July 21, 2009

Jace pretty much refuses to tell me what the call on Monday was all about. He basically just summed it up to "Mom needs to see me." "Something is happening and I need to be there." "She invited me out." All in all, he basically skirts around the topic without giving me any real details and since we're leaving today, I'm officially losing it.

"Jace! Seriously. Why are we going to London for a week?" I ask in frustration. "I mean, I'm all for meeting your parents, really I am. But, there's something you're not telling me. I know there is!"

He just sighs and keeps throwing clothes in his suitcase, "I've told you every day this week, Kai."

"My mom invited us because she needs me there for something," I mock along with him.

He gives me an unimpressed glare and sticks his tongue out at me, which normally I'd find adorable and would probably kiss the hell out of him for it, but right now I am just plain irritated with his secretive behaviour. I throw myself down on the bed with a huff and pout at the ceiling, decidedly ignoring him.

"Please don't be like that,"Jace says with his own pout.

I don't reply.

"Kaaii! Come on, you know I'd tell you if it was important! It's just something between my mom and I and the only thing you need to do is enjoy a nice trip to London!"He attempts, dropping next to me and cuddling up to my side. "Is it really so bad to spend a week in London together? Sharing a nice big room? Seeing the sites together? Dammit, I'll bring you on a date that will knock your cute little socks off if you Just. Stop. Pouting."

I look over at him and narrow my eyes, "You promise that this thing is nothing I should be worried about?"

"Like I said, it's just something my mom needs me for, and she wants to talk to me about some stuff," He explains for the umpteenth time.

I pause for a moment and then turn on my side with a small grin, "And what will this date be like?"

Jace smiles back happily and gently strokes my cheek with his soft hand, "Romantic, spontaneous, fun, and of course there will be yummy food!"

I giggle at that and press a chaste kiss to his lips, "Fine... I'll go along with all this, but only because I've never been to London and this date sounds really nice."

He wraps his arms around me and rolls us so he's leaning over me, kissing me deeply and taking my breath away as always. I practically turn to putty in his hands as he pulls away just to begin trailing kisses along my jaw, and down my neck, surely leaving little hickeys here and there. Great, now I get to hide those from his parents. Although, at the moment I can't really find it in me to care.

Of course, as usual, someone interrupts by knocking, effectively ruining the moment. Jace sighs and pulls himself away from me reluctantly. "Yeah?"

"Hurry up! Stop horsing around and get a move on. I told your mother we'd be there by one o'clock," Grams calls from the other side of the door.

Jace smirks at me, an odd twinkle in his eye that makes butterflies erupt in my tummy. I can't help but wonder what he's thinking when he looks at me like that. There's a hungry look to it, but more than that, I can practically feel the love emanating off of him and I relish in the feeling.

"Sorry love, we'll have to continue in London, we must be going now," He says, giving me a light peck before dragging me from the room.

**

"Are we there yet?" Zoe complains from the backseat for the millionth time.

"No!" Jace, Zaq, Grams and I all groan in unison.

"Sheesh. What crawled up all your asses and died?" The impatient little Zoe complains.

Grams looks at a sign we pass and glances back with a smile, "We should be entering London any moment now."

We've had a relatively nice drive,despite the annoying complaints from my usually great friend. Right now though she's a little less great and a little more I-want-to-punch-her-in-the-throat. We sit with the boys in the back and the girls in the front, Jace between Zaq and I. Mostly because Zoe raced me for shotgun when I went to pick her up, and it ended with me eating lawn. Have I mentioned how lovely my best friend is?

"Yes!" Zoe cheers. "So,what kind of crib do your parents have anyway, Jace?"

Grams looks in the mirror at Jace for a second, a faint smirk pointed towards his now uncomfortable expression. "Uhm, they have a pretty big house. Quite nice, I suppose. Seeing as my parents are... uhm... well off?"

I look at him curiously myself now, "You said that funny. Well off, how? Like, lucky to retire early because of good luck, well off? Or, rich and powerful, well off?"

Jace seems to cringe at that and I honestly wonder what kind of people his parents are. Are they nice?Will I like them? Will they like me!? Oh, god. What if they hate me? That could seriously effect Jace and I's relationship. What if the fact they don't like me makes him realize I'm not good enough for him?

