"ingénue"

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(æn ʒəˌnu, noun) Categorised as one of the most in the English language with French origins, ingénue is defined as a naive young woman, who possess an artless and innocent charm. It is usually used to describe a novice with immense talent in the arts. 

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On the day of my ice skating competition, I'm a nervous wreck. It's after New Year, in January. I've spent my holidays with Zach and Miles. I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate them, but both men in my life insisted and we had a good time, nothing too extravagant. I also met some of Zach's teammates when they came to visit, some with families, some only with girlfriends or just girls they're seeing, others alone. 

 I'm shaking, tapping my foot on the car floor, twisting my hands in my lap and constantly shifting. Zach couldn't come with me since I'm riding to the arena where the championship is held in with Sofia and Gilbert, as it's the protocol.

We've been texting it each other the whole morning, though. We already went to the hotel near the arena two days ago so we can prepare and get the feel of how it looks. 

Sofia has been relentless with us, constantly pushing us both as hard as it was possible, making no room for any mistakes. 

Zach came with me to stay at the hotel and Miles is coming to the competition tonight. I'm a nervous wreck because I've never done this before and I have no idea what's going to happen and if I'm really ready for this. 

I want Zach to be here with me, to hold my hand and encourage me as only he knows how to. But I have to settle for Gilbert. His wife is also staying at the same hotel with him, supporting him. 

It's so unreal how my life seems to be falling into the right path. I've found myself a man I love very deeply and I'm on my way to the competition, which has always been my biggest dream. 

My phone starts vibrating in my hand and I look down to see Zach's name. There's an instant smile on my face. "Hi," I greet him happily.

"Hey, beautiful. How are things?" 

I exhale as I look around the car. Sofia and Gilbert are talking to each, both of them look really relaxed and unbothered by the whole thing while I'm a nervous mess. "Good. I'm nervous. We're still driving to the arena for rehearsals." 

Zach hums. "I'm afraid we won't be able to talk today so I made sure I talk to you before you get on the ice to wish you luck. Although you don't really need it, you're a natural and you're going to rock this."

My chest expands at his words and I let out a small chuckle. "Thanks, Zach." 

"Just one more thing, I'm proud of you, if you win tonight or not. You should be, too. You've worked really hard for this. In my mind, you're already the winner, you know."

I want to cry at how sweet he is. "Zach," I chide. "Stop being so cute."

Zach chuckles. "I'm just being real, flower."

"But I really want to win," I whisper, hoping, praying that my dreams come true. 

I hear Zach exhale. "You will, Analeigh. Just do your best. I've seen you on the ice, this is going to be a piece of cake for you."

I let out a laugh. "Yeah, I wish." I purse my lips and look out of the window to see we're driving in the parking lot in front of the arena now. I sit up a bit straighter. "Hey, we just came here so I have to go," I tell Zach. "I -" I clamp my mouth shut. "I'll see you later," I mumble out before I could say anything more ... prominent. The words were just on the tip of my tongue, but this is not the time or place to say them. 

"Sure. Good luck, love," Zach replies. His voice sounds a bit off, but I don't have time to question it. 

There's a busy day ahead of me, I have to make sure everything goes perfectly. It's the day for polishing things. Sofia is relentless with Gilbert and me today. She's like a shark. God forbid any of us makes the wrong move on the ice because she wants to bite our heads off.

By the evening, I've got a strong headache sporting and I'm a nervous wreck. There's a team to do my make-up. The dress is already waiting for me in the bag. I haven't heard from Zach the whole day because I didn't have any time to call him again. I really need his support right now.

There are a lot of others before Gilbert and me, we're somewhere in the middle, so I have a lot of time to be nervous. I try to focus on breathing but I have a big knot in my stomach and my legs feel like jelly.

This is serious now. The moment I've waited for my whole life. The moment I've trained so hard for. I'm afraid I'll fuck it up. 

Gilbert and Sofia come into my room. Sofia is gorgeous with her hair and make-up professionally done and Gilbert looks handsome, all polished and serious. 

Sofia puts her hand on her cheek, carefully so she doesn't ruin her make-up. "Look at you! So beautiful." 

