924 AF1.1 - Emerald's POV

I leaned back into my seat and absentmindedly placed a hand on my head while reading one of the many documents in the boxes (y/n)'s friend had brought. Ever since the girl came, I've been spending hours searching through the drawings, stories, and notes trying to understand his musings. Everything contained in the cardboard boxes were his obsessions over documenting every detail, almost as if he was scared he'd forget if he didn't. Now, whatever his obsession is, it's now mine.

The notes were mostly consistent. The writing was rushed and messy. His ideas were disjointed and lacking a clear form, but I couldn't help but read them anyway. These documents showed the life (y/n) had lived this whole time. The man was haunted by the lack of my existence while I had no idea he suffered like this. I didn't even know about him until he showed up here in the hospital. It was surreal seeing what went through (y/n)'s head on a daily basis. There was never a day (y/n) didn't think about me. He craved his "imaginary friend" like it was his life essence and it clearly consumed his entire life.

Where the hell is she? I'm starting to feel like I really am fucked up in the head! Everyone. Literally, EVERYONE keeps telling me I'm crazy! They don't understand though. I've seen her. I've felt her skin on mine. I know too much about her for her to not be real! I know she hums to herself whenever no ones around. I know she loves to just sit at home and listen to droplets of rain hit the window. I know she always taps her index finger when she's thinkin-

I look down at my empty hand to see my index finger stopped mid-tap. I ball my hand into a fist to try and disperse any temptation to continue tapping. Every word on the paper was awfully accurate and there was never a moment I haven't felt uneasy.

I rub at my eyes and put down the paper. The clock on the wall read a few hours later than I expected. I've spent way too much time looking over the whole situation, but I couldn't help but stop reading. The whole thing, while unnerving, captured my interest. I've never heard or seen anything like this. It's never been documented or anything.

I glance back at the sheet of paper. The pain (y/n) had been feeling through the years was easy to pick up on through his scribbled words. So many of his writings revolved around the torment he'd been experiencing on a daily basis. Everyone around him thought he had gone insane and he started to believe it himself. He needed me in his life and yet he had no clear proof I was real or if I was just a figment of his imagination. He just couldn't let go. The idea of me drove him into depression and a lot of reckless action.

I recall an entry from earlier I read. (y/n) described in great detail how he planned on running away and entering the underground criminal world to seek me out. A desperate attempt to find the love that his past selves all experienced drove him to the limit. The entry was dated a week before he was admitted into the hospital. The note sat on the top of the pile next to a small note addressed to Ruby explaining his actions. At this point, (y/n) was relying on desperate measures. He was breaking inside.

My stomach churned at the idea of having that much power over someone I didn't even know until recently. As strong as (y/n) tried to come off, he was clearly worn down and on the brink of losing it under the surface and his writings confirmed that. The years of not knowing and having everyone around him questioning his sanity took a toll on him. It eroded his sanity and broke his resolve. All of it brought him to murder fifteen innocent lives in desperation. Knowing that, I was at a loss.

(y/n) has been hurting for so long I understood the hope he must be feeling right now after finding out he hadn't gone insane. Even if he never mentioned it, I felt the internalized pressure to live up to (y/n)'s expectations rising. I knew what he would want now. It was as clear as day.

He would want... me.

And honestly, I wasn't sure I could give him what he wanted. I've never really fallen in love. The closest is probably Cinder, but that would be more from admiration than a romantic kind of love. I couldn't promise (y/n) something I wasn't even sure I could promise someone even if I really did love them.

I've always been a confident person. I'd choose a path and follow it, consequences be damned. This though, I'm not exactly sure where to start. I'm (y/n)'s doctor and I need to figure out what exactly is going on and fix it. While I do see some things in (y/n) like his charm and attractiveness and his ability to not annoy me like most people do, I don't think I can exactly reciprocate his feelings. At that point, I'm not sure how he'd react if he knew I couldn't love him in return.

The relationship was completely off balance. I hardly knew the man while he knew everything there is to know about me. I imagine love to be a good game of deception. Each player needed to be on the same level to make it last. If one could easily see through the trick, it would end as fast as it started. Looking down at the boxes that sat next to my desk, (y/n) and I were clearly not on the same level.

I pick up a pen and fiddle with it between my fingers while thinking. The last thing I want to do is hurt (y/n). I don't want to cause more pain than he's already endured. I started to feel closer to (y/n) after reading over his many thoughts. I know the power I hold over him and what he might do if I reject him. I've never really been good at the emotional things in life and now I've been put face to face with a situation that relied solely on my emotional abilities. I can't get out of this by flashing a fake smile and walking away. Either I fall in love with (y/n) and everything works out well or I don't accept his love. Then what happens to (y/n)? I couldn't guarantee him that everything would work out in the end. Even though nothing has started, I already fear how it might end.