"Kind of in between?" He mumbles.

"Come on, Jacen," Grams warns. "You're dating the boy now and he's about to meet them. You might as well explain what kind of people they are before you give them all heart attacks."

I am utterly confused and by the looks of it, so are Zoe and Zaq. Good, at least I know I'm not the only one. Like usual.

Jace just sighs and then says, "Okay, okay. Well... they're what you'd probably consider wealthy, but it wasn't always that way. My mom used to be a stay at home mom for my brother and I and my dad was working two jobs to support us. At least, he was until he got his first book published and became a world renowned novelist. They had a lot of money, my brother and I were old enough to take care of ourselves, so my mom started taking classes at university to become an interior designer like she always dreamed of doing. Now, she's requested by freaking everyone, even celebrities on occasion. So, yeah they've earned their money, but I guess you could say it's gone to their heads a tad?"

My eyes bug and Grams just gives a haughty huff, "A tad? My daughter and her husband are so uptight these days, they practically walk around looking like they have a pole up their butts! Always hosting dinners, and those stupid tea parties. Speaking of which-"

"Not now, Grams," Jace says sternly.

I look at him in surprise, shocked he'd use such a harsh tone with Grams when I didn't see anything wrong with what she'd said. "What tea parties?"

"It's a sort of socialite thing my parents always dragged me and my brother Martyn to. Really, it's like a huge, fancy party where the adults all talk about deals and crap and try to fix up their kids. I always hated them," Jace grumbles, leaning over to rest his head on my shoulder.

Something lurches in my stomach and suddenly, this trip doesn't feel quite like a vacation, so much as it feels like a trap. Something is going to happen, I just know it. Worst part? I know I won't like it, whatever it is.

**

Arriving at the Levett residence pretty near gave Zoe and Zaq mild heart attacks. The place is huge. It isn't no mansion, but it's much bigger and nicer than your average house. It's ridiculously fancy with a front gate, a huge garden, a fountain, big front doors and an overhanging balcony with a terrace or whatever that shit's called. Basically, compared to my ex-slum life and Zoe and Zaq's rather middle class home's, this place looks like a mansion. Where do people get the money to buy this kind of place? What the hell do they fill it with? I have everything I need in a single room, what more can they freaking have?

I look at Jace and relax a bit when I see he hardly fits in here. I worried for a while that being here will show me a side of him that I don't know, nor want to know. Jace is too humble and simple to be from a place like this. I can't even imagine him playing as child in this house.Then again, didn't he only move here during probably high school? Maybe that's why he doesn't fit in so much.

"Well... here we are," He waves around awkwardly.

We all have our mouths hanging, staring wide eyed like a bunch of children at a candy store. Grams chuckles and ushers us along, saying something about our bags being taken care of while we make our way inside. Jace takes my hand and smiles at me nervously before knocking on the big front door. I think my heart is pounding and I actually feel like I should have dressed better now.

Moments later the door opens and a very clean and pristine looking couple present themselves quite elegantly. The man is wearing a dark grey suit, has features quite similar to Jace's, except his face is kept clean shaven whereas Jace often gets a little stubble. Mostly due to laziness. The man's hair is brushed back nicely, and it seems he has aged handsomely, hair colour changed to a salt and pepper rather than it's original dark brown.

On his arm is a very beautiful woman. Her sleek black hair pinned up into a tight bun with her bangs pulled forward and curled slightly to frame her slim face. She is fair like Jace and I notice immediately that he gets his eyes from her. She looks both attractive and formal in a business-looking dress that rests just above the knee. They look like your classic power couple, which from the looks of their house--they are.

"Jacen! I'm so glad you've made it," His mother exclaims, stepping forward to kiss each of Jace's cheeks.

I watch curiously as he does the same, and then steps forward and shakes his father's hand properly. What an odd familial interaction, is all I can think. They're loving, but still so formal and proper. It's odd to see Jace in such a setting and never have I felt more out of place. Me; The ex-suicidal, slum boy who was always alone, high, drunk or being beaten and left in some unsanitary place. This is certainly no place for me.

