CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE || WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT GOING ON

(Hey guys this is the first chapter of what is now the third book but i am merging them and am just going to continue writing in this book)

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"It was secure. has a wall, homes, 20 people. Beth wanted to go with him. She wanted to get him there. it's a long trip.. but if it works out, it's the last long trip we have to make." Rick explained as he stood in front of the group all looking at him for answers. the conversation he'd previously had with the boy who'd been imprisoned in the hospital with Beth revealed a lot...

an opportunity, if Noah's old gated community was still around this was a chance, just like the prison, a chance at life, at safety. behind walls. an opportunity they couldn't pass up, they had to check, and if it didn't work out then they'd given Noah closure, done what Beth would've.

"and what if it isn't around anymore?" Sam voiced his own concern about the journey, travelling that far for possibly no reason. the dangers that lurked around every corner all too real after the recent events they'd faced... Beth's death hung in the air like the thick smoke that loomed over towns after a wildfire. grief poisoned the oxygen around them. almost every breath fueled their grief, aiding the pain in their chests.

"then we keep going" Rick nodded it wasn't really an option, They had to keep moving, they had to keep trying. Alex nodded at her uncle's words her hand laying on Josh's shoulder as he stood in front of her before michonne spoke up; "Then we find a new place"

"a new place" Josh mumbled under his breath, a new place. he'd never even had a place. not even before the dead started walking. he never felt like he had somewhere. and despite the fact he still didn't. he'd realised he didn't need a place to feel okay when surrounded by these people... The young boy's eyes flickered between Alex and Glenn, he had found his home.

The group came to the mutual decision to split up, half go with Noah, see if his community was still there, and the rest stay and keep Carl and Judith safe. As the group began to split up looking for supplies to fill the van with before they set off. Glenn and Alex locked eyes, a mutual understanding between them regarding the dangers of the trip. Glenn took his wife's hand leading her away from the group, more so out of earshot from Josh.

"you really think we should bring Josh?" Glenn asked his soft brown eyes locked to Alex's blue ones, A sigh escaped Alex's lips as she looked back to Josh before her eyes flickered back to Glenn and she subconsciously squeezed the man's hand.

"Carl isn't coming... Josh shouldn't either." Alex shook her head. Beth's death clung to her like a disease, the fear of losing those kids was almost paralysing, Josh, Carl, Judith. they had to be kept safe. Glenn could read the fearful expression on her face all too quickly, his hand fell upon her waist pulling her body closer to his.

"we're all gonna be okay beautiful" He whispered in an attempt to reassure her, Alex's heart ached at his words. if only he could promise that. pulling her into a hug he cradled the back of her head against his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. His arms brought an almost instant feeling of safety a soft sigh of relief escaping her lips at the comforting gesture.

Pressing a kiss to the top of her head he broke the hug knowing they didn't have long until they had to set off in search of Noah's family, and the safety of the walls that surrounded their town. an ounce of hope for that safety lingered in the air as Alex nodded looking up at Glenn. keeping each other safe fueled their motivation to survive in a way neither had imagined when they'd first met.

"I don't know how much longer we can keep doing this" she whispered as her eyes darted toward a broken maggie who'd barely left Eli's Arms since Beth's death. his gaze softened as he stared into Alex's broken blue eyes, almost instantly shaking his head at the words that caused his heart to ache in a way it only ever did when he knew Alex was hurting. if he could transfer all the pain in her heart to his he would without a second thought.

"as long as we need to. you remember what I said back at the prison?" Glenn squeezed his wife's hand, his words igniting a warmth within her stomach as she thought back to the start of their relationship, her eyes met his as she nodded the memory tugging at her heart reminding her what they were fighting for.

"I'm keeping my promise, Alex. I'm going to do everything I can to give you the life you deserve even if it takes our whole lives" A smile couldn't help but tug at her lips at the caring words of her husband. his words tugged at her heart, consuming her body with a warmth only he made her feel as she reminded herself, as long as he was by her side. she'd be okay. Nodding she leant forward placing a gentle kiss on the Korean's lips which he gratefully returned.

"I'll talk to Josh, you find out if Sam's coming?" Glenn smiled as he broke the kiss offering to speak to the young boy they'd been looking after, Alex nodded a piece of her heart wishing they didn't have to split off, wishing she could just spend the rest of the day in the comforting arms of her husband. yet things never seemed to go her way.

**

"Josh?" Glenn called out as he approached the young brunette stood with Carl, Josh cradling Judith In his arms as the two young teens spoke. upon hearing Glenn call his name, Josh handed Judith over to Carl, who took his sister his eyes darting to Glenn as he nodded acknowledging his cousin's husband before walking back over to his father letting Josh and Glenn speak.

