Running is a natural human instinct.

When something scares you, you run. When something threatens you, you run. It's a rational reaction

Maybe she was irrational, or so she thought.
All she wanted to since she had called him was to get out of that room. She had spent thirteen years without her in this room yet today the room seemed to claw at her mind, to break her worse than ever. But she couldn't move.

She had tasted freedom, freedom from this room, the memories, and now she was addicted.

Every other minute, a tear made its way down her feet and her legs started hurting from standing in the same spot for so long. Yet none of those things came close to the dilemma in her fragile brain.

She heard the door open, she felt his presence in the room, she realized the calming effect, but she did not move.

"Zaib?" He questioned.

She still stared ahead, where she could see her sitting.

"She used to sit there. That was her side of the bed and she was so beautiful. So so beautiful. I don't even hold a flame to her. She had the perfect height, the perfect figure. You would've liked her if she were alive, I don't think you would've even thought I was pretty." She said, her words unfiltered

"Who are you talking about?" He asked.
Of course he didn't know.
Nobody knew, they didn't want anybody to know.
They wanted to bury her thought and her memory just like her.

"I'm not crazy, Hamza, I promise." For the first time in about half an hour, she took a step away from her spot

"Of course you're not." He tenderly held her cheek and she just wanted to throw herself at him and cling onto him forever.
He seemed safe. Like he wouldn't hurt her.

But then again, she couldn't be sure.
It's the ones who are supposed to keep you safe that threaten you the most.

Without another word, she strolled out of the room and out of the house without any goodbyes.
She could hear her parents asking her questions, hissing in anger but she walked on regardless.
She had heard them for thirteen years, scolding her for saying the truth, not anymore.

The truth shouldn't be a crime.

She sat in the car, still staring ahead and not blinking. She seemed to be in a kind of trance, one she wanted to break but couldn't.

Soon after, she felt him sit next to her and they drove off. She didn't know what lie he had fed her parents but whatever it was, they deserved it.

The moon shone bright, casting a blue shade over the entire city.
The moon understood the blue feeling too.

Every other minute, he would look over at her, hoping she would talk but she still stayed quiet and stared ahead. She wanted to shake this feeling off, it felt like being trapped in her own body, kind of like a sleep paralysis. Her mind was coming up with words to explain her gratitude and her sadness to him but her mouth wouldn't co operate.

As they reached their house, she opened the car door and waited for him to unlock the main door. She walked on and now he began worrying.

Was she okay?
Of course she wasn't. He felt stupid even thinking that.
But what could he think or say when he didn't know even a fraction of what had happened.

She walked into the bathroom, throwing her shawl away and staring at the shell of a girl in the mirror.
Anyone normal would start crying in this situation but she still remained transfixed.

She splashed her face with water, as if to thaw her brain and make herself feel.

"Are you okay in there?"
Hamza asked, standing awkwardly outside the door.

She didn't answer, instead she just kept splashing her face with water.

What if her mother was right? What if he actually left her if she didn't give him what all men wanted?
She couldn't afford that.
She had gotten out of that house after so long, she couldn't go back there again.
She couldn't just go ahead and kiss him either.

She opened her cupboard, starting at the sultry lingerie stashed in a corner.
She chose a black one and dressed herself in it.

She honestly wanted to throw it off and just go to bed, and then wake up in his arms. That was all she wanted. But maybe her mother was right, this wouldn't be enough for him.

After all, he was a man. They all wanted the same thing.

So, she kept telling herself only one thing while she dressed up for him.

This is for your own good. You won't ever have to go back there. This is for your own good

She let her hair down, adorning herself with red lipstick and stared ahead at the mirror.

He was going to get what he wanted and then she wouldn't fear him divorcing her. Then she wouldn't have to go back to her old room.

She walked out, mustering all the confidence she had in her, however little it was.

He whirled around at the sound of the door opening and just stood there, staring at him.

She stared into his eyes, and he surprisingly enough wasn't staring at the body she was putting on display, he just stared into her eyes.

She looked scared, unsure but determined, as if this was a target she had to achieve.

Now, it was him who didn't move an inch and it was her who approached him, holding his gaze firmly in hers.

She stood so close to him, he could sense her fear but he couldn't let go of her eyes.
He didn't even care about how gorgeous and seductive the rest of her body looked, to him her face was the most beautiful of art.

He was sure he could see the world's most beautiful woman, world's most beautiful painting of a woman, world's most beautiful sculpture of a woman or even the goddess of beauty herself, and Zaib would still be the most beautiful woman around.

He looked at her as if he was trying to memorize her. He stared at her black eyes and how perfectly they complemented her dark brown hair. He stared at her puffy little nose and her thin lips and thought that no one could be this beautiful.

She slid an arm around his waist and almost instinctively, he put his hand around the nape of her neck, his thumb caressing her cheekbone.

He was beautiful. His big, hazel eyes made her want to drown herself into them. She grazed his sharp nose, his full lips and his sharp jawline with her index finger.

His other hand slid around her waist, holding her firmly yet tenderly.
She felt like she could lose and find herself over and over again in his safe embrace.

