'it was probably nothing, but it felt like the world.' Morrissey.

season 1, episode 4
please hold my hand

Kieran didn't know what urged her to take the passenger's seat when Ellie asked to switch, but she had. Joel ignored Samara's request for her to drive again. They silently argued for a moment. Samara had never looked so annoyed yet soft. Kieran couldn't perfectly describe it, the way Samara gazed in Joel's eyes. All she knew was that she hated it.

She believed being behind him was better than being next to him in her mind. She thought she would not be forced to have her eyes wander around him in attempts to avoid his person.

But no matter what, he would still be there. Kieran didn't see a difference anymore.

He forced her to be co-pilot and read the map after he changed paths due to a blockage on the highway. That was the first time Kieran saw Joel and Samara work together to observe the area. They whispered to one another, kept the two girls out of the loop, and decided on what to do. They molded together as one unit despite the fact they were anything but one. They knew each other's flaws and strengths, balancing each other out like humans and infected. No matter how hard Kieran tried to be Samara's partner, she would never compare to this. She could never be him.

Now, Kieran was stuck re-mapping their course.

"Where the fuck is the highway?" Joel huffed, giving glances to the girl. His eyes bore burn holes into her temple like they were the sun itself, only his eyes carried darkness. Black holes that would have sucked Kieran in and discarded her long ago if he had a say.

"Obviously not here," she mumbled. His stare turned harsh; if looks could kill, Kieran would be as dead as the 85 percent of the world. "Fuck, I mean, any street that could've been it is blocked. I don't know."

"Here. Gimme," Samara insisted, wedging herself over the center console. Her voice turned wary, yet she still managed to keep the girls calm unlike Joel. She cleared her throat, eyes remaining on the page. Worry lines grew on Joel's forehead. "We're heading North, keep four more streets."

The two turned their heads right as Joel suggested it, as the two girls faced left.

"Stop!" Ellie shouted, forcing Joel to holt and the truck to jolt. "Is that the QZ?"

Checkpoint North 7's gate was left wide open and abandoned. Vehicles were pushed aside like on the road several miles back. They would have needed a plow for that like Joel said.

"Where's FEDRA?" Kieran asked, trying to understand how the QZ could be so empty; not even infected roamed the streets. No fungi. No bodies. Nothing to signal that living beings were ever here. It was as if this place had never been touched by the outbreak or nature's course. That was only possible if humans were still lingering.

"Hey!" a man shouted ahead of them. He leaned over, pressing against his side as he limped towards them. Covered in a denim jacket with smears of dirt and grime. His face lathered in sweat. Shadows encased his eye sockets, leaving the group blind to who it really was. Everyone stared. "Please help!"

"Buckle up," Samara instructed, doing so herself. She took it upon herself to reach across Ellie and buckle her in.

Kieran followed suit with Joel, reaching for her bow and arrows at her feet. Tactics like this were used in area that seemed abandoned. It was the only way bandits could survive; scavenging the living as if they were people as well.

"Aren't we gonna help him?" Ellie naively asked.

"He ain't even hurt."

Joel took the wheel and stomped on the gas. Kieran fell to the force of speed, her breath lost as her back connected with the seat. The man, seemingly forgetting about his injuries, leaped out of the way. Others appeared upon the buildings around them. They drove straight into an ambush.

"Joel!" Kieran shouted as she saw a growing shadow blocking light from above them. It landed on the front window. It being a filing cabinet that formed a spider-web of cracks along the window. The truck skirted as Joel forced his way back into control. Gravity shoved Kieran into her seat, unable to move unless she fought back.

Kieran rolled her window down just enough for her arrow. Fighting against the g-force, she leaned her body towards the cracked window. Despite Samara's say not to, she released an arrow towards a man on the building just as Joel drove over something. Kieran's knuckles collide with the window, followed by the snap of the string against her forearm. The arrow hit a window. A gust of air came from the tires.

