Journal,

Once again my mind has brought me to write in you. It has almost been a year since the last entry. These moments come few and far between because it is after many months of turmoil am I compelled to write what is torturing me. Once again my memories have invaded my dreams, and it is as though I am reliving all the same horrors as the past.

Today I had spent the day with Italy; he had wanted me to come over and eat pasta with him. I figured I could allow it since he had been unusually productive the other day. I spent most of the day at his house, but as the wine slowly worked its way through my system, it left me feeling the same rumination as before. I excused myself from his house and once again returned home with sickly guilt and remorse. Once again I must wonder if the date plays a part.

Never in my life did I ever feel so monstrous and filthy. I remember the columns of smoke that once used to drift in the sky. I remember the smell... the screams... cries... all of the people murdered. Never is there enough sorrys for them. Never.

It was the darkest point of my life. Some part of me wishes my country had died then. I had taken away Bruder's right as a country. I had taken over his government with my own wretched one. If I never had, he would not have been ripped away from me and locked away in that bastard's house for so long, or at all. Some day, I should apologize properly to Bruder... I took away his vitality.

There are many things I wish I could take back, but this is the one I wish I could take back the most. I want to give those 6 million plus people another chance at life. I want to let my Bruder be a country again.

This is one thing I do not think I will ever be forgiven for. For some strange reason, deep down, I am okay with this. There is no forgiveness for me in this matter, and frankly, I do not deserve it should it be given.

-Germany