'To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of a crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here.' Blythe Baird

season 1, episode 5
endure and survive

As dawn broke the horizon, scattering and splitting by the buildings. Fog rolled through the streets, delaying the sendoff trucks to search for the wanted outsiders. Kieran found a room with a wall of windows and a large table. Odd place for a dining room. Paper scattered the floors, nonsense, unimportant shit from the old world. Awaiting the others to wake up, she sat in the room and watched the sunrise.

A nightmare plagued her mind, interrupting what might be the last comfortable sleep for some time. Sweat glazed her sienna skin as her eyes snapped open, releasing herself from the dream. Gasping for air, Kieran sat up and clawed her chest to remove the imaginary pressure.

"Nightmare?" Joel's southern voice sliced through the silent night. Tucked in the farthest corner with the view of the entire room and entrance with his callous hand curled around his revolver. His figure appeared smaller without his rifle strapped to his posterior.

His voice startled the girl. Her nails dug into her skin, just above the collar, nearing her beating organ. Her eyes scattered, glancing to the undisturbed sleeping bodies. Her heart ricocheted in her chest, slamming into her bones cage it was concealed in.

The man rose, maneuvering over Samara's calm figure. Crouching in front of Kieran, his hand hovered over her hand. He hesitated before taking her hand away from her chest. "Breath. You're awake."

As expected, his hands were calloused from the years of labor. Kieran focused on the feeling of his touch, ignoring the muscle strain in her neck. His hand trembled slightly; fingers unsteady as they curled over her hand. The cuts on his knuckles scabbed over, but the injury resided inside, in his bones. Pummeling something or someone was the likely cause. It happened before they met—officially.

His voice was ingrained in her brain for as long as she remembered. The vibration he caused within the deteriorating motel room. The walls thin enough for his voice to travel to the other end of the building. Shouting at Samara to return home to him. His shouts turned into a beg, anger into sadness.

That was five years ago.

Five years' worth of unsent letters and supposedly hushed arguments between Bill and Samara, Kieran formulated her own opinion of the man in front of her. A violent, selfish man, who couldn't spare his grieving wife a single second to love her.

The girl yanked her hand out of his. Ignoring the feeling of his eyes on her back as she left the room. He hadn't bothered to follow her since. All she could think of were his eyes as she tried to regulate her breathing. Dark pools of concern that she found herself falling into. A trap. He didn't care for her wellbeing, only if she would become a liability.

From where she sat, Kieran could see where the city ended and began. Where the walls surrounded and where it didn't. The decaying buildings from time and not by bombing of the old government. She could see the people beginning to drive out with guns, ready to demolish any outsiders. Her filthy fingers curled around the golden rifle, eyeing the world beyond her. Filled with people waiting to get her and attempt to demolish her.

She would do it first. She would always do it first.

Her dreams showed a version of her inevitable ending, to be killed without mercy as she had done to many before and would continue to do so. As they traveled into the unknown, her nightmares crept in from the darkness. It consumed the false reality of her mind, turning the world over in a second. A hooded figure stood within the shadows of the forest, watching her in a moment of happiness around a fire. She would turn her head, noticing the moving figure. Whoever she was with would disappear the moment she looked for them. The figure sprinted towards her, overtaking the girl before she could reach for her gun. Fighting the enemy, she would try to look at who it was.

She would wake up before the flames illuminated their face.

She unclipped the giraffe from her bag. The small stuffed animal, smudged and stained with dirt. Its vibrant yellow and tan colors grew dull from time. William the Third, named after Bill. At the time, it didn't make sense how Bill came from William, then again it still didn't.

All she had left of Bill and Frank was the memories of them. No photos, no letters, no nothing. Just intangible scenes in her mind that would one day mush together and become unrecognizable. She would become unsure about certain aspects of them, pieces that made them who they were. And no one would be left to correct her.

They would be forgotten. Just like her father and brother, just like all the fireflies that died, just like everyone who was gone. No one ever wanted to talk about the dead. It hurt too much to speak about. But that exactly why Kieran wanted to. She wanted to tell anyone who passed by about Bill and Frank, the two men who taught her about family and security. They showed her a future she could see for herself. To be alone with the person she loved deeply, protecting what was hers.