"Sit back!" he shouted at her as he lost control of the truck. His arm spayed around her chest. She lifted her head upward to avoid the crash bound to happen.

Bullets were fired at them but had yet to penetrate the glass. Indents grew on the last physical memory of Bill they had. Joel whipped the steering wheel right, driving the truck straight into a building. He slammed on the brakes with all his weight but the truck still slammed into something solid.

"You okay?" his voice rang with the metal.

The women answered, taken aback by what was occurring.

"Yall aint hurt? Nothin'?"

"I don't think so," Ellie answered.

Kieran shook her head at the man as she swiftly gathered her things. Gunfire released and their heads collectively ducked.

"Belts off. Fast!"

"Get what you can, nothing more!"

They did as they were told. Samara handed Joel his rifle and ushered Ellie out. Kieran opened her door and dropped to the ground.

Joel's back pressed against the truck, lifting his bottom half up to not be shot from under.

The men shouted things Kieran could not understand. All that she knew was that they needed to find a way out; with blood splattered and it wouldn't be their own. Her heart hammered within her chest, overtaking what little hearing she had left. The beats ran down to her fingertips, shaking her hands as she rolled her fingers over her bow to find some ounce of control.

This was not like all those times before when bandits found their camp or they stumbled into the wrong place. The forest was easy. You would always get lost, which meant your enemies would always get lost. Everything became similar. But the city was their grounds. Abandoned builds with an endless amount of entrances and exits were only known by the enemy.

"Hey, you see that hole?" Joel pointed out, pulling Ellie's and Kieran's attention from the men. "Can you squeeze through?"

Ellie nodded but Kieran shook her head. "I can help."

"That's not the point," Joel argued.

"Joel's right," Samara told, tracking the men outside. Fear hadn't washed over her. She found power over her previously wary voice. Samara was in her element with the person she could trust the most.

Kieran opened her mouth to argue her case but Joel stopped her. "You keep Ellie alive. That's your responsibility, got it?"

She furrowed her brows, clutching her bow tighter. She nodded. The mission was the goal at the end of the day, no matter who died on their path, they needed to get Ellie to the fireflies.

"When I say go, you crawl to that wall, and you squeeze through, and you don't come out until either of us say, okay?"

A bullet shattered the passenger's side window, over Kieran. Samara used her leather-clad body to cover the girl. Kieran could've sworn she heard the woman wince as the glass pierced her skin.

"And they're not gonna hit you," Joel told Ellie directly. She only had a knife and had to rely on three people for protection. She needed to hear the reassurance or else she would crumble. "Look at me! Hey!" Kieran looked at him with wide eyes. "They're not gonna hit you."

He was speaking to both of them as if Kieran was as important as Ellie. She was just another body to get through just like the adults. Her life didn't not matter in comparison to Ellie. She would safe the world and Kieran was merely body armor to protect the cure.

"You stay down. you stay low, you stay quiet. You don't fight unless you have to."

"Okay," they said in unison with heavy breathes.

"Go!"

Joel and Samara perched on the back and front end of the truck, aiming at the men. Kieran yanked Ellie's arm, swinging her in front of herself. She rapidly pushed Ellie as she squeezed through, taking Kieran's and her bag before Kieran followed. Bullets sprayed around them, clattering once the shells met the ground.

The two girls pressed their backs onto the thin wall. The tiny room meant to shield them from attackers was only made of beams and cardboard walls painted blue and coated with dirt. Ellie kept hold of Kieran's sleeve with both hands as she slowly took control of her breathing. Kieran's heartbeat pounded her tiny body, reminding her of all those years ago in the woods. Less experienced and more fearful of people. Still she survived, drenched in a combination of people's blood and her own.

A lump grew inside her esophagus as time seemed to slow. Shots fired grew sparse and separated. Everything ceased for a moment. One of the men shouted at Joel and Samara. One presumably down by the sound of their rage-coated grief.

