and him. That you are harboring puppy love for him ever since forever but because he doesn't reciprocate, you settle with me."

Porchay's jaw drops. "You can't be serious!" Is he that transparent? How can anyone know? Chay thought he hid it well and he distanced himself from Vegas. If people are able to decipher it, then what about Vegas? He is clearly cleverer than most people. "That is bullshit!"

"People said you followed him around everywhere!"

"That was when I was little and because he is friends with my brother. He had known me since I was a little boy and treated me as his own brother. What people say is baseless gossip. You can ask Macau that."

"Is it?" Nat grows closer, now taking both of Porchay's arms with his hands. "So you don't have feelings for him?"

Chay pauses. He shakes his head. He doesn't trust his mouth at this moment.

"Then why can't we go further?"

What should he say now? But the question somehow flares an anger inside him. Why do some people value a relationship in sex only?

"Because I don't think it is the right time," he finally states.

Nat is growling in anger. "When is the right time, Chay? How much longer that I have to wait?" Nat is looking deep into Porchay's eyes when he utters, "If Phi Vegas wants to do it with you, will you do it in a heartbeat?"

Chay slaps Nat in an instant without further thinking. "If sex is the only thing on your mind, then I think it's time to end this, Nat," he says as he retreats to his house, not even sparing a glance at Nat.

As soon as he closes the door, his eyes find both Porsche and Vegas sitting suspiciously, clearly eavesdropping on his and Nat's conversation earlier.

Porsche is directing his gaze to anywhere but Chay. But Vegas ... Vegas is looking at him so deep that Chay thinks he can see Chay's feelings transparently.

Undivided. Shameless.