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I REMEMBER MY FIRST LOVE

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I remember vividly when I had my first kiss. I had made the first move. It was soft and simple yet euphoric. It was like the setting around us that night. Tranquil, quiet and simple we held onto the grass as the cold sifted in fading out the warmth of the occasion. I had put his lips on his cheek before it soon turned lip on lip. The night was passionate and a blur.

"Hold up, hold up!" Hange pushes her glasses up and puts her index finger right in front of my face, "YOU GUYS KISSED?! AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS NOW?!"

Oh yes, I also forgot to say I remembered telling Hange, how I slightly mentioned when she was about to leave. 

"Since when does Shorty initiate a kiss?! Damn well way to go for character development," Hange rubs her chin as I put on my boots.

"Actually I'm the one who made the first move," I add as I can hear a squeal from the background and sigh.

"Oh, my queen so beautiful and mighty!" Hange hugs me tightly from behind, "Oh, it was like yesterday that when we were riding early in the morning and banging pots and pans together!"

"Hmm, it cost us our legs though," I referred to the two hundred laps we had to run each before the sunset.

"Yes, but it was honestly worth it if you ask me," Hange sniggers as I roll my eyes.

"I'm going to go for a ride before I have to start my paperwork," I say before grabbing my ribbon heading out and shutting the door.

"Don't think this discussion between you is over!" I can hear Hange yell in the background and chuckle. Making my way to the stables I'm met with a restless stallion that I know as my horse Damian. 

"Someone's eager," I chuckle as I pet his head and smile softly, "I'll feed you after a ride." Opening the gate I let him trot a bit around before putting on a saddle on his back and hopping on. Tying my hair loosely I lead my horse outside the back before settling with the cold morning mist slowly fading amongst the lush green hills in front of me.

The sun on the horizon seems to be slowly peaking so I signal my horse before he speeds off like a bullet. The odour of the grass, the pine trees and the moisture of the midst calm me instantly brought along with the beats of Damian galloping.

Opening my eyes I look to my right instinctively from the sound of another rider galloping beside me in the distance. Zoning my eyes at the blurry figure, as the trees begin to clear and we gain closer in distance I recognise it's none other than Levi, with his raven locks ushering in the wind as he rides without his military jacket and only his white blouse. 

Locking eyes I only give a small smile as I make Damian go faster as we head to the usual spot. With the singular hill and tree in front of me, I let my horse slow down before hopping off and letting Damian wander down below in front of me as he munches in the meadow. 

My head whips around only to see Levi arrive before me as he dismounts on his horse and lets him wander with my horse as well. I give him a soft smile as he soon mirrors one as a soft one creeps up the corner of his lips.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he replies as he approaches closer tucks my hair behind my ears and chuckles.

"You forgot to tie your hair properly," he sniggers.

"Oh?" I slyly say pretending to not know what he is talking about. 

"Uh-huh," he rolls his eyes and tuts, "Ribbon."

"Alright," I give him my ribbon in defence and turn around as I feel his finger run through my hair as he ties it up.

"I couldn't stop thinking about last night," he confesses as it catches me off guard making me turn around, "I couldn't stop thinking... about you."

"Oh?" I smile cheekily as a soft chuckle escapes his lips as I only go closer so I could lean my head under his neck as I wrap my arms around his waist. "Let's sit down?" I suggest as he nods and we lie down under the tree. Levi wraps his arm around me as I lie back against his chest.

"Adaline?" 

"Hmm?" I look up.

"What are we... I mean as a relationship I mean," he inquires rubbing his thumb on my hand as my eyes are soft as I think.

"We don't have to put a label on it," I answer, "I just like this, if you want to be really stuck with me you can propose when all the titans are extinguished," I chuckle.

"Mm, I prefer that," Levi smiles as I feel his jaw rest on my shoulder, "If either of us doesn't die I'll propose," he teases. Both of us grew up in the underground, it was common for a woman to be bedded before the wedding night and it was sure as hell common for a woman to get 'married' to a man over twice her age and had probably married several times. 

The surface wasn't too far, it wasn't brutal but a woman would marry commonly for stability and if they had the choice for love. I didn't know if it was love, I didn't want to be naive and call it love so soon. But I liked Levi, a lot. I admired all the small things, his appearance, his personality.

I loved how he would always get slightly annoyed when he walks into my office and I forget to put my jacket on the hangar properly and he hangs it for me. I admired his unique demeanour, it was like rain coming so suddenly on a sunny day. One would cower and run to shelter, I would only laugh and dance in it. I enjoyed our tea sessions, the early morning rides like this. I loved how though he is cold but he showed loyalty by all means and how his eyes were broken when he had lost another member. 

"Oh, and by the way. Hange knows about us," I add.

"Shit," he grumbles.

---

"Do you need help with paperwork?" I ask Levi as we walk down the corridor for breakfast, ever since Levi had become corporal he had taken the load off of extra paperwork that I was doing, plus his and Hanji who was reputable for never completing her's unless it was related to the anatomy or some new discovery about titans. 

"It's alright Adaline-,"

"Addy," I interrupted and could only smile cheekily despite my attempt to hide it, "Just call me Addy, I prefer it anyway." I watch Levi only turn away before clearing his throat. We had dated for a few weeks, but the man was still so ever flustered from time to time when it was just the two of us.

"If you wish, but not in formal matters and in front of cadets," he adds before I nod.

"So you were saying?" I grin.

"As I was saying, it's fine, besides the amount of workload you were getting for someone of your rank already is staggering," he looks at me with some slight concern within his stormy eyes.