Curiosity got the best of Ellie; she leaned her head forward and peeked out the hole. Kieran pulled her back into the shadows and into her lanky arms as a man stepped on the other side. Ellie fought the cradle, forgetting the importance of her life above all. Kieran shifted the way she held her, turning it into an awkward hug. That girl would be the death of Kieran, either today or in their near future. Glass crunched underneath his boots. Then two gunshots. Silence ensued. Still, no sign from Joel and Samara to come out of hiding.

Kieran covered Ellie with her body, cradling the back of her head with the cup of her hand. She could feel Ellie resisting before accepting. Kieran had orders to protect her.

When a loud thud followed but neither adult altered for them, Ellie's fears conducted into Kieran. She peered out the hole slowly, still engulfed in the shadows.

Those orders would never precede Kieran's devotion to Samara.

Samara inhaled sharply as the bullet whizzed passed her and into a washer. Joel stared at her then the body that thudded onto the ground. He gave her a nod as he attempted to reload. Just like the old days, she thought to herself. Partners in crime before pregnancy and motherhood took its toll over her once again. Though it never lasted long, Samara never returned to that state of survival again. And Joel never seemed to leave it.

The door behind him busted open before he could fix the rifle. Samara pointed her semiautomatic rifle at the attacker but he leaped onto Joel too quickly for her to get a shot. She would need to handle the attack with her bare hands, not that she minded.

Glass shattered underneath a boot as Joel let out a miss fire. Barely able to take a step to save Joel, Samara was shoved into the stack of washer machines by a young man. He made sure to slam her head onto the metal.

Dazed, her body reacted to the fight. Adrenaline pumped through her veins like alcohol for the first time. She drove her rifle against him, digging the magazine and grip into his ribs. He fought back, bicep muscles bulging through his long sleeve. He ripped the gun from her grasp, using her imbalance to knock her down. Her hands and knees pressed against smooth, cold concrete.

Her attacker struck her once more against her spin. He flipped the older woman onto her aching back. He used her weapon against her; instead of mercy, he pressed the handguard against her throat with hope she would feel nothing but pain until her last breath.

Samara knew she would one day die, but that day wouldn't be today. She wrapped her hands around his neck, digging her dirty nails into her skin. Blood began to seep onto her nails like nail polish. The two turned red, both seeing black spots and refused to submit. Death would come for both, not just one if Samara had any say in it.

A short, blurred figure appeared behind the boy, swinging a pipe to his head. A gunshot rang near Joel.

Samara shoved the boy off of her. She coughed out, trying to get air into her lungs as she sat up. Her vision blurred and became clear. A tear ran down her cheek.

"No, no, no, no! It's okay. It's okay!" the boy who attacked Joel pleaded as Ellie shakily pointed a gun at him.

Kieran loomed over the second boy with a bent pipe, dripping with blood. The blood belonged to the boy, who reached for his shattered skull and skin. Her short stature against Samara's attacker meant nothing. She held the weapon. She knew the ways to make someone remain in agony for the end of time. She knew the difference between a quick death and a slow one. She knew who decided which.

"Byran," he called out, looking at his friend with tears in his eyes. His eyes glistened with sorrows and regrets. They, like the firefly children in the Boston QZ, were all the same to Samara. Child of a promised salvation, shoved into a brutal war.

"It's over. We're not fighting anymore," Byran told to the girls as if they were children. It's what all who were born into the Outbreak understood; protect your own and nothing else mattered. To Kieran, their reasons for fighting didn't matter. The same way hers didn't matter to them. "I'm gonna go home. I'll tell everyone you're good."

The second boy began to crawl forward. He reached in front of him, either for the rifle or for Byran.

Kieran couldn't take that chance. She wouldn't. She wasn't like these two children; her kills would wish she considered mercy as an option.

She swung down upon his head. It curved around the pipe. Blood splattered along the floor and her face. His head, once round and full of thoughts and dreams, thumped to the ground with brain matter spilling. She grimaced at the feeling of blood on her skin, dropping the pipe so anyone who passed knew how he was killed.

