"It's not your fault," Wonho said, not for the first time, since they'd returned to their room. Hyungwon was just lying in his bed, looking too thin and frail to hold the mattress down, staring up at the ceiling listlessly. "He's going to be okay," Wonho said, another empty phrase he'd used multiple times to no avail. "He hasn't been doing well lately. It was bound to happen at some point. And maybe they can help him-"

"I hurt him," Hyungwon said, or at least, the sound came from Hyungwon's parted lips, but he didn't appear to stir.

"You didn't hurt him," Wonho said, blinking and sitting up in his bed, looking over at his roommate with concern. Hyungwon was one of the most delicate out of the group in terms of sensitivity, and Wonho knew that they all needed to treat him carefully or else he'd end up like Kihyun and just break entirely. "You were trying to help."

"But I hurt him," Hyungwon repeated, tears slowly leaking out of his eyes. "I thought that because we were friends, that I could make a difference, but in the end..." He put his hands over his eyes, and Wonho didn't know whether it was to block out the empty ceiling yawning back at him or to block out the light. "In the end, it doesn't matter what we want or who we care about," Hyungwon mumbled. "We can't control anything. Not ourselves. Not our brains."

"Hyungwon-" Wonho began, moving over to the other's bed, and Hyungwon removed his hands, staring up at Wonho with desperation shining in his wet eyes as he grabbed Wonho's wrists.

"I don't want that to happen to me." Hyungwon swallowed, his tone soft and urgent and raw. "I don't want to become like that. Like something else."

"You..." Wonho swallowed, licking his bottom lip. "You won't, Wonnie."

It was as though he'd flipped a switch in the thinner boy. Hyungwon let go of Wonho abruptly, his eyes darkening. "You're lying, you're lying and I know you're lying. Only Kihyun calls me that. Only Kihyun-" Uttering the missing boy's name seemed to remind Hyungwon of the situation, and he cut off, staring at a wall.

He'd been doing that a lot lately, and it was really starting to worry Wonho. It seemed as though every day, there was a little bit less of Hyungwon. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.

What happened when there was nothing left?

***

Kihyun was returned to them the following night, looking pale but otherwise calmer than they'd seen him in weeks.

"Miss me?" he asked with a smug grin, but Wonho could see how tired he was.

Hyungwon didn't even look over.

"Hey," Kihyun said, frowning. "Wonnie. You're going to ignore me now?"

Hyungwon gritted his teeth.

Kihyun went over to stand by Hyungwon's bed, casting a shadow down on him as Kihyun crossed his arms. "What, you're pissed at me for snapping and scaring you?"

Hyungwon avoided Kihyun's eyes.

Kihyun sighed before parting Hyungwon's bangs with two of his fingers, being careful not to touch his face. "I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't me for a second there." Kihyun paused to look over at Wonho, who had been waiting nearby expectantly, with a glare. "What, you want an apology too?"

Wonho stepped back and took a seat on his bed as Kihyun turned back to Hyungwon.

"I'm sorry, okay? For real."

Hyungwon was quiet, having closed his eyes as Kihyun had played with his hair, but now he opened them. "What's real anymore, Kihyun?"

His voice sounded so weak, so confused, and Wonho had to hold himself down to the bed and remind himself that maybe Hyungwon needed Kihyun right now and not him.

"Hell if I know," Kihyun muttered back, and Hyungwon's eyes fluttered back shut as Kihyun ran his fingers through his hair. "Get some rest, Hyungwon. You look like you haven't slept in a week."

"If I go to sleep, will you be gone when I wake up?" Hyungwon asked, his voice thin and needy, and Wonho realized that Hyungwon was starting to expect that, for them to leave like Jooheon and Minhyuk, two boys he had formed close friendships with, who had traded their relationship for a life of sanity, be it forced or otherwise.

"Go to sleep," Kihyun said instead, and Hyungwon just nodded slightly. Kihyun played with his hair until Hyungwon had stilled and his breathing had evened before pulling back and sitting on his own bed, staring across at Wonho, who watched him closely. "I might be leaving soon."