I let out a groan and place my head in my hands, reminding myself I have no responsibility to live up to (y/n)'s expectations. I was his doctor. My responsibility is his health and well-being. It didn't mean I have to fall in love with him. I care for him but learning to fall in love with a patient was never covered in any of my schoolings.

I look over at the clock and the small stack of papers on my desk, debating if I should continue reading or call it a night. Once again, the papers won out. As I reached out to the next document, a small pang of guilt resonated inside knowing other patients were pushed to the back burner ever since (y/n)'s unique circumstances occupied my mind. I couldn't help it though, my curiosity begged to be fed.

Immediately after picking up the paper, I could tell it was a story. All of (y/n)'s memories flowed much easier onto the page than his thoughts and feelings. Those notes were often sporadic and scratched out in places. The stories were more calmly written and, unlike his thoughts, weren't always filled with pain and sadness. They were simply memories (y/n) had. He'd write these down just to preserve them. They were often moments in time. Glimpses into the many lives they shared together. I'm still not exactly sure what to think of it all. It's all so hard to believe, but is there any other choice? While I won't admit it out loud, some of these stories had a calming, comforting feeling that wasn't exactly unwelcome.

With each paper I read, I gained a little more insight into who (y/n) was. In an unexpected way, I learned more about myself too. When I read one of his stories that went into detail about a lazy night under the stars, I felt a yearning to experience it first hand. (y/n) would tell me I have experienced it but just that I don't remember. The stories taught me that I could place in national events for track and field if I tried. I've always enjoyed running and physical activity in general, but I've never thought about competing in anything. They also taught me that my ability to put up facades around others isn't anything new. I've always been rather fake around people I don't know, thought Mercury thinks I'm being fake just to be rude. I've learned more about myself in the four days after (y/n)'s been admitted than I've learned from myself in the last ten plus years. It was overwhelming to say the least, but at the same time, a whole world of possibilities seemed to open up. Personal doubts and fears that clouded my judgement seemed to wash way after reading about another me in another time or another world overcoming the same doubts and fears.

I check the time again as I continue to let my eyes scan over (y/n)'s writings and lose myself into the early hours of the morning.

_____

Third Person POV

It was mid-afternoon and (y/n) sat in the common room and hastily drew simple figures onto the cool foggy windows. With quick movements of his finger, he drew figures of trees and people before the canvas cleared and had to start over again.

Suddenly, the doors to the common room swung open and a sporadic man sprinted through. Not far behind him were four techs who quickly brought him down onto the ground.

"Get the fuck away from me! No! Don't touch me!"

(y/n) turned away and refocused on the window and his current musings. While he didn't notice, Doctor Sustrai walked into the room, hand rubbing at her temple. She was nearly asleep at her desk when her patient became agitated and burst out of her office. Emerald had spent most of the night reading and taking in the paintings (y/n) had made over the years and neglected her need for sleep. It was clear the situation with (y/n) was taking its toll on the young doctor as it affected her ability to focus on early morning appointments.

Currently, Emerald had her arms crossed as she observed (y/n) from afar. He hadn't noticed the woman who he projected all of his affection towards was watching him from across the room. Emerald knot her eyebrows as she took (y/n) in. He had an almost feral aura, possibly because of his focused eyes from what she could tell from everything she's read, the man was all about action. Words didn't matter if you couldn't act, something Emerald could relate to. She's known too many people who talked big but couldn't back it up. Through (y/n)'s journals, she knew that his temper and unwillingness to mince words had gotten him in trouble more than a few times. While she hadn't seen (y/n)'s temper, she's heard about his attitude when he was dealing with Dr. Arc on the first day during his assessment. Strangely enough, he didn't give Emerald the same attitude. Even in his stories, her and (y/n) always seemed to get along and Emerald had to admit, from every story she's read, she could see why. The two were like the opposite sides to the same coin. They're the same, just expressed differently.

"You OK, Dr. Sustrai?"

Emerald was pulled from her thoughts and turned her attention to the source of her interruption. Miss. Arc stood next to her, head cocked slightly to the side and curiosity in her eyes.

"Yeah... Just thinking."

"About (y/n)?"

Emerald stiffened slightly, feeling caught redhanded. "... yeah." Her voice wavered a little.

Arc nodded. "He certainly is something else..."

"That's an understatement."

"How are things going with him?"

Emerald was stuck, unsure of how to respond. Well (y/n) isn't actually delusional and he just experiences memories from his past lives and alternate realities? He's in love with me and I'm afraid I'll break him even more?

Instead of responding, she opted to let out a groan.

"That well, huh?"

"I'm just... not entirely sure about him yet. He responds to me well... but I'm worried he expects too much from me."

Arc nodded in understanding. "He is pretty infatuated with you. I don't blame him though. A beautiful woman like you... who would be?"