I bite the inside of my lip, smiling softly at her. "Thank you. So are you."

"All ready?" Sofia asks, clapping her hands together in excitement. She's really radiating happiness and positivity and that's all I currently need. 

"I hope so," I admit, sighing again. I feel like I'm going to faint any second if I don't take deep breaths. My stomach is also starting to churn painfully, making me want to vomit. 

Sofia stands behind me, putting her hand on my shoulder while we both look in the mirror. The make-up artist did very well. I don't usually wear make-up, so I can admire her work even more. I actually look ... beautiful. And I want Zach to see me like this.

I never wore any make-up around him. I never dressed up around him. I basically live in sweatpants and big shirts, so this is a nice change. My hair is done in a beautiful, but complicated twist, being secured by many bobby pins that I'll have fun pulling out later. 

"You've got this, Analeigh. Remember, it's okay if you don't win this. It took me many participations to be as good as I was in my years. The most important thing is participating. Even coming where you are currently is a huge accomplishment and I would never take you here if I wasn't sure that you weren't good enough for this."

I smile at her in the mirror, feeling grateful for everything she's done for me. I'm grateful for all the times she pushed me to my limits. If she didn't, I would never come to where I am today. 

"Thank you, Sofia. For everything. Your patience with us has been admirable," I tell her in gratitude. 

She squeezes my shoulder. "Get ready, we're going on the ice soon."

I still have to put on my dress. I go to the bathroom and take it with me. I feel my legs are all wobbly from the nerves. I try to calm down, but nothing seems to work. The closer I am to hitting the ice, the more nervous I get. 

My dress is simple, but beautiful. It's rosy, a really light, soft pink colour. It's sparkly on my chest and it's got a deep V line on the front with a transparent material between. The back is completely exposed. It's elegant and I love it. Simple, but beautiful. 

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking deep breaths, but nausea hits me and I have to vomit, emptying my stomach. My hands are shaking and I'm scared I'll completely ruin my make-up or dress. I rest my forehead against the closed toilet lit before I force myself to stand up and brush my teeth.

When I come out, Sofia and Gilbert both give me sympathetic glances. "It happens to many, honey. It's just the nerves. Try not to think about it too much, yeah?" Sofia says softly. 

I nod my head, sitting down when everything starts moving before my eyes. Will I be even able to skate? Because right now it feels like I have two left feet. 

I know I insisted on Zach waiting for me with Miles and watching the whole show from the seats, but I really need him with me now. I type him a message.

Please come to the back, I need you with me. 

He instantly texts back, bless him.

Coming. Have someone wait for me to let me in. 

I close my eyes and put my forehead on the edge of the phone. Sofia and Gilbert are talking about something, but I don't listen to them. I'm tapping my foot against the floor, knowing it'll take Zach some time to come through all of that crowd. 

I go wait for him, anyway. I could use some fresh air and a short walk to work out my nerves. 

I'm giddy to see Zach again after a whole day. I miss him. I got really used to spending my time with him and I admit I'm depending on him a lot, but he's literally my anchor. He always knows what to say and what to do to make me feel better. 

I see him walking to the security. I rush out to talk to them, letting them know he's with me. Miles follows behind Zach.

The arena is filled with people, with skaters waiting to go on the ice and the skaters coming from the ice, some happy, some scared and nervous. 

Zach walks straight to me in all his handsome glory, his eyes having that familiar spark in them whenever he sees me. I love that change in him. 

He envelopes me in an enormous hug, wrapping his strong arms around my body. And I'm home. I'm calm - just like that, with that familiar set of arms around my body.

I fist his coat, gripping it in my hands. "Hi," I breathe out, seeking Zach's strength that he so willingly offers. 

Zach touches my hair with his hand, cradling me like a baby. "Hey, flower. What's wrong?" Zach asks me with his low voice, only for my ears.

I close my eyes and breathe him in, smelling his favourite cologne he uses all the time. "I'm just such a nervous wreck and I couldn't calm myself down," I admit to him.