"How long you've been up?" Ellie asked, yawning through her words. Kieran glanced to her, watching as the girl stretched her arms into Joel. "Sorry, big guy."

The others trickled in groggily, rubbing their eyes and cracking their necks. It was time to discuss the plan the siblings probably half-assed in crafting. Observing their inability to work together, Kieran wondered what happened between the older siblings. "An hour or so. I think."

Ellie joined her, taking a spin on the chair as a smile grew with each turn. "Woah."

The young boy neared his siblings, eyes trained on the girls with curiosity. His tiny fingers took hold of his sister's brown suede jacket. Who knew hands could be that small. He attempted to follow them, but the adults began to converse about things he couldn't understand.

Kieran waved at him, gaining his attention. "Come sit with us." Being the eldest of the three, but also the one with the least amount of time around people her age, she kicked her leg out and let Ellie's spinning legs crash into it. She ignored Ellie's reaction, leaning towards her with wide eyes. "How do you entertain an eight-year-old?"

"Why are you asking me? FEDRA school was only for ten and up!"

"You act like an eight-year-old, you should know what they like!"

Their hushed shouting ceased when the boy rolled his chair next to Kieran. She pushed herself closer to the table, allowing Ellie to move her chair next to her. They stared down at the small child with uncertainty. Mostly Kieran, she stared at Sam as if he was an alien. Anything she would say or do wasn't for a child. How do you speak to someone...like a normal person?

"Welcome to Killa City," Henry introduced to Samara and Joel, staring out at the vacant yet vast city. His sister stood next to him with her hands in her pockets and her eyes trained on Samara. When the older woman met her eyes, Sasha didn't falter but maintaining the eye contact never lasted.

The woman knew the type of Outbreak baby she was, like Bryan, like Ellie; she pretended she could handle the blood and flesh as it spilled but in reality, they couldn't fathom hurting someone. An act taught by the adults born before, who knew a life without fear. They lost their sense of empathy for others, the ones they put on the ground and beat until blood stained every crevasse. The children attempted to replicate their apathy but never got it right. Not until that one moment, the moment their heart would drop and ache, as if God wrapped his gentle hands around it and crushed it without hesitation. That's when humanity turned on its head.

"No FEDRA," Joel noted, seeing no military movement, only the movement of the people.

"Not as of ten days ago, no," Sasha informed. The young girl rocked on her feet, finally tearing her eyes of the elder woman and onto the city she once called home.

With a tilt of her head, Samara glanced to Henry, watching Joel from the corner of her eyes. "We always heard KC FEDRA was—"

"Monsters? Savages?" Henry retorted as he experienced it all firsthand. He had to have been a toddler when the QZ was brought up. When it began, how terrifying it must have been for his parents to try to protect him the best they could while surviving themselves. She felt that fear the moment the Miller men refused to join the Austin QZ. A fetus grew inside of her, and the medical sites deemed it insignificant and unimportant to perform an abortion on her and wished her luck. "Yeah, you heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years."

The woman couldn't have imagined bearing two children with one barely old enough to care for himself in a QZ like that. Men were never supposed to establish dominion over the world—even in the end, they tried. Her hand rested over her abdomen, remembering the long nights on the road as bombs were set off in the distance. Five months pregnant, traveling across the country to somewhere they didn't fully understand but hoped was better than anything they stumbled by on the way. At least she had a hand to hold when the night grew dark and morale became darker. He would cradle her through the night as Tommy reverted into his old army ways to guard them.

"You know what happens when you do that to people?" Henry asked, looking up at Joel. "The moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you."

"But you're not FEDRA," Joel stated, arms crossed over his chest as his morning voice faded.

Sasha inhaled sharply, wrapping her arms around her waist. She looked straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact with anyone as she spoke. "Worse. He's a collaborator."

Joel scoffed, shaking his head as he looked Henry dead in the eyes. Once he realized his sister wasn't lying, without missing a beat, he spoke, "I don't work with rats." He undid his arms, facing his body toward the younger man. He looked at Samara, who licked her chapped lips. He could see the ideas formulating and failing in her mind through her eyes.

"Yeah, you fucking do," Henry declared, not moving an inch. He wasn't afraid. Not in a cocky way, but because he knew they had no other choice. "Today you do, 'cause I live here and you don't. That's how I followed you here."

