"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder."

— Jim Morrison

/ / e v e l y n / /

She's really gone.

My mother's really gone.

My mother's gone and I'm the reason for that. I look down at my palms and they still have her blood on them. I swallow hard and quickly look away from my bloody hands. Once we get to wherever we're going, I'm going to take a shower. I need to scrub all of this off of me. Hopefully if I don't lose my mind while I'm in the shower, I won't scrub too hard and scrub my skin off.

"Zayn likes this car." Zayn says from the back seat. "He thinks the seats are really nice. Zayn wants a car. Will the big, scary man get Zayn a car? He thinks he will. Will he, Louis?"

"I don't think so," Louis says and stops at a stop sign. He waits for any approaching traffic and when no cars appear, he keeps straight.

Zayn sighs, "Why not? Zayn can drive."

"Do you even have a license?"

"A...what?"

"Be nice," I whisper to Louis. "All he wants is a car. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Never mind," Louis says and places a hand on my thigh. He gives it a small squeeze and I want to place my hand on top of his. "You can ask Harry next time we see him."

"If he's back...does that mean he'll go back to...you know?" I can't help but ask.

"What? Feeding on our fear?" Louis asks and my silence is my answer. "I know he'll start back eventually. When? Probably when we least expect it. I know this is too soon, but if you don't want him feeding on you, you have to get rid of that fear of yours."

"What fear?" I ask him.

"The fear that is growing inside of you right now. The fear of you getting caught because of what happened not even an hour ago," he explains and I close my eyes before pinching the bridge of my nose. Of course, I'm afraid of getting caught for killing my mother. If I do get caught, everything's going to go downhill. People I know will never be able to look at me the same because they know what I did. I don't any of this to happen. If I do what I am told, I won't get caught. If I listen to Louis this time, everything will be fine.

"I'll work on it," I whisper.

"Hey," he says and moves his hand from my thigh to my hand. I'm glad he doesn't mind about the blood. "Everything is going to be fine. You just have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

"Zayn trusts you," Zayn says.

I laugh, "I trust you, Louis."

"Good," Louis doesn't move his hand away from mine. "We'll stay with my mother for as long as we can and then we'll eventually have to move on to a new place. Hopefully, I can talk my mother into giving me some cash to help us once we leave."

"Zayn has money," he says from the backseat. "He...He's rich!"

"Now isn't the time, Zayn," Louis says.

I look over my shoulder at Zayn, "Where'd you get money from?"

"A black purse back at the apartment," he explains and holds up a wallet for me to see. My eyes widen and I take it from him. He gasps but I don't care. I open the wallet and the first thing I see is my mother's driver's license.

"Zayn took my mother's wallet."

"Does she have any cash?" Louis asks.

I check inside of the wallet and sigh in relief when I see green, "Yeah, but not much. My mother never carried a lot of cash on her. She always used her credit cards."

"Are they in there?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "All seven of them."

"Seven? Why seven?"

"Your guess would be as good as mine." I say and close the wallet back up. Zayn reaches for it from the back seat and I let him take it from me. He is the one who brought it, after all. I might as well let him hold it until we get to where we are going. I press the side of my head against the window and look at all of the trees we pass.

"Zayn is thirsty. He likes smoothies. Can he get a smoothie?"

I answer before Louis does, "We'll see, Zayn. We have to get cleaned up, first."

"Evelyn," Louis says. "Once we get to my mother's, we can't leave the house. We have to stay inside so we don't put ourselves at risk. There's a chance your mother will be on the news and if anyone sees you, the police will be called and everything will be over. We can't always depend on Harry to help us. He only helped us while he was human so we wouldn't kill him. Now, he's back. Who knows if he'll help us again?"

"He helped us before then," I remind him. "But I understand what you mean."

"I want all of us to get cleaned up when we get to my mother's." Louis says loud enough for Zayn and I to hear him. "There's a bathroom in my mother's bedroom and there's another bathroom in the main hallway. I want you and Zayn to go first because I'll have to fill my mother in on what happened and I'm still going to ask her for money since once it's gone, it's gone."

"Okay," I say.

"Zayn likes to get his hair wet in the shower." Zayn explains. "It's calming."

