The next morning, I was shaken awake. Forgetting where I was, my mind immediately assumed it was one of my children, and I mumbled, "Mummy's tired, go ask daddy."

"So it is true. This is yours," a voice that was neither of my children's said.

I opened my eyes in a start, and saw my wedding ring in front of my face. Léa's face flared at my obvious recognition.

"Please, I can explain—"

"That you're married? What were you thinking? Get out. You've got a life, and it doesn't include me."

"Léa I'm not happy! It's not a good life, it's nothing like—"

"Judging by your mumbling you have kids, too, so I'm guessing your husband must be worried sick right now."

My tears were coming on again.

"Léa, please. I just want to be with—"

"No. You should stick to your vows. Til death."

"I may have loved him, but we are no longer the same! He drinks. We fight. The kids are the only reason we're together."

"Be that as it may, I won't be used for adultery."

"Then what do you want me to do!? I still love you!"

"And I you," she said, eyes watering.

The frustration had welled up in both of us & we shared silent tears with each other.

Finally, after a while, Léa shrugged into her coat, grabbed her luggage trunk, and whispered the words that now haunt me to this day as I write this memoir:

"It's not meant to be."

If I had let those words be the end of us, I would not be writing this while aboard The Aphrodite. I would not have had the courage to leave Edgar and take my kids with me. Or to love the woman I had desired for so long.

But, it was meant to be.