"I find writing rather calming," I reply in a simple tone, "I don't really get hand cramps, I love my small office, I love it when it rains and the smell of new paper just resonates and the small scratching noises of my pen writing against the paper-," I stop in the realisation of my word choice, dammit I was rambling on again-

"What's wrong, you should have kept going," he smiles enough for me to see it.

"I'm sorry, I just sometimes do that-, I get poetic..." I trail sheepishly.

"I like it," he replies in a honeyed tone-, not honeyed but something about his face reminded me of a boat relaxing in clear skies just after the storm.

"Y-you do?" I stammer looking back at him.

"Mhmm," he lets out before walking a bit faster as I try and catch up. We get our quotidian round of oatmeal, a small loaf of bread and an apple before Levi and I find a table in the corner. Sitting down opposite each other I first take the loaf of bread and practically scoff it down. I know, I was odd. Though people preferred the oatmeal -it was always suspiciously good- I always had a thing for bread, or anything that reminded me of pastries- well anything that would come out of a bakery.

In my years up here I had always used some of my pay to get a weekly treat of pastries at an affordable price and managed myself to learn a couple of recipes. Picking up my spoon I only see Levi move his loaf to my tray.

"hey-,'

"Just take it, you scoffed yours like it was nothing," he interjects adamant before I shut my mouth well knowing he was too stubborn for his actions.

"Aren't you cute~" I tease as he only glares at me dead straight before I stifle a laugh before I glance behind him to see the few closer to us from the table in front left as the only occupied tables are on the other end of the room where either of us could barely see one another. "Love you, Levi," the words escape my lips in a hushed tone before I quickly look down as his eyes immediately shot up with his spoon falling out of his fingers.

"C-could you repeat what you just said?" he stammers.

"Nothing~" I pretend not to know what he is talking about. 

"Adaline," he says firmer.

"Uh," I tut him to use my nickname.

"Addy," he corrects himself but his stare remains the same harsh one.

"I have paperwork to get to do," I get up as he grabs my wrist and turns his body, "Addy, what did you say?"

I only pause and sigh with a smile before I lean forehead and give a peck on his forehead before i whisper my restatement, "I said I love you, Levi." I retract my position to standing straight only to see Levi to turn back trying to act all stature when oblivious to him his ears were a bright shade of cerise pink. 

---

I recollect Hange telling me once Levi was so flustered in our sudden pace of relationship Levi had barged himself into the brunette scientist's laboratory somewhere after lunch. 

"Oi! Four eyes!" Levi barges into her laboratory unapologetically as he can hear Hange yelling and a tube falling onto the floor.

"LEVI! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING GROWN BREAKING-!"

"Oh please, you always say you're doing 'ground-breaking'," Levi rolls his eyes as he inspects the space around him. "It's a pigsty in here."

"What do you want grumpy face?" Hange whines as she gets a broom and cleans up the broken glass on the floor.

"It's about Addy," he says with slight embarrassment making the crazy scientist's ears perk. A squeal breaks loose from Hange's mouth making the soldier instantly regret his decision. Hange then moves back and gives a dangerous grin. 

"Levi you dog," Hange smirks and puts her hands on her hips, "Or did my queen have to make the first move."

"We didn't have any intercourse dipshit, I just started courting her," Levi angrily admonishes blushing furiously. 

"Well, I mean sexual attraction only takes-,"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Levi growled.

"Alright, alright! Chill Cerberus," Hange puts her hands up defensively. "So if not that, what about you guys?"

"Addy-, Addy said I love you this morning to me," Levi looks away and crosses his arms. Hange pauses, processing what the captain had just uttered. The scientist notices his blush evident with the cerise pigment on his cheeks. A squeal-, an ear, shattering squeal.

"AWWWW! I can hear wedding bells! Oh GOD, I need to find venues-!"

"Four eyes, me and Adaline aren't exactly are getting married after several days of being together," he admonishes.

"Uhhh, so?" Hange gives him a 'why not?' look. 

"Hange," Levi sighs, "I'm-"

"Oh, please don't tell me you're one of those people," Hange frowns.

"What people?"

"Those type of people-, mainly soldiers that are against marriage," Hange explains. 

"Sort of," Levi crosses his arms as Hange sighs. "I mean, Adaline understands where I come from, we both come from the underground. All of my life I've seen what it's like down there. I and Adaline agreed maybe if this fucking war ever ended we might get married."

"Pff, when is that going to happen?" Hange scoffs. "Have you ever asked Adaline what she wants? You've known her for what, like more than three months or something. Yes, you're close. But I've known Adaline since she enlisted."

"What are you trying to allude to Hange? Are trying to say she wants to get married? I know those eyes she has. She's been through something, I-," Levi paused, "I just don't want to-,"

"Levi," Hange reassured, "I'm not saying get a ring now and propose. It's just that-, for once Adaline has hope. She's never been like that when she's looking at you-, Adaline loves you a lot, for once she's taking a leap of faith-,"

"The last thing I want to do is hurt her Hange," Levi said in a dead-serious tone, "I love her, I have hope to for once in my life. But-, I'm scared Hange," he adamantly admitted. "If we do get married, I don't want either of us-, her in pain if ever something happened. I want her to have the best life can offer even if it's one hell of a shitty one."

"Than tell her that," Hange supported. 

"It's not that easy-,"

"Oi! Shorty!" Hange shook his shoulders making him flinch at the sudden contact with the scientist not even washing her hands yet. "You only live once, you're a damn soldier who goes out slaying titans for a living. If anything you should tell her now before regretting later."

The ravenette male paused. He was quiet. Dangerously Quiet. Opening his mouth Levi said what he would never say ever again:

"For once you're right four-eyes."

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