The person I am researching is no other than the infamous...me. Anyways as everyone knows I'm buckets of weird with a dash of sarcasm and my secret ingredient is a shitload of mental problems. Maybe a bit of insanity. Honestly these past few days I've been wondering why I have traits like some sociopaths. For example I have been watching the television show Dexter lately. I realized that I have lots of things in common with him. For one I'm wearing a mask and hiding my true self...In his case a killer, while in mine an autistic, anxious and a dash of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Lets just focus on the autism. My favourite holiday is Halloween, when everyone is wearing a mask. Not just myself. I also believe things that he does, like some people are better off dead and I don't understand the point of birthdays. Like seriously? You survived another year, here's a cake. I am also socially awkward and when I try to be funny I'm not but apparently I'm hilarious when I'm not trying to be funny. For example today in class a girl was complaining about having a crush on a tall guy and I said that if it were me all I would have to do is pick them up to kiss them. It must have been funnier in the moment but I was being honest. I'm a very literal person, who sees barely any shades of grey and definitely not fifty. That was me trying to be funny. It didn't work did it? I say lots of things that others find funny but I wasn't joking. It's a hard life being me but others have it worse so I'm not complaining. I have been bullied my whole life. I have been beaten, harassed mercilessly and still I'm a decent person. MY autism can make me seem like I don't care about others but in fact, I do and that's how I know I'm not a sociopath sure, I may want to kill some people but I would probably never act on it and if I did only those who deserved it. My autism makes me brutally blunt and honest. Autism is a mental illness that affects the brains development. It impacts how a person  perceives and socializes with others. It includes repetitive patterns such as rocking back and forth or flapping your hands other symptoms include reduced eye contact,  lack of response to there name, becomes withdrawn, aggressive, maybe even lower than normal intelligence, others have normal to high intelligence, like Albert Einstein. Resists cuddling and holding, prefers to play alone, can't start a conversation or keep one going, speaks with an abnormal tone or rhythm maybe a robot voice or a sing song voice, repeats words or phrases, appears unaware of emotions/feelings, has trouble learning social queues such as tone of voice, body posture, facial expression. Performs activities that could cause self harm such as head banging or biting,  sensitive to light/sound/touch, has specific food preferences and will only eat those, develops routines/rituals that they can not stop doing. For example everyday at 9:00 am they have to watch barney and if the don't they throw a temper tantrum. Complications of having autism include problems with learning, low probability of ever being employed, inability to live on their own, stress within the family, social isolation and being victimized/bullied. Despite contrary belief vaccines don't cause autism and they never will. There is absolutely not a single link between autism and vaccines. You can't prevent it, it just happens there are theories such as smoking while pregnant or that being a boy you're four times more likely to develop autism. Personally, I lack social queues. I can't tell if someone is flirting with me or making fun of me. I can't tell if someone's sad or happy. Though I've done well academically, I'm in college right now and got 90% on my first test in college. I also had a 90% average for most subjects in grade 12. I rock back and forth sometimes. I also repeatedly close my knuckles. I have a sensitivity to sound if many groups of people are talking at once it sets me off. I also have a few routines, though they're small routines like when I brush my teeth I have to wet the toothbrush first, then put toothpaste on it and then put water on it again. Otherwise I don't like the texture and it bothers me. When someone tells me they will do something I get upset when they don't do it. I won't throw a temper tantrum but when I was a kid I did. People say I come off as apathetic even though I know I have feelings, which is how I know I'm not a sociopath. I hate being touched, my hugs are more of a distant pat on the back. I never liked it as a kid why stop now. The only person I would bend this "rule" for is my significant other, however I'm completely alone and probably will be forever. I try to look people in the eyes but I can't do it. So some people would say I look like I'm lying when in fact I just have autism. I prefer being alone and I have only three friends...maybe four. (It's still in the works.) It doesn't make me any less of a person, I just  need extra help. I'm going to school to be a detective in Canada Ontario. I'm living semi-independently, I pay rent, I have a YouTube channel with a hundred subscribers and I've had girlfriends in the past. I'm an out and proud transgender woman and I am a lesbian. I'm not a virgin despite having autism. I know who I am, I'm the only one who truly knows me. I'm loyal, too honest, kind, fun, caring and a really weird person. That's alright though. Weird is cool, I am weird, weird is I. I am... me.

I found help by going to therapy, talking about my problems but there is no cure for autism, autism isn't a disease. It's a gift, it's a curse, it's life. For others with any mental health problems I say, get help if you need it, whether it's just someone to confide in or a bunch of medications for a handful of mental problems. You will only get help if you want it. If you want to change, to feel better, to do better. If you want help talk to a nurse or a doctor, get psychiatric help. Get help to be the true you.