Without words, Samara nodded to Joel with a look in her eyes that told him, "You know he's right." She crossed her arms, sighing as she returned to the city. There were too many possibilities, too dangerous to walk through the streets and run into the Kansa City people. If Henry and Sasha managed to find and follow them last night, who knew if the anarchists weren't searching the building right now.

"I know this city, and that's how I'm gonna help you get out," Henry claimed, standing tall with slumped shoulders and determinations glimmering in his eyes. He faced the older couple with his sister by his side, hoping this would work in their favor.

Joel's fingers looped through his belt loops, looking down on Henry. He often did so when things shifted out of his control. "Why help us?"

"I saw what you did," Henry informed, flickering his gaze between them, "the way you killed those men. Together. Now, I know where to go, but I don't know how to make it through alive." His eyes glanced to his sister. She shifted on her feet, refusing to look at him. "Not if its just us three."

Samara narrowed her eyes, extenuating the lines of age that surrounded her nose and mouth. "You seem capable enough," she stated, lying straight through her teeth. "You're armed."

"You're wrong, and wrong," Sasha claimed, removing her arms to comfort herself. She placed them into her deep pockets, lifting her head up to the older, more experienced people compared to her.

Her brother finished her statement, meeting Joel's eyes confidently. "We've never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at you was the closest I've ever been to violence." He nodded his head as Joel looked to Samara once more. "So that's the deal. You clear the way."

Samara's eyes shifted to the children behind them. The three huddled on the far side of the table, staring at Ellie's pun book she tended to overuse. Giggles erupted from them, smiles beaming in ways that could compare to the sun. The sight of Kieran's wide-tooth grin sent a shiver down Samara's spine. A mix of emotions bubbled inside her; grateful to be in a place where she could be safely surrounded by children her age, but fearful for how long it would last. An argument sparked and suddenly they became enemies in her eyes. One wrong move and they were dead. How would the unstable girl respond?

Maybe it would be good for her. To have Ellie was one thing—similar in age yet they shared a lust for blood that Samara could not deny. Seeing the girl hold a gun to that man, fearing what she had done but more so intrigued by the pain that she caused to splinted throughout his body. But another like Sam. Someone innocent and lacked the craving of danger. Just a piece of a possible puzzle to fix Kieran. Samara knew she did not have the delicate hands to correct the darkness inside of that girl, either girl.

It would only get worse if they didn't try.

The siblings admired the smile on their brother's face. Smiles formed on their own lips as Joel turned away. "Haven't heard that in a long time."

With a shake of his head, Joel faced them once more. Samara tore eyes from Kieran and onto the man she loves—once loved. "So how are we getting' out?"

Reluctantly, Sasha stepped forward and interrupted the scene ahead. She crouched beside her brother, signing to him that they needed to talk to the group about the plan. The boy questioned her, "You don't think it'll work, though."

"It doesn't matter what I think. Draw me something, bud," she told to keep me preoccupied. She kissed his hairline, allowing him to lean into it for a moment before pulling away.

The two girls joined Samara and Joel by their sides, wearing disappointed faces that their fun ended so soon. The four watched as Henry scavenged for a piece of paper and pencil. Once he did, he began to sketching out a rectangle with stray lines. He wrote numbers along each side. 670. 70. 35. "Highways. Downtown. Us.

"This whole area belongs to Kathleen," he informed, leaving them to imagine an actual sky view of the city.

"She's in charge?" Ellie inquired, her waist pressed against the table as she peered down at the paper.

Sasha nodded with her arms crossed, one hand rested and caressed her jawline. "Leader of the resistance."

Henry's eyes lingered on his sister before forcing himself to continue. His hand waved over his makeshift map, trying his best to portray their escape. "You can see the way we're bounced by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?" he retorted before facing his younger brother.

He knocked on the wooden table, gaining the boy's attention. "How do we get across?" he signed.

Sam nodded, lifting his page to erase his drawing for Sasha to help Henry. He wrote swiftly, raised the writing pad upward with the single word. Tunnels.

Henry snapped his fingers toward Sam, looking back at the group of four. Samara glanced at Sasha, seeing her inattentive eyes. Why didn't she agree with his plan? "Boom."

"Kansa City has a subway?" Joel asked, trying to remember if he saw any signs for subway stations.