Emerald raised a brow and looked at the slightly shorter woman. "I uh... have a report to write." She stated somewhat awkwardly before turning away and leaving the common room.

Miss. Arc broke into a laugh. Working in a serious environment made her want to tease the more uptight doctors, Doctor Sustrai being one of her favourite targets.

_____

After a brief knock on the door, the person on the other end already pushed it open. Before she could respond, (y/n) had already poked his head into the office. "Hey, doc."

Emerald gave him a small smile and motioned him into her office. He was a few minutes early for his appointment, but Emerald had already figured he would be. It was clear that (y/n) wanted to be around her as much as possible. It was almost as if he was afraid she would disappear if he looked away.

(y/n) sat in the wooden chair that sat across from Emerald's desk. The doctor motioned to the larger red chaise chair that ran along the side of her office. "Are you sure you don't want to sit there?"

(y/n) shook his head. "Nah. I don't wanna feel like a patient. I mean, I know I am. I just don't wanna feel like I am."

"Fair enough."

"Have you uh..." (y/n) paused and looked down at the cardboard boxes that contained his life's work. "You read all of those?"

Emerald chucked and shook her had. "Not even close... There's a lot to go through. I have been reading as much as I can though."

(y/n) nodded and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "Sorry about the smut..."

Emerald felt her cheeks warm at the mention of some of the more mature stories she came across while going through the boxes. If she wanted to lie to herself, she would claim she didn't want to know about the two's past sexual activity and would have simply pushed the papers away to the bottom of the pile and start on a new page. Instead, whenever she came across one of the smut filled writings, her eyes would continue to read each word on the page. She eventually told herself that she was simply reading it as an academic and that it would be childish to skip on the smutty ones just because they contained more mature themes. A part of her knew it was a lie and that she truly was interested in knowing what they had gotten up to before, but she wouldn't admit it just yet. Emerald could feel her cheeks grow warmer by the second and cleared her throat.

"Not, it's fine. It's completely understandable." She pushed back her embarrassment and let her training take over. Emerald needed to be professional, even though the very mention of the materials had put some of the more vivid images of (y/n)'s writings back into her head. The image of the two short of breath after an animalistic night flashed across her mind as she pushed it out of her thoughts.

(y/n) gave a small smile and a light chuckle in return. There was an adoring look in his eyes at Emerald's rather automated response. Catching himself and not wanting to make her feel too uncomfortable, he bit his lip and glanced away to break eye contact. This action didn't go unnoticed his doctor.

"(y/n), are you alright with me being your doctor?" (y/n) gave Emerald a confused look.

"Yeah, of course. I wouldn't want anyone else..." He paused. "... to be my doctor."

(y/n) was as transparent as the wind and Emerald felt the pity fill her stomach. It was obvious he was trying to choose his words wisely since he didn't want to screw this up. "If this becomes too difficult, we can stop and have another doct-"

"No!" (y/n) almost jumped out of his seat, but quickly caught himself and straightened in his chair. "No... It's... No. I want this."

Emerald watched her patient cautiously for a moment, uneasy of how everything could turn out with one slip up. She already screwed up with one patient earlier and she'd hate to think about what (y/n) might do if she let him down too.

"Alright." Emerald gave (y/n) a small but genuine smile. If this is what he wanted, then Emerald would try and help him. The doctor then leaned forward in her seat and rested her hands on the desk, making it clear she was being serious. "I know this is difficult for you and that there are some... expectations.."

"Well... No... I..." (y/n) paused and looked down. He couldn't lie to Emerald or himself. There were expectations and he understood Emerald didn't owe him anything. But he figured the universe would've helped him in some way after the torture he's endured up until now. Emerald was finally in his life and he believed that a love would grow between them like it always had.

Emerald waited to see if (y/n) would finish his sentence, but he didn't. In response, she continued. "I can't promise you anything. I will be your doctor and I will help you to the best of my ability. But of course, there are... limitations to how far this relationship will extend."

(y/n) didn't make eye contact and instead remained looking down. He tried to not feel the pain that Emerald's words brought and nodded softly. "Yeah..." He forced the word out through the pain. (y/n) had to believe the universe would pay him back after all this time.

Emerald looked down in guilt when she heard (y/n)'s soft voice slightly crack on the single word. "I need to know that you're really okay with this. If you ever feel the need to do anything dras-"

"I won't. I... I know I'm not crazy now. I'm not... I'm not going anywhere now." (y/n)'s (e/c) eyes looked up to meet Emerald's crimson ones. His eyes pleaded for the doctor to believe him. He had finally found Emerald after all these years. There was no way he could abandon this life now that he's found the crucial piece of his life here.