"You can get your hair wet because you're going to wash it." Louis tells him. "We're going to wash everything on our bodies, okay? That includes the hair on top of our heads. Evelyn, there should be shampoo and conditioner in my mother's bathroom."

My eyes widen, "I'm the one who's taking a shower in her bathroom? I don't think your mother is very fond of me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Last time I saw her, she splashed anointing oil on me and thought I was the devil." I say and shudder at the memory. Louis sighs and when I look at him, he is shaking his head.

"It's my fault," he says. "I've drown her to her own madness. She honestly thinks I'm ill."

"Hey, I thought you were ill at first." I murmur. "Which I'm really sorry about, by the way."

"You don't have to apologize," he reassures me. "You just didn't know what to believe and now you know the truth. A lot of people can't accept this type of stuff and you've accepted it well. I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of you," I say. "You've been through so much and yet, you're still here."

"Well, you saved me." Louis reminds me. "If you wouldn't have shown up to the window that day, I would be dead."

"I'm sure you wouldn't have jumped."

"I would have," he argues. "I was ready. I was going to jump and end my life right then and there. But you ran in and you said you were going to jump with me. I was going to end someone else's life because of my screwed up one. You don't deserve to die. You're too perfect."

"No one's perfect, Louis."

"That's where you're wrong," he lets go of my hand and places it on the steering wheel. "You're perfect to me." I'm shocked by his words but I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. I can always count on Louis to make me feel better. Whenever I'm down, he always finds a way to cheer me up. Even though we've been separated for quite some time, he found his way to me and cheered me up.

I look back over my shoulder to check on Zayn because he hasn't said anything in a while. He's spread out in the back seat and his eyes are closed. His left arm hangs off of the seat and I move it so that his hand is on his chest. He looks confused in his sleep but it doesn't take long for him to relax his face again. 

I sit back in my seat and turn my head to look at Louis, "Want to know something?"

"Sure."

"Remember the question you asked me earlier?"

"Yeah," he sounds confused.

"Well," I look ahead at the road. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Louis."

"What?" he nearly shouts and I'm just thankful he doesn't throw his foot on the brakes. Zayn groans and I rub my temples. Perhaps I should have waited until later on to tell him?

"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No, no, no," he lets out a single laugh. "I'm glad you said it. I've loved you for a while."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I couldn't," he sighs. "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. We're practically stuck together and if I made you feel uncomfortable, things would be awkward and nothing would ever be the same between us. I don't want that to happen. You're pretty much the only reason I wake up every morning." We pull into a neighborhood and I instantly recognize it. We're in his mother's neighborhood.

Louis pulls the vehicle into a driveway and I unbuckle my seat belt. I'm the first one out of the car and I open the back door to wake Zayn up. Louis watches me and I tell him, "Go ahead and let her know we're here. I've got this." Louis nods and walks to the front door. I shake Zayn's leg and it's much heavier than I think it is. "Zayn? Wake up. We're here."

"Umph," he groans.

"Wake up," I repeat.

"Zayn doesn't want to go to his room," he whines.

"What? No. You're not going to your room. Wake up," I shake his leg harder and he swats at my hand.

"Stop it," he says and it sounds like he's crying.

"Zayn?" I stop shaking his leg and watch him. He looks uncomfortable and when I get a closer look at him, his cheeks are wet. "Okay, okay, you're having a nightmare. Come on, Zayn. Wake up. Can you do that for me? Can you wake up for me?" I pat his leg this time. Maybe shaking it wasn't doing the trick.

He cries, "Don't touch me!" This is the first time I have heard him use 'me' instead of 'Zayn.' I lean into the car and slap Zayn as hard as I can. He jerks upward and looks around the car. His chest rises and falls quickly and his eyes are wide. When he looks at me, he slowly begins to calm down.

"Hey," I smile. "Are you okay?"

"Zayn is fine," he says. "Where is Zayn?"

"We're at Louis' mother's house," I answer him. "We need to get inside. Come on, now." I back up so he can get out of the car. I shut the door behind him and I lead him to the front door. It's open and I am very cautious as I enter the house. Zayn is right behind me and I make sure he isn't too far behind. "Louis?" I don't get a response. "Louis?"