"No!" Bryan cried out. "I don't know what to do. My legs don't work!"

Ellie should finish him. If she didn't Joel would. Kieran went to Samara, checking the back of her head for any blood. "You okay?"

"I'm okay." Her eyes lingered on the boy. Meeting the girl's eyes, all Samara could say was, "You did good." But her beliefs were different.

Byran's screams got loud as Ellie ran back behind the wall. For some reason when Kieran tried to look, Samara pulled her into her shoulder. She didn't mind it, Samara gave good hugs.

The last thing Kieran heard before silence found its place was Byran crying out for his mom.

A sudden realization of the close proximity, Kieran held onto Samara tighter. Samara interwove her fingers into the brown locks, gazing upon the man as he finished the job. In her greatest fears, Kieran would become those children. Forcing her to learn how to protect herself turned the girl into inevitable killer. Thirty for destruction like the fire she adored.

Joel ushered them to keep moving before any more of those bandits came after. Kieran didn't give herself time to look at the carrion. She retired into the hole to find Ellie with tears. She wiped them quickly at Kieran's long stares. Was the QZ as safe as it seemed to be? To allow someone to become incredibly empathic, even for their enemy? The absence of violence gave the grace of gentleness. The two pulled a desk from the door to let Joel and Samara inside, then pushed it back against the door.

The old man stared down at the two. Kieran assumed it was the blood on her face and attempted to wipe it; she couldn't tell if it was gone or not, Joel didn't say anything. Nor did Samara.

"I'm okay, I'm good. I, uh, got some good in here still, and I got your light still," Ellie told, handing Joel his light.

"Me too, and the map," Kieran added. Why were they being peculiar about what happened? It had to happen. Death must come so they and their own could continue to live.

"What now?"

"We go up," Samara answered, checking how much ammo she had remaining. They couldn't risk returning to the truck for their supplies. They were back to square one.

"To get a better look?" Ellie asked.

"Hopefully, we spot a clear route out."

"How are we supposed to get to Tommy if we have no car?" Kieran asked, stopping the adults from rushing out.

They looked at each other then back to her. They spoke without the need of words. A bitter feeling bubbled inside of Kieran for reasons she could not understand. "We'll get to that when we're out. One thing at a time," Samara told.

Joel nodded. He opened a door, pointing his lit flashlight into the darkness. "Stay close, stay in between Mara and I."

"Got it," Kieran responded, side-eyeing Joel for a name Samara made Kieran swear she would never call her. He was why. He was always the reason why. He made Samara the way she was, for better or for worse.

They made their way outside, ducking behind desolate cars. Kieran felt the rumbling of heavy duty vehicles before she saw them through dirty windows. Once they passed and found the bodies of their men, Joel ran across the street to check the building. When he found it cleared, the woman and girls followed behind.

They found a bar a few buildings further into the city. When they tried to settle, more vehicles rumbled around. They were spray painted with words like "Run" and "We Are FEDRA." Men and women stood atop of the vehicles with guns and expressions of anger and revenge. Whatever had happened to the army, they caused it. Revolutionists like the Fireflies but they managed to end the tyranny. What was their plan? How did they succeed? Kieran wanted to know.

"They're not FEDRA and they're not Fireflies," Ellie pointed out as Joel moved away from the covered window. "so who are they?"

"People," Joel answered.

"Are we okay in here?" Ellie asked.

"For now," Samara spoke and signed. If only the others knew then they could hide better. No need for the possibility of unknowns hearing them, they only needed to worry about seeing one another. "If they're going door to door it'd be better if we started back trackin'.

Kieran sat in next to the bar, examining Joel. Ever since they settled down, he had been observing her. Not in a way that he believed her to be suspicious or someone he needed to be further cautious about; he looked concerned.

She tried wiping off the blood again.

"There's a really tall building, like, four blocks away," Ellie pointed out. She moved aside to let Samara take a look.

