"But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself."

— Albert Camus

/ / e v e l y n / /

"W-What?" I choke out.

"There's no time for questioning! We have to go!" Niall says, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the hall. "We've tried talking to him but he won't listen. He's determined to jump out of the window. If we don't hurry, he just might do it."

I begin to pick up speed.

My heart is racing, "What makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"We have to try," he says, looking over his shoulder at me. "Can you run faster? We need to hurry!"

I stop running and Niall's eyes widen. I kick off my heels and start running as fast as I can. Niall leads the way and I begin to panic. What if we get there and we're too late? Why has no one tried pulling Louis back?

"What was he saying?" I ask as I try to run faster.

"He was saying he couldn't do it anymore. He said he wasn't able to handle the pain and he wasn't going to let anyone hurt him." Niall explains and pulls me down a long hallway. We stop at the second door and he's quick to open it. My eyes widen.

Louis' leaning out of the window and he looks like he really wants to jump. Niall lets go of me and we both enter the room. I look around and Marcel's nowhere in sight. Where did he go? He was supposed to stay with Louis! I run my hands along the walls as I approach the window, "Louis, what are you doing?" He turns his head around I see how red his face is. His eyes are wide and his body shakes as he sobs. "Do you think jumping is really the right answer?"

He nods as he continues to sob, "I-I can't."

"You can't what, Louis?" I ask as I get closer to him. "I thought you were safe here. You said so yourself. You said you were safe here."

He shakes his head, "I...can't."

"So you're going to jump?" I ask.

A choked sob is the only response I receive.

I stop walking and I point to the window, "Then go for it."

"Evelyn," Niall hisses from behind me.

I ignore him, "If you really want to jump, go for it. By all means, jump out of the window and fall to your death." I walk up to him and grab his hand. "I'll even jump with you."

"W-What?" he stutters and I feel his body shaking through his hand.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't have much to live for. Apparently, you don't, either. Let's just jump out of the window and end our lives together. What do you say, Louis? Are you ready to jump out of the window?"

He's quick to shake his head, "N-No."

"Why not?" I ask. "You're willing to risk your life. Why can't I?"

"N-No."

"Then why did you say you wanted to a few minutes ago?" I ask and I can feel his grip tightening around my hand. He looks down. "Louis, look at me and answer the question." I can hear him sobbing. "Hey, look at me." He does and his eyes are glazed over. I can barely see his pupils.

His lips tremble as he speaks, "I can't."

"You can't what, Louis?" I ask and he looks out of the window. "I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on."

"Don't you see?" he asks, slowly looking back at me. "No one can help me! Plenty of people have tried and they've all failed. I'm a mistake. I...I don't belong here!" His grip loosens on my hand and I tighten my grip on his. I'm not going to let him go.

"So, it's settled, then," I murmur. "We'll jump together, okay? I'll count to three and...and we'll jump."

"Evelyn, what the hell are you doing?" Niall asks.

"I'm going to jump with Louis," I say.

"Are you insane?" he demands.

"Partially," I say, and it is true. He just doesn't know it. "One..."

"Evelyn, I'm not going to let you jump!"

"Two..."

"Evelyn, step away from the window!" Niall begs.

"Three..." I say and lean forward.

Louis yanks me back and I fall in the process. He looks at Niall before looking at me and my eyes widen. I'm no longer holding his hand. He turns back to the window and I sit up.

"Louis, don't!"

He falls to his knees and covers his face with his hands. I look back at Niall and he shrugs his shoulders. Crawling over to Louis, I place a hand on his shoulder and he looks at me.

I whisper, "You're okay." He wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my chest as he sobs. "Hey, you're all right. Everything is going to be all right."

"You scared the crap out of me," Niall says and I throw him a look. He closes his mouth and leans against the wall.

I sit my chin on top of Louis' head as I wrap my arms around him, "There's no need for you to cry, Louis. You're alive."

He looks up at me, "You were going to jump with me."

I nod, "I was."