"No, but they do have maintenance tunnels," Henry corrected. "There's a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including, a bank building here." He began drawing a poor representation of the city.

"So we enter the tunnels here, travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There's an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river," he clapped his hands together, pulling them apart like an explosion. "free as a bird."

Samara shifted her eyes to the middle child. "What's wrong with the plan?"

The girl lifted her head, finding Samara's question directed to her. She looked to her brother, who inhaled deeply. She chewed on her cheeks before answering. "Notice anything off about the city?"

"No infected," Kieran answered, probably noting it way before the others.

Sasha nodded. "There's infected. Just...in the tunnels." She recollected herself as Samara pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. "FEDRA drove them underground 15 years ago, and never let them come back up. It's the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did."

"So you want us goin' into a tunnel?" Joel asked, looking at the man who portrayed the plan as perfect.

Henry was quick to defend himself. "Everyone thinks that its full of infected, including Kathleen, which means we're not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is, its empty."

With knitted eyebrows, Sasha looked up at her brother in disbelief. "How?"

Joel followed up with, "You've been down there?"

Henry exhaled through his nose. "No," the two adults and three teenagers reacted cynically at the man, "but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it's clean, completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it."

"When?" Ellie asked, staring into Henry's eyes.

"Like, three years ago." Joel scoffed at the way Henry said it. The man waved his hand, continuing to defend his plan. "Okay, maybe, there's one or two, but you handle it."

Eyes shifting into slits, Samara spoke with a venomous tongue, "What if there's more?" She knew how Kieran reacted when she saw them. How she froze up, becoming a statue in hopes and fear they would ignore her. If the woman took the risk and brought her down there only for Henry's informant to have lied...someone or all of them were bound to die.

"Or one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?"

Henry pulled off of the table. "Wait, you ran into a clicker?"

"Two of 'em. But just us," Ellie told, pointing between her and Joel, reminding herself of the third they lost during that battle.

"And you're still alive," Henry pointed out, trying to show them why he was unafraid of failure with his plan. "You see? You're the right people. If it gets bad down there, we turn around, and run right back out the same way we came."

"Oh that's your great plan?" Joel asked, standing straight and shifting his body in front of Samara and the girls.

Henry mimicked his actions, pulling his shoulders back and tensing them. "No, that's my dicey-as-fuck plan."

"We know," Kieran muttered under her breath, but everyone heard.

The Burrell man swallowed down his emotions. "But as far as I can tell, its our only shot."

Joel stared at him for a handful of seconds before meeting Samara's eyes. His hands rested on his hips as his eyes asked her what she thought. He didn't know how Kieran dealt with the infected. She thought they were pretty lucky to have gone so far without running into a pack of them, or stumbling on a collection of fungi that would signal a horde of them. Her eyes flickered to her girl, who seemed conflicted. Knowing her, she would attempt to conceal her fear or conquer it since there were others observing her.

Before she could give Joel an answer, Sam slammed his fist into the table, furrowing his thin brows at his siblings. He signed, "What are they saying?"

"They're saying they're going to help us escape," Henry lied to put the adults in a corner." Sam had no reason to doubt him. He nodded with a grateful smile before returning to his drawing. Henry faced the group again. "Right?"

An agonizing cry came from Joel's bones as the group sprinted several blocks to the bank. Eyeing the man leaning against his own knees, the corners of Samara's lips curled upward. His body and mind recognized her gaze. Their eyes locked. Still heaving, Joel stood up straight.

"Don't say a word," he ordered in a whisper as Henry continued to lead them downward.

The younger of the two shrugged her crossed arms, swallowing an emotion that bubbled its way up without her realizing. "Everyone knows you're an old man, old man."

He let out an airy chuckle, straightening his back. He maintained eye contacted with his wife, drinking every ounce of the person she became without him as she did the same. Every new aged line, the gray hairs that drained the melanin from the black strands, scars that littered her body.

He failed at protecting her. As he had vowed to do when they were still in their early twenties with a child on the way. He failed to love her in sickness and health. He failed to see passed his loss and ended up losing everything.

But she left him first.

Samara watched as their moment disappeared within seconds. His eyes returned to the dark holes that haunted her before he continued behind the younger members of their makeshift group.