"We're in here!" I hear him yell and I follow his voice to the kitchen. His mother is leaning against the counter and she looks even more exhausted than she did when I last saw her. Her hands are pressed against the counter and she is looking right at me.

"You," she hisses.

"I—"

"You ruined him!" she shouts. "He was fine being at the hospital! He was going to get better! Oh, you just had to be assigned to him, didn't you? You just had to find out more about him! Why couldn't you be like everyone else? Why couldn't you be afraid of him? Now, you've dragged him into your mess!"

"I didn't make him do anything he didn't want to do." I murmur and hide my hands behind my back.

"I want you out of my house," she snaps. "I knew something was wrong with you the moment I laid eyes on you. Get out of my house!"

"Stop this," Louis says. "She needs to get cleaned up. Please, if you love me, you'll let me help her. We need a place to stay for a few days, remember? I told you this a few minutes ago. We all need to shower and get ourselves cleaned up. Okay?"

She looks at her son, "All right."

"Evelyn, go take your shower. I'll go get your clothes and leave them at the bathroom door," he says and I'm quick to leave the kitchen. 

I go down the hall and I remember where his mother's bedroom is. The door's open and I enter the room. The first thing I notice is the picture of Jesus above her bed. There's a Bible in the center of her bed and there's a wooden cross sitting on top of it. I swallow hard and walk into her bathroom. The walls are pink and so is the shower curtain. The rugs on the floor are white.

I close the door behind me and take off my clothes. They fall to the floor and I kick them to a nearby corner. I don't want to step on them once I get out of the shower. I turn on the water and wait for it to get warm before stepping into the shower. The water soaks my body and I hold my hands out in front of me. As the water runs down the drain, my mother's blood goes down with it. The sight of her blood being washed off of my hands makes me feel nauseous and I sit down on the shower floor. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I lay my head on top of them and close my eyes. I do not mind that the water is now soaking my hair and is making its way to my face.

"Evelyn?" There's a knock on the door. "Evelyn, I have your clothes. I'm going to leave them right in front of the door, all right?" I don't respond to Louis. I'm sure he knows I can hear him. "Evelyn? You in there?" He opens the bathroom door and I tighten my arms around my knees. He can hear the shower water running. He should know I'm in here.

The shower curtains are thrown back and I turn my head to see Louis looking down at me with wide eyes. I blink a few times to prevent the water from getting in my eyes. Louis looks around the room a few times as if this is a dream before looking back at me. I wipe my eyes with the back of my right hand to get the water off of my eyelids. We continue to look at each other and I finally break the silence, "You're not bothered?"

"Bothered...by what?" I harden my stare as he clears his throat. "Oh," he smacks his forehead. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. I'll go."

"No," I quickly say.

"No?"

"I want you to stay with me." I tell him and his hand drops from his forehead. My bottom lip trembles and I cannot tell if the tears are already rolling down my cheeks or not. "I didn't want her to die, Louis."

"Ssh," he kneels down beside me and places a hand on my wet shoulder. "It's okay, Evelyn. We're going to get you out of here and we're going to be safe. Do you hear me?" I nod.

"I just want to be held," I whisper.

"Okay," he whispers back. "I'll hold you." He pulls his shirt over his head but doesn't take off his pants. "Here, stand up." He grabs my arms and helps me rise to my feet. He doesn't seem bothered at all that I'm nude. When he steps into the shower, he wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his chest. He touches my hair with one hand and keeps the other hand on my waist as he holds me.

I run my fingers along the scars on his chest and I keep my attention on that. I'm very thankful to have Louis with me right now. Who knows what would have happened if he didn't come in here to check on me?

"Evelyn?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something."

"Okay."

"Promise me you'll stay with me forever."

I look up at him, "I can't, Louis. Tomorrow isn't promised for either one of us."

"Please, don't say things like that," he begs. "Just...Just promise me you'll stay with me. When all of this is over, we won't go our separate ways. We'll stay together until it's our time to officially leave this world. Promise me you'll stay by my side and never leave me. Promise me you'll love me even after this." I can see the pain in his eyes and it hurts me to see him this way. He strongly believes I will leave him after this is all over and I want him to know I will do the exact opposite.

"I promise," my voice is barely audible.

He tightens our hug and kisses the top of my head.