It was cold that night. She shivered against the wind that attacked her skin. She had been woken up by the incessant beeping of her phone. There were 23 new messages from Sarah. She was reluctant to open them because earlier that night she got into a fight with her regarding her degrading behaviour towards her and Tasha. But when she finally did read the messages, what she read chilled her to the bone.

~~~

Observing Tasha the next few days at school only served to confirm Sarah's words. She finally noticed the way she always ignored her, and the way she would change the topic when she joined in.

And then there were the stares. The stares of her classmates when they thought she wasn't looking, the occasional stare of the teachers who seemed to be observing her. She didn't know how anyone would believe what Tasha had said in front of the whole class on the one day she was absent from school. She didn't know how they believed that she had touched Tasha inappropriately.

At first she didn't want to believe Sarah. But after everything that had happened she couldn't help but feel betrayed. She had always trusted them, and had always helped them any time they asked without asking for anything in return. And they both had betrayed her. Her heart hurt. Her eyes hurt. And she couldn't breathe as she sobbed in the bathroom away from her parents' eyes.

~~~

It was cold again. She shivered in her black dress. It was bound to rain soon. Around her, her new 'friends' were laughing. She supposed they weren't really friends. She already lost all her friends in the course of two days and this group of rebel outcasts was the only ones not disgusted by her. She only wanted to feel accepted again, and right now she felt like she was drowning.

They were supposed to leave for a party. There were eight of them and not enough seats in the car. Five of them got into their seats and the rest was to sit on other's laps. She was about to get in when Riana called out from the driver's seat. She was the de facto leader of this rag tag group and everyone listened to her.

"Oh, honey, seems like there isn't enough space."

"But... I said I'll come..." She could feel her eyes itching already.

"Well, sorry honey. Maybe next time. Bye!"

She could only stare as they drove, leaving her on the pavement. She felt like she should've expected this. She was new to the group, and she never really completely fit in, or felt comfortable with them.

She fished out her phone to call her father. He picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

Hearing his voice alone helped calm her nerves. "Hey dad. Are you busy?"

"I'm at a meeting right now. I have to pick you up at 10 right, darling?"

She scuffed her shoes against the cement. "No need dad. I'm not going."

"How are you going to come home sweetie?" He sounded concerned.

"It's okay dad. I have a ride." She felt bad lying to him, but he didn't want to bother him for something so small.

"Are you sure? I can come and drop you home."

"I'm sure dad. You get back to your meeting. It's okay."

"If you say so... Be careful when you go home."

"I will dad. Bye!" The call ended and she sighed. She ran a hand through her hair.

She started to walk home. She probably had about a half an hour walk. It had started to thunder and within minutes it started to rain.

~~~

She felt numb. She stared as the coffin was lowered into the ground. She vaguely heard her mother's cries as they started to fill up the grave. She barely felt it when her knees gave out as she fell to the ground, her black dress splattered in mud.

Her mind flashed back to a vivid childhood memory, and that's when the tears started to fall.

~~~

"You have to paddle faster darling. Come on! Yeah, you can do it!"

Her laugh echoed in the summer air as her dad pushed her bicycle from behind.

She felt him let go, but she wasn't scared. In fact she felt like she was on top of the world. And for a few moments everything was perfect, until she lost her balance and she tumbled to the ground.

Her dad was there in an instant. He brushed off the dust on her pink shorts and wiped off her tears. Her elbow was scraped and seeing the blood made her cries even louder.

"Aw, don't cry. Daddy will make it better alright?"

He carried her home and tended to her wound. They drank hot chocolate, even though it was a hot day, and even watched her favourite movie. She fell asleep tucked into her dad's side.

~~~

She was spiralling. Destructive even. She never had the motivation to even try at school anymore. Her grades were dropping and a lot of the time she even ignored her basic needs.

She spent hours aimlessly scrolling through social media. The glare from the screen hurt her eyes as she scrolled through post after post of her former friends, each one feeling like a knife to the heart until one day she threw her phone at the wall in anger; finally breaking it.

She was frequently angry, snapping at the simplest of things. It felt like ants scrawling under her skin, and she hated it. She stayed away from home. Seeing her mother acting as if nothing happened was aggravating her and she didn't know when she'd finally snap.

~~~

"Where have you been?"

She had been walking around town like she always did these days. She was a lot later than usual, but she couldn't bring herself to care. But today, it seems her mother was waiting for her. She moved to walk past her, only for her path to be blocked.

"No. You don't get to runaway until you tell me what's been going on with you. Your teacher called. Told me you weren't at school. So tell me! Where the hell have you been?!"

The anger that had been building exploded. "Yeah! So what? I didn't go cause I didn't want to! You can't force me! I hate it! I hate seeing you act like you don't miss dad! I hate that I'm angry right now and I don't want to care anymore!"

She pushed past her and ran into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. Her outburst had sapped all emotion out of her.

She rummaged around the drawers until she found the small bottle. She numbly sat on her bed opening it and taking out a handful of pills. She reached for the glass of water on her bedside table. She could just end it then and there. Just, sleep, forever. She wouldn't have to care anymore.

A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts.

"Hey... Sweetie... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you. Please... Could you please open the door?" He mother sounded defeated, and it almost broke her heart.

She could've just ignored it. But her body seemed to have mind of its own. Next thing she knew the both of them were sitting on her bed. There was a slightly uncomfortable silence between them, which her mother broke.

"I miss dad too."

And that's when the tears came and then she was clutching her mother like a lifeline; crying onto her shoulder. She didn't know if her mother noticed the pills. Even if she did, she never mentioned it.

It was then that she knew they were going to be okay. They had a long road ahead of them, but they were going to be okay. She was going to be okay...

~~~
It was her final therapy session that day.

Stepping out into the open, she had never felt that free in her whole life.

The sun was shining and it felt warm on her face.