"Yeah. Saw it."

"So that's the one?"

"As soon as we don't hear a truck, we move. Fast as we can."

Moving away from the windows, Joel and Ellie took a seat across from one another in the light. Samara neared Kieran.

"Do I still have blood?" Kieran signed.

Samara tore her eyes from the empty bottles for a split second then shook her head. She asked for the map and one of Kieran's pens. She studied possible ways out, but Kieran wasn't sure. Those people had to know this place better than they could ever try. Years spent behind the walls, all they could ever do is map out the areas to hide or launch an ambush. They were the mice in this game. Kieran much preferred to be the game master.

Though, she had learned to like the feeling of the game. Being an uninformed player forced to participate, forced to try and win. Kieran would win.

"Go. I've got this," Samara instructed shortly.

Kieran's stomach knotted as if she were becoming sick. She hated getting sick, days confined to a bed and eating weird concoctions of soup. She hoped she wasn't getting sick this early into the mission; Joel would add it to the list of reasons why she didn't belong. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. It's been a bit since we've dealt with this. I'd like to focus." Samara gave her a smile, taking her hand to cup Kieran's cheek. Her thumb swiped the stray strands from her face.

Kieran nodded, turning towards Ellie and Joel. There was no reason to second guess Samara if she never second guessed Kieran. She scooted against the radiator, slumping so her head couldn't be seen. She wanted to be able to hear Joel.

"Are you okay?" Ellie asked Joel.

"I'm all right." He was bad at lying. He shifted in his seat or wherever he was when he lied. Could never retain eye contact.

"Are you all right? Both of you?" he corrected, making Kieran confused.

"I'm fine," she answered swiftly, unsure what she had done to be seen as not okay. She did her job and more, did what Joel and Samara couldn't. She proved herself worthy of a gun and partnership.

"Yeah," Ellie followed.

Joel shook his head. "Thing is, is I didn't hear that guy comin', and...you shouldn't have had to..."

Samara looked at him, then to Kieran.

"We weren't just gonna let you two die," Kieran countered, squishing her eyebrows together. "We did what we needed to."

"You're glad we did, right?"

"You're just a kid. You shouldn't know what it means to..."

"That doesn't mean anything," Kieran argued. Maybe it did for Ellie, someone who grew up in the QZ, training to be a soldier. She wouldn't have to pick up a loaded gun and shoot it until she turned eighteen. Even then, it would be a rare occurrence. Kieran on the other had killed someone when she was eight. It was an accident, but she still did it. Their blood stained her white streak and blue giraffe shirt red. Stuck in between her nails for a week and half due to its short length. "If you haven't noticed, they shot at us too."

Samara would have died if she didn't; almost did die even though she did. It was because he underestimated the situation.

"And Byran was a kid too," she added. She didn't like the way he got concerned for her like he cared. He had no right to give two fucks about her or Samara more than keeping them alive. She should have let Bryan kill Joel. Everything would be better without him. "You saying you weren't gonna kill him?"

"Kieran," Samara intervened. She gave Kieran that stare. She straightened her back.

"I'm just sayin' I know what it's like. the first time that you, uh, hurt someone like that," he chose his words more carefully, tiptoeing around what he really wanted to say. "If you, uh.... I'm not good at this."

"No duh."

"Yeah, you really aren't."

"I mean it was my fault. You shouldn't have had to. Even if they shot first and even if he was also a kid. Doesn't make it right. And I'm sorry."

Kieran shrunk against the wall. She didn't understand why he was apologizing or why he cared. She didn't understand why Samara let him go on about this without saying anything. She never let Frank lecture Kieran when she let it slip she killed someone. She took the burden. She was Samara's responsibility and out there they had to do what they needed to in order to survive. That's what Samara said.

Yet she stayed quiet.

Ellie looked away, tears in her eyes as she tried to hide them away. "It wasn't my first time."

Joel pulled out the gun Ellie had. He glanced at Kieran before looking at Samara's figure. "I'm guessing you taught her?"