I feel him squeezing me even tighter to his chest. "Ah, no. Don't worry your pretty little head so much. You're going to go on that ice and you're going it own it. You busted your ass at the practices, Ana, you'll be amazing." 

I look up at him, resting my chin on his chest, smiling. I love how tall he is, too. "I want to know what I did that God sent me you." 

Zach shows off all his perfect white teeth as he smiles. He touches his lips to my nose. "You're an absolute angel yourself. Now quit rubbing your face against me. You're going to ruin your make-up and you look wonderful." 

I actually forgot that I'm wearing make-up. I also completely forgot that I'm in my dress and it's freezing in here. I instantly pull away from Zach. "Shit, Sofia is going to murder me if I ruin anything." I look down at my dress to see everything is still clean and in place.

Zach takes off his coat and wraps it around me. I gratefully smile at him and when I stand up to kiss him, I spot Miles behind Zach's back, awkwardly standing there and just looking around. "Miles!" 

Zach frowns as I push him aside and go to Miles, wrapping my arms around him. He reluctantly wraps his arms around me, but his hold is loose. I don't let it bother me, though. "I'm so happy you came!" 

Miles smiles and takes a step back. "Of course. I would never miss this, Ana Lee." 

I smile at him, completely forgetting about the nervousness. 

I go back to Zach's side, snuggling to him. He gives Miles a look before he wraps his arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head softly. 

"Analeigh! Get here and start stretching, you're on soon!" Sofia's voice echoes through the arena. 

We all rush into my garderobe where Gilbert is already stretching, his wife talking to him now.

"Analeigh! You look gorgeous!" she exclaims happily, sporting that healthy glow on her face. She radiates happiness.

"Hi, Rebecca! You look beautiful, too." 

Rebecca and I don't really know each other that well. We've only seen each other a few times on practices. 

"This is my boyfriend, Zach," I introduce him.

Rebecca eyes him appreciatively. "Crawford? I heard about you. You're good on skates."

Zach gives her a friendly smile, pulling me closer to him. "Thanks. So is your husband." Zach nods to Gilbert.

"And my best friend Miles," I point at him and he gives Rebecca a charming smile and a small wave. 

"Go stretch!" Sofia repeats, a bit harsher this time and impatient. 

I lose Zach's coat and give it back to him. I join Gilbert and stretch along with him while others involve in conversations.

"Zach Crawford, huh? You sure know how to catch big fish." 

I leave out a chuckle. "I think he caught me first." 

Gilbert smiles to himself. "Well, good luck. Not that you need it, you both look happy and very much in love."

My smile freezes a bit on my face and I eye Zach from the corners of my eyes. I catch him looking at me and I hope he didn't hear the words Gilbert said. I want to tell him myself. "Yeah," I mumble distractingly, giving Zach a small smile as I go down to do a split. 

He raises his eyebrows looking at me in appreciation, his eyes sparkling in amusement. I shake my head at him, making a face and then I focus on warming myself up.

It's strange that I don't feel nervous at all anymore, just really happy being surrounded by the people I love the most and that are here to support me because they believe in me. 

Gilbert and I warm our muscles up and we practice some of our moves. It also helps me to get used to the dress. It makes me feel more elegant and gives me some confidence.

It's time to put on my skates, making sure they're not too tight or too lose. When I stand on them, I come to Zach's shoulders with the height difference. 

Sofia comes to me and Gilbert. "You two are next. Remember, Analeigh, be confident on there, be elegant and remember to keep your legs stable when you land from axels and when you're doing the Biellmann. Also, watch your loops. Gilbert, watch your moves so you can be in sync with Analeigh, especially with spirals. Now, go you two and show the world what you're made of!" 

Zach grabs me before I can go out of the room. He pecks my lips. "Show them who you are, baby." 

"Crawford. Stop sucking her face off, she needs her make-up perfect."

Zach gives Sofia a mischievous look as he leans in and pecks my lips again, watching Sofia the whole time. 

She groans, making me laugh and I punch Zach on the shoulder. As I go out, I hear him call out, "Good luck, flower!" And my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

I take a deep breath as I stand by the entrance on the ice. 

Showtime.