Jace seems to think otherwise though as he turns and smiles at me before grabbing my hand and leading me inside with him and his parents. Inside is just as fancy as the outside, and not quite as homey as most family homes are. There's a cold emptiness that doesn't sit well with me. There aren't really any family pictures, no kid toys or even teen things like magazines or video games laying around. It looks furnished for a photo shoot and like no one even lives here.

Lonely and vacant , is the best description.

"Jace!" A voice hollers from the staircase behind us, making us all whip around startled.

A boy who looks quite a bit like Jace comes sauntering over, pulling Jace in for a huge hug and I expect him to be shocked, but instead he is grinning from ear to ear and hugging the guy who is slightly larger than him, back with all his might.

"Martyn!" Jace laughs, patting the guys back.

"I've missed you, you big dork!"Martyn exclaims, backing away from Jace to grin, eyes darting from his brother to me and then back again. "Oh! Is this the guy you've been talking about?"

"You've been talking about me?"I ask perplexed, wondering when the hell he found the time to talk to anyone else, seeing as we're always together.

"Martyn! Show some manners!"Jace's mother gasps, looking aghast at her sons behaviour, making Martyn blush.

"Ah, yes actually. Kai, this is my older brother Martyn, and our parents Micheal and Grace. Mom, Dad, Martyn; this is my boyfriend, Kailas Harkins. These are our friends Zoe Saunders and Zaq Reeves."

Martyn shakes my hand gently and offers me a smile, which I awkwardly return, starting to feel overwhelmed with all the attention, trying to inconspicuously move closer to Jace to hide myself in his arms.

"Jacen... we were unaware of your relationship status change," Micheal spoke, sounding odd.

"Well, it's rather recent. Sort of unexpected as well," Jace explains, sounding just as formal.

Grace looks ready to say something to that, but suddenly Grams cuts in with an oddly cheerful smile, "Why don't we show everyone to their rooms? Get settled and regroup for dinner, yes?"

"That sounds great, Grams. Kai and I will be rooming together in my old room. I'll show Zoe and Zaq to theirs," Jace says, grabbing our bags from beside the door that were brought in without my realizing it.

"I don't think that's-"

Jace cuts off his mother before she can finish, "I think that it's quite fine and I will speak with you at dinner after we are settled. Again, thank you very much for the invite mother."

Everyone is silent as we make our way up the stairs and down two hallways and then thank god my best friend is insanely curious and can't keep calm about the situation any longer. Zoe steps forward and halts Jace, making him semi-glare at her which shocks me. I quickly smack his arm and give him a glare of my own.

"Don't look at her like that. She just wants to know what the hell that was back there, and so do I," I say, placing a hand on my hip for emphasis.

He sighs and slumps against the wall, "My parents are just a little uptight and didn't exactly know I was bringing you guys. They expected me to come alone and I'm sorry I dragged you into this, but I really didn't want to come back alone.The whole point of staying at Grams' is to be away from here until I can take off for University. I'm really sorry for this, come on let's get settled and talk more later."

I stay quiet and let him lead the way, but a thought I hadn't even brought into consideration is eating away at me. I completely forgot that Jace is leaving for University in the fall. The whole reason I met him is because I caught his Uni application. What will happen to us when he leaves? Will he ask that I go with him? Leave me behind and try long distance? Will be breakup with me? Am I just a summer fling?

**

Jace is taking his sweet time in the shower whilst I am having a complete heart attack over what to wear to the dinner. Do I dress casual since we are at home, or do I dress up like his parents were earlier? What will Jace wear? Should I dress in neutrals, or can I wear bolder colours? What is Zoe going to wear? Does she know? Maybe I should go ask her. If Jace comes out and sees me gone though he may come looking and that will just be embarrassing to explain. Oh, sorry, I don't know how to dress myself!

I groan and just decide on nice black jeans, dress shoes Jace bought me before hand and a white button up shirt that fits snugly and actually make me look like I have a decent figure. Overall, I actually like how I look and hope it's not too much. Or, too little. Maybe I should ask if I should wear a full suit, or is this casual shirt okay? Ugh, why did Jace even bring me!? I'm useless in these situations.

The sound of the bathroom door opening startles me and I snap my head to look at Jace, standing there in just a towel, gawking at me and eyes directed too far south for my comfort. I quickly look away to avoid staring at his gorgeous chest and to hide my burning cheeks.