"W-Why?"

I swallow hard and soon smile, "I wasn't going to let you die alone. You shouldn't have to be alone, Louis." I just so happen to glance down at my watch and I sigh. Joe should be here any minute to pick me up. "Niall, can you take Louis back to his room?"

"No!" Louis yells and his arms tighten around me. "I don't want to be alone. Please, please don't take me back to my room."

I look at Niall with wide eyes, "There isn't much I can do about that right now, I'm sorry. It's not like I can spend the night with you."

"Please," he begs and when I look down at him, his eyes are watering again. "I can't be here alone. Please."

My eyes wander back to Niall, "Is it possible for me to stay the night?"

"I don't think it is," he replies and I look back at Louis.

His eyes are wide and he looks like he might start crying all over again. I feel terrible. First, he cried out for me to help him and I didn't. I just ran. Now, he wants me to stay here with him and Niall just told me he doesn't think it's possible for me to stay here. I cannot keep letting this man down.

"Are you sure?" I ask Niall.

"You'll have to ask," he replies.

Louis' arms tighten around me, "Are...Are you going to ask?"

I nod, "I'm going to ask. Dr. Horan is going to take you back to your room, okay? I'll go ask while you go back to your room." He stands up and lets Niall grab his arm.

"Try anything and I won't hesitate to have a nurse sedate you," he threatens.

"Niall!" I say and throw him a look.

He only rolls his eyes and pushes Louis out of the room. I rise to my feet and look down at myself. There's blood all over my blouse and if there's any on my pants, I cannot see it. I cross my arms across my chest to try and hide the blood. When I go into Dr. Sanchez's office, I don't want her to see any of the blood.

I walk out of the room and make my way down the hall. Louis and Niall are nowhere in sight and I'm glad. What would happen if Louis saw the blood on my blouse? He would probably freak out. I turn the corner and make my way to the elevator. Dr. Sanchez's office is on the first floor and I need to catch her before she leaves. I lick my thumb and try to get the blood off using my saliva. It only makes the blood pink and it smears on my blouse. I tuck it into my pants some more and the pants cover some of the blood.

My hair bounces on my shoulders as I stop at the elevator and press the down button. I wait patiently for the doors to open and when they do, I see the last person on Earth I want to see right now. I hurry into the elevator and start hitting him as hard as I can.

Marcel gasps, "What the hell?"

"You left him alone!" I yell.

The elevator doors close.

"He wasn't awake!" he grabs my wrists and I try pulling back.

I shake my head, "He's awake now!" Marcel's eyes widen. "He almost committed suicide today! All of that could have been prevented if you would have done your job correctly! I had to risk my life to fix your mistake!"

"He...Louis almost killed himself? Well, that certainly isn't something new."

I pull my wrists out of his grip, "Why would you leave him in a room by himself when there are windows? That was so stupid! My patient could have died. We could have lost our jobs!"

"I had to use the restroom!"

"So you decided to leave him?"

"How many times do I have to say this?" he grabs my shoulders and begins to shake me. "He wasn't awake when I left!"

"You shouldn't have left him in the first place!"

"My bladder comes first!" he argues. "Screw the patients here! Most of them die anyway because of how crazy they are!"

I point a finger at him, "Louis is not going to die here. I'll make sure of that."

He laughs as the elevator doors open and he lets go of my shoulders. I hurry out of the elevator and look down at the floor as I walk. How could Marcel say something so cruel? First, it was Niall and now Marcel. Who's going to be next? Dr. Sanchez? I approach her office and open the door without asking.

"Dr. Foster, what on Earth? I didn't hear you knock."

"Well, um, I—"

"Go back outside of my office and knock," she demands. She's sitting in front of her laptop and she's typing without looking.

"I have an important question to ask."

"If it's that important to you, you'll go back outside and knock before entering."

"Please, I don't have time to go back out into the hall," I beg.

She waves me off, "Then the question isn't that important to you."