Another part of her interrupted and told her she was wrong.

From the looks of it, she was pretty sure he wouldn't be the one to make the first move.
She stood on her tiptoes, her lips near to his.

He closed his eyes as she leaned closer, but when he didn't feel her lips on his, he opened his eyes and found her staring at him.

She was scared but more than that she was in awe of the man she could call her husband.

He smiled genuinely.
She looked taken aback, as if she wasn't expecting him to be happy about this.
Sure, he was surprised at this sudden change of heart but he was also happy.
Happy that he could have her close to him.

They kept gazing into each other's eyes for a long time before she leaned in and finally closed the distance between them.

As her lips touched his, she felt utterly stupid for being scared of this, of him.
She wanted to stay like this forever, she wanted to hold him and have him hold her forever.

He held her face in both hands, and kissed her gently because he felt how fragile she was but she was intoxicating. So bloody intoxicating that he wanted to lose control but he retained himself, he wouldn't be tough with her, that was the only way to make her see that he wasn't a monster.

She felt eternal, as if she was floating in the sky with stars. She pulled him even closer and he did the same, both of them happily confused at this sudden turn of events.

His hands slid down from her face to the rest of her self and he smiled against her lips as he felt her shudder and he knew it wasn't because she was scared.

Everywhere he touched her, she felt clean, safe, pure.

She was constantly beating down the part of her brain that was scared, that kept replaying memories she wanted to forget.

It didn't matter how happy this was making her, the most important point to remember was that she had to do this if she wanted to stay married and away from that claustrophobic feeling.

She was constantly shaking off the feeling that wanted her to scream out loud and she wanted the feeling of mirth to take over.

They broke apart. Both of them breathless, her cheeks were flushed, his lips were swollen.

They spoke no words and once again threw themselves at each other.
She had no idea when they had landed on the bed, she was too busy dominating her scared thoughts and she was finally succeeding, she just needed a little bit more time to calm her racing thoughts.

She entangled her fingers in his hair and felt him groan, which led to her making a weird sound.
Was that a moan?
She didn't know.

Then she felt him press up against her and all her hard work went to waste as she was reminded of the moment he had pressed herself against her.
That had been the end of his torture but that didn't mean it would be the end in this very situation.

She broke apart and yelled without thinking. Then she jumped back and sat huddled in one corner of the bed.

Hamza remained in his position, confused.
It took him more than a minute to gather his thoughts.
He thought everything was going well, then why this sudden outburst?

"Zaib..um...did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?"
He licked his lips, where he could still taste her.

She was silently crying and shaking with fear. It made him scared too because he thought he had hurt her.
She just shook her head.

"I...do you...I mean...what happened?" He didn't even know what he was supposed to say. To him, everything was going good. As far as he could recall, he hadn't crossed any limit with her.

"I..I didn't even want to do this in the first place but sh...she..."
She hiccuped, not even being able to complete her sentence because she was sobbing.

"You need to calm down, nothing happened. You need to talk to me."
He said

"All men want the same thing. You just wanted my body so you could have your fun and then you wouldn't divorce me. If I didn't let you touch me you'd hate me." She said in between her sobs.

He felt angry. Maybe he didn't have any right to, but he did.
"What!? That is not true. Just last night I told you there's nothing that could make me hate you."

"And my parents said we'd be safe with him!" She shouted

"Him who?" He asked

"Never mind. The point is, I don't ever wanna go back to that house and the only way to do that is to stay married and that would only happen if I let you be physical with me." She said

"I'm not an animal, for God's sake, Zaib! I didn't marry you so I could get into your pants. God! Is that what you think of me?" He said, so angry she felt scared.

She did have an answer to that, but that answer would only hurt him more.

But he didn't need an answer, her silence and her scared eyes gave him the answer he didn't want.

She looked so sad and scared that he just wanted to go over and hug her and ask her why she was this way.

She wanted him to ask her what happened, but she wasn't sure she could answer. She felt mad at herself, she wanted to punch herself in the face.
Everything was going so great and yet she had ruined everything for herself.
Why was she like this? Why was it only her that had to end up with a husband like him and yet ruin her life?
She hated her life, her memories, her thought, her experiences.
She hated that she was scared, even though she didn't want to be.

"Maybe you have some things to figure out, Zaib. I'll let you do that tonight." He took his pillow and left the room to sleep outside.

She wanted to kiss him again, to have him as near to her as she did before but she couldn't free herself of the shackles in her brain. She couldn't pick herself up from where she sat.
It felt like being in the car all over again. Like she knew what was happening around her yet she couldn't react.  
She wanted to run after him, to tell him he made her happy and made her feel safe but what held her back was her fear, of course.
The fee that he would hurt her, the fear that he would cross the limit that had been crossed with Maheen so she stayed quiet and took her anger out by punching the wall.

She touched her lips which were still ablaze with the memory of him and she realized she was beyond repair, that this fear and anxiety was now a constant part of her and she would never be able to lead a normal married life ever.

She was wrong.