"You look..."

"It's too much, isn't it?" I mumble, ready to take the shirt off.

"No! I--I mean... you look handsome, Kai," Jace tells me with a sweet smile, coming up and hugging me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder as he rocks us.

It's really sweet and I feel my body melt against him and my face burns with more humiliation as I feel my back end press against his slightly hard... front. Yeah, lets just say that.

"Uh, I... uhm... thank you," I mumble, thoughts becoming slightly jumbled as his hands lower from around my chest, to resting firmly on my hips.

He chuckles lowly in my ear, breath tickling my neck and sending shivers down my spine, "If we didn't have to go downstairs soon, I'd love to just tear this off of you. You have no idea what you're doing to me right now."

I take a shaky breath and stun myself when I say, "You know, there's always tonight."

He pauses and turns me around in his arms, giving me a serious look, but there's a slight quirk to his lips. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I gulp and look away, finding it suddenly hard to meet his gaze with my fading confidence, 'M-Maybe. I mean... there's not really any reason not to... I just... uhm."

Jace hushes my mumbling by pressing his soft lips to mine, not deepening it, just keeping it soft and gentle. Even though it's not rough and deep, it's equally as passionate as any other kiss, because I can feel all the love in it and I feel the words ready to slip past my lips, but the timing just isn't right in my mind. I want to say it at the perfect time, I want the declaration to mean something.

"Let's get through the dinner, I'll bring you on our date and then we'll talk about it after, alright? There's no pressure at all, it shouldn't happen just because it's something couples do. I want you to be ready and to want it. Okay?" He soothes, combing his fingers through my hair.

I nod and lean up on my tip-toes to give him a little peck before smiling at him and pushing him away so he would hurry up and get dressed. After he's dressed in a dark blue button up of his own and black slacks, we step out of his room and hurry down the hall and knock on Zoe's door. After a few thuds and cursing and a sigh, Zaq appears at the door looking quite exasperated.

"Zoe isn't quite ready, she'shaving issues-" Zaq starts, but is cut off by Zoe's annoyed voice.

"I am not having issues, you jerk! Kai! Please, I need help deciding what to wear!" She begs, coming out in just a tank top, boy-short underwear and hair in a messy bun.

I pout and feign insult, "Are you going by gay stereotypes and assuming that just because I'm your gay best friend I can help you pick out clothes?"

She snorts and waves me off, "Not at all! You being gay has nothing to do with it, you just tend to dress better and know more about hair than most girls I know. Now get your cute butt in here and help me!"

"Babe... shouldn't you put more on with people around?" Zaq sighs wearily.

Zoe just rolls her eyes, "Boo, you're my boyfriend and they're not interested. Go sit and keep Jace company while Kai and I get down to business!"

With that, she drags me into the bathroom and shuts the door. I begin rummaging through her clothes to help her find something when she sighs and leans against the counter, looking at me nervously.

"Something up, Zo?" I ask, suddenly worried.

She shrugs, fiddling with the elastic around her wrist, "Kai... do you ever get nervous that... you're not as good as Jace's past lovers?"

I frown, having really never thought of it before, "No, not really. Why?"

"I just... I've been putting off sex with Zaq this whole time because I know he's been with other girls and I know he says he loves me, but what if I'm not as good as they were and he's disappointed? It's not like he would tell me! But... I'm just worried and I already worry enough that I'm not loving enough or sweet and affectionate enough, or that I don't kiss as good as his ex's. I'm probably just over thinking, but it legitimately bothers me, Kai," Zoe explains with a soft sigh.

I smile at her and pull her in for a hug, "Zo, if he loves you, all that's going to matter to him is the fact that the girl he loves trusts him enough to lose her virginity to him. He's going to know you're inexperienced, and that doesn't make you bad. If anything, it will be good!"

She pulls away and frowns at me, "How is being inexperienced good?"

I smirk, "He can teach you all the things he likes. I don't think skill matters anyway, Zoe. It's all about who you're with and the feeling of togetherness. Also, the fact that he's your first will make him feel special."

Zoe smiles at me and shoves me off, "You're so cheesy, but I love you. Somehow--you little dork--you always cheer me up!"

