"winsome"

— 

(wɪn səm, adjective) sweetly or innocently charming; as well as charismatic and cute simultaneously. 

  ❄️❄️❄️❄  

"Holy shit! What the fuck?!" Zach sits up on me, thrusting his hands in his hair, looking like he's going to lose it any second.

I'm still laying underneath him, not knowing what to do. "Was it a mistake I told you?"

He gives me a serious look. "A mistake? A mistake, Analeigh?!" he asks loudly in distress. "Do you know what I could've done to you? How much could I hurt you? I could tear you apart if you didn't inform me of that fact!" 

"Oh," I say. "I don't think I would want to experience that, no."

Zach eyes me with a huff, climbing off me. I support myself with the elbows, my chest completely exposed to Zach's eyes. "So ... we're not going to have sex then?" I ask in confusion. Even though I'm a virgin, I'm pretty sure these things don't go like this.

Zach eyes me and then quickly looks away again. "Cover yourself." He sits on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window.

Thank you, Zach, you really know how to make me feel better. I climb under the covers, ashamed and disappointed. And also hurt because of how fast Zach dismissed me just because of the fact that I've never had sex before. "Can I just ask you something? If I was with a man before, you wouldn't hesitate to sleep with me, but the fact that I haven't slept with anyone yet changes that. Why?" 

Zach finally decides to look at me. "It doesn't change the fact that I want to sleep with you."

"It doesn't look like that," I note. "It's apparent I completely destroyed the mood. I've really mastered at that," I comment mostly to myself, trying hard not to start despising myself for that fact again or, even worse, start crying in front of Zach. 

Zach places his hand on my thigh, now covered with his sheet, locking his eyes with mine. "Hey, stop that. You didn't destroy anything, you just shocked me a little bit. And you did the right thing by telling me, I could've hurt you otherwise."

"Okay. Can we stop talking about this now?" I ask him, sliding down under the covers a little further, my face flaming. 

Zach grins, fully knowing the impact he has on me. "We need to talk about this. I want to be sure you really want to do this - with me. I also don't want your first time to be rushed ... you know, things like that." 

"Jesus, Zach, want to mark it on the calendar as 'helping-her-to-lose-virginity', too? And you're seriously asking me if I want to do it with you while I'm literally laying half naked under the covers - in your bed if I might remind you!" 

Zach eyes the cover I'm tightly holding to my chest, his look getting more dangerous. "There's no need to remind me of that fact," he says hotly, licking his bottom lip.

My body gets hot all over at his look. For the first time in my life, I feel desired and sexy. I've always felt like I look plain, nothing special. I never thought I've got something that would make me special to someone or that anyone would ever desire me.

But Zach ... he makes me feel like he wants only me. He makes me feel like I'm desirable and sexy and even beautiful. 

My mother often told me an important rule when I was younger. She said I should forever remember it because I'm going to need it.

"Never, ever be with a man that makes you question your worth. Never, ever give your heart to a man that makes you feel like you're not worthy of him and you have to constantly prove to himself. That man - he does not deserve you. But the man; the one who's going to make you feel special and make you his priority, the man who'd take the moon from the sky for you, that's the man who deserves you. And that man is the right for you." 

It's funny how these words come to me right now. I haven't thought about them in a long time. It feels appropriate to remember them right now, especially when I stare into Zach's sincere eyes, watching me with a tender expression. 

I'm overwhelmed with emotions yet again, overwhelmed by the fact how much this man means to me and how he always does things to make me feel good and make me comfortable. He's constantly trying to please me. And for once, I want to please him, too. Not because I feel like I owe him this, but because I really want to and because I somehow feel he's the one for me. 

I still don't know how I'll overcome all my fears and how this relationship would function, but I'm willing to give it a try. I'm willing to give myself a chance and be happy. 

This could either turn out to be the best thing in my life or it could be one of the worst, but I'm going to take a chance and try it. 

I slightly lift the covers up. "There's enough space for you under here," I say slyly, giving him a shy grin.

Zach raises his eyebrows. "Do you want to persuade me to have sex with you?"

My cheeks flame in mortification. "I will definitely not beg you to." I drop the covers down, sulkily looking at the material covering my body.

Zach sighs. "Jesus, Ana, why do you take everything so negatively about yourself? I want you, how else can I explain it to you?"

I pout my lips a bit. "Are you going to take me home now? You know, since we didn't ..."

Zach gives me a long stare before he smiles hugely. "No, I am not taking you home since I didn't bring you here to only have sex with you in the first place."

I give him a look, raising my eyebrows.

"I meant my flat, not only my bedroom. You know, you really have a dirty mind," he comments with a dirty grin.

I gasp. "Oh, so now it's my fault?" I ask in bewilderment.

Zach only smiles. "Since you're stuck with me, you can take a shower if you want," Zach suggests, changing the subject.

I look down at the sheet over my body, biting my lip. "Yeah, alright."

Zach shows me which door it is, but he doesn't move from his space on the bed, watching me in amusement.

I sigh. Alright. I try to stand up and tug at the sheet, willing Zach to move so I can wrap it around myself. Zach decides to be an asshole and he only watches me with a smug expression. "Can you, uhm ... move a little?"

I can just see the bottled up laughter in Zach's throat. "Sure."

I quickly pull the sheet from the bed and wrap it around myself, the rest of it piling around my feet. Well, this is going to be an Oscar worthy walk I'm about to do.

I slowly start to walk towards the bathroom, my cheeks flaming when I just imagine how I must look. When I come halfway, Zach suddenly calls my name. I stop in my tracks, looking forward and tightening my hands on the sheet.