I groan but leave the room. I close the door behind me and mentally punch the wall. Why does she have to be so difficult? I let out a deep breath and turn around to knock on the door. I knock twice and open the door.

She points back at the door, "Did I say you could enter?"

"No, but you said I had to knock."

"Let's try this again." I slam the door shut and knock twice. "Who is it?"

"You've got to be kidding me." I mutter before clearing my throat. "It's Dr. Foster."

"You may enter," she says and I walk into the room. I close the door behind me and walk deeper into her office. "You may have a seat if you'd like." I sit down in one of the chairs in front of her desk and I place my hands on my lap. "You said you have a question for me?"

I nod, "It's about Louis."

She stops typing and looks at me, "What about him?"

"He doesn't want to be here alone tonight."

"He won't be alone. There are security guards all over the place," she says and I think of Marcel. He doesn't care about any of the patients. All he cares about is his money.

"I was wondering if I could stay here with him tonight. Can it happen?"

"Pardon?"

I do not meet her eyes as I speak, "I thought it would be better that way. I could ask him questions and he might answer—"

"He's setting a trap, girl, and you're falling for it."

"I just want to help him."

"No one can help him," she scoffs. "He can only help himself. Your job is to help him get on the right path. You're not doing that if you have sleepovers with him."

"I won't stay the entire night," I quickly add. "Once he falls asleep, I'm gone. I promise." She turns back to her laptop and starts typing again. "Dr. Sanchez, I'm begging you. You and I both know I'll get answers tonight if I stay." She sighs. "Why won't you let me stay tonight?"

She shakes her head, "I'm not going to let you risk your life for a patient."

"If you haven't noticed by now, I've already been risking my life for him!" I yell and then lower my voice. "He tried to commit suicide earlier and I told him I would kill myself with him. If that's not risking my life, then I—"

"Were you really going to do it?"

"Of course not," I say. "But that didn't stop Louis from believing every word I said. Right when I leaned forward, he pulled me back and dropped to his knees. He's improving, Dr. Sanchez. I'm gaining his trust. The Louis that came into the door earlier this week wouldn't even think twice about killing himself. He would just go for it. The Louis I know now would think twice about it. Now, I'm begging you here. I'll get on my knees if I have to."

"You're setting yourself up for disaster."

"Give me a chance and I'll prove you wrong." I say and she nods before waving me off. "Seriously? You're going to let me stay the night?"

"This is the only chance you get," she says, her tone sharper than nails and colder than ice. "Mess it up and you'll never be able to stay the night again." I get up from my seat and smile as I walk towards the door.

"Thank you so much," I thank her before leaving her office. I send Joe a text message explaining everything and I bump right into Niall. "We have got to stop doing this."

"Walking and texting," he murmurs. "Be careful. I heard you can crash into other walkers. Such a tragedy."

"Whatever," I say. "Did Louis make it up to his room all right?"

"He's sitting in the corner."

"Good," I sigh in relief. "I'm staying with him."

"No, you're not. Who told you that lie?" he asks.

I scoff, "I'm spending the night to get to know my patient better. Dr. Sanchez has just approved it and there's nothing you can do about it. Besides, this place is supposed to be covered with security guards at night. If something happens, I won't be by myself."

"I just don't trust the guy," he mutters. "What if Louis attacks you and you can't scream because his hand is over your mouth?"

"I know how to defend myself." I say, pointing to my mouth. "If he covers my mouth, I'll try everything within me to bite him. He'll let go then and I'll scream as loud as I can. Fair enough?"

"I don't think—"

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a patient to visit." I tell him and move around him.

I place my hands on my blouse to cover up the blood stains as I approach the elevator. The doors open before I even press the button and I get on as an older man steps off. I press the button to go to the fourth floor and lean back against the wall as the doors close. Closing my eyes, my hands press against the wall behind me and I let out a sigh. I'm really going to do it.

I'm really going to spend the night here at the institute.

This is insane.

I feel as if I'm dreaming.