I laugh and pick up a dress, "Just helping my favourite girl get some and be a confident woman about it! Now, I think you should wear this, it definitely screams 'Zaq, rip this off of me here and now!'"

Zoe bursts out laughing and takes the dress, "Perfect!"

***

If I thought this was going to be a simple dinner, I was sorely mistaken. As I take my seat I'm already confused by the silverware and fancy things set out. What the hell will I need two forks, three spoons and two knives for!? I don't even eat that much! Not to mention, I've lost Zoe's help because since she came out in the sexy little black dress, Zaq has had her glued to his side ready to whisk her off at any given moment.

Jace and I sit along the left side of the table with Martyn on Jace's other side and Zoe and Zaq sit directly across from us. The two seats at the head of the table remain empty as we sit in silence waiting for Jace and Martyn's parents to join us and I am feeling more and more awkward as time ticks on.

The silence is only broken when Jace goes into yet another coughing fit. During which, both Martyn and I have to pat his back and hold him up from the table while his body heaves with harsh coughs and wheezy breaths.

"Are you okay?" I ask, worry consuming me.

He nods his head, but quickly shakes his head and runs from the room, leaving everyone, as well as myself, sitting in worried silence. After a few moments of him being gone Martyn turns to me with a solemn expression.

"How long has this been happening?" he asks.

"About two weeks? How do you know it's been going on for a while?" I ask suspiciously.

Martyn just shrugs and leaves the room, probably to go after Jace. I consider going too, but by the looks of it, Martyn wants to go alone. I really hope Jace is okay. Does Martyn know something I don't? Is there truly something Jace is hiding from me? This whole trip is turning out to be a horrible idea and we've only been here a couple of hours. How will I handle nearly a week?

Finally Grace and Michael enter and take their seats, hardly noticing Jace and Martyn's absence until they enter moments later, both wearing blank expressions. Well, Jace is until he sits next to me and smiles at me in a way that's meant to assure me he's okay, but just makes me feel lied to if anything.

"So... Kai. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself? Seeing as you and our son seem to... be quite close," Mr. Levett says, eyes not lifting from his food.

I think my palms are sweating that'show nervous I am. "Uh, well... I'm eighteen, I recently graduated and I've been staying with Jace for the past... three months?"

Jace nods and smiles, "Yes. Kai came to stay with me around the beginning of May and he's a delight, right Grams?"

Grams nods and smiles almost smugly.

"Why did you move in with Jace and my mother? What about your parents? Surely it isn't normal to move in with friends... you two hardly knew each other correct?" Mrs.Levett inquires.

"Uhm, I had been staying with my mom and step dad, but my step dad wasn't the best of people... so, Jace offered for me to stay with him," I say, trying to skirt around the topic of my mother, but as luck would have it, they didn't give up on that.

"What about your mother? I'm sure she misses you-"

"Dad! That's really none of your business." Jace hisses.

"It's fine, Jace... My mom passed away shortly after I moved in with him," I continue, placing my hand over said boy's clenched fist.

Grace's face softens instantly and she lets the whole situation go thankfully, "I'm very sorry, Kai."

We continue eating in peace, everyone just mindlessly chatting. Grace takes quite a liking to Zoe and Zaq and Martyn get on splendidly, seeming to have quite a bit in common. It makes me happy to see Jace conversing with his parents as well. I try to stay quiet throughout most of dinner, happily just listening to the conversations. I think after years of having no one to talk to, I've grown used to being a listener rather than a talker. It's not really a bad thing anymore, if anything, I enjoy sitting back and listening to them speak so animatedly about their passions.

After dinner, Zoe and Zaq take off for their own date and Grams retires to her room for the night. Leaving me, Jace, Martyn and their parents.

"Kai, you said you have an interest in music right? Martyn, why don't you show him the studio room!" Grace says with an overly cheerful smile.

I look to Jace, because I really don't want to leave his side and I think he realizes that because he mouths an apology before allowing his mother to guide him from the room mumbling some things under her breath. Micheal just smiles at us politely before excusing himself and going after them.

"I'm sorry about them," Martyn says, leading me down the hall and down a narrow L-shaped stairs case. "They really are good people, it's just... there's been a lot going on lately and I think they're a little stressed out."