"She's a good shot," Samara muttered, writing down something inside the map book.

Joel focused on Ellie, teaching her how to hold a gun the right way and how to handle it. Kieran observed as if it was a movie. It was interesting to see how someone else taught and how someone learned. More importantly, she studies the two as individuals interacting to better understand them. For Ellie, it made sense how eager she was to learn and try. The excitement of being seen as an equal lit her brown eyes like burning logs.

For Joel, it didn't make any fucking sense.

Once he was done and Ellie wore a smile on her face, Kieran regretfully looked up at him as if he owed her. He did in her eyes.

"When do I get one?"

He looked down at her. His eyes didn't once flicker to Samara to understand how to handle Kieran. "What are you better with? Handgun or a rifle?"

"Sniper overall, but rifle would work." She wasn't as eager as Ellie to be approved to hold a gun, she knew the responsibilities that came with it. Bill lectured her long and hard, even forced her to watch three hours of safety video he somehow had.

Taking the golden wood rifle from his very back, Joel handed her the gun. His gun. His initials carved in the wood who knows how long ago. The weight in her hands carried differently than any other weapon-it was Joel's. The metal plating was dull, holding various smudged versions of the same fingerprint. Joel followed up with a half-full box of ammo.

Kieran nodded at the gift. She slid off her backpack to place the weapon around her chest as Joel had. He had both the rifle strap and his bag straps loosen to allow for quick maneuvers. She did the same.

"Okay, let's get goin'." He walked away from her, refusing to make further eye contact.

Kieran managed to convince Joel to send her into the window after Ellie despite him believing Ellie could handle it. That wasn't the point, Ellie could sure as hell handle herself now that she had permission to use the gun; Kieran just wanted to find what she could before Joel and Samara stopped her.

She signaled Ellie to wait before pulling the large tool case away from the door.

"Uh, give us a sec, it's kind of heavy," Kieran shouted before running into the back where a kitchen was found. She swiftly scanned the area, spotting a half bottle of whiskey and cloth. That could do something. Something big and explosive. Something Kieran would enjoy greatly.

She ran back to Ellie, putting a figure to her mouth before stuffing the bottle in her bag. Ellie didn't say a word about it, only a sly smirk. She aided the other girl in pushing the case.

"Where would you be without us, huh?" Ellie asked with a grin. That's when Kieran knew she could trust her; maybe not with her life just yet, but with secrets.

"By now, Wyoming," Joel answered, following Samara into the shipping center.

"Oh, yeah. Walked into that one."

"Alright. We'll make our way up, and come morning, I'll take a look at the city and find our way out. "

Kieran glanced at the plaque on the wall. "42 flights? Jesus."

"45." Joel pointed his light up the stairs case. The solar-powered device couldn't even make it that far up. "But no. we're not going all the way."

"How far?" Samara asked, handing Kieran her bag. She wouldn't do so well with it while climbing the stairs because of her back. One too many slams against hard objects and not enough rest time caused that.

"As far as I can make it," Joel answered.

Samara cracked a smile.

They managed at least ten flights before Ellie posed a question. "You know that guy who said he was hurt? How'd you know it was an ambush?"

Leaned over the rail, Joel looked back. He would barely make it another five. "I've been on both sides. It was a long time ago."

"We did what we needed to survive," Samara continued, remembering all that they did when they were together and apart. "Back then, not many people had information. They believed it was just people versus people."

"When you were together?" Ellie pushed.

"And the people we were with," Joel finished, nipping her inquires in the bud. Knowing Ellie, she wouldn't quit. "My brother, too."

"Did you kill innocent people?" Ellie asked both adults, hell she even glanced at Kieran behind her.

No one could answer the question. That was an answer in itself.

"C'mon," Joel said instead.

Once they hit thirty-three floors, Joel didn't bother to set foot on another step. He entered a room and deemed it safe before sliding down on the wall. Kieran shook her head playfully at him.

