You were my first love and essentially my everything. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you. I was putty in your hands because I was so vulnerably in love with you. Loving you made me crazy. Not in a bad way; in a beautiful, earth-shattering way. It made me experience feelings that I didn't even know were possible. I never knew I could feel so deeply for another person until you came into my life.

And then you broke my heart. You crushed it and left me with scars that will never fully go away. In the beginning, I didn't think I would be able to make it through the heartbreak. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt. It was like you had driven me out into a desert, told me I was worthless and then drove away, leaving me there to starve and die on my own. I was absolutely terrified. Everything that I knew about my future and myself was shattered. I barely knew who I was anymore. I couldn't even properly function, reducing myself to a hysterical mess in my room for five days straight with panic attacks that felt worse than death.

Everyone kept saying to me "time heals all wounds." At first I just couldn't bring myself to believe them. But after a while, I started to feel like they might be right. I observed many of my friends who had been through somewhat the same thing just like me and they were all doing fine now.

I began to feel a sense of hope that I might be doing fine one day as well. And now I am. It's still a work in progress and I still feel pain sometimes, but I see the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

So I just want to thank you for breaking my heart. If you hadn't, I wouldn't know what it's like to hit rock bottom and then pick myself up from there. If I didn't know how it feels to reach my lowest point, I wouldn't fully understand how strong I am and how much resilience I possess. Thank you for breaking off whatever we had because now I know that I am worth so much more than what you were willing to give me. Now I can see what I want from life and from myself 10 years from now.

Thank you for crushing me. Now I realize that I had lost myself in you. Now I can focus on getting myself back to the incredible and single person I was before I fell for you . Thank you for making me see the beauty in this breakdown. There was magnificence and poetry in the pain I experienced. Thank you for helping me explore my artistic outlets. It has given me so much inspiration to pursue my love of the arts.

At the same time, thank you for being my first love. If I had never loved you, I wouldn't know how beautiful life is. You added so many colors to my world. For the first time in my life, I understood every love song, every smile and every blue sky. Love makes life worth living and without you I would have never known how true that is. This entire heartbreak wouldn't have hurt so badly if I didn't love you so passionately. We did end on bad terms and maybe someday we might not even acknowledge each other's presence but for now, I just want to thank you for helping me see the splendor in this cruel world.

So thank you for giving me this remarkable experience of loving and losing. I've never felt more emotions in my entire life. I've also never felt more accomplished. I think a part of me will always love you. But I know that every part of me will forever feel grateful that you never loved me, yet broke my heart and showed me what I'm really made of.

Thank you. I love you and Always will.

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So here we are. and TBH I don't feel the same pain today as I did a month back. I don't think I'll ever stop loving him but I think I've gotten into terms with the fact that he will never start loving me. 

I have been saying this through the entire course of this book and that is why I'll say it again:

"Zindagi mein pyaar sirf ek baar hi hota hai, aur agar dobara hogya to vo pehle insaan aapka pyaar nhi, sirf pasand the" 

Love, Nandu