"Alright, (y/n)." Emerald's expression softened a little, causing (y/n) to relax in his seat and breathe a little easier. "Why don't we start some easy... see if we can figure out what's causing you to remember all of these memories..." Emerald cocked her head and picked up her clipboard and pen. "When did you realize what your memories were?"

"That they were past lives?" (y/n) looked up and got a nod of confirmation from Emerald. "I remember I was really confused about it for a long time. Even when I was younger, I had memories of us when we were older. It was weird to see these... glimpses of what could be the future." (y/n)'s brow furrowed as he struggled to explain it.

"I can only imagine..." Emerald's head ached ever so slightly but ignored it, blaming lack of sleep to be the problem.

"Yeah. I know a lot of... strange things." (y/n) looked down at the boxes he managed to fill over the years. "There's a reason why I write it all down, y'know? When I get older, I get Alzheimer's and start to forget you."

Emerald swallowed hard at the confession. She hadn't considered why (y/n) had kept such tedious records but after hearing his reasoning, she felt even worse than before. (y/n) cared so deeply about her that he'd spend hours each day documenting everything just to remember her when he starts forgetting. Emerald had lived in ignorance of (y/n)'s existence while he suffered alone.

Emerald thought for a moment before noticing something. "Wait... Do you always get Alzheimer's?"

"Yeah. If I make it that far though. Genetics or something I guess."

Emerald swallowed and thought about her parents. "My mother... she had cancer..." She noticed (y/n) flinch a little after hearing the words. He knew where the question was headed before she could finish. She stopped there, knowing she wouldn't have to continue.

"Yeah..." (y/n) sighed. He'd lost Emerald to medical conditions like cancer more than a few times. Barring violence, it was what took Emerald most often in her younger years. "Most times you're fine. Wouldn't hurt to get checked though."

Emerald nodded. She felt a little relief from (y/n)'s words, but couldn't help but ask about her friends. "... and Cinder?"

(y/n) scratched the back of his head. "Just make sure she gets regular checkups just in case... Catch it early."

She felt a small bit of relief after hearing (y/n)'s advice for Cinder. Emerald's mother had passed away when she was only eleven and since then, she's been worried either her or a close friend would be affected as well. While it was worrying to hear that Cinder could possibly have to endure the same pain Emerald's mother had, at least she knew she could prevent it. "How uh... how often does she get it?"

"Maybe once every four lives?" (y/n) winced slightly as he said it. He hated being the one to tell Emerald that her best friend could end up just like her mother, but he also understood that an early warning could be the difference.

"Right..." Emerald made a note on her clipboard to remind herself to call Cinder to get her an appointment. (y/n) noticed Emerald's worried expression and decided to change the subject.

"You know, Em. I never would've thought I'd find you in a nut house."

Emerald quirked a brow. "Why's that?"

"It's just... you usually gravitate towards more physical professions... Things that allow you to punch people in the face or test the law a little. I can't imagine you'd get away with that here."

Emerald tried not to crack a smile. She would admit there had been a few times she's want to punch someone in the face, but she genuinely did enjoy her job. It was a mix of structure and chaos. There were rules but there were also challenges that required concentration and quick thinking. It was a perfect mix for her.

"Normally you'd become something like... I don't know... an athlete or uh... join the military. Who would've thought you'd be a whitecoat?" (y/n) let out an amused puff. "Must've flown through schooling to be a doctor so young."

Emerald nodded slightly. "I finished early... Had to actually. Having no other family income does that to you..."

"Here too, huh?" (y/n) shook his head slightly.

Emerald knitted her eyebrows. She knew she was going off track from trying to figure out what was causing (y/n)'s memories, but her curiosity got the better of her. "What do you mean?"

"You don't always lose both of your parents so young... but when you do, you usually end up taking on so much since you don't want external help, no matter how much Cinder offers it."

Emerald stayed silent for a moment. It was strange to have someone know so much about her and her family. In a way, it was refreshing. She didn't have to explain or go reminisce old, painful memories for someone else to understand. (y/n) just knew. "What do you know about Cinder?"

(y/n) leaned back in his seat a little. "Strong. Determined. A natural leader. You've met Mercury, right?"

Emerald stiffened slightly at the name. "What?"

"Mercury. Grey hair, kinda douchey." (y/n) explained a little further but was met with silence. He knew Emerald knew exactly who he was talking about. "He's gonna ask Cinder out."

"He wouldn't." Emerald quickly replied.

(y/n) formed a small smile at her sharp answer. "You sure about that?"

"I'd never allow it."

(y/n) laughed. "Never change, Em."

_____

A/N

Another chapter finished. If you hadn't caught on, both of Emerald's parents are deceased. Since they really aren't in RWBY ever, I'm assuming they're dead there too.

At the time of finishing this chapter, we've hit 300+ reads and almost 20 votes!

4127 words