Everything would be fixed in due time.

Shuffling down the cramped stairs into the maintenance tunnels, Samara kept her gun tightly in between both hands as her flashlight bounced on her collar with every move. She closed the squeaky metal door behind her, staring down at the Burrell siblings.

"This should be it," Henry claimed, squeezing his fingers around his flashlight. His eyes met Samara's and Joel's with fear laced in his words as he asked, "Are you ready?"

Joel flitted his eyes to the younger two girls. "Get your gun out."

Ellie wore a smug grin as Joel and Samara shimmed in front of the group. Her child hands wrapped around the weapon of destruction, forgetting of her failed attempt to finish the job a day prior. Kieran on the other hand, held Joel's rifle with ease. Acknowledging the weapon for the destruction it could cause and intertwined her ability to create chaos with it.

She hid any fear of the infected inside of her well. Samara worried the fear washed away to save face. It would come back to bite them in the ass. But then she noted how close the young girl was to Ellie. Walking side by side, bumping into her as she swallowed down her spit.

Water dripped down the pipes that were scattered along the walls and ceiling. Joel put his shoulder into the thick door, biting down on his jaw as the metal groaned. Echoing into the tunnel. Empty tunnel.

An array of beams of light danced around the long tunnel. Only reflections of light from puddles could be found.

"You see?" Henry boasted loudly to his sister and the others, eyes gleaming with pride. "It's empty. The plan is good."

A shaky breath released from Kieran as she remained beside Ellie's side. Sliding a hand from her rifle, allowing it to fall across her chest with the other still holding the hilt, the girl grasped Ellie's hand. The Williams girl accepted it without hesitation, only a sparing glance.

Samara ignored the interaction and tightened her eyes at Henry. "Shut up."

Joel followed suit with a glare of hell. ""The plan is good"? We've been down here two seconds, we don't know anything."

Henry lost his grin. He looked towards Ellie, then Kieran. Confusion littered his brown eyes before his tongue released a statement he didn't understand himself. "Your dad's kind of a pessimist."

Out of the four, Samara was the only one who didn't deny Joel's biological relations to either girl. Simple mistake. It was in his DNA to be a girl dad. Of the few things she remembered from before, she could see his face as clear as day of when they learned Sarah's sex. It was meant to be a surprise. Samara's parents wanted to do a gender reveal, but the technician let it slip.

Samara only remembered his reaction, the joyous look on his youthful face, was because hers was quite the opposite. Tears flooded her face as she sobbed in broken words that the poor girl ruined her mom's celebration. Joel swiftly held her face, wiping the tears as she met his eyes.

"We're having a girl, Mara."

"Just point your light forward," Samara started, gritting her teeth at the memory, "and be ready to run."

After nearly an hour, they stumbled upon an exit. Or so they thought. The wall with a tighter tunnel was found with childlike paintings on the walls. Rolling valleys with rainbows and flowers. Smiles plastered onto the figures, leading the group of seven to the castle door.

The childish wonders enticed the youngest of them all. Sam shoved through the adults, eyes wide as he reached for the handle.

Joel took a large step forward and stopped the boy by his collar. He looked at Sam's siblings with urgency. "No."

With his smile still intact, Sasha pulled Sam closer as Henry moved with Samara and Joel. "They have to make sure its safe first. Stay by me, please."

Joel cranked open the door, glancing back to Samara. She aligned her gun to her chin and to Joel's, splitting the alignment between partners to scan the ruins. It was like a vault to protect whoever lived inside from the end of the world. Some shit Bill would have had if he had the money before. The door groaned from the lack of use as two beams of light separated to survey the room.

Like the entrance, the inside was covered with paintings. Every wall was personally designed to replicate the world above, filled with vibrant colors and a single soccer goal. Child objects were haphazardly abandoned around. A section dedicated to toys and books, yet a few littered the concrete flooring. All of it deteriorating from the years, shouldering accumulated layers of dust and a yearn to be played with. Deserted in a hurry.

The three youngest disburse around the area despite the instructions to stay near. Samara sharply inhaled, training her eyes on her child as she lowered her gun. The girl's steps quickened at the sight of something she swiftly swiped. Kieran glanced to her guardian, sending a sly smile before continuing her scavenge.