"This is good."

"It's gonna have to be," Joel groaned, under his sweat.

The two young girls stepped on either side of him. Samara leaned against the wall, hands on her knees as she regained her breath. They held out their hands for Joel, knowing just one of them couldn't lift him. "Come on."

"Gimme a minute."

"We rest when we're safe. C'mon," Kieran urged, kicking his shoe. He twitched his nose at her, holding back words like a wuss.

"Get up, you lazy ass."

He rolled his eyes, taking both of their hands. They groaned as they lifted him.

"Lazy ass...Fifty-six years old, you little shit," he murmured, taking the lead in the office space.

"You're old," Kieran let out accidentally. Joel snapped his head back at her. She looked the other way as if there was something worth looking at.

There weren't many options that weren't barricaded or too far from an exit. They were stuck with the office adjacent to the staircase. As a result, Joel destroyed the office door's window, spreading out the glass in front of the door as a warning system. Kieran and Ellie made makeshift beds, while Samara searched the floor.

Kieran had noticed another thing she could possibly admire about Joel; he was like her, couldn't hear out of one ear. His was his right side, and hers was the left. They were basically half of what the other needed; she was young and better than he could have wished to be, he was old and experienced.

Samara returned with a few items: snack bars, cloth, a shirt, and tape. The last she handed to Kieran, who thanked her. She quickly repaired her broken arrow, only to remember she let one go during the ambush. "Still fifteen, ugh."

Samara shook her head at the girl. She took a seat on the unclaimed bed by the wall. She looked annoyed that Joel had chosen the one closest to the door. It was him overestimating himself.

Kieran wondered if it was due to his years alone after Samara left. Sure, she saw and heard the things Tess said to him, but he never reciprocated it. He had to adapt to not having Samara as his better half. He forced himself into a whole piece, forgetting that others can aid him.

"Joel!" Ellie called out to the man for the fourth time.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want someone sneakin' up on us while we're sleepin'."

"Ohh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Are you sure you're gonna hear it?'

"Of course, I'll hear it. That's the damn point," he defended with an attitude.

"It'd be better if I took the door," Samara brought up.

"You're further in the shadows, gives you enough time to kill them when they get me."

Kieran wasn't sure if his plan would work. "Sure..." It would have to work regardless, he wasn't exactly up for negotiations. Neither was she. The surprisingly comfortable seat cushions enveloped her. She was afraid she would sink in and never wake up again.

"Well, good night."

The rest repeated Ellie's words, getting as comfortable as they could. Kieran faced the ceiling as she twisted her white hair. The studies were limited surrounding medical issues and hair genes altering. Seeing as she lasted nearly fifteen years without any issues, she no longer worried how it came about. Bill and Frank speculated from how she was raised before Samara, even linking it to her birth. Samara never came across Kieran's birth mother, only her father and brother.

Sometimes Kieran wondered if they ever missed her like she did them. Not the way she missed Bill and Frank, like a piece of her had been taken. But in a way people born after the outbreak missed the world before, the possibility of what it was like and how different they would have been.

"Hey," Joel spoke, breaking the silence. Each woman answered, nearly simultaneously. "I mean to Ellie."

"Yeah?"

"When we were talkin' about hurtin' people...what did you mean it wasn't your first time?"

Ellie turned to face the ceiling. Kieran couldn't help but look at her. She looked sad. Whoever she had killed, it wasn't her enemy. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Alright." Joel turned slightly to face Ellie, not fully so he could still hear. "You don't have too. I'm just sayin' it isn't fair, your age...havin' to deal with all of this."

"So it gets easier when you get older?" Ellie asked.

Samara scoffed. "Hell no."

Joel nodded. "Not really. But still."

Kieran glanced at the adults. If she could peer into their minds and examine how they carried their guilt with blood caked on their hands. It couldn't have been easy, yet they pushed through. They had no other choice but to remember all they have lost and all they have ruined. They kept it inside, refusing to let anyone else know. They were a museum of all they knew-Kieran thought it stupid to keep it in and be burdened by it.

