Changkyun was shaken awake at some unclear time in the middle of the night. He'd slipped out of unconsciousness when he'd felt his bed dip as someone else sat down, but he didn't react until that same someone was leaning over him, shaking his shoulders.

"Hyungwon?" Changkyun mumbled before sitting up. His eyes were slowly adjusting, but even so, they could only make out the dark shape of Hyungwon apart from the deeper darkness surrounding them. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"It's not me," Hyungwon whispered urgently, his hands reaching out and patting Changkyun until he found Changkyun's shoulders once more, and he gripped them tightly with his long, bony fingers. "It's not about it. It was never about me."

"That's a really selfless thought and I'm glad you had that 2 am epiphany but-"

"I'm not the one dying," Hyungwon said, and although Changkyun couldn't physically see Hyungwon's eyes, he knew what they would look like, sad and desperate and a little bit on the edge. "It's not me. It wasn't ever me."

Changkyun sighed and reached out, smoothing Hyungwon's hair like how his mother had done for him when he was a child, weak and helpless and still convinced that the monsters were under the bed.

They weren't under the bed, they were in his head, and he knew the monsters were in Hyungwon's head too.

"Come here," Changkyun said, moving over and patting the space next to him before drawing Hyungwon closer by the arm. He kept his own arm around Hyungwon's shoulders, using it to steer Hyungwon into his side, his head resting on Changkyun's chest. "Go to sleep, Hyungwon."

"No," Hyungwon mumbled, and Changkyun felt the vibration against his rib cage. "No, you don't understand, Kihyun is-"

Changkyun sighed. He knew that Hyungwon was still struggling to accept the others' absence, but at some point, Hyungwon needed to realize that Changkyun was all he had left. "It's okay, Hyungwon. You're okay. Just close your eyes, okay? I'm not going to leave. Just go to sleep."

Hyungwon grew quiet, and after a few moments, he shifted slightly, getting more comfortable against Changkyun's side. Changkyun kept his eyes open. He'd never slept in the same bed as someone, and at the moment, he wasn't quite sure why he'd suggested it, but it had seemed like the right thing to do. But he wasn't sure how he was supposed to get comfortable with someone else's weight trapping him in, and he wasn't sure if he'd overstepped Hyungwon's boundaries by suggesting it, but...

He felt warm in a way that had been lacking for a long time. With Hyungwon's body curled up against his, he felt less alone in the darkness.

It was sort of nice.

***

"Do you remember how Kihyun got at the end?" Changkyun asked. Two weeks had passed. Some nights, Hyungwon crawled into his bed, and he made room. Some nights, nothing happened, but he couldn't help but wait in anticipation in case something did.

"Kihyun?" Jooheon asked. "What does that asshole have to do with anything?"

"Remember how he got sort of crazy obsessive? Started ranting and all that?"

"Came completely off-the-wall unhinged?" Jooheon leaned back in his chair, phone hanging lazily from his hand. "Yeah, I remember. Damn lunatic. Would have gotten us all sent to V-wing."

"Well Hyungwon's getting the same sort of way," Changkyun said, frowning. "He's always trying to talk about weird shit from his dreams, about people killing him or something. I don't know. He seems sort of obsessed, like Kihyun was. I just don't know what to do about it."

"That's normal crazy. If he gets quiet, then you know it's bad for real," Jooheon replied, rubbing at one of his eyes. "Still weird though."

"Yeah." Changkyun dropped his eyes down. He'd wanted to confide in someone else, to get answers, to get help, but there was no textbook for insanity, no how-to. "You're seeing him after me, right?"

Jooheon shook his head. "I had been planning on it, but when I got to the reception desk, Wonho was already there. And Hyungwon only gets one visitor, so I figured I'd be the nice guy for today and let Wonho take it."

"Oh," Changkyun said, surprised. "But...why didn't you just leave then? You didn't have to see me. Oh, never mind, it's about Hyungwon, right? You wanted the new intel," Changkyun quickly corrected himself, looking down once more and scuffing the toe of his shoe against the ground.

"Nah, figured I was already here. You're an okay guy to talk to," Jooheon said, and Changkyun looked up, surprised. "I mean, I like to know how Hyungwon is doing, but we never really got around to talking before all of this." Jooheon paused to rub the back of his neck, his words growing slower. "I wasn't on my meds then, so I wasn't really right in the head, but...I'm better now. I'm sorry if...Well, I'm sorry for whatever I did. Any of it. All of it."

"It's okay," Changkyun said. Partly out of instinct due to his conflict-avoidant nature, but he also meant it. He'd always thought of Jooheon as self-centered and obnoxious, always looking for the next fight, ready to rip into someone's weakness. And maybe some of that was Jooheon, the real Jooheon, but Changkyun was starting to realize that a lot of that was just Jooheon's illness. And that maybe Jooheon had felt alone until Hyungwon had come along because no one had accepted him. They had all been mildly scared of him at best, and at worse, they hadn't associated with him.

But Hyungwon had come, and somehow, he'd seen who Jooheon was inside. He didn't care about the rough exterior. He'd even put himself in harm's way just to connect with Jooheon.

And Changkyun had never taken that risk. He'd written Jooheon off, and maybe he shouldn't have.

"I wasn't fair to you," Changkyun admitted, looking away as well. Neither of them were good at any of this, feelings, emotions, relationships. "Sorry."

There was a long beat of silence.

"Shit, that got awkward," Jooheon mumbled, and Changkyun chuckled on the other end of the phone. "Well, our time's up, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Changkyun said, somewhat surprised. They hadn't used the full half hour last time. "Just letting you know, Wonho will probably be here next week," Changkyun said, looking down. "So you won't get to talk to Hyungwon."

"That's okay," Jooheon said, standing up. "There's someone else I might come and see."

Changkyun flicked his eyes up just in time to catch Jooheon's smirk before Jooheon hung up and left, flipping Changkyun the bird over his left shoulder.

Changkyun just smiled and watched his friend walk away.

His friend.

That was new.