Her disturbed ideas of what Kieran may have found were cut short by Joel. "I heard about places like this. People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements."

"Theyd think it really save them from the infected?" Kieran inquired as she peered to the whiteboard with 'House Rules'. Similar to their rules back in Boston but less fantastical. The bunker's rules were sweet and simple, carrying the hope of survival. Samara tried to raise Kieran with reality in mind.

"What happened to them?" Ellie asked innocently. Kieran muttered something to her about the obvious answer, waving her hand as the abandoned vault. Only to her to be drowned out by Joel.

"Maybe they didn't follow the rules and they all got infected."

Simple rules dressed with light colors that pleased a child's eye. They could understand it easily and twist it into a game to make it bearable. That helped Kieran to steer away from unknown people. A grade-A hider did not like being found by a seeker, no matter who it was.

The girl found her way to Sam with Ellie, plopping down at a table that came to her knees. She pushed the toy cars off the ledge, imitating an explosion.

Samara tore her eyes from Kieran, somehow landing them on Sasha. Her eyes remained on the children. Envious of their innocence. The three buried their heads into a Starlight Comic. Sam and Ellie introduced Kieran to the world of fantasy and heroes. Her fingers curled around her backpack, swallowing down whatever she was thinking to find the pair of eyes she felt.

"What?"

Samara shrugged, turning her gaze to Joel. He nodded to her, confirming the open space was free of any hidden people or infected.

"To the edge of the universe, and back. Endure and survive." Ellie spoke as Sam signed. Kieran mouthed the words, trying to ingrained it into her brain.

The trio became too excited with their new found shared interest. Too loud for Joel to accept.

"Hey, keep it down. We're not out yet."

"C'mon. Can we just rest here for a while?" Ellie asked for the group, knowing they needed a break. But also herself and Kieran, wanting to yank the girl who slowly became her closest friend into the world that played inside her head. "There's actually shit to do here."

"Would be be so bad to wait the light out a bit," Henry claimed, looking back to Joel. "Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side."

Samara nodded when Joel looked to her. Her feet were killing her and a second layer of tape to keep her shoes intact weren't going to solve it. He allowed it.

During her search for a new pair of shoes—which she managed to find—Sasha had joined the younger three. Samara's sight would observe them as they explored endless possibilities for fun. Boredom was not an answer in the vault filled with toys and wonder.

Samara snagged a few items of clothing the girls could switch into whenever they were away from Kansas City. There lacked a supply of men's clothing that would fit Joel. Though he didn't mind it when Samara brought it up to him during his third walk through.

"She doesn't do well with Infected," Samara confessed as her chin pressed against her chest to aid her folding clothes to stuff into her bag.

Joel's cladded feet halted in their tracks. His eyebrow raised to the woman. She didn't look to him.

"Y'know when they first turn, and they are controlled but still there. She saw someone in that state, back when she didn't know people were dangerous. It was a kid, her age. Thought he was scared 'cause he didn't have anyone, so she wanted to bring him home."

The four shifted their attention to a ball Kieran accidentally tripped on as she was searching for more cars to race with. Splitting into sides by the makeshift goal, they began kicking the ball around.

"When I got there, she had locked herself in a dog cage to keep herself away from it. I don't know how she managed to not get bite but she did. And it wasn't the last time."

"Has she ever killed them?" Joel asked, eyeing the girl who he watched beat a man with a pipe. She did it without hesitation. Not caring that his blood seeped into her pores.

Samara nodded, finishing her scavenge and turning to Joel. "But only with her sniper, like across a parking lot."

"Why didn't you tell me this before we went down here? What if his information was wrong?"

"It wasn't, but it's because we got lucky." Samara inhaled sharply under Joel's judgmental gaze. "I'm telling you now. I'm trying to be a team with you...again."

Joel shifted at his feet, bouncing his eyes everywhere but at Samara. She was nearly about to leave when he stopped her with his voice. A low voice, only meant for them.

"Were you...were you always in contact with Bill?"

Meeting his gaze, she knew he knew that answer. All the years he went to Bill and Frank asking them, regretfully begging them for any sign of Samara. They held it all back from him. "Yeah. I cut a deal with them. Took care of any problems for them and they wouldn't tell you a thing."