"I would appreciate it if you left the sheet here. You know, it wouldn't be nice to get it all wet." I close my eyes. I can just hear the laughter in his voice. 

I take a deep breath and drop the sheet down, letting it pool around my feet. But now it's my turn to smile when I hear Zach inhale sharply behind my back. I continue my walk of shame, now topless, rushing in the bathroom and quickly closing the door behind.

Jesus. My adrenaline is on a high level now! 

I make sure the door is locked before I get rid of the rest of the clothes and take a quick shower in Zach's luxurious and spacious bathroom. His place looks so neat and rich, but it's sophisticated and just really nice. 

I take my time to appreciate the hot water I don't have at home. I'm surprised to see Zach's got a women shampoo for body and for hair. I don't even want to think what it's doing in here, but when I see it's new, I calm down a little. 

But then I also notice some other girly stuff, for example, a body lotion that smells like vanilla and strawberries, a new toothbrush, a new hairbrush and even a deodorant. And too bad if he has that for someone else, but I'm using it now and I won't even feel bad about it.

I stand in my towel and brush my teeth in front of an intimidatingly huge mirror. Afterwards, I brush my hair with the new hairbrush. But then a fact hits me - I don't have any clothes to wear. 

I wildly stare at my body, wrapped in a tiny towel that barely even covers anything. That's not good. 

"Zach?" I call out, my heart beating in my chest a little faster now that I think I'll have to get out of the bathroom basically naked. Oh, joy. 

I kind of hoped Zach wouldn't be in the bedroom, but he answers me with a, "Yeah?"

Shit. "I've got a problem!" I call back. 

There's a pause. "Yeah?" 

"I don't have anything to wear!"

A pause again. A longer one this time. "Yeah? I can't wait to see that!" 

I stare at the door in disbelief as if Zach could see me, fully glaring at him. "I'm not getting out of here with no clothes on!" I yell out. 

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" 

"Give me something to wear! Please!" I add for a better measure. 

"What's the point if I'll undress you later, anyway?" 

I feel as if my heart just dropped to my stomach. It actually feels like there's something wrong with my heart after hearing Zach's words. 

I'm unable to form any type of reply to him, so I stay mute, staring at the door like it's the most interesting object I could focus on. I'm focusing on anything but this words.

"Ana?" Zach calls out. I notice he came closer to the door now and I take a step back as if he could come in any second. But he can't, I remind myself. I locked the door. Besides, what a difference would it make? He saw me almost naked already. 

"Y-yeah?" I call out, a little shakily. I also notice my hands are shaking and I immediately clasp them together to steady myself.

"I've got clothes for you." 

I stare at the door like it's the enemy of mine. So I walk to it, unlock it, and slightly open it, carefully hiding behind it. Zach, true to his words, holds out folded clothes for me. 

I give him a grateful smile from behind the door. "Thanks." 

"You're welcome," he replies, putting his hands in his pockets. "Why so shy, though?" Zach asks with a smirk. 

I think he's really enjoying embarrassing me. "I'm not walking around naked," I decide to tell him before I close the door in his nose. 

I can still hear him chuckling through the door and it puts me at ease somehow, knowing he's just messing with me and he'd never go too far with his act to make me too uncomfortable. 

I quickly dress in his shirt and his boxers that he offered me. The shirt looks baggy on me and it basically swallows me whole, but that's how all my clothes are like basically so it doesn't make much difference. Except that my legs are bare.

I contemplate putting my sweatpants on, but I decide against it. 

I get out of the bathroom, a little anxiously and nervously. I almost trip over my own feet when I notice Zach sitting on his bed, leaning his back against the headboard. He's also not wearing a shirt.

I quickly divert my eyes, focusing on my sweatpants I'm carrying in my hands. 

I hear him getting from the bed and I finally look at him, training my eyes on his face and keeping them there, no matter how hard it is not to look at his impressive chest. "I didn't think of you as someone who uses vanilla and strawberry body lotions and blueberry scented shampoos," I suddenly blurt out, desperately trying to lighten the mood.

Zach's eyebrow arches slightly. "That's for you actually." 

He goes to the bathroom and closes the door. I don't hear him locking it, though. And then I think about what he said. That's for me? Did he know I'll end up in his bathroom? Wow. The ego of his. 

I put my sweatpants on the empty chair by the small table and take my phone in my hands, wondering what to do with myself while waiting for Zach to return from the bathroom. I drop the phone because I know I don't have anything to do on it and go sit on the edge of the bed. I see Zach picked up the sheet I dropped before.

I focus my stare out of the panorama window, looking at the live painting, staring at the twinkling lights in skyscrapers with amazement. Seeing the city like this; it actually makes me love it. Seeing it from right here it makes me realise how beautiful it is from another perspective. Through another's eyes. 

I put my elbows on my thighs, supporting my head with my hands as I let the mesmerising view consume me. 

I don't even hear Zach getting out of the bathroom at first. But when I notice him, I wish I wouldn't. On the other hand, I'd hate myself if I missed that.

He's got only a towel wrapped around his hips and his skin is slightly damp, bringing his muscles to focus even more. I think I'm going to start hyperventilating any second. 

I drop my arms down on my legs, digging my nails into my thighs as I follow Zach with eyes when he walks to the walk-in closet, watching how his muscles move along with his every step. 

"It seems like you're not as shy as me," I call out when I don't feel like swallowing my tongue anymore.

Zach turns his head and winks. "One of us shouldn't be." His hands unwrap the towel from around his hips and he suddenly drops it.

He's also standing in front of a mirror.

Crap!

OH WELL the next chapter is going to be ... uhmmm very intense 

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