"ephemeral [ih-fem-er-uhl]"

— 

(adjective) Considered one of the most beautiful words in the English language, ephemeral is defined as being transitory; short-lived or lasting a very brief time, sometimes a day. Equally as beautiful as its antonym, defined as everlasting; ephemeral's beauty lies in its temporariness. Its romantic nature is generally used to describe an exciting or extraordinarily fleeting moment, such as the seasons, a love affair, or childhood.

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I start breathing a little faster and my eyes start getting a little wider. I can feel the panic rising inside of me that's mixed with the fear. Oh, God. Not the backpack, please ... 

I almost run to the bench and to the exact same place I was sitting on before. It's empty now. My shoes are placed on the floor and when I look under the bench, I completely sag in relief and literally fall down on my knees when I spot the backpack. I grab it and hug it to myself, closing my eyes. "Thank you, God," I whisper, my voice shaking.

When I open my eyes again, Zach's friends are looking at me as if I've lost my mind. 

"Hey, momma. I'm happy to see you're feeling better."

She doesn't answer me, but I didn't even expect her to. I was finally allowed to visit her today. They put her on a stronger medication and she's now calmer, at least that's what they told me. 

I intertwine my hand with hers, feeling her touch after a lot of time, and press our interlaced hands to my cheek. "I missed you," I tell her with fresh tears in my eyes. 

Mum keeps looking forward, not showing that she hears or even sees me. Although it's hard, I would rather have this than nothing at all. 

"I met someone, mummy. A man." I don't know why I tell her this but it suddenly feels like the right thing to talk to my mother about Zach. With who am I going to talk about him if not with her? "He helped us. He's the reason you'll be able to stay here and get the treatment you need. He's a really nice man, you know. And I ... I think I really like him." 

I shut my eyes together and I instantly see Zach in my head. His eyes that remind of dark hot chocolate ... His smile that gets me weak in the knees because he looks so good whenever he gives it to me. His hair that's always so messy but it's like that on the purpose and I wouldn't want it any other way. And then his body that he takes care of so good ... 

I think the only flaw I can find on him is that he's rich. That instantly puts us both into such different worlds and it's hard not to feel uncomfortable around him when I know he's got everything he wants while I've got nothing. Although he never flaunts his money and he's a simple person, trying really hard to make me feel comfortable around him. 

Some time ago, I promised myself I wouldn't think about him as much as I do know. I thought it was a simple task not to think about someone that constantly keeps crawling into your thoughts, no matter how busy you are. 

But now, it's hard to stop thinking about him. He always seems to give me something to think about. Or he always does something that keeps replaying in my head. 

He's a dangerous man, I knew that right from the start, yet I still let him close. 

"I'm afraid to fall in love with him, Mom," I admit out loud. I open my eyes and stare out of the only window that's in this room. 

My Mum stays silent, not giving me any answer. It would be really nice to hear her thoughts about this. 

I sigh and rest my forehead on our joined hands. "I think it started the first time he walked to me and opened his mouth. He was so rude that time ..."

I carefully put the backpack under the bench in the ice hall. I got really scared in the morning when I haven't seen it on the bench after I came back from the conversation with Zach, but it turned out that it just fell under the bench. I still didn't have time to take the money home and I've been scared to carry it around with me all the day. 

And now I've also got a brand new phone in it. I can't afford to lose the backpack now.

"Hey, gorgeous. You forgot to text me back or something?"

I sit up on the bench so fast that everything spins in front of my eyes for a second. "I'm ... You texted me?" I reply stupidly, trying not to think about that he called me gorgeous. And then trying not to think that he probably calls every woman that. 

"Sure did. I told you I would," Zach says, sitting down beside me. I haven't even heard him coming in here. 

"I didn't have any chance to check it. I still have to get used to the fact that I have a phone now," I tell Zach in explanation. 

I stand up to check if my skates are tightened okay. I turn around then and stand right in front of Zach who's sitting on the bench with his legs spread, watching me. My cheeks turn slightly red when I catch him staring and he doesn't even hide it. 

And then he leans forward and puts his palms on the back of my thighs, pulling me forward. I almost fall at his unexpected movement, but I catch myself by putting my hands on his shoulders. He stops pushing me forward until I'm standing directly between his thighs.

My heart is doing somersaults in my chest at the look he's giving me. It doesn't help that he puts his hands on my thighs and doesn't seem in any rush to remove them. "I don't like to be ignored, Analeigh. I won't take it lightly if you won't respond to my texts."

My head is currently empty and my brain stopped working. "Uhm." If I didn't have my hands on his shoulders for support, I'd be lying on the floor by now. "Me neither, actually. I got used to it through the years but it doesn't mean that I like it," I blabber like an idiot. 

Zach arches his eyebrow. "Good. That's good to know." I feel his hand trailing down my thigh and I quickly remove it and step back from him because my whole body starts shivering and shaking at just that simple touch. 

I hear him chuckle but I don't dare to look at him. Instead, I focus on some spot behind his head. "I'll wait for you on the ice." I might as well just go lay down on it to cool my overheated body. 

If Zach says anything back, I don't hear it. 

I skate to the other end of the ice, foolishly thinking that if I maybe get as far away from Zach as I can, my attraction for him will stop.

This is so weird since I've never felt like this for anyone, not even in high school. 

I place my hands on the glass, standing so that my back is to Zach and he can't see me. I need a few minutes to myself. This is a dangerous reaction I got to him and this is a dangerous game I keep playing with him. 

I can't offer him anything ... And I doubt he's got all that much, too. Maybe for someone else ... someone who deserves him.

Is fate really so cruel to send someone on my path that there's no chance I'll ever able to have permanently in my life? 

"I told you I don't like it when I'm ignored, Analeigh."