The elevator music softly plays in the background and I quietly hum along. I push my purse more onto my shoulder as the elevator stops and the doors open. I don't see Marcel standing where he usually stands and I'm grateful. There's a woman standing there in his place and when she sees me, she smiles. I smile back and walk in her direction. "What happened to Marcel?"

"He decided to take the rest of the day off," she explains. "Purse, please."

I hand it to her and she tosses it into the box behind her.

"Why'd you do that?" I ask and her eyebrows rise. "Marcel usually just checks my purse and gives it back to me."

"You're not allowed to take any belongings back to any of the rooms."

I shake my head, "I always take my purse."

When she isn't looking, I reach into my purse and grab my bottle of pills. I'm not stupid. I would not dare leave my pills for anyone else to find. I hide them in my shirt and when she looks back at me, I smile.

"Well, not today."

"Can I at least get my purse?" I ask and she shakes her head. "I'm spending the night and I need to be able to keep in contact with someone."

"Cell phones aren't allowed in any of the rooms," she repeats.

"Fine," I mutter before turning to leave.

"Wait."

I turn around, "Yes?" I hope she decides to give me back my purse.

"Here," she hands me a band. "Tie your hair up before you go back there."

I take it from her and quickly pin my hair up in a ponytail. My arms wrap around me as I walk down the hall to Louis' room. He's probably going to be happy I'm spending the night. I slide my patient ID card and open the door to find a nurse in the room. She's holding a tray with two white cups and a bottle of water. One must be filled with pills and the other with water.

"Louis, you know you have to take your pills," she says and she sounds exhausted. "Why do we have to go through this everyday, huh? It's simple. Take the pills and we can both move on with our day." I walk deeper into the room and the nurse sees me first. "Thank God, you're here. Your rebellious patient won't take his pills." Louis' sitting in the corner of the room with his back facing us.

"Is that so?" I ask and she nods her head. "Louis, you have to take your pills. If you don't, I guess I could just go on home."

He looks over his shoulder, "You're...staying?"

I nod, "I am."

"I don't like pills."

"I don't, either, but I still have to take mine."

"You...take pills?"

I smile, "I do. You're extremely lucky, Louis, because you only have to take your pills once a day. How about we take our pills together?"

"Okay," he murmurs and rises to his feet.

"May I?" I ask, reaching for the bottle of water.

The nurse smiles, "Take it."

I take the water and open it. Louis grabs the cup with the two pills and his arm brushes against mine. He feels cold and when I look at him, I notice his cheeks are blushed. I pull out my bottle of pills and Louis and the nurse look at it as I open it, taking out one of the black pills. Popping it into my mouth, I tilt my head back and take my pill.

I look at Louis, "Your turn."

"O-Okay," he stutters and puts both pills in his mouth at the same time. He then picks up the cup with the water and drinks it.

"Did you swallow the pills?"

He nods, "I did."

"Thank you," the nurse says as she walks out of the room. I walk deeper into the room and run my hands down my pants.

"I won't be able to stay the entire night, Louis." I say, leaning against the wall. "As soon as you get to sleep, I have to go."

He doesn't look at me, "Then I won't go to sleep."

I shake my head, "It's not that simple. Everyone goes to sleep."

"Not me," he says as he gets back in his corner.

"And why is that?" I ask and he does not respond. "Louis, do you not get any sleep because of—"

"Don't!" he snaps. "Don't even think about saying his name."

"Okay," I say. "Okay, we'll call him something else. What about Guy? Can I call him that?" He shrugs and I cross my arms across my chest. "Do you not get any sleep because of him?" Louis doesn't respond and I place both hands on top of my head. "Louis, I'm going to need you to answer the question for me."

"Why do I have to answer?" he asks, turning his head to look at me.

"Because you're the only one with answers." I respond.

"No, I'm not," he shakes his head, laughing softly.

"Well then who do I ask for—"

"Why don't you ask Guy?" Louis' no longer looking at me. "He's standing right beside you."