I shake my head, "No, it's okay. I think they're rather lovely. I'm just... not really good at socializing."

Martyn chuckles, "Yeah, I picked upon that. I never used to be either, but our parents were always throwing big dinners, and dragging us to office parties and tea parties, and social gatherings, and a bunch of other boring crap. You get used to it is what I'm saying."

A light flicks on and the room I'm presented with is actually quite modernized. The walls have that triangular black padding for sound proofing and there are instruments all over and the northern most wall is basically just a huge shelf filled with records and CD's.

"This is incredible!" I exclaim, walking over to the record collection and studying them in complete fascination.

"Yeah, Jace loves music. Could never play it, that was more my thing, but he often locked himself up down in the little studio room and listened to music for hours on end," Martyn tells me, sitting on a bench and smiling at me acting like a little kid.

"I can imagine that," I say quietly. "If I ever had a place like this, I'd do the same thing."

"He never could get into our parents high life shit, so he more often than not ran off down here to hide and be alone," He explains to me. "It's been weird to come down here and see it empty honestly."

I nod in understanding. Just thinking about seeing a place where Jace once loved to be, remembering always seeing him there, expecting his presence in a certain place and then the cold and empty feeling of walking in and seeing that place empty and void of his warm presence. I shiver at the thought.

Over in the far right corner, I see a keyboard and my interest is instantly sparked. "Do you think while I'm here I could come down and play? I mean, if it's not a bother or anything... I don't mean to-"

"It's alright, Kai!" Martyn laughs. "I like you and this place is basically mine and Jace's, feel welcome to come down here whenever you want."

I smile gratefully at him, "Thank you for showing me this, but I should go find Jace now, we were supposed to go out tonight."

Martyn nods and waves me off as I make my way back upstairs and down the hallway in search of my boyfriend. I exit through the kitchen and am about to walk into the living room when I'm halted by the hushed voices coming from inside. I pause and press myself against the wall, hating myself for eavesdropping.

"Jacen! Be reasonable! You're not in high school anymore, it's time you start making mature decisions. How can you expect to have any kind of future with some boy? I think we already established that relationships you choose yourself never end well. Shouldn't you have learned your lesson?" Micheal scolds.

"Kai is nothing like Charlie! I love him and I've been through too damn much with him to just throw it all away now just because you guys want... Jesus if this is my future, where he hell is my say!?" Jace spits, sounding exasperated.

"And we're supposed to take your word on it? What could you have possibly gone through in just three months that could be worth risking your future? Jacen, you will get a say when we know you can make responsible decisions!" Grace snaps.

"By responsible, you mean decisions that line up with exactly what you want for me. Mom, what has happened between me and Kai is none of your business, I don't dig around in yours and father's personal lives, do I? It's disrespectful to snoop." Jace says, almost sounding snide and pissed. "I love Kai, and I'm not leaving him!"

I almost smile at his insistence, but it fades when I hear Mr. Levett's rage filled voice snap, "Oh!? And when he finds out the truth!? What then, Jacen!? Everything will have been for nothing! You need to be here. Enough with chasing after these silly dreams and making decisions on a whim! Grow up and do what's right, for once in your life!"

"I don't know! Okay!? I don't really care if my searching for happiness goes against all your stupid plans! I am doing what's right, you're just too blinded by your money and shiny cars to fucking see that!" Jacen's voice cracks and I can tell he's on the verge of tears.

A sigh comes from someone, "Jace...you will meet the girl, treat her with respect and after the arrangements are made, we will talk about moving you back here. If you want to live away from home, fine. We'll get you your own apartment, but you know you need to be here."

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. My eyes well with tears and I don't even care that I'm biting down on my lip so hard it's begun to bleed. The sudden sound of something shattering and angry gasps makes me jump and I look up to see a furious Jace fly out of the living room, only to stop dead in his tracks, wide-eyed as he sees me.

"Kai..." He breathes.

I shake my head, letting the tears fall as I dart past him and up the stairs, locking myself in Zaq and Zoe's room. I should have never come. I should have never let him steal my heart. I should have never thought that anyone could love me. I should have never been stupid enough to think that I could ever find real happiness.

~Shay<3