He retracted. Tilting his head to the side as he clenched his jaw. She had pulled all the stops to keep Joel away, except fully leaving. His pointer finger laced his belt loop. He would be left to wonder once the mission was over where she would go. The world was at her fingertips once Marlene turned an eye. She would leave him again, and all over again it would ruin him whole.

Their conversation ended there. Joel made his way to a adult sized table with Henry. Samara joined after collecting her thoughts. They had a great view of the four children playing around as if the world was intact again. Giggles filled the vault, echoing until dissipating into nothingness.

"If you were collaboratin' to take care of him, I shouldn't have said what I said," Joel admitted to Henry. His arms crossed as he suck into the wooden chair. "I don't know your situation. And I'm not sayin' they should let it go, but all things considers seems kinda cruel to send a whole army after you for that."

While Joel's eyes wandered to Henry's younger siblings, Samara kept her eyes on Henry. The three knew what it meant to do anything for the ones they loved. They knew there was no limit, not in a world like this. They also knew there was no place for judgment.

Henry clenched his jaw, flickering his eyes around the room before resting them on the table. "You know, I wasn't exactly telling you the truth before about me not killing someone."

Regret filled his eyes. A refreshing candor to the lies and betrayal that consumed the minority as death colonized the majority. Both adults could feel it in how he chose his words carefully that they didn't need to worry about Henry's next move. Unless of course it came to the safety of his siblings.

"There was a man, a great man. You know, he was never afraid, never selfish, and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that?" Henry asked. As the words rested in the air, he watched the once-couple make eye contact on attempt to find the old versions of themselves who fit that description. "Kinda man you'd follow anywhere."

Something wrapped around Samara's heart, making the organ pop out to her sense. She could feel her body singling it out as Henry spoke. She had learned to accept, to face what she had lost and get back up, to be grateful that she still stood. But the guilt.

She had never been able to save herself from the bottom-less pit of guilt that consumed the body whole.

"I mean, I wanted to. Well, I would've... But uh, Sam, he got sick. Leukemia. Yeah, anyway. Sasha...she did follow him. Tried to at least, to get a better chance at getting Sam the help he needed. But there was one drug that worked, and whoa, big shock, there wasn't much left of it and it belonged to FEDRA."

The shadow continue throughout her body. It soared into her throat, taking control of the esophagus to expand and contract. Samara shifted in her sit. Her hands fidgeted with each other beside her abdomen—where her baby was.

"And if I wanted some, it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen's brother. Yeah, so, you still think they should take it easy on me?

"Or am I the bad guy?"

Flashes of her life in the Boston QZ flooded back to her. Not in waves, but all at once. Finding themselves at the QZ gates as her body began to contort itself to make way for her baby. Joel couldn't be in the room. No, Samara was left alone with unknown people as the others in her group were to be checked for infection. She was left alone to push the child she knew she couldn't protect into a world that she did not know would last.

"I don't know what you're waiting on, man."

His cries were nonstop from the moment he was born. Though he only learned to keep it inside. Pain etched into his brown skin, a constant in his short, monotonous life. She spent everyday apologizing to him as if it would provide him with a semblance of the life he deserved. Her baby boy. He did not deserve to be put into this plagued Earth. Just like his sister.

"The answer's easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing."

She would have done anything for him to make it right.

But she never got the chance to even try.

Her nails dug into the skin of her forearm as Henry continued. Her boy would the same age as him.

"But you get it, though. You might not be their father, but you were someone's. It never leaves you, either of you. See, I could tell."

Only in their deepest desires would any of them be considered to be absolve of it all. God didn't need to be the heavy hand to decided when people like Kathleen and Marlene existed to snuff out anyone they pleased. They somehow always knew when to speak—at a person's weakest and most desperate, they knew when to lure them in.

Joel raised, taking his revolver as Ellie became a monster and Kieran and Sam ran from her. Kieran's hand rest on top of Sam's shoulders, guiding him to hide with a toothy grin, Samara had never seen before. Sasha shuffled to the table, holding her stomach as she caught her breath. Smiling.

"We've waited long enough."

They just needed to get to the other side alive.

This is not proof read y'all, i just wrote and hoped for the best.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Tell me your thoughts, ideas, theories, or just anything. It helps me improve my writing as well as interact with some amazing people

Until next time <3