She wanted to tell people about Bill and Frank to keep their memory living longer than they could. She hoped Samara, Ellie, or even Joel would do the same if her life was taken from her.

"The reason I asked whether you'd hear the glass or not is 'cause I've noticed you don't hear too well from your right side," Ellie shifted the subject and her body. Kieran followed her, interested in the similarities. "Is it 'cause you were shot there?" His scar seemed more noticeable now that Ellie pointed it out.

"Probably more from shootin'."

That was why Samara always made Kieran wear her headphones when she was on the sniper rifle and if she was ever in a situation where she needed to shoot in an enclosed space. She needed to protect what little hearing she had left.

"So if you wanna keep your hearin' you stick to that knife."

Ellie nodded, turning to Kieran. "What about you?"

"Explosions," she answered simply. Ellie furrowed her brows. Kieran noticed one was nearly gone due to a scar. "When Sam found me, we were still in the QZ. Fireflies don't exactly stop their plans if a kid is in the way."

"Oh."

Kieran's eyes rose as a thought came to mind. She knew they could never be friends, but that didn't mean they couldn't have fun. Kieran rarely had fun that wasn't books and burning books. And the girl next to her intrigued every part of Kieran's brain in ways she wanted to understand. "Ellie?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?"

A smile cracked onto Ellie's face. She shook her head. "No?"

"Did you, Joel?" Kieran asked, knowing Ellie understood what she was saying.

"What?" Joel turned his head towards the girls. As did Samara.

"Yeah. It runs in your jeans."

Joel had fully turned over and Kieran couldn't read his expression over Ellie's body, which shook like an earthquake. Giggles exploded from her like a resulting volcanic eruption, quaking the earth and sending tsunamis across the world. Still, the fact that he turned made Kieran laugh. Ellie snickered, which made Kieran laugh more. From behind her, Samara sighed-though you could hear a smile in her voice.

The only one not pleased was Joel.

Or so Kieran thought.

"Jesus. That is so goddamn stupid."

"He laughed!" Ellie giggled. "You made him laugh."

"I didn't laugh."

"Yes, you did," Kieran argued under her giggles.

"Jesus, I'm losin' it."

"You're losin' it big time."

Samara let out a laugh at the struggle to remain silent. It set Joel off and the two girls followed. Kieran didn't expect to make either adult laugh; if she was being honest, she thought she was whispering.

When the giggles faded and replaced with snores, as quickly as the good mood came it left. A crunch sounded, but Kieran wasn't sure. Her body didn't want to wake up, not yet. To be stripped from the comfiest bed she had ever made was not on her list at that moment. For once she slept without Samara soothing her and nightmares submerging. Probably from all the running, but still. She was sleeping.

A part of her mind was dreaming even. For some reason she dreamed of Ellie. She shouted for Joel and Samara. And then she shouted for Kieran.

Kieran's body jolted to find a girl or a boy-she wasn't sure from the haircut-older than her but still young, pointing a gun into her face. Their hair was short, as if they had their hands on clippers recently. Well, not recently due to the way coils bloomed on the side of their head. The right side of their nose pierced as well as a singular earing on the same side.

"Stay quiet, don't move and no one gets hurt."

kieran is the biggest samara joel HATER. yet she wants his validations so bad, daddy issues are a real problem!

finally we're being introduced to my other daughter, Sasha Burrell. she is quite literally a reflection of Kieran, especially when it comes to part 2. which if you watch my tiktoks, i'm very excited for. we all know whats to come with the Burrell siblings, so prepare yourselves.

I plan on updating this fic more often because I could've had season 1/part 1 done a long time ago, but just haven't. expect more updates this summer, hopefully the completion of this part.

anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. please tell me your thoughts, ideas, theories, and/or criticism. it helps me become a better writer and understand what you guys like to read.

until next time