"what's up? we going?" Josh questioned ready to follow the Korean man anywhere, ready to follow Alex and Glenn. where ever they ended up, Josh was sure he wanted to stay with the couple. and he'd never felt that before. not even in a single foster home he'd been placed in. he'd found his home in the midst of the apocalypse.

"Josh you're staying with Eli" Glenn barely finished his sentence before he noticed Josh's face fall, a rush of anxiety spiralling through the young boy's body at just the mention of being left. even being left for his own safety felt too much like his past. his heart raced as the memories of his father flashed in his mind sending an unpleasant shiver down his spine. Glenn's reassuring hand fell on the 13-year-olds shoulder pulling him from his thoughts.

"we'll be back. we just want you to be safe, and you're safer here, with Eli, Carl, and Abraham. then you are with us. we're taking radios if you need us, ask Daryl for the radio me and Alex will be on the other side" Glenn reassured, Josh nodded yet the unsure expression didn't fall from his face as he gulped the emotion that threatened to spill repeating his abuser's words in his mind; 'Get a grip josh there must've been a reason no one wanted you'

"yeah... yeah just don't die" Josh nodded phrasing his words in a way that seemed unserious in an attempt to lighten his thoughts on the situation and hide his own emotion. offering Glenn an unsure smile he nodded again. pushing his emotion back down, hiding it within the darkest untouched parts of his soul, parts his parents should've touched... yet Glenn wasn't fooled by the boy's smile.

"I heard you said to Sam you wanna learn guitar?" Glenn looked down at the young boy as they began walking toward the rest of the group, Josh's eyebrows furrowed as he nodded. Glenn smiled squeezing Josh's shoulder. Glenn knew Josh wanted Alex to teach him how to fight, and if Glenn could teach him something too, teach him something that wasn't just survival that would be good enough for him.

"me and Alex will be back in a few days, and I promise when we find somewhere to stay I'll teach you... I don't know a lot but I know enough" Josh's face lit up, a smile tugging at his lips, a real one as he looked up at Glenn in disbelief he chuckled; "seriously?"

"yeah seriously" Glenn chuckled, his promise having distracted Josh from the distressing thoughts that plagued his mind yet he couldn't distract himself from his own mind, they'd been sleeping with two eyes open too long, everyone had a breaking point. Glenn's mind lingered on Alex's words...

***

"how far out?" Rick questioned sitting behind tyreese in the van they were using to make the trip to Noah's home... Alex sat between Glenn and Sam in the back of the van holding Glenn's hand, her mind still focused on the girl they'd lost days prior as she listened to her uncle's voice.

"5 miles" Noah answered from the passenger seat, Alex laid her head against Glenn's shoulder as she listened to her uncle calling back to Carol over the radio, her mind raced. she didn't want to keep splitting up, she didn't want to keep losing people. every single time it was heart-wrenching.

it was draining, every single day her hope of finding somewhere they could stay diminished even more. she'd thought she could handle being on the road as long as she wasn't alone, but she was starting to believe that was just a lie she'd told herself to make it seem easier to keep her own hope. yet being on the road with her family was proving just as difficult as it was when she was alone... the only positive she could fathom was the fact she was with family... and her PTSD wasn't triggered...

"did you speak to Eli before we left?" Glenn whispered to Alex as Rick spoke over the radio, Alex lifted her head from Glenn's shoulder and nodded, morale was low... sadness lingered throughout the group. the cloud of grief that had once followed Alex was now consuming everyone, burning their hearts with harrowing pain.

"how is she?" Glenn asked his voice remaining barely above a whisper in an attempt to not disturb Rick's conversation over the radio, Alex shrugged unsure of what she could even say to explain Maggie's grief, to even do the searing pain that came with grief justice. there was no explaining it, that type of pain could only be felt, not described.

"not great, barely left Eli's side." was all she could come up with, the guilt that came with survival growing within the brunette. a part of her unable to understand why or how she'd managed to survive when the list of losses kept growing longer and longer. Glenn nodded understandingly his heart aching for Maggie and Beth. a pang of guilt lingered within a few members of the group, a guilt that was almost as paralysing as grief... survivor's guilt.

Glenn nodded as silence returned between the three that sat in the far back of the van, Noah and Tyreese's conversation Fuelling the thoughts that lingered in Glenn's mind. the thoughts that reminded him how dangerous being out in the open too long was. How the constant sense of Danger can change someone, how it was changing him.