I yelp and almost fall on the ice, but Zach grabs my hips, catching me. And I almost fall again because of how close he is. "What are you doing, Zach?" I want to know. My voice comes out shaky and breathless and I hope he'll think it's because he scared me.

"Catching you. Since you almost fell," he says and I'm surprised yet again by how close he is to me. 

"I'm okay," I try to say it firmly, wanting him to let me go. But I also want him to never stop touching me ... 

Shit.

I feel Zach squeezing my hips one last time before he moves away, letting me go. I close my eyes and breathe in and out for a second, my muscles finally able to relax now. 

I clear my throat as I turn around, probably all flustered and there's no doubt Zach will see it, too. He's skating backwards with his hands casually in his pockets, watching me with a studying expression. 

"Are we doing figure skating today?" I ask him loudly so I shift his attention elsewhere in hopes he would forget what happened. I don't know what's up with Zach's behaviour lately and I don't know whether to love it or hate it. I just know that I'm kind of scared of what's going to get out of it.

Or rather, how my feelings will change for him. 

"Oh, you want me to throw you in the air a bit?" Zach asks and even with all the distance between us, I can see how one corner of his mouth perks up into a side smile. 

I lift my shoulder in a shrug. "Do you dare to, though?" I ask, making a challenge for him that I know he won't be able to resist. 

Zach instantly knows what cards I'm playing on as he hums and smiles to himself. "Is that a challenge, flower?" 

I cock my head to the side, teasing him. "Oh, yeah. You've had some concerns the last time. You think you can do better this time?"

"Are you saying I was ... bad?" he leisurely asks. 

I bite my lip so I don't burst out laughing. "You weren't exactly ... how would I say it ... good." 

Zach stares at me for a few seconds before he takes his hands out of his pockets and starts running on his skates right towards me. "Oh, shit!" I yell out as I start skating backwards but I'm not fast enough and I know he'll catch me, so I quickly turn around and start doing laps on the ice. 

But Zach is too fast and too smart and he corners me against the sidelines fast. I let out a small yelp when he nears me and I make myself look smaller and look at him with big eyes, silently begging for mercy and a truce. 

"It seems like you really like cornering me against this sidelines and getting into my personal space," I mumble. 

Zach actually laughs wholeheartedly at my comments, slightly throwing his head back and exposing his throat. I stare at his Adam's apple as it moves. "You have no idea, flower. You have no idea." When he gets serious again, he takes a lock of my hair in his hand and lets it fall through his fingers, watching it as it does so.

I think I stop breathing completely. "Why do you constantly call me that? Flower?" I want to know, asking this quietly as if we're sharing a secret. 

Zach's eyes snap to mine and he stares at them for some moments. It gives me time to enjoy looking at his own eyes, too. I think that must be my favourite feature on him. With his lips, of course. Especially the way they curve his smile. Amazing.

And then his eyes slowly, slowly drop down, stopping on my lips. As if on demand, they part open and I feel my breathing getting heavier. 

"You remind me of a flower for some reason. Beautiful. Delicate." He speaks softly, still staring at my lips. 

It's unnerving. 

Zach leans his face closer to mine, leaning down. I quickly hang down my head as a reflex, assuming what's going to come. I don't think any of us is quite ready for that. At least I know I'm not. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for this. With anyone. 

Zach, thankfully, doesn't push it any further and steps back to give me some space. He also doesn't say anything, nor do I. The situation between us just got really awkward in mere seconds. 

"I'm sorry for ... that ..." Zach clears his throat. "Well, I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable ..."

I'm unable to look into his eyes. My blood is boiling inside of me and I feel my heart beating against my ribcage. "Can we just skate?" I say when I'm finally able to form some words again. 

And we do. It's awkward between us at first, but we both soon let it go and relax. It seems like the ice is the cure for all our tension we carry on and it helps us both relax. 

Zach was patient with me. He didn't cross any more lines and he was really careful with throwing me up in the air. I also noticed he started having fun doing this. 

Zach offers to drive me home tonight. Well, he doesn't really offer, he just tells me he's taking me home and he's not letting me take the bus. Maybe it wasn't a good idea telling him about me taking the bus because I don't have a car. If I knew what a demanding man he was, I might've kept my mouth shut.

"By the way, flower, you're still totally blowing your triple axel," Zach tells me jokingly when we start to head outside.

I look at him, my mouth open. "I am not! I'm actually doing it pretty alright." Maybe that's putting it too highly. It's still not perfect but it's certainly not that bad anymore. Practice sure made it better.

Zach drops his arm around my neck, casually. Too casually to be in-the-moment kind of thing. I eye him out of the corners of my eyes. "You're lucky you have me to practice it with you."

I huff. "You wouldn't be able to do the triple axel if your life depended on it."

Zach stops and looks at me with a challenge in his eyes. "Wanna bet?" 

I narrow my eyes on him. "Not really. You're full of surprises and I'm not ready to lose any more money right now." I pull the backpack tighter to me when I remember of the money in it again.

Zach only shrugs. "We wouldn't be betting for money."

I shake my head to myself, smiling. "Nice try. But it's not happening." 

Zach chuckles. 

"Ana Lee." I stop like a deer in the highlights, my head turning forward so fast I feel the pain in my neck for a moment. "Who's that?"

"Miles. Hi ..." 

Isn't this night full of awkward situations? 

I'm a bit late with this update today, sorry! Woke up super late because I wasn't sleeping well and I had to do some work before I got the chance to come to the computer haha.

I wanted to tell you that now that I have some free time, I started writing a blog. So if anyone is interested, I'll be writing about different things (beauty products that I use and love, travelling and places I've visited and I also might post some reviews of the books I read): https://patriciakblog.blogspot.com/

I hope you liked this chapter and if you want to read more, just head on to radish :) 

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